Should I Bow Out Of Here?

Parents Forum
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<p>Thank you AllNew! It was his first acceptance (PSU) and he said it felt good to have one under his belt. Still waiting on UMich…that was the first app sent and still no news. Hmmm…wonder if it would be responsible to cancel the app there so they can give the spot to someone else (assuming he would have made the cut). </p>

<p>I wonder if the lurkers would care to just post ONE post saying hello…no details (unless they feel comfortable doing so-maybe you can say what state you’re in). I’m just so curious about how many are out there.</p>

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<p>A lot of these views are just the same people going back repeatedly to check on the status of a particular thread as it evolves, I think, or to reread something or print it or whatever. I don’t think it is as bad as it looks, sometimes. Or people are just thinking about replying but then don’t. I respect everyone’s constitutional right to lurk.</p>

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<p>I lurk far more than I post, and sincerely wish Bankhandgrip will stay. I don’t post much because I usually can add little or nothing substantive to any particular post. </p>

<p>I’m the single parent who has never been to college. Plan to sit for the SATs in February and begin my own round of applications. Daughter was deferred, then rejected in the RD round, from her dream school - Harvard - and is now a junior at wonderful college, pursuing two separate undergrad degrees. She has won many awards, medals, nominations, etc. - too numerous to list (and I cannot remember what they’re all called anyway), and has now gotten into the interesting position of having too much scholarship money, so this semester she will have to decline some of it. She is also a highly accomplished D-1 varsity athlete. In my case, though, the awards and honors can be scarey. What if they aren’t real? What if some misstep or another causes them to go away? Putting her name in google provokes over 80 web pages - nearly all accomplishments in college, mostly press releases or other awards. I worry that I will miss something critical in the supporting structure that will cause her to not be able to take the fullest possible advantage of her accomplishments. Sometimes, late at night, I will pull up some of those pages, just to reassure myself that they’re really real, and that they will not be taken away from her.</p>

<p>She is so happy that my other big fear now is - once undergrad is over, will she ever be able to be so happy again? I lurk because - never having been to college myself, I do not understand most of the issues she brings to me, and often do not know how to guide her through choices that she brings forward for discussion. Lurking helps me understand many things, and I can extract critical answers from the information I find here. Actually, every time I call her school to ask some question or another, the school is immediately and completely responsive and very helpful. However, lurking here to extract an answer is better, because I always fear that if I call her school and ask a very stupid question, they might make some notation on some file somewhere, and it might cost her in some small but critical way. I’m sure that’s not a legitimate fear - but it’s a fear just the same. </p>

<p>By lurking a lot, I also expect to become competent enough to help her segue into the next level of her education. She wants to apply to med school, and I want to understand the process, and make sure I have the information and finances in place to support that effort. </p>

<p>Lurking here and viewing this world from my perspective doesn’t bother me: I understand my limitations, my lack of knowledge in many subject areas - what is, is. But it is very helpful to read posts from others who are not positioned for Ivys or top 25 schools - I don’t feel quite so isolated, and the educational dreams we reach for as a small family do not seem so improbable, or so far away.</p>

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<p>I HAVE TO STAY .
Son is having jaw surgery and all kinds of preparatory othodontics, and Cumungeon and Carolyn’s kids are both having the same surgery. I need moral support . Sorry about any foolish posts- but we all know that is typical anyway. I’m not myself.I WISH I would lurk somewhere. All I do is post. I post too much. This surgery better be covered by my carrier.</p>

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<p>Curmudgeon- sorry (sp.)</p>

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<p>BHG
I’ve been away, and just read your post. You can’t leave. You joined just before I did, and I grew up @ corner from you. I recall first time someone asked about your moniker.</p>

<p>Besides, I visit now with baited breath abt kids getting in ED, or deferred. I feel like I know some of these students, and hope so much for happiness.</p>

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<p>BHG:</p>

<p>You definitely have to stay. We will want to know how your son is faring and try to send you support over the ether.</p>

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<p>Lateto school - what a wonderful story! Your D sounds like an incredibly smart, accomplished young lady, and you must be so proud. An adult returning/attending college for the first time is another important college admission group that could use some airtime. Sometimes even if there aren’t many people in that situation, the threads can be saved and searched, so your experiences may help someone else! Good luck.</p>

