<p>“The problem is that the trip is free, so I have no financial leverage regarding it.” </p>
<p>Do you have so little faith in your sons judgement ? If he has never caused you to doubt his ability to reason then say nothing and hope he has his eyes opened by what he sees on this trip.He wants to see the world through his own eyes, not yours. Dont make the threat to cut him off unless you are willing carry it out AND pay the consequences of the destruction of your relationship with him by following through on it. Are you really willing to do that? over a trip? Time to step back, and think long and hard about this, before you do something you will really regret later on.</p>
<p>I do now, since he’s letting a bunch of strangers with a political agenda take him on a trip to a very dangerous place on the other side of the world.</p>
<p>This is pretty much the 19-year-old equivalent of letting that creepy guy with the candy coax you into his van…</p>
Probably most wildly irrational comment I have ever read on CC–and that includes the College Life forum!</p>
<p>
Apparently your son feels, as do many here, that your opinion is ill-considered. Is he supposed to defer to your wishes even when he doesn’t think they have a reasonable basis? If you would seriously consider cutting off your son because he decides to take a trip you disapprove of, you must feel that his bowing to your desires means more than his education. And that means this is more about your ego than about the trip. Think about that.</p>
<p>My D is on the waiting list for a Birthright trip having been denied twice (it’s very hard to snag a spot on the first or second try due to economic difficulties the program is enduring). She never asked my permission or even my opinion, but she knows that I would say she’d be nuts to pass up a free trip to almost anywhere. I am also pleased that the program will provide a needed antidote to the constant anti-Israeli, pro-Palestinian propaganda (often rising to plain old fashioned anti-Semitism) that pervades every college campus these days–in fact, I assume that is one of Birthright’s goals, one I heartily applaud.</p>
<p>As for a Jewish family feeling no more kinship to Israel than to North Korea, that is a terrible shame. I hope your son’s Birthright trip assures that this attitude does not get passed to the next generation.</p>
<p>I do now, since he’s letting a bunch of strangers with a political agenda take him on a trip to a very dangerous place on the other side of the world."</p>
<p>Oh please, lots of people travel back and forth safely to Israel every year. And he is not going to be on his own. Perhaps if he agrees to Skype with you and text you once a day. Will that make you feel better?
You cant dictate where he will go and what he will do for the rest of his life, in order to keep him safe .</p>
<p>“And that means this is more about your ego than about the trip. Think about that.”
I agree. You are letting your emotions control your thoughts right now. Those emotions and fears will fade if you let them . Disagreement over a trip, and your attempt to pull a power trip on him because of it, are very self centered reactions that may lead to you losing the love of a son.</p>
<p>soze, maybe your son will surprise you. Some people become even more rational in the face of a radical agenda. I understand your concerns, but I think this is not something that merits a hard line drawn in the sand.</p>
<p>What you are facing is how to handle this type of conflict as your son morphs to being an adult who will eventually be entirely financially independent from you. If the issue is that you feel that he’s not at least listening to your opinions with respect, then that’s the issue that needs to be addressed. You shouldn’t expect to change his mind, but your goal should be changing your attitudes towards each other.</p>
<p>Yes, there is likely a political agenda (do you trust your son to be aware that it may have a certain political point of view and make up his own mind about the politics?). But the physical risk in Israel proper is no greater than that of remaining in the US, unless possibly he has Israeli citizenship or acquires it and gets conscripted into military service there.</p>
<p>The web site shows a sample itinerary that does not enter any Palestinian Authority areas or “settlements” in the West Bank, but it does enter the Golan Heights and the Old City of Jerusalem.</p>
<p>To the OP:
Perhaps have you considered that if you had exposed your son to his Israeli affiliation at some point in his life (this does not mean a trip to Israel, but perhaps with some other connection) with a more positive attitude (Really, ‘Israel means nothing more to me than North Korea’ pretty much defines your attitude)-- maybe your son would not be so adamant. Maybe taking extremely polar attitudes is not the way to help your son adopt a collaborative approach. </p>
<p>This is not about Israel, it is about adopting absolutist approaches and then being upset if someone other than yourself does not align with them in entirety. I guess if this is how you think- jumping to the idea of punishing him by withdrawing college support is not so far fetched for you.</p>
<p>Birthright is the creepy guy in the van? Really? Do you let your son use the internet? Read the NY Times? Birthright is not a cult, it is a religious/cultural mission.</p>
<p>To answer the original question-No, I would not cut off my son. I think you are getting some good advice. Trust that you have raised a thinking and rational human being. Israel is not what most people consider a dangerous place. You may not like it, and you most certainly have let him know that, but you could be seriously damaging your relationship with him. Only you can decide if this is worth it.</p>
