<p>So for years my mother, sister and cousin have shared a summer house. Currently there are plans for arranging things for the next generation and wondered what people’s experiences have been with the pluses and minuses of various ways of owning things. It’s a lovely place but we don’t have time for extensive vacations, and only get there every few years at best. So I can imagine a time when we might think that we couldn’t pay bills and needed to get out. So far, sharing time has not been an issue, but I don’t see the bills. (Well one year they sent us all the bill for repairing the sea wall which was scarily astronomical.) We have one child who might be interested, one who is definitely not interested.</p>
<p>I don’t have any personal experience to share, but I can heartily recommend a book called The Big House by George Howe Colt. It is about a younger generation’s struggle to keep a lovely old house on Cape Cod that they (a group of cousins) jointly own and that has been in the family for generations. The book uses the house as a vehicle to trace his family history (much like Edmund de Waal (sp?) uses the netsuke in The Hare With Amber Eyes). Colt is a terrific writer and the book seems perfect for someone in your situation. (Some may be put off by the uber-privileged WASP-iness depicted). </p>
<p>I would suggest that you get the book “Saving the Family Cottage”. It gives a number of good ways to deal with these second home issues as they transition from one generation to future generations.</p>
<p>Our family has a summer home which was out in trust by a family member. The above book does not recommend trusts as a means to transition these vacation family homes. </p>
<p>Depends on the family, I guess, but there are many horror stories of families fighting over jointly inheriting a house. I suggest that whatever arrangement you decide on, have it drawn up to be legally binding.</p>
<p>My parents have a family cottage that is far from where I live, and we only visit for about a week every 2-3 years. I have a sibling who uses it quite often with his son (now college age). We discussed this recently with my parents, and arrangements were made in my parent’s will to leave it to him with some rules for appraising it upon my parents’ death, and I will get equivalent compensation of the value from elsewhere in the estate. I think my sibling will let me rent it if I ever want to use it, which seems fair since he will be taking over property taxes, upkeep, etc. But… this is not a beach place on Cape Cod, I think I would have wanted to keep a share in that even if it was inconvenient! :)</p>
<p>I think unless everyone is on board for fairly sharing expenses, it can work. </p>
<p>However, if one family uses it a LOT more, and therefore is more responsible for the utility usage, the “wear and tear” and repair of the place and its furnishings, how will those costs be shared??</p>
<p>I wonder if there would be a way to split basic costs, but the when each family uses it, they have to contribute $X dollars a day that goes into a “fund” to cover future replacement costs, increases in utility usages, etc. </p>
<p>I read The Big House and loved it. Their family is very much like my mother’s family. In fact the Big House is not far from our house, but ours is a very little house in comparison! I like and know this entire set of cousins pretty well. (Well except for the one set of second cousins that hung onto their week - about 20 years ago there were way too many people involved and a bunch got bought out.) We have no problem with sharing and scheduling and doing maintenance on this or another cabin we share. But my mother and aunt pay any big bills at the moment. I do remember that thread now, and will go read it! Thanks. I wouldn’t want to give up my share unless I have to. It’s not winterized or anything, but it’s still really nice. We’d go more often if dh didn’t get seasick, so we aren’t sailors.</p>
<p>I mistyped…should be: I think if everyone is on board for fairly sharing expenses, it can work.</p>
<p>Since mom and aunt are covering big expenses, do you know how things will work once they are no longer doing so? If the place needs a new roof, new flooring, kitchen remodel, etc…how will those major expenses get paid…AND how will the decisions be made as to “what gets selected” and the level of luxury. What if some what a really nice kitchen and others want cheap stuff (or they even refuse to admit that any updates are needed)? Who will handle the monthly bills? How will decisions get made? </p>
<p>I ask because I have recently been having some struggles with one of my vacation rental’s HOA. No one can seem to agree on ANYTHING. The tiniest problems take forever to solve because "this board member wants THIS, and this other one wants THAT, and no one likes the other person’s choice. This HOA has a mega-reserve (so money isn’t even an issue!). The huge reserve is simply because they can’t agree on anything. I can’t even imagine how much more difficult it would be if money were a concern.</p>
<p>Earlier in the summer, I fell on one of the sidewalks because tree roots have uplifted several areas. I was walking my dog and wasn’t paying attention…I literally skid off the sidewalk and curb into the street. Bad scrapes, cuts, bruises from head to toe…blood coming from everywhere. The HOA president was close by and he seemed genuinely concerned. I told him that the HOA was vulnerable for a lawsuit if these sidewalk issues weren’t taken care of (what if an elderly lady broke a hip? What if someone was carrying a baby and tripped?). Well, it has been 3 months and nothing has been done. They can’t decide what to do. Ugh. </p>
<p>Who now is paying for things like: the monthly elec bill? water bill? cable/internet? Who is paying for home maintenance? who is making major decisions…Mom and Aunt? If so, is that because they are doing most of the paying? </p>
<p>My husband’s family own a shared summer place (and it is barely a cottage - the last improvement was indoor plumbing). My husband is the third generation of owners and because of disagreements (all of the second generation owners are now dead but these disagreements started during their generation) the property sits unused (rotting away), with an unclear deed, and no property taxes or other expenses having been paid in probably 15 years. If the deed were ever to be cleared I think it would have to include probably 25 different owners (the third generation heirs). The problems started when some of the second generation owners did not want it anymore and others did. Those who did not want it themselves objected to selling out to those who did and wanted the place sold on the market instead. That discussion (now 25 years old) never got resolved. So, my opinion is that it is hard to make these things work over time.</p>
<p>@Thumper, I did not end up getting the book. We (H and I) do still have total ownership of the “family” cottage and all of its care. There is still much animosity between him and his siblings over the cottage. They have not asked to use it though a couple of their kids did and we let them - only to have the place abused when they did, so no more sharing at this point. Sad state of affairs, but so be it.
