<p>As a girl, I think we should be responsible enough not to get so wasted that we consent to having sex with drunk guys who we normally wouldn’t have sex with. Though it’s legally “rape” I think guys get too much of the blame for drunk sex. It’s not like either person is aware of his/her actions. If a girl gets that drunk and has sex with a guy she’d normally not sleep with, that obviously says something about her character, as well. I think girls who don’t want to acknowledge their responsibilty for their own actions are quick to cry rape when it was really just a big drunk mistake. Guys are not always attempting to rape drunk girls; sometimes when people are wasted, consent happens and mistakes are made. I really don’t agree with calling most of those situations “rape”.</p>
<p>There are quite a few things parents can have some say in - not that it matters to some - but… when it comes to sex - consensual type - that is a very personal decision - just have to make sure one is really prepared to handle all the possibilities.</p>
<p>I do have a line in the sand - on some things - with my gal - on others - well - that is completely up to her - and sex is one of those things that is up to her - tho we have talked about it in depth - it is still her choice of the who/when/where. At times - there is a life-time not so cinderella ending to that choice - so better be prepared to live with that choice.</p>
<p>There is no or little difference in that moral issue in 2006 or back in 1970 in regards to that. Other issues have evolved with the change of the times - but that one seems to remain pretty much intact.</p>
<p>Consentual sex is only one issue. Jeepmom’s story illustrates another problem with dorm life. There is nothing worse about college living than trying to tolerate and deal with a bad roommate. It can make it all but impossible to sleep, study or function. I think it is very important to learn about the campus culture. The school’s that do not want to take any responsibility in maintaining order are not likely to provide honest information about dorm and campus life. My D eliminated a lot of choices due to the campus cultures. I am always amused to read about parents who are very happy with these same choices. We hear how great their kids are doing and how much they enjoy the school. I can only imagine the real truth.</p>
<p>If your roommate sucks all that much, request to change rooms. Where’s the rub?</p>
<p>EDAD that is a very important point you make - our gals year of hell - well we chalked it up to dorm life 101 - and gave her 3 credits for it.</p>
<p>Was a difficult lesson learned - but… the learning experience of it did help our gal to move on in alot of very positive ways - with the knowledge of what she didin’t want in her life. Guess we have to call it growth. Certainly didn’t like what she saw and lived with/thru - so was able to make choices based on her experience.</p>
<p>There are some things that schools have no knowledge of before new students arrive - and roomy issues is kinda one of those things. Every student evolves thru a process. We did go into this school with our eyes wide open - we knew of the party reputation - but also realized that the rep only involved a piece of the whole pie - all the other pieces were a great fit - and that is where she wanted to be. We even offered help for a transfer - which she shot down very fast - she liked the school - and was determined to stay there - and so she did.</p>
<p>Actually there was a very positive outcome of that roomy/year - my gal got involved - kinda forced her out of the nest in a way - had a very cool on-campus job - actually had a blast finding alot of really fun things to do - and still does. She has THE most fantastic crew of friends - which keeps growing LOL - who I have had the chance to meet and get to know a bit and who could stay in my home any day of the week. She has learned sooo much and continues to find great hidden gems. </p>
<p>The roomy?? well she has not been involved in one single campus/school thing - has had a couple of questionable jobs - has lost alot of her friends - has a very drama filled relationship with a very questionable and sketchy guy - not very positive at all in my book.</p>
<p>I do know alot - not all - of what goes on in my gals life - we have become extremely close during this whole college process - I listen alot LOL… sure - she has fallen down a few times - but she has and is learning to pick herself up and move on. And I have to say - I really like what and who she is turning into - tho quite a bit different than I imagined a few years ago - but that is a good thing.</p>
<p>I am glad that it worked out as a positive experience. I laugh at George Carlin’s jokes about being immune to every disease because he grew up swimming in the East River. That certainly does not mean that I would try it.</p>
<p>Consensual sex does not happen if at least one partner is drunk. In my opinion, you can’t give informed consent when you’re drunk, so if a tipsy or sober guy takes advantage of a drunk girl, it’s rape. If a tipsy or sober girl takes advantage of a drunk guy, it’s rape. To me, having sex with someone who is not able to give <em>informed</em> consent (even if they specifically say, “yes, this is what I want”) is equivalent to rape.</p>
