<p>DukEgr93, Glad you found it. For a moment there you had me wondering if you were like the Duke grads I had described in that post.</p>
<p>College students having sex? WOW what a new concept.
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<p>Duke is just the current fodder for those who need something/ someone to put down.</p>
<p>Chipper,</p>
<p>You seem to have some very negative opinions about Duke. How many kids do you really know that go there? Have you ever spent time there like
DukeEgr? He has spent 17 years there.</p>
<p>"The only students (of which I am aware) that chose Duke over more prestigious schools were those that Duke “bought”. "</p>
<p>It is unfortunate that you haven’t met some of the many students (like tweety) who have picked Duke over other fine schools. You may be surprised.</p>
<p>P.S. The same kid that drives the Toyota had many other choices as well! Duke didn’t buy him.</p>
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What a fun thing to say!</p>
<p>Agreed with the Duke guy - hooking up is rampant in high school and college, it’s not just Duke.</p>
<p>Again, the blaming of the hooking up. Sigh.</p>
<p>I hook up casually. I quite like it. I see little wrong with it.</p>
<p>I don’t make an effort to do it to look cool or to fit in, though. That’s the weird thing about this article to me. People should do exactly what they want to do and nothing more.</p>
<p>And they should be nicer to each other.</p>
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<p>Well, at least DukeEgr read my previous post on this topic before posting his question. <grin> </grin></p>
<p>But, yes, to answer your question. I do have a negative view of Duke. I have spent a lot of time there and I’ve also spent a lot of time with Duke graduates. In fact, I’m amazed by it’s popularity.</p>
<p>Quite honestly, I wish I liked this college more. It would make life a lot easier for us if it were on my son’s list. However, my son has, without any input from my husband (who shares my opinion) or me, made a similar judgement about Duke based upon kids he knows that have a preference for the school. </p>
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<p>I realize that you are very supportive of your son’s choice - it would be hard to miss since you have accumulated over 30 pages of posts regarding the Duke LAX news story. <grin> I’m glad you are satisfied with your decision. It just doesn’t happen to be “my cup of tea”.</grin></p>
<p>Hooking up is a disgusting immoral thing that paves the way for things like this.</p>
<p>as opposed to neverborn? I think your attitude belies your name? Maybe that was tonge-in-cheek? It was a funny statement actually. Well, not as funny as the sn.</p>
<p>whats so bad about hooking up? as long as one is safe and mature about it…</p>
<p>Its not disgusting…its the same stuff youd do with your gf.</p>
<p>you know, first it is your GF and then it is just a FG[friendly girl] and who knows what might happen. IVY Goggles or Beer Goggles can alter many a hook 'tho. I guess it is like drinking and dialing or drinking and oh, never mind. It is what it is. Sporting game engaged in by scholar athletes. I don’t know the division or the rules but I’ll bet somebody here does. Just ask 'em.</p>
<p>I don’t know much about the situation at Duke, but having just finished up my first year at Brown, I’d like to comment a little.</p>
<p>First, why does everyone seem to be blaming this phenomenon on the girls? I thought feminism was about men and women being equal, and sharing responsibility for gender equality… but people who seem to be endorsing “feminism” also seem to be saying that it is the sole responsibility of the women on campus to promote a positive atmosphere? It seems to me that this is just supporting old gender roles – that men are always going to want as much sex as they can get, and that it’s the job of the women not to be too “permissive.” Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I found this attitude confusing. My view is that if there’s a situation which is degrading to both men and women (which is how I would characterize the situation described in the article), then it is the responsibility of both the men and the women to evaluate the situation and work to correct it.</p>
<p>I can’t speak to the situation at Duke, but I’d have to say that at Brown, there’s definitely a “hook-up culture” and a subset of girls who go to frat parties every weekend just to get laid, etc. However, I’d say the situation isn’t nearly as unhealthy as what this article described. For example, I came to college already in a serious, long-distance relationship, so obviously I wouldn’t be randomly hooking up. However, I know that even if this relationship ends, random hook-ups will not be on my plate, because I know that I just can’t enjoy sexual intimacy without emotional intimacy. Most of my close friends have this same attitude, but some of them don’t. However, my perspective is very well respected on campus. I was recently talking to a close male friend of mine who is on the crew team and has had his fair share of hook-ups and flings this year. I told him that hooking up wasn’t my thing, and that to me sexual exclusivity is much more fun. He said, “wow, I really respect that. Good for you.” I know that there are a lot of girls like me here – who are sexually empowered enough to know what they want, when they want it, and with whom, and don’t let guys minipulate them or make them feel like they’re not good enough if they don’t have sex, or if they have “too much” sex. Whether that means that they consciously choose to have random hook-ups but do it on their own terms, are only sexually intimate within the context of a serious relationship, or choose not to have sex at all, I’d say that these women form the majority at Brown.</p>
