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<p>Both his parents (me included) are all-Jewish-all-day-all-the-time.</p>
<p>I’m just concerned for his safety and frankly, I don’t like the idea of rich people buying my kid a trip so as to advance their political agenda.</p>
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<p>Although we are a Jewish family, we have about the same level of connection to North Korea that we do to Israel (which is to say, none at all). </p>
<p>I don’t think my son has EVER met an active-duty member of the US military, but he’s going to fly halfway around the world and hang-out with a foreign nation’s troops??? I just don’t like it.</p>
<p>Funny that two Birthright threads are running right next to each other. Is that your kid in the other one or are you playing games?</p>
<p>You seem especially emotional about this. I wonder where that is coming from. Is it because you are exasperated in arguing with your son about it? Is this related to something else you aren’t tuned into? Like its turned into being about a power struggle rather than the issue at hand? </p>
<p>If the danger aspect is an issue, run the numbers. Rather than go by ‘gut’ and fear, do a calculation: how many people die from violence in Israel every year? How many people are living there? Chances are-literally and figuratively- his actual ‘odds’ of being a victim of violence are less than walking around Manhattan. </p>
<p>If the issue is philosophical, it seems to me, this shouldnt’ be putting a wedge between you and your son. IMHO, it seems rather over the top to dictate what he can join or where he can travel based on your personal opinion (one thing if you are paying for it, but you aren’t).</p>
<p>In general, you can do whatever you want with your money that you give your son: your choice to give it or not. But I almost always find it perplexing how parents use it as a tool for things that have nothing at all to do with education. Is that why you pay the tuition, to have control over your son like he’s still a child? The question is not can you, but should you use it as a mean of control? </p>
<p>If this were me, I’d strongly worry that this kind of threat and extortion would ruin my relationship with my kid for the rest of our lives. Moreover, if my child never met their dreams because I withheld funding that I once provided- just because of some issue like this- I would probably second guess myself forever wondering what could have been. </p>
<p>The real reason I assume you fund his education is because you know it’s necessary and important to his future, it’s something you think is worth investing in…and now it’s suddenly not? </p>
<p>Suppose he goes on the trip anyways (in my youth I would have done that just on principle if put in this situation)…and he has to drop out of college. Will you be okay with that? How about 10 years from now?</p>
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<p>No… this is the only thread I’m discussion my son in. I’ll check out the other one though.</p>
<p>Wow, just wow!! You are entitled to your opinion, but to cut your son off for this? Both my kids when on Birthright and have also been to Europe. They would both tell you that the experience on Birthright is something you could not get anywhere else.</p>
<p>If you were a new poster, I wouldn’t believe this was a post coming from a parent. Birthright has the student’s safety as their main concern. I didn’t worry as much with my kids in Israel as I worry when they drive late at night in bad weather.</p>
<p>I just don’t get your strong opinion, sorry.</p>
<p>Perhaps your son would be satisfied with a substitute. For example, going to Europe with his friends. If part of the reason he wants to take the trip is to share it with his friends, will he be enthusiastic still if only part of the group is accepted?</p>
<p>It’s funny. </p>
<p>I tend to agree with your point (2), but I would still encourage my kids to go if they wanted to. I want my kids to be able to think on their own. While the organization controls the message, they can’t control the reception of that message to an educated individual who takes the time to learn about alternative points of view. </p>
<p>Israel is really safe. I’ve been there recently and it feels really safe.</p>
<p>Maybe you should have more faith in your son.</p>
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<p>No… <em>I</em> have his safety as my main concern. If safety was their main concern, they would be keeping these kids in the US.</p>
<p>He does not have Israeli citizenship, and will not acquire Israeli citizenship on the trip, correct? Israel has mandatory military service for its citizens, which he should be aware of if he has Israeli citizenship or may acquire it on the trip.</p>
<p>Based on the map of Israel shown in the video, the organization is of right wing political alignment (in an Israeli political sense). Does he already have strong opinions on Israeli politics?</p>
<p>As far as physical safety goes, Israel proper (i.e. not places like the West Bank, Gaza, “settlements”, Golan) does not appear to be unusually dangerous by western standards. Of course, it could be more so if a war breaks out. Israel’s death rate is 5.47 per 1000 population, versus 8.38 per 1000 population in the US. Although the death rate from terrorism is much higher in Israel than in the US, it is a tiny contributor to the overall death rate (about two orders of magnitude less).</p>