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<p>Hi Latetoschool. Thank you for sharing that. Wow, so if an adult returns to school they have to sit for SATs? I didn’t realize that. That must not be the case everywhere because I know quite a few people who have gotten degrees later in life and none sat for the SAT at that point. Though, I <em>think</em> they all had SAT scores from high school. Interesting.</p>

<p>Your D sounds amazing. One of my best friends from childhood went through med school admissions (he’s now completing his fellowship at Anderson in Houston - surgical oncology). I remember it being quite an experience for him. Is your D at a school with a teaching hospital? He did Undergrad at Hampton U (he’s black). After he passed his boards I recall asking him if he would have changed anything about his undergrad choice and he said that he would have gone to an undergrad that would have exposed him to a hospital … he said he needed to see it, touch it, smell it, live it…he longed for the hospital while at Hampton. Anyway, there seem to be endless challenged with medicine (for my friend there were)…med school, residency (he was Chief Resident), boards (he failed the first time), research, fellowships (this was the big one - I recall this being worse than Ivy Leage admissions - there were something like 7 spots at Anderson when he was applying). He’s still not married - never has time to date. Oh, he was from a single parent home… </p>

<p>Try not to worry so much about making any little mistake. You sound a little like me…as I always feel like everything is on the tips of my fingers and could slip away at any moment. When all you have to depend on is yourself it’s easy to become overwhelmed with your responsibilities. But, nobody can take away what your D has accomplished. </p>

<p>I think you’ve provided great insight to the CC board tonight.</p>

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<p>Latetoschool:</p>

<p>I have missed you on CC. I love to hear about your D’s successes and your own story, too. Did you follow up on your own plans to go to college? Hope so!</p>

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<p>Latetoschool; Your daughters success is wonderful . Remember, she has achieved BECAUSE OF YOU!</p>

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<p>Backhandgrip, I am sorry to learn that your son must have surgery and I do very sincerely hope it goes well and does not interrupt his college search. I apologize for sort of hijacking your thread and hope it’s o.k. </p>

<p>Marite, Momsdream and Cangel, thank you for the kind words. Partial answers, the schools I want to apply to do require SATs. Even the ones that don’t, my high school record isn’t very interesting, and so I need something - some standard to document that I am capable of performing college level work. I was actually scheduled to sit on December 4, but a business issue came up, and I ended up having to move the date. That has been my problem for 20 years - it is my responsibility to generate the revenue that runs our household, and that is my first priority. We have some hurricane damage to our home that I am in the process of having repaired - hope to have all completed by Christmas. My D’s accomplishments though are thankfully giving me just a bit of temporary breathing room, but I do realize I need to be in position for managing the business side for her terminal degree. </p>

<p>Momsdream, she does indeed attend a university with an excellent med school and teaching hospital. She called yesterday to tell me she believes she aced organic chemistry - the final was fantastic, she said she felt as if she knew all of the answers stone cold. </p>

<p>I am now trying to figure out if I should pay around $3,000 for Kaplan’s MCAT prep. I made a fatal mistake re her SATs - I paid a lot of money to send her to private school K-12, and, when it came time for her to sit for the SATs, my decisioning was that we didn’t need to waste time or money on an SAT prep course, because either she knew the material, or she didn’t. My reasoning was that I paid a private school a lot of money to educate her; she received very good grades (AP Scholar etc.), and so she shouldn’t need a prep course. She was on board with this reasoning too as she didn’t have time to do any prep anyway. The result was 1400 SATs. I often wonder (though it matters little now) if that kept Harvard out of her grasp. </p>

<p>Whatever the case, I’m not about to make the same mistake re the MCAT. I’d be very interested to learn if anyone thinks that paying Kaplan, or any other provider, thousands of dollars for MCAT prep is a good idea. I’d also be very interested to learn if studying for the MCAT truly requires a time investment equivalent of a college course, and if it’s true that the best time to sit for it is at the conclusion of the full year of organic chemistry (because that would mean that I do indeed need to budget the funds now for use the end of this school year). I’ve visited the medical school boards but there doesn’t seem to be much activity there. Also, unlike her lack of interest in the SAT prep courses, she has specifically asked me to buy the Kaplan course, so if I can find some reasoning that it’s a good idea, I’ll do it. </p>

