<p>BHG - do stay. There are parents here who are not looking at Ivy League - I’m one of them. While my older daughter does quite well academically (but still not Ivy League!), my younger son is average. What I find helpful on these boards is information about colleges outside of my state (and outside of the knowledge of the high school counselor). It’s also great to discuss colleges with my daughter’s friends, and be able to make suggestions based on their particular interests.</p>
<p>backhandgrip, don’t go away! Sometimes there are snippy comments, for example when the ridiculous “red state-blue state” thing was going on, but most of the time, I really enjoy the many thoughts and ideas posted here.I enjoy hearing about the various types of colleges that all the kids are considering; my S is applying at a variety of colleges, ranging from state universities to a “CC Top University”, but none Ivy League (he hates cold weather 
Still, it broadens my horizons to read about kids who are applying for Ivies, especially since one of my S’s friends is a freshman at Yale. I get strangely attached to various posters in a weird way, even if we have not exchanged post comments…I am looking forward to following EVERYONE’s children’s progress in the months ahead . GOOD LUCK TO US ALL!!!</p>
<p>Actually I have been getting bored lately with all the Ivy league talk since d has pretty much settled on a regional university. So I’m very happy that there are people here talking about the more attainable schools. It makes me feel like I fit in.</p>
<p>My contributions aren’t as cerebral or as informational as many of the others that I enjoy reading here. But my true feelings (as I perceive them at the moment) go into each of my posts. I’m sure there are other parents out there who remain interested in many of the threads even though they aren’t sending their children to the Ivy League. There are still other topics that I read here which are of a universal interest regardless of type of school that a parent’s child will be attending. And I look forward to reading all of those other opinions and different perspectives such as yours BHG.</p>
<p>I have a feeling that after the outpouring of support you have found on this thread that you will be sticking around. Cya.</p>
<p>So much of what we talk about here on CC is not college specific in any way–recommendations, applications, how to get your kid to college, how backward things were in the 60s, etc. Everybody’s input can be helpful, whether your kid is applying to HYP or not. So don’t go!! </p>
<p>Simba–I volunteer at my high school’s College and Career Center. The problem–many kids already think they have applying to college wired and so they don’t come in for advice. They sometimes make some basic mistakes that could have been corrected had they asked for help. [like the kids who thought great grades and a 1200 SAT would get them into Stanford, UCLA or Berkeley–I could have told them to retake SAT and prep for it this time; or just horrible essays, just horrible!!]</p>
<p>BHG–My oldest is at Humboldt State after a stint at community college, #2 is at UChicago. Though #2 did try for some fairly selective schools, neither applied to a single Ivy. #3, best student so far, but probably won’t test as high as her brothers, does not seem to be headed to the Ivies either, in fact is not even interested in the Ivy League at the moment. #4 is too young to speculate about seriously (though she has mentioned Harvard and Princeton, but honestly has not a clue what it is all about, just name dropping–she is a 6th grader) , as is #5 (says she wants to go to art school–she’s 6). My nephew is happily attending Bemidji state, where tuition room and board totals $10,200!–and that’s for in-state or out-of-state!–knowing that there are schools out there at that price eases my anxiety considerably. My niece is at Northwestern (no not <em>THE</em> Northwestern) in Iowa. I plan to stick around because the Ivy info is there (just in case, you never know), but more importantly I stick around because I get information that really applies to our situation from people like you and Carolyn, and some of the posters that have come and gone–remember Mike’s Dad anyone? Hautbois?–I keep hoping Hautbois will reappear, I know she has one still to go to college! Ha ha, once I get attached to certain posters, I really miss them when they leave! I love reading about the experiences and programs at the lesser known places. And love hearing the success stories of kids that attend these great but not necessarily prestigious schools. I look for these stories. I love it when people stick around once the process is complete and check in and let us know their kids’ experiences at the schools they are at. Yes, there are a lot of Ivy obssessed posters here, but there are also plenty of us just looking at a bigger universe of schools, who need the information about the other great schools out there. Please stick around.</p>