<p>My D is going on a Taglit Birthright trip later this month and she is so excited. My H, who is not Jewish but Irish Catholic, is upset because he thinks it’s unsafe. Of course, he is still upset that I lied to him and went to Belfast in 1985 while I was traveling through Ireland. In terms of safety, I have a friend who had 2 sons. One college break, one boy went to Israel and the other went skiing. Guess which one DIED on his trip? Yup, the skier - went into a tree. The other boy returned from Israel safely and is now married with kids.</p>
<p>If I were your son, I would finish my expensive degree and then go on Birthright. </p>
<p>I understand your concerns about proselytizing but if your son is smart enough to have earned a $50K/year education, he is probably smart and secure enough not to be indoctrinated in a 10 day trip. My D is secure in her identity as a Jewish-Irish NY’er.</p>
<p>I am not trying to sway you either way; I just wanted to share the decision of a family which faced the exact same choice as you.</p>
<p>I guess, I’d have more trust in my son that he wouldn’t be brainwashed by this group. I also agree with others that’s it’s probably safer than you think if you run the numbers, but then I’m the one who gulped and then let my son go for the opportunity to travel to Pakistan and interview people about nuclear disarmament last December. (As a freshman who had never traveled alone before!) </p>
<p>I spent two weeks in Israel in 1986 - it was an amazing experience.</p>
<p>[Do</a> I send my child child to study in Israel?](<a href=“Home | Alisa Flatow Fund”>Do I send my child child to study in Israel?)</p>
<p>Here is a link to a letter from Steven Flatow, Alisa Flatow’s father. Not only is he in favor of young people traveling to Israel, Alisa’s siblings have all traveled there and one even lived there for a year. Also, Alisa was not on a Birthright trip - she was on a study abroad program and was riding a regular bus, not a special Birthright bus, when it was attacked.</p>
<p>Interesting that this turns out to be your dilemma. D1 and I were just talking about this yesterday; her boyfriend’s friends have been trying to talk him into going on the trip. The friends have done it and had a great experience. BF’s mom is Jewish (but non-practicing), and his dad is Catholic. BF does not practice any religion (attends UU services with us when he visits because he and D enjoy them, but has no actual affiliation).</p>
<p>BF thought about it, but decided not to try to go because he is certain that he has no interest in further embracing his Jewish heritage, and it would be unfair (dishonest in his mind) to take the free trip when he is certain that he will never go any further down the path of practicing Judaism. However… you can also think of this as sort of like those condo corporations who have you come stay in exchange for listening to the sales pitch. Sometimes it is worth it for the freebies.</p>
<p>Your son could get hit by a car at home tomorrow. Israel is not an active war zone. You can’t keep him wrapped in cotton wool forever. And if you are concerned that this trip will turn him toward having a closer connection to the Jewish state… well, a lot of things in life could do that. And there are certainly worse things that could happen to him (I can think of hundreds). If he wants to explore his heritage, he will eventually do it, with or without your approval.</p>
<p>I personally have confidence that I have raised children who are good at critical thinking, and savvy enough to not take any presenter at face value. If I were worried that they would be swayed by something like this, I would probably find some materials (books, articles) that cover some of the complexities of the Jewish state and the conflicts surrounding it. You could ask your son to review these this so he has a balanced picture of the region (and possible political agendas of the organizers) before he goes. I would remind my kids that there is no free lunch, and if someone tries to give you one, they probably want something from you. Encourage him to think about why this group would pay for these trips and to make sure he understands the complexities of the situation before accepting everything he hears.</p>
<p>Can’t see why talking to the military about it would concern you. They aren’t, um, going to shoot him. Since he is not a citizen of Isreal, I assume they will not recruit him. I would think it would be educational for him to meet someone (from ANY country) who serves in the military. My D just completed an internship with an organization affiliated with the US Army. She also had no exposure to anyone in the Army prior to that. She found it interesting, but certainly has no desire to run off and enlist. I certainly wouldn’t have any concerns about her getting to know someone in the military from any country that is an ally of the US.</p>
<p>Have some confidence in your own parenting and how you have raised your son. Let him make this decision on his own, but encourage him to see it for what it is as he analyzes what he is hearing.</p>
