(This is my first CC post.)
My son will be entering college in August, living on campus in a living / learning dorm for freshmen in math/science majors.
I am trying to decide whether or not to let him take his XBOX.
He spends a lot of time on XBOX here at home; playing games, connecting to Netflix, and just chatting with friends.
While although he does spend a lot of time on XBOX, he makes good grades, has decent time management skills, works part time, and works out quite often.
My argument for not allowing him to take it is that I want him to be involved. I want him to make friends at college and participate in on campus activities. My son is shy until he gets to know you. He is a follower, but luckily has always had good friends (to follow).
What are your thoughts? Do I allow him to take the XBOX, or not? I was considering asking him to wait until at least 1st semester to see how he’s doing.
Thought?
To offer a counterpoint, being the guy with the gaming system will make it easy to invite people over for tournaments or whatever.
I think that letting him decide if he’d like to take it back with him during thanksgiving or winter break would be good. He’ll be so busy meeting people and stuff anyway, and besides he may decide he doesn’t even want to bring it after being there without it (for example, my friend brought his xbox and his suite mates constantly knocked it off the TV stand onto the ground and so he felt like he would rather have it at home)
sorry i’m not a parent, i just lurk all the recent posts lol
S is an adult. You’d better start treating him like one. If he’d prefer to take the XBOX, let him take the XBOX. Your influence over how he lives his life is done. Helicopter needs to be grounded. Great job raising him! Training wheels off.
This could be a double-edged sword as becoming the TV/gaming central dorm for your section of the hall, floor, or dorm could result in him having difficulties getting other classmates to leave or for he himself from exercising self-control to turn off the TV/gaming system, shut the door, and put in enough study/homework time to do his courses justice.
One younger friend ended up with dismal grades precisely because his room became TV/gaming central and he wasn’t able to restrain himself…much less close the dorm door so he has a conducive environment to put in the homework/study time to do his courses justice.
Is your son a genius who is going to college at age 10 or something? If he’s a you know, adult, you shouldn’t be involved in this at all.
I’d only agree with this if the following applies:
If OP’s son on a full-ride or paying for all of his college tuition, room and board, and fees.
If the Xbox was 100% bought by son from money he earned himself from an outside job.
If not…especially if the parent paid for one or both…then yes, OP has the right to be involved.
No. The answer is no. I liked the responses above, particularly the one about the helicopter. But seriously. It is not wise to bring an xbox to college. Obviously, it would be super great if you two could reach this decision together, or at least agree that he should give it a go without that safety net for the first semester. It is just a bad idea to have the gaming system at college for any number of reasons. First, it is socially isolating. And second, MANY kids, particularly guys, have trouble turning the damn thing off. I have two friends whose sons failed out after the first semester, with heavy gaming a primary factor in the failure.
I REALLY like all the comments about how the parents shouldn’t have any input in this question or, presumably any other issue because the kid is probably 18. If college freshmen were really ready to be totally independent adults, this forum would die on the spot. Young adults are exactly that - YOUNG adults. They still need guidance. And frankly, if they are financially dependent on their parents, then at a minimum, decisions like this one ought to be made jointly.
My sense is that you asked the question precisely because there is reason for concern. For those parents judging SO harshly even the notion that the parent would be involved - I say, judge not lest ye be judged. Alternatively, just try to imagine that even though you seem unable to relate to this particular situation in any personal way, maybe it is not THAT dissimilar to some other situation in which YOU were involved in guiding your own young adult to make a better decision. Each one of us are parents of children with individual strengths and weaknesses who will need guidance in their own particular ways. What one might judge smugly, from the outside, as unacceptable helicopter parenting (and NOBODY wants to be THAT parent…LOL), well, sometimes from the inside, things look differently.
There are a lot of ways to stay in and not get involved even if you don’t let him take the Xbox. YouTube. TV. Books. Presumably he’ll have a cell phone. Can’t take all of those away. It’s up to him to join clubs and stuff like that.
i agree with cobrat
You say your S spends a good deal of time on Xbox but has good grads, etc. But he does currently live at home with you. He knows you are aware at his comings and goings. Maybe you have to remind him, on occasion, that he needs to do something. You won’t be there at college.
I would suggest he leave it at home, at least for the first semester or year.
Of course, if someone else on his hall, or wherever, has an Xbox, it may not matter what you allow.
Only you know your kid and how attached they would be to an X-Box.
Mine took his and used it sporadically. Good for Netflix.
Grades great, provided entertainment when needed.
I’d tell him he can take it at winter break if his first semester grades are good and he still wants to then.