<p>backhandgrip,</p>
<p>I found that I have sort of an approach/avoidance attitude toward CC. I love the information, the nice people with whom I’ve connected, and the support for my son and his ambitions…BUT, we have SIX kids, and no, they will not all be attempting to get into an Ivy. My oldest son happens to be exceptional in drive, motivation, and passion, and he has chosen to submit applications to upper tier schools, but whether he gets in and whether we can work this out financially remains to be seen. I, too, sometimes find myself a bit intimidated by the number of people here for whom these issues are not at the forefront. I guess I feel a bit “out of my league” here. </p>
<p>The next time I go through this process, I will be having an entirely different focus, and I hope that there are ALL kinds of people here, so that I can exchange info. with someone who is in our same situation. Stay on, and know that you are not alone!</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>Like another poster queried, what brought this on?</p>
<p>I never realized that we parents were categorized into “Ivy” or “non-Ivy” groups. Even if we are, that status can change pretty quickly – if Dizzy-son gets the wrong envelope, this family will be filling out a number of applications over the holiday, and they may not all be Ivies. That won’t change me or my interest in my S’s education.</p>
<p>It is that quality – that the parents here all recognize the importance of education in their childrens’ lives – that makes this site so attractive a place to post. Even when we disagree, we are disagreeing with people who are thoughtfully considering the subject matter. I have found the political conversations a bit jarring as well, but if everyone plays nice and remembers how unlikely it is that they are going to change anyone else’s mind about politics or religion, there is plenty of other ground to be covered in a congenial way among people who have more in common than not. We all have kids about the same age, which means we have served in the trenches together, and that is a great uniter!</p>
<p>Didn’t someone once say that it would be a dull world if everyone were alike? Likewise, it would be a dull site if everyone was the same, although honestly, I remain completely unaware of which parents are the “Ivies” and which are not.</p>
<p>backhandgrip,
I have been going through the process for the first time with my senior son and have been lurking and occasionally posting for about a year. And unlike your child, my S does not have the stats seen on this board, so we have never been in the selective college market. (Maybe with child #3!) We have been more in the regional market from day one, (as defined by US news) and have always leaned towards Catholic colleges, not for the religious aspect, but for the personal attention and seemingly strong liberal arts education.</p>
<p>I have posted a few times about schools for B students (just recently, as a matter of fact), and have always gotten excellent information from parents who want to help. In fact, I think it was you who answered one of my past posts. Jamimom and Carolyn in particular (I’m sorry if I don’t remember anyone else!) always have wonderful insights and recommendations. I don’t know them personally, and I don’t know what they do for a living, but they could each write books on the process and I would buy them.</p>
<p>For parents like me with wonderful children not destined for Ivy League schools, relying on recommendations of others is really how you find out about schools. I had never heard of St. Joe’s in Philly, but we visited last year after I had seen several posts, and my s fell in love with it. It is expensive, but they give merit aid to B students! After learning that, I found that other, less known schools do so as well. </p>
<p>The parents on this board are helpful by nature and not once did I ever feel intimitated. Last year I asked the moderators to start a separate forum for less selective schools because it would reach so many, but it was not to be. The highly selective schools are the main thrust of CC, but I have learned so much about the process of applying just by lurking. So keep posting, because there are lots of people reading your posts who are interested in what you have to say.</p>
<p>BHG:</p>
<p>I think it’s the time of the year when students who applied to highly selective schools with ED/EA hear whether they got in. Later on in the year, I’'m sure we’ll be hearing a great deal more about a wider range of schools–and we will hear more about financial issues (remember Evil Robot?). And, as others have said, there’s a lot of information that is not school specific. So stick around. BTW, I loved the thread on the regional stereotypes.</p>