<p>Thanks in advance for any guidance anyone can offer here.</p>

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<p>Latetoschool; What a wonderful essay. You should expand on it and type it up for your D’s graduation card. Honest.</p>

<p>When I lived in the US and in Asia, I had heaps of professional friends with prestigious degrees, but now, many of the women I know haven’t been to college. They did the housewife/mother deal. Full stop. There was no money or time to go to college. </p>

<p>My new friends do feel awkward when their kids get to college age. (My S is the fourth generation to go to private university. Every willing kid should get a university experience, IMHO–but don’t flame me).</p>

<p>Last year, the smart D of one of my friends was choosing between Broadcasting School at the Polytech and law at a university, (law is an undergrad degree here). </p>

<p>Broadcasting School? No comparison! Hah! I spent hours boring my friend with the highlights of a university experience. </p>

<p>In the end the D chose law, but there were countless lengthy phone calls back and forth as her D studied and worried that she wasn’t good enough. Then, last week, she found out she was one of the 200–out of 800–to get through to second year Law!! The whole family is in shock. Really, they are stunned. Like you, they don’t believe it happened-- even though this child worked so hard all year. </p>

<p>She’s the only one–and the first one–in her immediate family to go to college (although her father was a starring World Cup soccer player, no small accomplishment, LOL). </p>

<p>Anyway, she had the consummate first year at uni. Best of all, she discovered she loves law. Loves it. Her mind has expanded just like I told her mother it would. It’s wonderful to watch. I am sure there are many many family members enjoying the accomplishments of your D too. </p>

<p>And hooray for you for being brave enough to get your degree. Well done. I wish my friend could do the same. “I love law too!” She says. :)</p>

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<p>BHG, Stick around: this board needs more minority reports and your comments have been lively and chatty. Feisty, which is different from combative, is good.</p>

<p>The “best” college is entirely subjective. Best for one kid is worst for another. I think this is universally agreed among the parents here and no one would try to promote a school that wasn’t right for the student or his/her family. Of course, if we have children who are happy with their individual experiences we like to encourage others to seek the same success.</p>

<p>My son goes to what I guess would fall into the elite category. A year before he applied he hadn’t even heard of it so he wasn’t driven by the prestige factor. He chose it because he thought it would be a good fit for him academically and socially and as it turns out, was he ever right. As Curmudgeon says, being PROUD of his/her school is what we want for our kids and our families. This relates to prestige, but is not the same thing as selecting a school based on what other people may think of it.</p>

<p>We have so many friends with three or more kids who have received decent financial aid that has allowed their children to attend their top choice schools. Some have been selectives, some less so, but no matter what the acceptance rate, college is expensive and there are many mechanisms to help families that need aid.</p>

<p>I work in a profession in which the most successful people are pretty much split between those who attended trade school and those who have more general degrees. It would be difficult to track the success rate based on one or the other so I can say emphatically that there are many, many roads to financial and emotional success.</p>

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<p>backhandgrip…I join with others in hoping you will continue to participate on the Parent Forum (if you so wish). It is too bad that you are not feeling so good about posting. Sorry to hear that. </p>

<p>It is interesting to hear your perspective about this matter. I did not realize it. </p>

<p>For me, I always saw the parent forum about parents with kids applying to college. I never saw it about particular colleges. I think there are more folks here going for selective colleges than in my area, that is for sure. I think those in that “game” are drawn to this place and all that such a process entails. But in my observations, there are just as many parents of kids on here going for schools that are not Ivy league schools. I did not realize that parents might feel intimidated that there were others in the selective admissions realm. But really, I find there are an abundance of folks on here discussing all sorts of colleges. As there should be. </p>