Our neighbors who also were in a similar situation have barely worked out a amicable agreement for their cottage between 2 siblings. They seem to not talk, but have an agreement to each take the cottage for 2 weeks at a time through the season - use it or not, when it’s your two weeks you are the only one who can be there. </p>
<p>I would still like to read “Saving” . “The Big House” looks good as well. </p>
<p>Here is what our family (minus us) does. It’s only “open” from June 1 to October 10…or so.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Each family has a yearly fee that they pay. This goes into an account managed by the treasurer of the trust (a BIL). It is used to pay taxes, utilities, insurance, and other day to day costs. </p></li>
<li><p>Each family contributes an additional yearly amount to a capital improvement fund. The money in this account is only to be used with a 2/3 vote of agreement on capital improvements. For example, some electrical work will be done soon. This will come out of this fund.</p></li>
<li><p>Each family pays a usage fee of $10 a day. It’s not much, but it helped ease the feelings if those who didn’t use the place at all vs. a family member who could get there every weekend…and often did.</p></li>
<li><p>One person manages a schedule. I believe they use a google calendar for this. But all dates go through one person to avoid conflicts. Everyone is mindful about scheduling issues. For example, two families live very far away, and their vacation time is not particularly flexible.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Everyone gets one week. If there are extra weeks, then folks can request an additional week.</p>
<p>Along the scheduling line…some “rules” did need to be established. Some folks got tired of people calling saying “we hope you don’t mind, but we thought we would come to see you.” Um…no. Some folks did mind, and so now the rule is…don’t come unless you are invited, or it’s your week there.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>The beneficiaries have a conference call six or seven times a year.</p></li>
<li><p>As folks have aged and moved, there are less who are available to open and close the place (deal with docks, turning off water, packing away all things mice would live, cleaning out the fridge and good cabinets, etc.). This has caused some agita.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>The biggest issue is about the decor. Some of the beneficiaries want to spruce the place up…brighten its colors, new dishes, etc. Others want it to be a shrine with mostly early ’ 40’s second house decor (translation…stuff that wasn’t even nice back in the 40’s…leftovers that were brought to the second home). </p>
<p>The thing to remember…there is no way everyone is going to be happy, and there is no way to anticipate future conflicts.</p>
<p>Wow, Thumper so much of what you said resonates with our situation! PLEASE why can we not take down the kitchy wall hangings from the 60’s??? We can keep the taxidermy fish caught in the lake out front, but some of the other tacky stuff…
We had started the minimal fee thing too - based on nights spent - but then people started loading up # of guests. Bringing friends, other family members, etc. So you might have 6 people (honestly, 6 people is TOO MUCH for our place - it’s small!") staying for $10/day - IMO, that was ridiculous! Sometimes they would also pitch a tent outside - so while people might not be SLEEPING in the cottage, they were using all other facilities in it. </p>
<p>Thumper’s post highlights many of the issues that are common to jointly shared properties. I like the idea of yearly fee to cover regular monthly/annual expenses/taxes/etc and a yearly fee to pay for capital improvements. If the amounts would be daunting for some, then half-year or quarterly payments may work out better. Seems like they are attempting to run it somewhat like an HOA. </p>
<p>It sounds like the OP’s mom and aunt have been covering most/all of these so implementing something like this may work out or may find some families opting out…but it’s best to find out. At some point, someone needs to find out exactly how much Mom and Auntie are doling out each year. I imagine the annual amounts (water, sewer, electric, cable, internet, taxes) plus costs for maintenance and improvements are more than many may realize. </p>
<p>Thumper’s family’s “per day” usage fee sounds very reasonable since utilities/AC-use increase when populated and certain things like sheets/blankets/towels wear out faster when used. (@Thumper1: how does one family member use it nearly every weekend if other families have their own weeks? Does this person have an open invite…lol)</p>
<p>I have to laugh at the “shrine” vs updating aspect. New dishes can be had for quite cheap at Costco or similar. But I also know that “beach location” vaca-homes often take a lot of “abuse” because of the sand, salt-water, and (sometimes) intoxicated folks. </p>
