<p>Over the past two years I have spent much of my time pursuing scientific research, and it was only towards the end of this year that I fully realized how much it meant to me. My research experience began towards the end of my sophomore year. After working as an aid in a physicians research project during the school year I applied and was accepted to the Garcia MRSEC Research Scholars Program, where I was given the opportunity to undertake my own research, which in my case concerned a new method of DNA electrophoresis. In order to successfully undertake my project I had to learn in far greater detail about DNA and its physical aspects. In addition I was taught how to use complex scientific equipment. Yet as my project progressed, the failures that accompany research began to take its toll on my enthusiasm. Yet I continued in the hopes that I might yet learn something form the experience. As my final deadline approached I spent longer and longer hours within the lab, working constantly in the attempt to get as much useful data as possible. At the time, it seemed all the work I had done would amount to nothing. It was only after my work was recognized in various competitions did I begin to appreciate the experience and knowledge I had gained through research. I have acquired far greater depth and understanding of science. More importantly I have learned how to apply scientific knowledge, something I never could have fully experienced or realized at school.</p>
<p>Hi, you seem to have done a lot of good work and congratulations on doing this research! Your application will stand out as a result. The essay itself can be made more interesting and there are problems with style as well as grammatical errors. </p>
<p>For example:
"In order to successfully undertake my project I had to learn in far greater detail about DNA and its physical aspects. "
In far greater detail than what? </p>
<p>Another example:
"In addition I was taught how to use complex scientific equipment. "
In addition to what?</p>
<p>In the first sentence, you need commas. For example:
“Over the past two years, I …”.</p>
<p>Then these two sentences, both beginning with the word ‘yet’:
“Yet as my project progressed, the failures that accompany research began to take its toll on my enthusiasm. Yet I continued in the hopes that I might yet learn something form the experience.”</p>
<p>I don’t understand what the topic of your research is.
“After working as an aid in a physicians research project during the school year I applied and was accepted to the Garcia MRSEC Research Scholars Program, where I was given the opportunity to undertake my own research, which in my case concerned a new method of DNA electrophoresis.”</p>
<p>What did you have to do with the new method of DNA electrophoresis? Did you invent the new method of DNA electrophoresis? If so, just state it. The goal of your research is unclear to the reader. Actually, if you had some space, you should in a few words (1 sentence) explain what DNA electrophoresis is. </p>
<p>Then this conclusion does not give a good impression:
“At the time, it seemed all the work I had done would amount to nothing. It was only after my work was recognized in various competitions did I begin to appreciate the experience and knowledge I had gained through research.”
Why is someone else’s opinion so important to you? This wasn’t a failed experiment was it? I would just take it out if I were you…but that is just my opinion. The adcoms would think that you have low self-esteem and only when people say your work is good, do you think it is good.</p>
<p>This sentence is very big and should be split anyway:
“After working as an aid in a physicians research project during the school year I applied and was accepted to the Garcia MRSEC Research Scholars Program, where I was given the opportunity to undertake my own research, which in my case concerned a new method of DNA electrophoresis.”</p>
<p>I would rather have you take us inside the lab with you. </p>
<p>A very common problem with college app essays is that they seem detached, holding the reader at arm’s length. The best college essays forsake the grand life lessons and simply draw the reader into one small part of your experience and, therefore, personality.</p>