Just wanted to seek advice on this particular aspect within the BS application - I know it’s a super competitive process, therefore, in my view, rightly or wrongly, it seems like you gotta present a “pristine” an application as is possible.
Net, the higher the quantitative scores like SSAT etc the better, of course. My question in particular has to do with recommendations/behavioral issues. To be specific, my DS in Gr 7 is currently in a local private school but has had issues with regards to being too hard on himself/perfectionist, tantrums (bec he didn’t get a grade he wanted - mumbles, “time outs” by himself - fed up with “insert” class statements where he didn’t get the highest scores - etc - perfectionist tendency as I said - or as the teacher said, too “Results oriented”) etc. It’s led to a parent teacher GC meeting in the past. Not sure if these are considered “black marks” by BS in the application process as clearly, need to get recommendations from current school/teachers/GC? If so, then might not be worth the while to proceed since they will disclose this clearly, and it would be taken against him already… I’ve asked him and he wants to try it but I am not sure whether to even try , esp if the chances are pretty much next to nothing with what i would prolly think is a “black mark” (eg parent teacher GC meeting due to his behavior).
If you were to ask me, it’s not a major issue but again, I know BS requires maturity -and adolescents go through these phases - just wanted to see if it is even worth the effort to try applying. (does DS want? he said he wants to try - but I am not sure if it’s even worth the effort esp if it’s an immediate reject/“what are you thinking applying here?”)
First, you wouldn’t be applying to boarding school; your son would be doing the applying.
Second, if your son thinks that he will get the highest grade in every class at bs, he’s going to be in for a world of hurt. And he’d be overly focused on the wrong thing.
Third, he needs to clearly communicate why the school is right for him and why he is right for the school.
I think if he is applying for the most selective rigorous boarding schools, any negative is going to work against him. AND perfectionist tendencies can lead to mental health issues in an environment where the vast majority of students were used to being at the top of the class and all of them can no longer be there.
If he is applying for some of the kinder gentler boarding schools, especially the all-boys schools, IME they will be more forgiving in admissions and there is a greater likelihood that he will be able to be at the top of the class as the student body is broader in its academic capabilities.
I’d suggest getting a learning assessment - he may be displaying signs of giftedness and/or ADHD that if he had an official assessment would be helpful at both his current school and choosing a boarding environment that accommodates for his needs - many schools will, many won’t.
The rigorous schools are looking for resilient kids, because there’s been an epidemic of mental health issues. So they are trying to avoid admitting kids that will struggle with the pressure.
I appreciate the struggle you face. I’d say nothing wrong trying and if anything, a rejection teaches resilience to your DS. You or he will never know until he tries, is my best advice on this.
Rather than focusing on applying to boarding schools with rigorous academics, perhaps focus on identifying educational settings that may be a better fit for your son. At least for the next few years. He can always apply as a 10th or repeat 10th grader. Progressive/experiential schools tend to focus on process, growth and grit rather than grades. Maybe this would be a better fit for him.
What you term “black marks”, boarding schools are likely to view as “red flag warnings”.
You are correct that boarding schools place a high value on maturity; perfectionist tendencies and temper tantrums are prime examples of immaturity in an individual.
There are lots of 2E kids out there, and you might be seeing that. Or he may just need to mature. Regardless, you might be really well served by getting an assessment by a good professional. This often requires a wait and is not cheap, so your timing is good.
The benefit is that whatever the outcome, you would have what you needed to find a school that could be ideal for him. Because you are all open to BS, your ideal school need not be within driving distance of your home.
BS don’t want to take kids who aren’t likely to thrive, and that isn’t purely an academic assessment. Some may have the environment and resources to allow him to thrive while others may not. You’ll need to do your homework (which a good assessment can help with), but there’s no reason to assume it’s a no go.
Honest answer? Your question models the perfectionist tendencies that your child is displaying. You’re asking, essentially, is it even worth it to apply, if he’s not perfect? Is he too results oriented, or are you?
Your child has a lot of time to develop the skills that he’ll need to thrive over the course of his life, and you can partner with his current school to help him. You want your recommendation to read something like this: “the family showed great partnership in helping their son develop the habits to thrive in a competitive environment, and we know he’d be a wonderful asset at ______.”
Well, here’s the easiest way to test your DS’s BS readiness: let him take the lead on this.
I’m not say do nothing yourself… but you can give suggestions and point out factors worth considering. Discuss “fit” and what sort of learning environments might suit him best. Approach it as a dry run for applying to college.