Help: This is a very rough first draft of a short essay I wrote based on my experience so there maybe grammar/spelling mistakes. I want to know if my essay make sense. Any thoughts, feelings about this short essay? Advice, suggestions on change or replacing certain words or phrases? Anything to add on? Thank you!
The first time I cried for a boy, it wasn’t even a boy I am in love with. He is someone who needed to know he is love. No, not past tense loved but love because I want him to always know that he is constantly love. Intelligent, kind, funny, interesting. These words don’t do him justice. Times like these makes me think of what I had done to deserve the privileges I have in this life. I, who is still a spoiled brat. How is it POSSIBLE that I have the most generous and supportive parents when a guy like him had way less. What is it like to have a narcissistic father I would never know. To try so very hard to be a good son, good brother, good student. To hate yourself for wanting to please a father that can never be satisfied. To be humiliated and beaten in public. To stay silent for days in the room and refuse to come out. To feel so emotionally drained. As I lay in bed trying to comprehend how unforgiving and unfair this world is, my heart cry for this boy I barely know. Such a pity, such potential. Right now I don’t know what I can do. I’m not even sure if there’s anything I can do to save him. I can only watch from the sidelines as he unravel and spiral into madness. IF only he was treated with more kindness, more understanding. Things could have turned out completely different. This boy could have been free. “Could have been” being the key word of course. Adults constantly emphasize how unfair life is so as to remind and prepare us for the ‘real world’. Today for the first time I truly, truly experience this unfairness I heard about for my whole 19 years old life. Not first hand but through the first boy I cried for.