If I had a Nickel for every time I posted something and then further down in the thread somebody else posted the exact same thing, and they got a bunch of likes on top of that, I’d be a rich person!
11 Likes
I’ve settled into the “let them” phase. As soon as anyone wants info on T20s or Ivy’s, I don’t even open that thread. It’s not where my interests are, and often, either the poster is delusional or chasing prestige with no thought of what they want their experience to look like. If that’s where they have already settled, nothing I have to contribute is going to change that… so “let them”.
On the other hand, I stick around for those who come here because they truly want to find the best “fit” for their student. Especially those that are “average”, “average high achievers”, “quirky” or have learning differences. I love the “hidden gems” and fancy myself as a matchmaker, so it’s where my enjoyment is. While many of the threads are echo chambers, you’ll find a lot of real discussion (and people that are open to hearing it) on the 3.0- whatever threads, hidden gems boarding school threads, and anything with the word “quirky” or “LD”.
And I, also, love those Ones That Got Away, Post-visit Review, and Why My Kid Won’t Go There threads as I feel they are more “real” than spitting out a bunch of stats and ECs.
And while I completely understand why this site attracts high achievers looking at hyper-competitive schools, my hope is that those who really need advice don’t get lost or overwhelmed by those needing validation.
18 Likes
Regarding financial situation, some original posters make statements that are vague, hedgy, or suggest “I don’t know”.
6 Likes
Agree 100%. Or it’s a parent saying “we have 12K in college savings for each kid but if she gets into Duke we’ll figure it out”.
OK, that’s a lot of coupon cutting. Sometimes the anonymous voices on CC are the only one’s in the OP’s universe saying things like “If you can only spare $250/month to devote to college, what exactly are you figuring out?”
We’ve had parents come back to thank us- the anonymous Debbie Downers, who know a little bit about paying for college. Their neighbors told them “Colleges expect you to negotiate with them, only a sucker takes the first financial aid offer” and then they are SHOCKED when Villanova won’t raise their package to match Seton Hall. Or their college roommate told them “There’s tons of money for Suzie. Colleges NEED girls who want to major in Bio”. Or my favorite, “If you take a lower paying job now while your kid is in HS, you’ll end up ahead once you’ve factored in lower taxes and higher financial aid. Everyone does it”.
So yeah, it’s annoying to the be the OP and to be convinced that you’ve got a payment plan worked out in your head. But many times these payment plans rely on the Financial Aid Fairy who no longer exists, or rely on a fictional world where every B student is getting a full ride to someone else’s flagship U.
14 Likes
+1 on all of that. Fundamentally, budget is the number one consideration when building a list for most students and there are many reasons why a poster (whether parent or student) might not have that awareness.
I do agree that when an OP says they don’t want to talk about money that should be respected, but the tradeoff is posters can’t be all that helpful with list building in those cases (unless the OP is full pay and ok with a list of schools where they will pay full boat.)
6 Likes
And some posters are 
. We need to be respectful of these posters and what they tell us. We can ask if they want some suggestions of lower cost options…but if they say NO, it is my opinion that we should respect that.
5 Likes
Here’s a slightly different perspective or at least a perspective for some who joined about 6 months ago. I’m not expecting my voice to count or matter but since this is a forum and the topic (somewhat) is being raised, I’ll try chiming in. I’ll probably not articulate what I’m trying to say very well or leave some thoughts (unintentionally) out.
A little backdrop, having been on numerous forums for the last 30 years (back then Bulletin Boards) I am firmly aware of the correct ‘fit’ and appropriateness of where I have been able to take information from or not. I’m also an ‘older’ parent than many here. In fact, I’d bet most my age have already sent most may already be done with the college process.
I first joined as it continuously came up in various searches I was doing on college topics for our child who will be applying in September of this year (common app).
My involvement has been minimal at best and has mostly been within one thread. Most of this is because I don’t feel our situation is inline with what seems to be the majority of users here. This is totally fine, no hard feelings as I also find it similar in many of the private groups on FB, etc…
Our child is currently ranked 2nd in her class. Like many here, she has plenty of AP’s, IB courses, an ongoing rigorous load and a high GPA in a relatively strong Public High School (but not considered ‘elite’), EC’s, etc… When she applies, it will be 100% for 3 SUNY colleges for affordability purposes.
The threads I come across often generate the most activity around private schools much than state schools. In fact, often times, the threads I come across sometimes refer to State Schools as ‘lesser’ than privates. From someone in my shoes, it also comes across as snobbish/elitist.
