Shame over past undergraduate grades and behavior. How can I overcome it?

Hey everyone,

I’m back with another post this time. I’ve recently started ruminating (as I have a tendency to do when I’m stressed) again and am looking back at my past undergrad performance at BGSU. I got curious and was able to log into my old account and still view everything (that I could anyway). I clicked through some old courses and even viewed my old transcript for the heck of it. Note that BGSU doesn’t do plusses or minuses (A = 4.0, B = 3.0) and so on. It’s also worth nothing that I had no access to any records related to my disabilities until my mid 20s. I knew I was autistic for example, but I didn’t know about the ADHD or social phobia (just called social anxiety under DSM-V now).

When I went through everything, I sincerely feel like there were things I didn’t deserve that would change my whole Bachelor’s degree if someone audited any of the old courses that I took. Two examples: 1.) In college Precalculus, I got a C after I was rounded up from somewhere between a 69.6-69.9. Feels shameful almost that I took that grade and ran with it. Same goes for the next example. 2.) For an internship seminar, I was either in a rush or didn’t read the assignment requirements but I saw that I got a 5/10 on an assignment where I was supposed to turn in a cover letter but turned in a thank you letter instead. I feel like I deserved a 0 on that in hindsight and subsequently not have had an A in the course. My grade was like a 92/100 or something like that. There were 5 point extra assignments that I could’ve done if I saw that most likely and pivoted a bit but still.

I seriously feel like if someone just goes back and audits, there’s be zero amnesty in this case and those grades would change. Would mean I’d have less than a 3.0 BGSU GPA and probably only above a 3.0 overall if transfer courses are included (as most grad course are in this case). I just feel ashamed almost and that I didn’t deserve it. I’m a Ph.D student now but the only reason that I got my foot in the door was due to help from a life coach I met weekly all four years of my undergrad because I wanted to take a break from college but my parents insisted I did not and hired that life coach. Otherwise, I was totally out for housing and financial support (in my parent’s words, I’d “live in their basement” was the main concern). I also had a different coach hired who eventually helped me with my graduate applications as well and I credit them for helping me get my foot in the door at most Master’s programs (and eventually Ph.D but I credit my Master’s department faculty and me reaching out to them too) I applied to at the time.

How do I overcome my feelings of guilt and shame? Also, the fear that everything could just come from one audit in this case?

Brief aside - I’m going to be undergoing partial (not full) hospitalization stating this Wednesday.

First off, college courses have a grading rubric and some classes are curved. Seems very likely that a 69.6 would be curved to a C in a math class. (Plenty of my D’s classes at a different university had means in the 40s!). You earned your grades and no one is going to take away your diploma or change your GPA.

Secondly, lots of people have help getting into their graduate programs. IMO, kudos to you and your family for arranging for the life coaches to help. One of the first things my D learned in college was to not go it alone - ask for help, join study groups, go to office hours, find mentors. Sounds to me like you did that.

Lastly, work with a therapist or counselor on dealing with your feeling. That is beyond the scope of what CC can do to help you.

Keep working on getting healthy and the rest will come!

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You need to get some counseling with someone who is knowledgable about folks with your issues, and disability. Period.

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I hope you can get the help you need to look forward with your life rather than backwards.

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I sincerely hope the OP will work with a therapist and get the support they need and learn to look forward rather than back in life. You have many accomplishments and have overcome hardship; please focus on that. Hugs.

CC will not be able to help with this beyond what has already been said. Closing thread.

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