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Sure, but there would be a big difference between saying, “After this length of time, to continue to have this depth of grief seems unhealthy–perhaps you should talk to your doctor to consider if you’re suffering from depression,” and “Geez, it’s just a stupid cat, get over yourself.” I’m just arguing for the middle way.</p>
<p>“If you truly can’t tell what you wrote that I found inappropriate (as well as inaccurate), then I guess you’re not as smart a guy as I thought you were”</p>
<p>yes, thats certainly possible. Or else you were wrong about what I said. Thats also possible.</p>
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<p>That is a fair observation, as I think just about all types of rejection, no matter how unimportant, tend to elicit those feelings in the recipient. However, it strikes me as unacceptable that this type of applicant, and their parents who post here, respond to rejection from HYPS as deeply as has been expressed. It comes across as very inappropriate, given the facts available about anyone’s chances at these places, and that is why I agree with those who want to virtually slap them back to reality.</p>
<p>"Sure, but there would be a big difference between saying, “After this length of time, to continue to have this depth of grief seems unhealthy–perhaps you should talk to you doctor to consider if you’re suffering from depression,” and “Geez, it’s just a stupid cat, get over yourself.” I’m just arguing for the middle way. "</p>
<p>of course if all your friends had cats, and bugged you about why you didnt have a cat, or even why you didnt WANT a cat, then you might be more incline to say “its just a stupid cat, get over yourself”</p>
<p>There was a very similar thread some time ago about parents who were upset because the high school didn’t give their kids an award that they thought their kid deserved. The opinions about that divided in a very similar way, and I think even some of the same folks were posting there (consistently with their views here, if I recall). There was a similar drift to extreme positions (“entitled, whining” parents vs. “no sympathy” parents). I do wonder if there are just some different mindsets about how to deal with these kinds of situations.</p>
<p>I will admit that I might not feel too much sympathy if somebody complained that his Lobster Thermidor was too salty at Le Bernardin last week. Perhaps that’s how some of these complaints about not getting into Harvard are coming across to some folks.</p>
<p>“However, it strikes me as unacceptable that this type of applicant, and their parents who post here, respond to rejection from HYPS as deeply as has been expressed”</p>
<p>I would suggest that your not accepting their responses will no more improve the world than will their refusal to accept Ivy league admissions policies.</p>
<p>Either “move on get over it” makes sense, or it dont.</p>
<p>If it does, than it seems to apply even more strongly to how OTHER people respond to their situation, than it does to the situation itself.</p>
<p>Will their kids still be happy Carnegie Mellon? Yeah, probably. Will everyone else still be happy if they accept other peoples responses and move on? Yeah, probably.</p>
<p>"I will admit that I might not feel too much sympathy if somebody complained that his Lobster Thermidor was too salty at Le Bernardin last week. Perhaps that’s how some of these complaints about not getting into Harvard are coming across to some folks. "</p>
<p>If I was reading a food and wine message board, EVEN if I was posting on one to find the best $6 cheap red to match with pizza, I would not be surprised that someone is complaining about their lobster thermidor. If that disgusted me, I would leave the message board.</p>
<p>I certainly agree that some responses are over the top. Hey, Jian Li brought a civil rights claim against Princeton, even though he got into Yale. (He later transferred to Harvard, which also rejected him, so I guess he did eventually move on.)</p>
<p>If I may go to the most extreme end of the parental reaction to HYPS rejection continuum, I think it is arguably tantamount to child abuse. I do not believe anyone I have met or read about has been that extreme. But because I look at is this way, this is why I feel compelled to address it.</p>
<p>I have a cat. She’s on my lap right now as a matter of fact. :-)</p>
<p>BBD, I think you aren’t aware how different the values are in places other than where you live. You assume that because a lot of people <em>around you</em> are all into ivies and that’s where their kids attend that it’s that way everywhere else. Not. Now that the kidlet’s off to school a little travel and seeing some fresh sights might do you some good. </p>
<p>I think at this point I’m not going to continue conversing with you because I think you “don’t fight fair”, and I’m not looking for a fight anyway.</p>
<p>Best to you and your family.</p>
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Sure, but aren’t you sort of arguing against a phantom? I guess there’s the dad who wrote the article about his son. Is there anybody who would laugh in the face of a kid who said he was disappointed to be rejected by his dream school? I hope not.</p>
<p>Hunt,
This is by definition unverifiable, but a student from our hs committed suicide after being admitted to Stanford. The rumor was that her parents were upset that she did not get into Harvard. Who knows if this was true, but those who repeated it and heard it did not think it was too far fetched.</p>
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That’s awful, of course, but it’s a far cry from somebody being disappointed, or even annoyed. And even though I make fun of Jian Li, even his complaint had some germ of sense–he believed that he might be the victim of racial discrimination–it’s just that his admission to Yale didn’t make him a very attractive poster child for that complaint.
