Short answer question... close or not?

<p>hi, I'm finishing up (finally) my application to Duke ED. The last big part that I have to finish is my short answer, describing why I want to go to Duke. I think that the reasons I have provided so far are accurate, but there's something missing. Feedback would be great, especially since I wrote it after visiting the campus and the visit was basically the only thing going through my mind.</p>

<p>Walking across the campus at Duke, I felt the school spirit whipping around in the air. I was smiled at by complete strangers and was even invited to a party. A positive attitude on campus is essential for me because I want to wake up every morning and be excited to go to class and see other people. The information session tremendously helped me to make Duke my number one school because the session leader reinforced and added to all of the knowledge that I had regarding Duke. For example, I knew that the FOCUS program was for freshmen and promised to be a rewarding experience, but I did not know that the classes are able to take field trips to other countries. I like that the professors are reachable for the students because I feel that intimidation causes a decrease in motivation to do work. I also enjoy that Duke students are able to combine work and play so nicely with the variety of extra curricular activities available. Being a well-rounded student is important to me so that I can get the most out of my education. I also would love to be a Cameron Crazy and camp out in “K-ville.”
I am interested in Duke because I believe that I would be challenged academically. I have completed all of the math courses offered at my school and am currently traveling to another high school to take a higher level class. I also like Duke’s research facilities and think it would make my college experience all the more interesting to be able to work or do research there.</p>

<p>I still have a bunch of characters left to use. Thanks!</p>

<p>I don't know..to me, it didn't flow very well. The first sentence caught my attention but that was about it. I think your short answer has alot of potential but you just need to refine it. Make sure you ask a teacher to look over. Oh, and by the way, try not to use passive voice. It adds boredom. Overall, like I said, lots of potential..can be very good, you just need some connecting words and things to make it smooth.</p>

<p>Is this better? I tried to regroup ideas into general ideas in the first pgh and academic ideas in the second. I realized that most of my reasons are simply one-sentence answers and that's why they don't flow well. Any suggestions? Thanks</p>

<p>Walking across the campus at Duke, I felt the school spirit whipping around in the air. Complete strangers smiled at me and even invited me to a party. A positive attitude on campus is essential for me because I want to wake up every morning excited to go to class and see other people. The information session tremendously helped me to make Duke my number one school because the session leader reinforced and added to all of the knowledge that I had regarding Duke. For example, I knew that the FOCUS program was for freshmen and promised to be a rewarding experience, but I did not know that the classes were able to take field trips to other countries. I also enjoy that Duke students are able to combine work and play so nicely with the variety of extra curricular activities available. Being a well-rounded student is important to me so that I can get the most out of my education, and I would really like to be a part of a singing group so that I can continue to have music in my life.
I am interested in Duke because I believe that I would be challenged academically. I have completed all of the math courses offered at my school and currently travel to another high school to take a higher level class. Since I am interested in majoring in a science, I like Duke’s research facilities and think it would make my college experience all the more interesting to be able to work or do research there. I am glad that the professors are reachable for the students because I feel that intimidation causes a decrease in motivation to do work.</p>

<p>Bump please</p>

<p>Good, solid essay.</p>

<p>ETA: Dude, deadlines' MONDAY! Send it off soon! Yowza!
(from a professional procrastinator)</p>

<p>so it makes sense? It's the last part of my online application. Thanks r2005. Any others?</p>

<p>Bump, please put my mind at ease!</p>