<h1>1100 – This year Fancy School X has a huge grant to start up a skydiving program. This little fact is unknown to #2. #5 happens to have been a reknowned skydiving instructor for the last 3 years and can even land safely with a chute that only partially opens. ;-)</h1>
<p>~ ~ ~</p>
<p>This is a purely fictional example. Sorry all you skydivers! I’m not aware of any such program, although it could be out there. Or maybe you can be the one to pioneer it!</p>
<p>Re #1101,</p>
<p>Ok, you are saying something different. This student got into an excellent, top 20 school but you look at it is though “something went wrong,” because he didn’t get into an Ivy or Stanford, and we don’t even know which of those he applied to, other than Penn.</p>
<p>I do know he applied to 4 ivies. Does it matter which ones? Does nt take away his parents’ sore spot that they did everything right, the kid did everything right, and with a 20% of the students going to some of the schools and the school picking the colleges for him very carefully, he is still going to his 6th choice. </p>
<p>Proudmom may not have phrased it to everyone’s liking here about her expectations but this kids parents feel exactly the same way and told me so (they did nt make the silly mistake of expressing their unhappiness on CC of course and not sure they even know about it).</p>
<p>Any which way of it, Texas, what would you recommend his parents do at this point (presumably months later after they’ve had some mourning period and a chance to destroy a set of dishes)? What do you think would be the healthiest thing they can do?</p>
<p>Beats me! I will tell you when I go through it probably next year. </p>
<p>As a man, I will probably break my TV so I have an excuse to buy a bigger one for 2012football season (the healthy thing to do).</p>
<p>From what we could see, each school that Frazzled kids applied to seemed to have something that the others did not (from merit money to unique research opportunities to EC’s to location), that would appeal to my children. It seems to me that it shouldn’t be too hard to identify that “something” for a student who is fretting about not getting into their first choice, and to focus on the opportunities ahead.</p>
<p>It’s always seemed to me that the reason you apply to six (or 12 or 20) schools is because you know there’s a chance that you won’t get in through one through five (or 11 or 19).</p>
<p>Yes, frazzled.
However, I submit that it is not always easy for a teen to handle the peer comments, about much of anything LOL!</p>
<p>My D already experienced this when she said she really liked the school that is her top safety, which she would be very enthusiastic to attend, btw, even though it is about 20-40 slots lower on the USNWR ranking list than a lot of the other schools she is applying to (she does not know or care about the rankings). She was really hurt and confused for a bit of time by the reactions that “she can do better”; “that it is not a good enough school for you” from her classmates.
She is an excellent student and active member of the school community, so that itself builds expectations, let me tell you!!! It is hard to know how to handle that- are we supposed to list the flaws of our children/their applications to every Tom Dick and Harry that feels the right to talk about this in order to defuse this!!! Everyone ASSUMES she will get in somewhere very very selective. And says as much, thinking that they are complimenting her. It is kind of like being pregnant- the big tummy suddenly becomes public property- complete strangers come up to touch it!</p>
<p>I also advise that one’s DC keep the list of where they are applying to themselves. That changes the dynamics A LOT when the acceptances and rejections come out.
Scenario A: So, did you get into Harvard?/did you hear that so and so did not get into Harvard???
