The money conversation is no fun, but it needs to happen. I think we all want each of our kids to have their dream college, whatever that may be.
We are in a similar boat and this is our approach.
We have limited our list to only schools that have a chance at being affordable, even if it is a remote one. Many NPC’s will show an expected scholarship amount and there are published merit guidelines at some. I have then mapped out exactly as to how we would pay for any of these schools and for the 7 schools on S17’s list, it is a mix. One school is affordable. For the remainder, 2 could be livable assuming the NPC is correct. Those will require my student to take a self help loan, work summers and frankly, work during the school year years 2-4 and for us to take a loan. I have a cap on the total loan I am willing to consider taking on for this. Basically I am willing to “meet or match” the self help amount on my end. I’d prefer not to of course but it would be livable. I consider it the car (and payment) I never purchased for him.
There are factors that could bring all of the schools down so that all are “livable” with the above matrix (summer earnings, student working years 2-4 approx 8 hours per week, self help loan and small parent loan). Some of the factors are hitting academic targets, some are music/theater scholarship opportunities, etc. There is also a small hope that my S does have a small geographic hook for the small LAC’s on his list, as well as the fact he is a male.
We will be applying EA at 100% of his schools to ideally increase the chance of greater merit offers and we are not applying to any reach schools as they will not offer him any or enough merit.
This is not for everyone. For us, we have one in college now and although we cannot “count” her from an need/aid standpoint (stepdaughter so her mom counts her even though we pay 50%), those costs will go down/away. We also, like you, have one that is 2 years behind this current child. That one we will be able to “count”. It may or may not mean that our “need” is determined differently for years 3-4 but it is a possible savings that we are aware of (though not counting on).
Either way with the caps we have set up, I am comfortable that we can offer the same “deal” to S19 and these are not only payments we could manage but pay off rather quickly though they will be required in the short term.
We will also be digging for any and all scholarships he can apply for beyond the automatic school offered ones.
He does like his safety (financial and admission) and it is entirely possible it becomes the only reasonable choice. It is not his top choice but he would live and be happy. However we want to at least try for other opportunities that feel they better fit his needs and desires. I really wish he had more than one financial safety but do feel he understands the risks and understands at the end of the day if he wants an alternative, he will have to work for it.
We actually spent last night looking at what payments would look like for him on the self help loans if he did them, looking at an example salary and budget and what that would look like if he paid them off in 5 years or in 10.
What I am hearing is that you want to consider taking this kind of loan and financial burden on yourself, I’m not hearing your D having to work extra for this opportunity at all. Something to consider.
If it were me? I’d take Duke off the list. You don’t want to be the parent that has to tell the younger ones you used up all your money and you certainly do not want to impact your retirement plan. You child deserves to know that this is the real situation here, it may immediately become far less dreamy to her. There are hundreds of schools, many of which can “feel” right and many of which are simply unaffordable. If it’s not affordable, it’s not right and far far better to cut that out now. There are so many lovely schools where she could get merit, I’d really encourage you to expand your reach or at least get some of them into your mix as it sounds like you literally have only one affordable (and none even remotely close) option on the list. The only way to do that is to find schools where she is much higher in the application pool.
Specific to engineering, as someone who hires engineers on a regular basis…outside of that first post college interview round and getting your foot in the door/connections, it doesn’t matter an iota. Where an engineer has worked and the experience they bring to the table is what makes me hire them. Not where they went for undergrad. That tells me they are smart. It doesn’t mean they can work and take direction.
Especially if she intends to continue onto grad school, doing things as cheaply as possible now is critical.