My kids didn’t ask or take Wii when they left for college. S was fine without a TV until his room mate’s mom bought them one.
I left the decision to my son, and he took his gaming system. I sort of liked the idea that he would have something entertaining to do in his room. I envisioned smaller group gatherings in his room versus roaming campus for larger parties. I’m sure both activities are going on. It’s worked out for him. I will say he’s naturally a physically active kid-- IM sports, climbing at the gym, etc. I wasn’t concerned about him spending too much time in his room playing FIFA.
I’m getting a huge chuckle out of so many of these responses. Rage, rage against the dying of parental control! Do not go gently into that good parenting night! LOL.
“If I’m paying for it, I control it!”
Um, no you don’t. Oh, I get that you think you do. And I don’t mean to burst your bubble saying that. And I don’t mean it unsympathetically. It’s just reality. You are no longer in control. Period. I say this as an ex helicopter mommy who learned tough lessons about letting go…thankfully, before I smothered my kid to death or did permanent damage to our close relationship.
Here’s the truth. Your kid can and will do anything they choose to do just as soon as you drive away after dropping them off.
They’ll eat crappy food, stay up all night, play video games, drink underage, go out with friends late on a weeknight, have sex, and all sorts of other things you can’t imagine them doing.
And guess which kids go the most crazy with this rebellion before they finally learn to self regulate with healthy behaviors? The kids who were most tightly controlled by their parents. Children of helicopter parents. They rip off their harnesses of obedience and go freaking crazy (and often overdo it)…because you’ve been so busy controlling their behavior they’ve never had a chance to learn to do it themselves.
Here’s a reality. If they want to play video games…they’ll play video games. If they don’t bring their own console, they’ll go over to a friend’s room and play…or a video game library (yep, colleges have them!).
Or gasp they’ll just switch to an online platform right on their laptop. Who knew?
“They still need guidance.” LOL. That ship has sailed. Long since sailed. “Advice?” Sure. Advice is great…and yes, they need it…and if your relationship is good, they’ll probably even take your advice.
“Parental guidance and decision making”…nope. That’s a thing of the past. Better get used to that.
If they “need guidance” to know that free time activities must be balanced with study obligations…you’re pretty much doomed.
Why? Because your’re no longer there.
They must learn to self-regulate.
If they can’t? You just threw your money away sending them to school.
Use this time to make a mental transition. You no longer have an adult-child relationship with your son/daugher. You now have an adult-adult relationship. Do some thinking about what that means. Take a minute to be proud of your kid’s accomplishments, and have some faith that they will make good choices. Believe in their competence…on their own… without you. Anticipate the growing pains your relationship is about to go through and take special care to maintain respect.
Quit micro-managing. It’s not helping your kid. it’s hurting your future relationship because it conveys that you have no confidence in them.
And hold onto your butts. For some of you, it’s going to be a rough ride.
I didn’t bring one, there’s way more fun things to do than sit in the dorm and game. I would have him leave the Xbox at home and play over breaks when he’s back.
No! Don’t let him take it. Technology/phones/gaming systems have become a huge problem with our youth. They are not interacting and having the social experience we did. Recently I was on a college visit with my son and in both the student union and the dining hall I couldn’t help but notice the number of students sitting alone and not interacting. Most were on their phones. This generation is missing out on life and has lost their social skills and natural interaction with people that happens when you don’t have technology to take your time.
I think this is a valid question. One thing to consider is his roommate might bring one. My son brought the TV and his roommate brought the Xbox. It was not the Xbox that did in his grades, and they were fine until senior year. It was his car that he used for work for a restaurant doing food delivery. The tips were so good he often took on extra work! It was a matter of wrong priorities. I honestly thought he’d be beyond that by then, but I was wrong.
I’m with @ClassicRockerDad on this one. I would not forbid my college-aged child(ren) from anything (that is legal). I would and have, however, been crystal clear about academic expectations. Trust him until you can’t.
I know as parents we are concerned about our kids but…seriously? They are adults at this point. If you don’t “let” let him bring it them he will go to someone else room who has a system and play it there. They even have video game clubs on most campuses as well as video game tournaments. By you not allowing him to take it will not stop him if he is determined. There are a lot more dangerous behaviors kids can get involved in than playing video games. I totally understand that video games can be an addiction but your son will have to figure this one out on his own. It’s a healthy learning experience. My S took both of his video systems to campus this year. By Thanksgiving one system was back home. He thought he would have so much free time to play and the one he has at school now is gathering dust. Trust your S will do the right thing. As an above poster also stated, sometimes it actually can help socially to meet new people.