<p>Please don’t bow out! I’m one of those “lurkers” who quietly reads the boards, somewhat hesitant to offer my 2 cents because my situation seems to be different than the majority here. Yet its reading opinions such as yours, and momsdream, that keeps me coming back. Hope you decided to stay!</p>
<p>PS to “momsdream” – congrats on your S’s accomplishments! I saw he was accepted at UPenn and now Penn State — WAY TO GO!!</p>
<p>BHG, good post! There is a wealth of info freely shared on this board, and especially here in the parents forum, people are very nice, helpful and civil. That is why I have bitten my tongue (my fingers??) on several occasions when I felt people were just a little too wrapped up in their quest for the Ivies. There is too much good stuff here for me to alienate people and become a ■■■■■!! :LOL: (<=why don’t they have a :lol: smilie on this board??) I live in a town with a similar orientation, ie lots of kids trying to get into top schools and proud parents displaying multiple Ivy stickers on the back of their SUVs. While my wife and I (and my brother & sister & father etc) have enviable educational resumes (which I promise NOT to itemize here … unless armtwisted…) our #1 son is barely college eligible. Our search went entirely in a different direction, but our feelings were just as intense when our S received his first acceptance to a great school that will likely not even be on anyone’s (here on CC) list of safeties. Last time I checked this wasn’t the “Ivy Parents Forum”. Every once in a while someone will ask for info on college for “B” students or LD students or even, who knows? students looking for something other than top tier. :)</p>
<p>BHG: of course you should stay! I’m another one who doesn’t have an Ivy bound kid (neither one - unless of course there’s an Ivy school whose sole criteria for admission is expertise in Texas hold-em poker and video games and IM’ing on the computer with buddies - in which case my son is a shoe-in). I just don’t read a lot of the more selective school threads. I might jump in occasionally out of curiosity but personally I tend to post more in the threads that are pertinent to my own situation. I’m not sure, as others have said, exactly where this comes from but I’m sorry if you’ve gotten some rude comments. I love everyone’s perspective. And some topics are pertinent no matter whether you have uber-genius or uber-wealthy or average joe student. </p>
<p>Besides, I’m a tennis addict (play 4 times a week plus work part-time at my racquet club plus watch any match on TV that there is) so it’s nice to have another tennis buff out there!</p>
<p>I really appreciate your support. And you are right- this is the time of year all the ED come in. Anxiety, should have done more but did not, all play a part here with this post. So thank you, I appreciate you all.</p>
<p>Just logged on and about to start a thread about kids returning home for winter break. BHG, I think you know by now that I enjoy your posts tremendously. I haven’t been checking many threads these days so I don’t know what has been going on. I would bet that the moderators and many of the others on this board wish that there were more like you, not fewer!!</p>
<p>Backhandgrip,</p>
<p>Hope you stay! Am glad you were open about how you feel. I know sometimes when I push the “post reply” link I wonder if I should have kept my thoughts to myself, that perhaps I would be misunderstood. In “real life” so much of communication is non-verbal, yet written words are all we have here. I know I have appreciated your thoughts expressed in words on this forum, and hope you will keep posting! Thanks!</p>
<p>Gee, BHG, I guess I forgot to sign in. I have no idea which camp I’m in and to tell you the truth -I was too dim to realize we were divided into camps. (Probably no big surprise to most of you.) I guess since my kid and my banker are going to make her part of the “call”, I think of myself as a gatherer of information. To be blunt once D found a safety or two that she loves,and that we can pay for without hideously overburdening her or ourselves, the pressure lifted. The rest of this is just a blast for me. I mean a true giggle. We rush home to see what new brochures are in the box from schools she can dream about. (Kinda like my kid’s basketball career. She just made “All-Tournament” last night in a tournament with 4 of the top twenty teams in the state in it, and we’re in an awfully big state! She exceeded my expectations when she made the 7th grade team. It’s the same with this college search thing. She keeps raising the bar.)</p>
