Short "Most Influential EC" Essay

Parents Forum
1

<p>What do you think? All comments/criticisms welcome.</p>

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<p>My gosh, I was bombing. As I ran through my lines, I realized that the few laughs I was getting were likely from pity. A year ago, it would have been nervous laughter coming from me, not true laughter at myself.</p>

<p>Standing up in front of three hundred people at Young Life expecting something funny from you is never going to be easy, but I’ve learned that if you can survive it, any other public speaking becomes simple. For me, Young Life has been more than a religious organization. There is no doubt that I have learned more on Monday nights at Young Life than I do most Monday mornings in the classroom. I’ve met friends, learned to laugh at myself, and discovered the art of self-deprecating humor.</p>

<h2>Anywhere else, they would have been throwing rotten tomatoes by now. As I made a hasty exit from the stage, I realized what a singular experience being in front of everyone at Young Life is. What other place can you flop beyond your wildest dreams and come off the stage laughing about it? What other place?</h2>

2

<p>I’m sorry, but I have no idea what this essay is about. There’s nothing that describes the group, why you were speaking to the group, what the expectations were or how you bombed.</p>

3

<p>I think the shortest effective college admission essay is, “Enclosed is my check for…”</p>

4

<p>Thanks Chedva…made sense to me, but it’s helpful to know that it wasn’t clear to everyone else.</p>

<p>I’ll make a few edits and repost it.</p>

5

<p>Alright, here’s an edit…what do you all think? </p>

<p>Also, it is 197 words when it should be 150. Is this significant, and if so what should I cut out?</p>

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<p>My gosh, I was bombing. Running through my lines, I realized that the few laughs I was getting were likely from pity. In front of a group of three hundred people at a Monday night Young Life meeting doing a poorly-thought out skit, I was being utterly humbled. A year ago, it would have been nervous laughter coming from me, not laughter at myself.</p>

<p>Standing up before a rowdy group three hundred people at Young Life expecting something funny from you is never easy, but I’ve learned that if you can survive it, everything else becomes simple. For me, Young Life has been more than a religious organization. There is no doubt that I have learned more on Monday at Young Life than I do most Mondays in the classroom. I’ve met friends, learned to laugh at myself, and discovered the art of self-deprecating humor.</p>

<h2>Anywhere else, they would have been throwing rotten tomatoes by now. As I made a hasty exit from the stage, I realized what a singular experience this is. What other place can you flop beyond your wildest dreams and come off the stage laughing about it? What other place?</h2>

6

<p>haha mr. B
too bad i’m poor</p>

7

<p>I can’t make out whether the essay is about learning to laugh at oneself, continuing to make bad jokes year after year, or about what a great organization Young Life is and what the writer has learned on Mondays (except we are not told what Young Life is and what he has been doing on Mondays).</p>

8

<p>IMO the essay should show, not merely say, that you have “discovered the art of self-deprecating humor”. </p>

<p>And, is everything else in life really “simple”, now that you’ve been through the experience you describe? Seems doubtful, which leads me to believe that more reflection, or precision, about your experience would be helpful.</p>

9

<p>Change the first sentence: “My gosh, I was bombing.” Your not talking to your friends, so you should leave out the slang.</p>