Scenario B: So, where did you get in?? / did you hear that so and so got into X? /Did you hear that so and so is going to X?= must easier to deal with without feeling judged</p>
<p>Fortunately, the kids at my D’s school are generally very close-mouthed about their applications. I think they do not want to feel that they are being judged by or competing with their classmates. The school encourages this as a stress-manager, but I am sure they also do not mind not being under the microscope themselves as College Advisers when the results come out (wink!).</p>
<p>It is kind of like hunting for a mate- you keep it to yourself, much of the time, as it is a personal thing, based on your taste, the chemistry, and being dumped or rejected/dumping someone/breaking up is not really everyone’s business. Yet we are ETERNALLY curious about others’ adventures, aren’t we?!!</p>
<p>I do like the way CC’s anonymity provides some cover for more open discussion of these college adventures.</p>
<p>Bunching or thinking about it is only a new phenomena if you do not get basic math.</p>
<p>I applied to college more than 35 years ago. I was living in a suburb of Boston and it was well known that Harvard took 2 kids, MIT took 2 kids every year from the public HS. Among my friends were 2 kids whose parents taught at Harvard, 2 were affiliated with MIT and we were all top students…So, among other reasons, this was why I went to a private school- and from the perspective of college admissions it totally paid off. </p>
<p>When my sons were applying we were very mindful of who else was applying where… If you can submit an unlimited number of applications, sure… toss them around. But, if as was the case for our kids they could only do 8, these 8 had to count and there was just not a reason to toss a hat in the ring at Harvard or Yale (or Swarthmore even) when the other applicants from the reasonably small HS were URM (native american to boot), legacies, president of the class, similar academic rankings kinds of kids. There are too many great options for kids to make it ‘worth it’ in this scenario. We were well aware who was applying early to all the Ivies and top LACs…and there was definitely strategy involved. </p>
<p>When 91 or 93% of the well qualified applicants to a school do not get in… it is all about the math…</p>
<p>TexasPG- lots of things can go wrong for the kid you cite. His essay about collecting butterflies may have landed on the desk of an Adcom who has just read 8 other essays about butterflies-- who thought, “Oh God, deliver me from the butterfly mafia”. His EC’s may have mirrored those of every other Asian male interested in European History applying from your region. A teacher may have written something which was damning with faint praise. The kid may have misspelled “Providence” in his essay to Brown. I think you miss the point with your insistence that schools follow a well trod path in determining, “Ok, we want 4 ethnics from Brookline High, hopefully recent immigrants. Then we want 8 from XYZ prep school because we have a special relationship with them. And then give me 12 from TJ and another 12 from Stuy and we always take 5 from New Trier… but shoot, we need to save space for Dalton and Horace Mann. Ok, cut down on the ethnics and we’ll have enough slots”.</p>
<p>It would be wonderful if the system was as clear cut as that. Some years I’m sure the numbers look pretty consistent. Other times not. I remember the surprise the year at my kids HS when Yale accepted zero kids. Zero early, zero regular. Previous year it had been 4, and it had been somewhere between 3-5 for a decade. And then a few years of zero. And the first zero year coincided with a year where Princeton and Penn both took more than the previous year… leaving all the Yale hopefuls who hadn’t applied to either feeling cheated.</p>
<p>It’s not like returning a blouse to Macy’s where they are supposed to credit you with exactly what you paid- even if the price went down or up since you bought it. You apply, you hope, you have plenty of solid backups in place, and you go on with life if you don’t get in.</p>
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<p>Well of course it matters which ones if you want to try to figure out why he didn’t get in as compared to his classmates.</p>
<p>And regarding “his 6th choice:” It is a fallacy to think that he gets any <em>choice</em> when it comes to the elite colleges which admit less than 10% of their applicants. To me, it seems quite arrogant to assume that <em>his</em> choice of college should have any impact at all whether he gets in or not.</p>
<p>I’m warning you that if you cry on CC about your unhooked S or D not getting into his/her <em>choice</em> of HYPSetal, I will call your expectations “irrational,” too.</p>
<p>“And regarding “his 6th choice:” It is a fallacy to think that he gets any <em>choice</em> when it comes to the elite colleges which admit less than 10% of their applicants. To me, it seems quite arrogant to assume that <em>his</em> choice of college should have any impact at all whether he gets in or not”</p>
<p>my kid did not apply to her 11th and 12th choices. hence she had a zero possibility of getting into them. Ergo, her choice, DID have an impact on whether she gets in or not.</p>