<p>To parents – I think if you’re asking what to do to protect your kid who’s about to go off to college in the fall, it’s pretty much too late. Kids form their ideas about what is or is not sexually acceptable before college. The best thing you can do for your kids is talk about the dangers of sex (including emotional stress alongside pregnancy and STDs) early (middle school, early high school) and make sure that they understand how to make good decisions. Chances are, even if your kid didn’t party at all in high school, they’ll be exposed to plenty of alcohol and ready-and-willing sex in college, and they need to know how to deal with it in a way that is physically and emotionally healthy for them.</p>
<p>Sorry for the long post</p>
<p>Barron, you mentioned earlier that the parents probably didn’t know about what was going on. I want to relate something we witnessed over spring break this year. Our family went on a cruise with a number of other families that have junior sons. There was a group of girls from another town in our state on the same cruise. These girls seemed really cute (on the first day), but after that I don’t think we saw them on deck without a beer (they were juniors in high school). We never saw their parents, didn’t even know who they were. On the last stop (Cozumel), after our excusions, our group met up at Carlos and Charlies to eat before departing. Sometime into our meal, this group of girls came rushing into the restaurant and started “dancing” with each other and random guys on the dance floor. I loosely use the term “dancing” because I thought it looked more like fornication. Our sons were laughing at how grossed out we were and I told my son I would yank him off the dance floor if I saw him “dancing” like that. Anyway, in comes the mothers of these girls, running to the dance floor. We thought, “Alright, these girls are going to get it now!” because literally, what they were doing was GROSS (especially with the lack of clothing) EWWW! The moms started yelling towards the girls, but instead of yelling at them to pull their skirts down and act like ladies, they were yelling at them to pose for pictures!!! You should have seen the frenzied moves they were making to get the best shots. I’m sure Girls Gone Wild would love the negatives. How wonderful that these moms were so happy that their lovely daughters were having such a great vacation. I guess “what happens in Cozumel, stays in Cozumel”</p>
<p>What a world we live in!!</p>
<p>I am in no way “born again.” I’m an atheist.</p>
<p>It’s called “freak dancing”. Banned at most HS’s. When I was in HS back in the day we did “the Bug” more commonly known at “gatoring” It got banned too but at least it was a solo dance for the most part.</p>
<p>I love Brown, I think your post is both thoughtful and illuminating and I really do appreciate your advice., But I will add that for many, meaningless sex is NOT really meaningless. They may say that, but for many it is a reaction to insecurity and having hook ups is in no way going to help their self esteem.</p>
<p>Barrons, well it certainly “freaked” me out! I will admit that my son will (or is) probably doing that, but he better not do it right in front of me.</p>
<p>I’ll bet your son doesn’t want to “do it” in front of you so don’t worry. ;)</p>
<p>Chipper:
The number of posts on the lax thread doesn’t really determine whether I favor my son’s choice of college. The lax issue, as I see it, may be about a false accusation of rape. That is very serious! The underage drinking “culture” has been sensationalized due to an alleged incident. I would be just as interested in that if it were another school.</p>
<p>You may note , however, that I do not routinely post negatively about schools that I am not familiar with. I would never judge a school based on my acquaintance with a few students who happen to go there, or from some preconceived notions…</p>
<p>I also do not track other posters usually. :)</p>
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Well said! Hear hear!</p>
<p>I think it is just as insulting to women to say that whenever they are being sexual they are necessarily “degrading themselves.” There are women out there who have sex with men only because they think that they ought to–and then they feel horrible about it afterwards. I know people who do that, and I am vehemently against that always.</p>
<p>But there are also women who are having casual sexual encounters because they themselves are sexual beings and want to express that. I see nothing wrong with that–in fact, I see it as a healthy thing, because I think ignoring one’s sexuality is an awful, repressive thing to do.</p>
<p>I have had several casual sexual encounters myself. I’m not ashamed to admit to it, because I don’t see anything wrong with it. They were, for the most part, positive situations for me and I feel really good about having done them. I chose to do them: I wasn’t doing them because I thought it would make me look better to guys. I was doing them because I wanted to. </p>
<p>Why is it that, when guys have casual encounters, they’re just “being male”; but when girls do it, they’re automatically “betraying themselves”?</p>
<p>Can’t guys be betraying themselves sometimes too? Aren’t girls sometimes simply being sexual? Doesn’t it just depend on the context?</p>
<p>I think it’s just a matter of knowing what you want. If you feel really uncomfortable in sexual situations, and you know that you’ll feel upset after engaging in them, then you should by no means ever do anything of the sort. If, however, you can honestly say you’ll feel fantastic about yourself afterwards, then that’s a great thing too. “To thine own self be true,” I guess.</p>