<p>Not to mention that the attack on the bus that killed Alisa Flatow took place in the Gaza Strip.</p>
<p>Issue #1: Don’t you want your son to be able to learn to make up his own mind about how the opinions and influence of other people impact him? Isn’t this a chance to do this? To reflect on whatever the biases or agenda might be on the people who pay for the trip. Maybe you can require him to write about this pre and post so that you are sure he is not being ‘polluted.’</p>
<p>Both my niece and nephew did Birthright with nary the slightest impact on their religious or political views. This is both a positive and negative commentary. </p>
<p>Issue #2: Where else would you not want your son traveling to? What if he enlisted in the military? What if he wanted to take a trip to Japan… to Indonesia…to Cancun? Where do you draw the line on safety? If he told you he was traveling to Virginia Tech for a college event, what would you do? I think everyone has different levels of risk aversion. I would say it is helpful to be honest with yourself about where your line is, and what this would mean for your son… if you had control (which you don’t, except for $$). </p>
<p>Issue #3: What if he is engaged to a girl whom you do not love… are you going to not pay for the rehearsal dinner? Are you going to not give him $ for a house down payment (or whatever else you would pay for). I think using money as a weapon is a very bad idea in these situations. Coercion is a pretty simplistic operating style when you are dealing with a young adult, I feel. I think that you do have ‘control’ over the $ for college. If he doesn’t make progress, don’t pay. The contract you have with him for college (or what passes for a contract in these situations) should be tied to that performance, I feel. </p>
<p>In short, I would… remind him of his summer responsibilities (or whenever the trip is planned for) as it pertains to earning $ for school, articulate your concerns and back them up with factual information. Ask your son to make a thoughtful reply to these concerns. Then, let him decide.</p>
<p>Soze One option: if you provide your S with spending money in addition to his college tuition, room and board - would be to eliminate the spending money . after all he says * “I’m the adult and I’m independent.” * Another option would be to ask him to postpone the trip until the summer after graduation. With an additional 2 years of maturity he may view the trip differently.</p>
<p>Thanks for all of your input, but this is why I didn’t want to bring up the specific thing my son wanted to do.</p>
<p>The thing is, his attitude is that it’s a done-deal. He’s going, no discussion, my view matters nothing.</p>
<p>One of my dear friends has a daughter who made the birthright trip while she was in college. This past Jan she graduated and within a month she was back in Israel on her own dime but with a job and housing provided to her. She was responsible for all other expences such as food, personal expences and traveling. The work experience was supposed to last for three months but she extended it another two months. She came home in the summer and since than she has applied for joint citizenship and is leaving for Israelnext week. She has already told her parents she never plans on returning to the states to live. My friend is not a person of means so traveling to see her daughter and future grandchildren will not happen very often.</p>
<p>As far as safety is concerned her daughter said she had never felt unsafe or any more unsafe in Israel than she did in her home state or while she was away at school. You can’t let the fear aspect get in the way of your relationship with your son. If you set an impossible demand on him you are in effect telling him how to live his life. This is not a good time to do that as kids this age sometimes do exactly what they want in spite of what their parents say.</p>
<p>I wanted to add that my son is currently in the UE on a work contract. I was not happy about his choice but I tried to understand and be supportive of his choice. He knew that we were concerned but neither I nor my husband told him not to go. We raisedhim to make decisions for himself,and he made this one. He seems anxious for the contract to be over and he is already tired of being a young healthy male living in a strict Muslim country. As Christmas is approaching I can sense his sadness that he is not at home and he said that although there will be a Christmas dinner with other Ex Pats he is not able to decorate or openly show any Christmas related festivities in an open way. To make matters more concerning my husband is Jewish so here is my son in the UE as a Christian American with a Jewish father. Needless to say we have done our share of worrying and will until he is home. My son who was issued a car no longer drives because of a couple situations other ex pats have experienced. He has a driver now which removes the risk to himself if he were to have an car accident. Things are so different in that part of the world. Itis the simple nuances that concerned us before he went which he has stated are more difficult to deal with as the months pass. I suspect he will try to get out of this contract before the two year period. I can’t say I won’t be relieved.</p>