<p>IF you think THAT is silly, of her six match schools, two were clearly ones she was less interested in. As a result (we found this out later) she wrote weak essays in response to “why do you want to go here?” One she was rejected from (the only rejection from a match) and one she was waitlisted. So I think her choice played a role in those cases as well. </p>
<p>Ergo, I think to deny that choice has an impact, is irrational.</p>
<p>By your reasoning, BBDad, texaspg’s example actually got into his first choice then.</p>
<p>“Totally agree, Hunt. But if you’re still letting that incident raise your blood pressure months later, I might say it’s time to let it go, not for anyone else but <em>for you</em>. Don’t carry stuff that makes you feel bad. Maybe you learn something out of it all that will useful in the future, maybe not. You can’t change the past, but you can <em>enjoy the present</em> and look forward to the future”</p>
<p>I am ALL for living for the future, not caring what others think, and being eminently practical. But sometimes those urgings can get a little, shall we say, shallow? When you are at your college that has MUCH better, more watchful counseling than an Ivy, lets say, but that is weak in the EC that the Ivy is strong in, say, and you suddenly realize that this sucks more than you expected, its natural to think what if - or even to consider trying to transfer (BTW we know one kid who DID transfer into an Ivy, so its not obvious that putting things into the past is ALWAYS a good idea).</p>
<p>BBdad, Perhaps “favorites” or “preferences” would be a better word than “choice”?</p>
<p>I think the point Bay was making is the extremely little “control” (including emotional control) that students have in the ultimate specific outcomes (i.e., offers). With such a size and array of talent, nationally, the colleges are calling the shots. </p>
<p>Major power imbalance.</p>
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<p>So one constructive suggestion for what to do at this point, if the student is not happy at the school he ends up attending, is for him to consider transferring to another college instead.</p>
<p>~ ~ ~</p>
<p>The good news, remember, is we’ve read about a young person on this thread who <em>is</em> happy at the school which wasn’t originally his first choice. Mom, Dad – embrace that!</p>
<p>texaspg made a lot of posts, im not actually sure what that story was.</p>
<p>I was reacting to what seemed like a knee jerk reaction to the use of the term “first choice” (or 6th choice, whatever). Its not unnatural to think through preferences before the results are in. Its almost inevitable, as it can determine strategy (“I dont need more matches, cause the additional matches arent as beloved as my safety” or “Do this app while you are fresh, if you have to do one at midnight, let it be that one”) That MAY or may not have an impact on admission. I found the reaction to TPGs mention of 6th choice a bit much, but that may just be me.</p>
<p>“BBdad, Perhaps “favorites” or “preferences” would be a better word than “choice”?”</p>
<p>eh, whatever. I dont think someone saying “this is my first choice college” means to imply or is usually taken to imply that which college they go to is strictly their choice. Anymore than when someone talks about their first choice job, or many other things. English is funny that way, a word that means one thing in one context (“this is my choice of five dollar Merlots”) means something different in another context (“Chateau Margaux is my first choice red wine, but I cant afford it”) Sometimes that “IF it were up to me” is implied, and sometimes not. </p>
<p>I think people are misreading TexasPG cause he is posting the ever unpopular, yet ever present, CC whine, “Ivy admissions are unfair”</p>
<p>That may or may not be true, but its NEVER going to get sympathy here. Along with “Im full pay and cant afford it” and the parallel “I got need based FA, and am financially stressed”. Or “I didnt get into the frat I wanted” or “I didnt get a job on Wall Street”</p>
<p>"The good news, remember, is we’ve read about a young person on this thread who <em>is</em> happy at the school which wasn’t originally his first choice. Mom, Dad – embrace that! "</p>
<p>Its simply not that simple, IMO.</p>
<p>One of DDs reaches, and one of her top choices, was an Ivy. She is attending one of her matches. She just got personal attention on an academic issue she might not have gotten at the Ivy - YAY!. She also is in deep angst cause her schools small Jewish community makes it difficult for her to observe shabbos the way she wants to (back when she applied and accepted, before her gap year, this was not so much an issue). The Ivy that rejected her would have been ideal for this. </p>
<p>Shes not whining about Ivy admissions. But its fair for her to think about the advantages her friends at Ivies have ON THIS ISSUE. We also know that IF she tries to transfer, she would lose some of what makes this school better. BUT to simply be like the fox, who determines that the grapes out of reach MUST be not only sour, but worse in every way than the ones in reach - well Im not sure thats QUITE as healthy as some people here think.</p>
<p>It is one thing to really want to go to a particular elite college, which I think is fine, and another to be outraged that you were not admitted when you think you did “everything right.”</p>