<p>I imagine that some “shared homes” face some cleaning issues as some folks are better at that, and some are well, not. Maybe the budget should include having a housekeeper come in at least once a month to do the major cleaning and to do the stuff that people may not do on a weekly-cleaning basis. </p>
Well yes there’s the rub! One time a cousin got a gorgeous rub, we all loved it but thought it was way too expensive for the place. She said she’d keep it for herself if others weren’t willing to chip in and that’s what happened. I think we are all agreed that this is not a fancy place - it still has exposed knob and tube wiring everywhere! There are no kitchen cabinets everything is on open shelves under the stairs. It’s very, very basic. Let’s call it a shrine to the 1930s!</p>
<p>Ideally IMO the place would have an endowment to cover expenses! In any event, I do think those who use it much more ought to be paying more. </p>
<p>Laughing about the art work there are some very faded drawings by my brother’s kids that I think can go, but I’ve never gotten around to asking them if we can ditch them.</p>
<p>Yes, the cleaning was a big issue. We actually posted a list of “to-do’s” for anyone using the place to take care of before they left. “Clean coffee pot/grinds, shake rugs, sweep floors, make sure refrigerator is on correct setting, etc.” Yet we would still arrive to the cottage to find floors not swept, ceiling fans not turned off, etc. I’m pretty particular about these things - if I’m going to “vacation” I don’t want to start it off by cleaning up the last persons mess - this was a VERY sore point for me! Our place is very remote so no housekeepers to be found and honestly, a couple people and a 1/2 hour of work can get the place spic and span. </p>
<p>Even though each full beneficiary is allowed one week (on the first dibs) the reality is that all the beneficiaries don’t use the place. Most live over 12 hours drive away…or further. So there are plenty of weeks in the time the place is open for the ONE family member who loves about an hour away to go there for a day, overnight or whatever. And that person DOES do this.</p>
<p>One other issue we had…which is the main reason we declined to be in the family trust. My inlaws created this trust with their bloodline only…which was their six offspring. These were the initial beneficiaries to the trust. At age EIGHTEEN any member of the bloodline became a full beneficiary, with full rights to use the place. We begged for that age to be twenty five, when hopefully these grandchildren would be employed, and able to actually be responsible users of the cottage. My MIL said NO, and for us, that was the straw that broke the camels back. </p>
<p>Only one family member from each of the bloodline kids serves on the trust “board”. Right now, that is the siblings…but there are 9 grandchildren (my two kids are out because my husband opted out). At some point, this could become unmanageable in its current form. In 20 years, some of these grandchildren could have 18 year old kids, and hopefully the elders will still be around. There aren’t THAT many weeks in the summer!!</p>
<p>My grandparents left 4 houses to my mom and her two sisters. Two were sold immediately but they kept the Florida house and the beach house in Ct. . But the beach house was enormous and the upkeep extremely expensive. Plus, by that time we had moved to upstate NY, we were teens who didn’t want to be away from friends for the whole summer - and my parents were big golfers and their club was where we lived. One of my mom’s sisters was also in similar situation even though they lived close to the beach house. The third sister really wanted to keep the house - she was the only one still living there all summer - but it was so big (3 floors, 12 bedrooms, 3 kitchens) it was really way too big for just her and her married daughter w/kids didn’t get along very well with her so never came to the beach. So, they put it on the market. We were all very sad to see it sold as it was such a huge part of our childhoods. They sold it for $70K (in 1973) and it is worth about 2M now. No one even imagined it would ever be worth that much. </p>
<p>The Florida home they kept for about 10 more years but the sister who wanted to keep the beach house also monopolized the Florida house. She would live there all winter but move out when we came or my other Aunt. But she acted like we were imposing on her. She would also complain when I came/or my cousins came with my college friends on winter break. It became a huge source of conflict between the 3 sisters so my mom and good Aunt said it had to be sold or bad sister had to buy them out. Bad sister couldn’t stand the thought of having to give the other sisters any of her money so it was put up for sale, too. </p>
<p>There are still other things (commercial property, art, etc.) all three sisters owned together - but my two aunts are both dead and so now the things are owned my mom and the other thirds are owned by my four cousins (1 cousin has a third and the other 3 have a third ) but all my cousins are deferring to my mom at this point on what to do as she is the only direct heir still living. </p>
</p>