In my family, we might take the extreme step of cutting off donations to our alma mater if it rejects our kid, but that’s about as far as it would go.</p>
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<p>I don’t think it is a far cry from parents ranting about their disappointment in their child’s rejection from HYPS and his having to “settle” for his 6th choice. I think that is exactly the type of thinking, when expressed in front of a child, that could lead to tragic consequences.</p>
<p>"I’m disgusted. Truly disgusted. And having just come off a glorious 2 days sending my S off to Northwestern - I hope this young man DIDN’T go there, and that the other top 20 school he got into got him. Because no one wants a whiny loser on their campus. Stay far, far away. "</p>
<p>Pizza Girl - Some times I wonder if you are really messed up. Did I mention anywhere that the kid was unhappy? I said his parents feel unhappy. Why the need to be so abusive about people you have never met and will never do?</p>
<p>I do like Northwestern but it is not the holy grail. The fact that the kid did not choose it does not make him a loser. Btw, something like 60% of admitted losers reject Northwestern if you want to call them that.</p>
<p>When we took Frazzled D off to her freshman orientation at a “top cc university” we were kind of shocked to listen to some of the parents whining that their kid was there only because he/she didn’t get into HYP or other tippy-top school, even though some “less deserving” students had gotten into “tippy top dream school.” </p>
<p>The parents then segued into a long list of their own child’s accomplishments, and then another list of the credentials of “less deserving students” who got accepted at HYP etc. Not in the vein of “gee, college admissions have become so unpredictable and I am glad my child applied to enough places and found a fantastic school” so much as “look at what my child is going to have to settle for, and it is SO UNFAIR.”</p>
<p>I could only hope that the children of these parents weren’t similarly stuck on either their admissions season experiences OR their high school resumes, but were looking ahead to the wonderful opportunities in front of them, realizing that among their classmates there were probably at least several with accomplishments equal to or superior to their own, for whom that school was a first choice destination. (I was also secretly thankful that Frazzled D was not in the habit of sharing her resume with her friends and their parents, in addition to the adcoms of her target schools.)</p>
<p>Bay - It was a private conversation between parents and their friends. There was no ranting, raving, disappointment in the kid etc (I don’t know about your friends/local schools etc but most of my friends don’t mention anything in front of their kids and my wife will probably kill me in my sleep if I ever expressed something like that about my kds in front of them - there is disappointment every two to three months about something but life goes on). The unhappiness stems from the fact that his outcome would n’t have been different if he attended a local public school than the elite prep he attended which was our original discussion topic.</p>
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<p>NONE of these schools are the holy grails and that includes the HYPSM that some of you people salivate over as though they are the pinnacle of human achievement.</p>
<p>And you didn’t read what I said at all. Please go back and read it again. I didn’t say that the kid not choosing NU makes him a loser. No one has to like NU or not like it - hey, different strokes for different folks.
But you explicitly posted about parents being “disappointed” that the son applied to 4 Ivies and 2 non-Ivy top 20’s, “only” got into the non-Ivy top 20’s, and now the kid “didn’t do better” and now has to “settle” for his 6th choice. Sorry, I find that attitude obnoxiously entitled and arrogant, and if I were in a real life conversation with someone who expressed those sentiments, I would have a hard time not rolling my eyes, if not walking away. I’d certainly think less of that person for such an attitude and for passing that attitude on to the student. It’s also splitting hairs, because the differences between any of the schools at that level are slight; I don’t know where this concept originated that the Ivies are on some higher plane of existence than other similar top colleges, but it’s weird and odd and bears no relationship to reality. </p>
<p>And getting back to NU - for the sake of my son and his new classmates, I hope such an entitled kid chose the other non-Ivy top 20, because I would prefer my son be surrounded with kids who are eager and enthused about the great opportunities in front of them, not idolizing colleges-not-gotten-into as though there is any meaningful difference.</p>
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<p>Exactly. I think it’s wonderful to want your kids to go to a top school and receive a top-notch education! I don’t get this dated, silly mentality that only the Ivies or HYPSM provide it or that there are meaningful differences between any of the schools at this level.</p>
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<p>Oh, even the splitting of Ivies into “upper” and “lower” is, in itself, just thoroughly obnoxious. Why can’t people grasp the concept of “it’s all good”?</p>
<p>Pizzagirl - Don’t parse what you said. I posted exactly what you said and I am questioning your attitude about calling someone a whiny loser when the kid was never mentioned expressing anything. I can see why proudmomofS is so annoyed with people expressing their opinions as if they are the gospel but sound more like drivel. </p>
<p>Again, you give too much credit to those attending NU. I am sure about 20% or more of kids at northwestern are attending it because they couldn’t get into something they or their parents preferred more. Doesn’t mean their parents are happy about it or the kids won’t move on. For you to trashtalk about them is uncalled for.</p>