<p>For me, I see the “common link” here in that everyone has an interest in certain aspects…finding the right college for their child, college visits, testing, high school issues, application process, and all the feelings that go with this whole deal. I find that so much of what is discussed applies to almost every college situation…not everything, but lots of it does. People discuss extracurriculars, or Common app vs. regular apps, teacher recs, how many schools, ED vs RD, class rank issues, essay writing, interviews, you name it. So, lots of it is generic to the college process. As well, there is often discussion about certain types of colleges and what that process involves…elite school admissions is one such process…but so is merit aid schools…or state schools…or performing arts schools. I find everything is covered here. Besides all this stuff, I think it is a place where parents share issues that deal with parenting kids this age…many posts have dealt with issues…like “empty nest”, “teens drinking”, “roommate issues”, teen suicides, “summer programs”, “dealing with a teacher at school”, “unmotivated kids”, “letting go”, “child unhappy at college”, “stressed child”, “gifted child”, and so forth. And let’s not forget the “egg crate” posts last spring!! ;)</p>

<p>I have learned a great deal here from other parents (and kids) from all walks of life and from all corners of the country and beyond. I find that to be one of the greatest assets of this particular forum. </p>

<p>I happen to have a child who did end up at an Ivy league school but her interest was never focused on the Ivy league, though she did want a challenging school that fit her interests/criteria and she is a good student. But the word, Ivy League, never came up. She would be just as happy at a school that was not one. Even in the final hour of her decision making she was considering two schools over an Ivy she got into. Having a student who went through a selective admissions process, I have to say it helped me a great deal to learn a lot on CC as that process has some specific aspects to it, much less cut and dried on simply stats, and it is not like there are too many folks in my local area involved in that kind of college process. But when I read CC, I never think of it as being about Ivy League admissions but merely about college admissions and also just parent stuff. I never saw it specific to one type of admissions. I have a second child who is not applying to Ivy League schools though she is going for very selective schools in her field (the names of some of those schools otherwise do not sound “elite” to the general public). As that is a very specific type of college process, I find myself visiting the very long 30 part thread on CC that deals with colleges for musical theater…and that has been the best resource on this topic anywhere…but I don’t just read there even though that is what my kid is going through…I love the parent forum because of the generic discussion on colleges and parent issues related to raising kids this age. </p>

<p>It helps me to read your perspective and how you view the forum or different posts as I did not see it that way. I think it is very helpful for people to discuss all sorts of colleges on here. Often people do share of trip reports and other stuff and I hope you do the same with your kids who have gone or are about to go to college as you have much to offer. </p>

<p>Hope you keep posting. </p>

<p>Susan</p>

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<p>bhg -</p>

<p>Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us. My son will be attending a state school (Ohio University) and did not even apply to an Ivy. I figured out a long time ago the reasons that certain schools are discussed more than others. </p>

<p>First, we’re spread across many states, and - for the most part - the schools most students in the various regions apply to won’t be discussed becaused there is no common grounds for discussion. If you live in Iowa, a person in Florida will not really be interested in schools in Iowa (Grinnell might be an exception). But there are certain schools that we’ve all heard about, or are high in the USN&WR rankings that will attract students across geographic boundaries. Thus the common ground for discussion and thus those are the schools that will get discussed.</p>

<p>Secondly, and maybe contradicting the first reason a little, I get the feeling that most of the posters on CC either live in the Northeast or in California. Yes, I know there are many of us scattered around the globe, but - and I have no evidence except for a feeling - it seems that many of the most prolific posters are from those regions.</p>

<p>Anyway, hang with us a little more…</p>

<p>-digi</p>

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<p>Berurah, not to worry. Turns out that someone borrowed the seppuku knife and hasn’t returned it. What’s up with that?</p>

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<p>TheDad,</p>

<p>I HATE when that happens! The same thing happened to me last year, which prompted me to look up the statistics. Would you believe that the percentage of those who borrow seppuku knives and NEVER return them is approaching 100%? Note to self–never lend out the new seppuku knife! ~berurah</p>

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<p>Hey, Digmedia, there’s quite a few of us from Texas also. Right, my fellow Texans??</p>

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<p>(Islandmom, sssssshhhhhhh! Don’t tell them that.) No, actually there are no Texans on CC .We’re all from…all from…FRANCE. Yea, that’s it. France. No- wait-they hate them ,too. Think,think,think. Madagascar. We’re all from Northern Madagascar.</p>