<p>Now, if I looked at the “Ivy” schools as some life goal , maybe I’d feel differently, but I hope that most of us are more open-minded than that. Presently D’s “safety” is the Barksdale Honor’s College at Ole Miss and an LAC ranked about 99, Hanover College. Not exactly top twenty but each speak to a part of D better than most " highly selective" schools. I hope she finds a couple more just like them. D’s match school is Grinnell. Then , if she choses to, she’ll apply to 4-7 even more highly selective schools that are almost all financial reaches as well, with at least two of those being top twenty schools, one of which happens to be an Ivy, the other -a “Little Ivy”. They would both be on her radar screen even if they weren’t so “named”. So what camp am I in? </p>
<p>Darn, I didn’t realize I was looked down on for my “unfortunate situation”. Y’all need to tell me when you’re picking on me so I’ll know to be offended in the appropriate spots. Maybe we can work out an acronym. How about CH? Instead of Chapel Hill though,for this purpose it will mean “Clueless Hillbilly”? </p>
<p>Stick around BHG, we’ll be the poor cousins of the CC board, and I can assure you , if there is someone on this board that thinks poorly of my daughter-they are missing out on one of the finest people they could ever meet . Her parents might not be much to look at , but the kid will be pretty stout competition wherever she choses to go.</p>
<p>P. S. One of D’s primary criteria is that the students at the school be PROUD of their school. Think about it, parents. Isn’t that what we want ,to?</p>
<p>BHG: For the sake of lurkers and posters alike–I myself am a little of both–I hope you’ll stay, though I realize you have a lot of other things on your plate right now. I have found you to be a wise, kind voice on many subjects. And while CC sometimes may come across as all-ivy-all-the-time, I like it best when people open up about the genuine struggles in their lives, not just about the quest for the most glittering college prizes. (Yes, I do have a child at an ivy, but we have our struggles too, and my younger child’s college path will be very different. The candor and varying points of view that I find on CC are what keep me coming back here.)</p>
<p>I hope all goes well with your mother and your son.</p>
<p>Yes, BHG, I posted my one-liner because I had an appt. to rush to in the morning…I do hope your mom and son are ok. And daughter is fine as well.</p>
<p>I do find your posts very wise. I learn a lot from them. I learned a lot from different perspectives of posters here; it wasn’t just an education on the college selection process for me.</p>
<p>“But there are parents here who do not like me because I have not expressed myself as they thought I should. And there is a condesending attitude sometimes by some”</p>
<p>BHG
Wow, I must have missed those posts as I find the parents on this board to be very supportive and helpful.</p>
<p>As I posted on the “lurk” thread, there was little about art schools on here but fortunately there were parents on here able to answer my questions.</p>
<p>I actually started lurking on CC five years ago! The best advice I got was make sure the student takes the hardest courses available and that they have an upward trend. Also the college trip reports are invaluable, particularly for little known colleges. I remember DadofSam did some thorough reviews of colleges in the Pacific Northwest.</p>
<p>BTW, I never went to college so I should really feel intimidated but I don’t:)</p>
<p>BHG, I echo everyone else in thinking you should stay (if you want to). There are more people like you than you know about, many probably reading the messages but not participating (for whatever reason). I have two kids. First is a h.s. senior looking to go to an elite top 10-25 school because that’s what he needs/wants. Second is a h.s. freshman who is completely different. She will probably go to a regional, perhaps religious college or state univ., because that’s what she needs/wants. I will take the lessons and advice learned here about applying to the elite colleges and use them with our D, who would be most unhappy at the very colleges our son would love. The biggest lesson and best advice I’ve taken to heart? It’s all about fit. Find the right fit for your kid. Prestige is nice, but fit is the most important indicator of the kid’s future happiness (i.e. TheDad’s scale on a different thread). </p>
<p>BTW, H and I are grads of big state universities and we are middleclass. 17 years ago when our S was born it never would have occured to me that he would apply to an ivy… it’s just so out of our comfort zone (especially out here in the west). Sometimes, I have to admit, I feel like an imposter who is just pretending her kid can submit an application that will be taken seriously by the likes of Harvard or Yale. That’s how out of our league we feel! And yes, this board can be a little intimidating at times, though I think that it’s rarely the intention of any adult on here to be that way. Still, your perspective is valued by me and, judging from the number of posts on this thread, a lot of others. So, stay…</p>