<p>If two people are BOTH drunk, and willingly have sex, then neither has necessarily raped or taken advantage of the other, but they have not had consensual sex. Informed consent involves choosing something because you want it, understanding and accepting all of the possible consequences, and consciously following through with your choices. In my mind, the only way that sex where both partners are drunk can be considered consensual is if the partners talked about it beforehand when they were both sober, and mutually decided to get drunk and have sex. And we all know that this is a pretty rare situation.</p>
<p>I agree with kitkat that it’s none of the University’s business when people are having consensual sex. However, I do think that it is the University’s business to make sure that there are clear policies on what constitutes “consensual” sex and to educate students about how to obtain and give legitimate consent.</p>
<p>I can’t agree strongly enough with HiImAnAlcoholic’s post #161, although I was roundly criticized for making these same points on another thread. If the girls want the sexual freedom of the guys, they have to begin taking responsibility for their choices (including drinking themselves to oblivion and then going home with a guy), and the possible consequences of these choices. That post is worth a reread, all, IMO!</p>
<p>I agree that you do have to deal with the consequences of your actions if you get drunk, but that doesn’t mean that it’s ok for a sober guy to take advantage of a girl who is drunk. To me, that is disturbingly similar to the “she was asking to get raped because she was wearing a short skirt” argument. As I said above, if she and the guy were both drunk, it’s not rape but neither is it consensual, and both parties must take full responsibility for the consequences.</p>
<p>I was only talking about a situation in which both parties were drunk, as I specified. </p>
<p>Thanks, hereshoping, I was expecting more criticism, lol.</p>
<p>I see what you said, HiImAnAlcoholic, and mostly agree. I was just disagreeing with your statement that “consent happens” when people are drunk.</p>
<p>It does, though. I’ve seen plenty of “beer goggle” situations, but most people don’t go around calling it “rape”; they simply acknowledge their mistakes and learn to be more careful next time.</p>
<p>But what I’m saying is that saying “yes” under the influence of alcohol (or other mind-altering drugs) does not constitute informed consent. That doesn’t mean it’s necessarily rape, but nor can you call it consensual sex.</p>
<p>I agree, it doesn’t consitute consent, but I really wouldn’t call it rape, either. I think it all depends on the situation, but I just don’t like that people are so quick to say that it’s rape.</p>
<p>Jimmy Buffett’s words: the “Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw”</p>
<p>This mentality isn’t just the current generation. I know I am not a parrot head but I guess there must be some here in the parent cafe.</p>
<p>ROFL HAZ lol </p>
<p>Parrot Head here LOL
I don’t know where Ima gonna go - when the volcano blows!!!</p>
<p>Regarding drunken sex. It happens. I’ve personally never heard of nor seen a case where the male is sober and the woman is drunk. It’s usually a mutual haze of alcohol and bad decision making. In this scenario it is not “rape” IMO but bad judgement that you learn from and move on.</p>
<p>Beer goggles = bad times.</p>
<p>The current research on brain development being conducted by the NIMH makes me question the decision to treat college students - especially freshman - like adults. Perhaps these younger students actually need more support than they are finding on our college campuses. Granted, each person’s development is different, but much research is showing that their centers for rational decision making and emtional impulse control are not fully developed at that age. Why are we treating them as if they are capable of that which they are not?</p>
<p>However, my major concern with excessive drinking/partying is the effect it has on the entire campus - even those who chose to limit their consumpution. As adults, if you want to drink yourself into oblivion in the privacy of your home - as long as you don’t bring the problem into the public arena - it doesn’t directly affect me. However, in college, one’s roomate/suitemate can be not only inconvenienced but actually endangered by such behavior. Given a large enough presence of boorish behavior and the entire campus can be affected.</p>
<p>hazmat, you crack me up. Your earlier comment too about calling for bail was right on target. It’s amazing how independent my college age son wants to be up and until he gets into some trouble and needs bailing out!</p>
<p>And, for all the parrot heads out there, getting drunk and screwing some anonymous guy is just as gross and embarrassing now as it was in the 70’s. Thank heavens I was a serial monogamist and don’t have sexual incidents to look back on with shame… Now, drinking episodes? I have a few doozies that I wish I could forget, but thankfully age brings judgement and I don’t make those kinds of mistakes any more. </p>
<p>Kids, we have been where you are (for the most part), we felt the way you do (for the most part), and learned the hard way to make correct judgements (for the most part). Listen to your parents or don’t, that is your choice. As for me, I tell my kids that I know that they are going to make mistakes. I did, their dad did, it is just the natural course of things. My big caveat though is that they should not make life altering mistakes! ie. getting someone pregnant, contracting a life threatening sexual disease, committing anything over a Class C misdemeaner that could spell jail time, etc. Those are the kinds of mistakes that are hard to come back from.</p>