Again, after reading many threads in my shortish time here, I don’t feel I am not the ‘best’ demographic for CC. But, I still manage to get something out of threads.
This is not limited to CC. Though I find more of my demographic in certain posts on FB groups, there’s also the mentality that if you don’t have 1500+ on SAT’s and a high abundance of AP’s,etc… then the child is considered ‘less than’. Sometimes I read it phrased as, ‘well then just go to your local state school’.
I’ve read this type of thing repeatedly since I began using the forums as potential resources so I’m very used to it by now. I don’t mean this as a slam on CC or the others.
Just know your audience in any naming convention you go with. I will continue to lurk as deemed appropriate and contribute where I feel I can.
You have an amazing resource here for those that fit the demographic.
20 Likes
As I said in my post (which you only copied part of) I said when a poster EXPLICITLY says they don’t want to talk finances, then we should not talk finances. It’s as simple as that.
I said:
“ In my opinion, posts about schools in other areas outside of their requested region or cost effective schools when the original Poster explicitly states that they don’t want to discuss , e.g. west coast schools or cost is not a factor, it should be respected. Otherwise, those posts are off topic.”
1 Like
Yep, that’s what I said!
2 Likes
Seekinginfo- hi. And welcome, and I’m glad you posted with a relative newcombers perspective.
Q for information (not to argue with you)- is it offensive if someone suggests a U which is NOT one of the 3 SUNY’s but might meet your kid’s needs and come in at or under the SUNY price tag? I think that’s part of the underlying argument… are we helpful when we throw out suggestions, or is it perceived as condescending?
And gathering additional information from the old-timers- Albany’s Poli Sci program is top notch no matter what you read about it in the rankings or on Reddit; Stonybrook has not only fantastic depth in CS but has industry ties into Financial Services (thanks to its illustrious alum and incredibly generous donor) which you might not expect from a public U out on Long Island; Binghamton is considered the “flagship” in the Arts and Sciences by many employers even though actual, tax paying New Yorkers don’t believe there is a flagship SUNY, etc.
Is this stuff helpful or annoying?
1 Like
Welcome to cc @seekinginfo4us !
Your points are well taken. That said, there are many threads that mention, perhaps even focus on, SUNY schools. The search function here can be challenging, but a quick peek yielded this:
Alternatively, starting a thread with specific questions about the SUNYs can yield helpful responses. Worth a try.
2 Likes
Thank you for the response and questions.
I suppose this is a user by user condition. If I was asking specific questions related to college choices or selections within a given budget or financial considerations, I’d not have any issues with it at all. If it was unsolicited advice, I wouldn’t consider it condescending, but might ignore it regardless. Again, that’s just me, others may react entirely differently.
Two of the three SUNY schools you list are on the list… Bing and Albany. UB is the third school. Bing obviously being potentially the most challenging to get admitted to. Her stats fall in line with everything published in the common data sets, etc… but it still seems like it can go in any direction.
Though I am on Reddit, I take much of the responses there with a huge grain of salt. Most of what I stumble on seem to be nothing more than disgruntled people who have, by lack of following proper protocols, etc… have put themselves in unhappy places. That said, I don’t follow it super close so a great deal can be getting by my feed that I don’t notice.
2 Likes
Thanks for the response and link.
I have done similar searches and have found a few I do have bookmarked.
That said many have seemed to fizzle out in participation over the last couple of years. Not sure if that’s a ‘fallout’ from Covid or something else.
If I found a need to post a question, I fortunately feel comfortable enough that I would.
Thanks again!
I do think sometimes an OP is struggling because their combination of requirements is limiting their options. Like, they want, say, five different things, and it turns out there are only a few, or maybe no, colleges that really satisfy all five of those things.
In cases like that, I think it can be helpful to inquire if they might be willing to compromise a bit on some of those things in order to get more choices. And I think including some examples might be part of explaining why you are suggesting that compromise.
Like, suppose one of those five things is a somewhat narrowly drawn locational preference. If they are really struggling, it might be helpful to point out some of the colleges they could be considering if they looked outside that location, just by way of example. LIke, here is a college that fits the other four things you are looking for really well, but it is not in your desired location, would you be willing to consider such a college?
All this said, I feel like if you do this, you have to make it clear you are open to being told that is in fact a hard requirement. Like if they respond that in fact it is really important to them to be within a 4 hour drive of home, and that’s why they will not consider those colleges–OK! No need to keep inquiring at that point.
3 Likes
So if a poster states in the OP that he’s only interested in West coast, has a 3.4 ‘but really excellent ECs, and a 1500 SAT’, is from Texas, is hoping for FA/Merit aid, and the dream schools are Stanford, Cal, and UCLA, what should the replies be?
- You should look at Idaho, Cal State Fulerton, Oregon State?
- What subjects are you interested in? How much can you afford? (leading to a discussion of other schools, maybe on the west coast and maybe not. Maybe in Texas, maybe toward the east coast).
- Good Luck?
I think often the wisdom of CC is that the applications to Cal, UCLA and Stanford are all very long shots but maybe the goal of the OP to be on the west coast can be reached at private schools with merit (‘and here’s a list of some you might want to consider’). Hidden gems can come out. I knew of a lot of colleges all over the country but my kids didn’t. They knew of the ones their friends were head to, or older siblings, or older friends from team sports.
Some posters really want suggestions while others just want to hear how perfect they (or their kids) are for Stanford and of course the money will work out because Stanford will pay for them to come. It is hard to know which category the poster is in without a little digging. But I agree sometimes there is too much digging.
I joined CC after my kids had applied (and been accepted) to colleges, but I learned a lot about financial aid, how to ask for more, taxes on that aid, etc. I wince when I read posts about borrowing $250k for ‘the best school’ and yes, I respond even when the poster says they don’t want to hear about paying back loans, that they’ll figure it out when they have their IB job. They can ignore my post just like I could have ignored theirs.
7 Likes
I usually ask “would you like some suggestions of lower cost colleges. The public universities in CA don’t give need based aid to OOS students and precious little merit aid to OOS students. And Stanford is a reach also. If you would like some other suggestions, could you give us some criteria to work with…and folks here will try to help”
I don’t just hop in and suggest cheap colleges!
5 Likes
lol my example said not west coast schools 
Regardless, there are lots of schools on the west coast, and in that hypothetical example, if finances were not a problem state schools could be recommended if the choice or recommendation was California. And as you said, there are also choices in Washington, Oregon, etc. if they truly wanted to be exactly on the West Coast (although my poorly worded post was implying not the West Coast.)
Asking/clarifying with the poster whether they would consider schools in Arizona, Nevada, etc.Would be helpful, but in your example, recommending schools in the mid Atlantic would be pointless.
If a person is looking for financial aid, that would change responses, but when a person isn’t looking for money, mentioning cheap schools because they are cheap seems irrelevant. Sure most people would love to get some free money so merit aid would be a nice bonus but if they don’t need it and are full pay and are willing to be so why would we push other options?
1 Like
Agree that the “College Visits” style threads are the most fertile ground for sharing information, but you have to get accustomed to starting a brand new discussion in the separate “Discussions” thread because you can’t reply to an individual post in the original thread. It’s tricky but doable. Then again, you have to ask yourself who is generating most of the original posts: people who can afford to travel half-way across the continent in the middle of the school year, to visit colleges they haven’t even applied to yet.
3 Likes
Disclaimer: I only read the first post and have not read through replies
So I am fairly new to CC. I have a first year in college and I in fact, did not join the boards until the college search was over. The state I was in last year as a mom of a senior in high school was not conducive to having more info and therefore more stress.
When we were naively navigating college applications last year, my son’s entire list of schools were ones with 5-7% acceptance rates with two OOS flagships as backups. While it worked out well for us, because of this board, I now know that that was immensely stupid on our parts (did not realize that state flagships were more difficult for OOS especially for certain majors like engineering). We will obviously take a slightly different approach with my next ones.
The other thing that is valuable about this board and why I don’t think it caters only to those seeking admission in exclusive colleges is that I am now more familiar with other schools outside the US News Top20. Where there are discussions about schools that offer a great environment that don’t necessarily make you have a nervous breakdown in the admissions process.
I think people will take what is important to them from this board and leave what is not applicable. I don’t think that this forum goes out of its way to emphasize only the highly selective schools. It’s just that highly selective schools tend to have a more complicated process and has more uncertainty, therefore leading to people having more questions about them.
14 Likes
I skim right past the T20s/Ivies/selective LACs and look for the schools no one mentions. I love when someone goes to a non-flagship state school or something they decided to see just because it was close to home. It’s not usually something they’ve mentioned in other threads, but they will give a review. Often they come from people in the 3.xxx threads and the discussion will continue there.
6 Likes