<p>This coming from someone whose D is truly in a dangerous country. She is an adult and knows I worry and will not relax until her year is up and she is safely home. BUT we are fulfilling our usual role as Mom & Pop Moving and Storage and giving her all the encouragement and support she will take. It is our position that once the decision is made we stick together and love them no matter how crazy we think the decision is.</p>
<p>Assuming he gets throught the application/interview process…I can’t imagine why you are so opposed.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>The folks who organized these trips are very good. The group must stay together and they are escorted at all times. If you are prohibiting your child to go on a trip because of fears of terrorism, you likely should restrict travel to Boston, New York City, Washington DC, London, and any number of other places.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Does your son practice Judaism and is one parent Jewish? If not, he probably won’t get accepted anyway.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Most tours are organized this way. See your other concern…on one hand you are worried, but on the other hand you want your kid to have “free time”?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>The purpose of Birth Right it to give folks an opportunity to see Israel who have NOT been there before.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>In many foreign countries, there are armed forces. Your son won’t be “hanging around” with the soldiers".</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I don’t happen to agree with this.</p>
<p>I hope Calmom sees this thread (if she already hasn’t). Her kid went on a Birth Right trip.</p>
<p>Think about it… essentially what we have is a bunch of rich guys who want to indoctrinate a generation of youth with their point-of-view. They offer to take these kids on “free” trips where among the advertised activities is mingling with foreign soldiers. Oh, and by the way, you have no free time on this trip, you’ll be doing what they tell you and seeing what they want you to see.</p>
<p>Oh and also if you’ve already been there (and thus already have an opinion) you can’t go.</p>
<p>Wrong… here’s a quote about birthright from an article in The Nation:</p>
<p>“Soldiers meet Birthrighters in full uniform, spend the remainder of the mifgash in civilian clothing and then dress back in uniform for the encounter’s final day: the Holocaust Museum followed by a visit to the graves of Theodor Herzl and fallen soldiers. Lynn Schusterman, a Birthright funder and board member, told me the bonds formed during the mifgash help participants gain an understanding of soldiers’ “moral and ethical standards.” After the 2006 Lebanon war, Brandeis researchers found that Birthright alumni were more likely than other young American Jews to view Israel’s military conduct as justified.”</p>
<p>It sounds as if you are afraid that your son will be enticed to throw his lot in with the Israeli settlement movement or equivalent militants, renounce his life in the US, become super-orthodox, and move to Israel for the duration.</p>
<p>I <em>know</em> someone whose sister married an Egyptian and became a fundamentalist Muslim, with strong ties to terrorist organizations. (Believe me, this is not an exaggeration. The imam whose followers carried out the first WTC bombing conducted his subsequent press conference from their bedroom. And her father is Jewish!) Yes, it can happen.</p>
<p>But the best way to inoculate your son against being seduced by an ideologue is to have calm, rational conversations and discussions with him and encourage him to develop his sense of inquiry and independence of mind. Threatening to cut off his college funds if he goes on the trip is not the way to achieve this. ** In fact, it probably could not be better calculated to drive him into their arms.**</p>
<p>I understand your concern. But you need to calm down, back off, and engage your son in discussion, not of whether he will go, but of the entire situation. There is more than one point of view, and if he is knowledgeable about the history beyond the propaganda from EITHER side and if his intellect is engaged, he is less likely to be taken in by any one.</p>
<p>Wow, soze. Take a deep breath. If your s is planning to go on a birthright trip, perhaps instead of digging in your heels and getting into a power struggle with him about it, you can do more research into the safety measures they put in place, and the specific trip he is taking (there are lots of different choices that go to different places and via different modes of transportation).</p>
<p>This is one of the saddest threads I have read in some time.
Clearly many opportunities have been missed to explore the students interest in learning more about his heritage.
Parenting an adult child is not about imposing your will on them.</p>
<p>I am absolutely paranoid, pathological, nutso about my kids’ safety. In the same situation, I know I would be swinging from the rafters because I can’t stand them being out of my arms’ reach. </p>
<p>However, after wailing and carrying on, I generally do get over it and make appropriate plans. My kids understand that in a situation which I perceive to be dangerous, if they work with me to make a plan that respects my concerns, they will usually have my blessing.</p>
<p>I can understand being really upset if your concerns are ignored by your child. I wouldn’t cut off contact with my kids under any circumstances, but I would be upset to be ignored.</p>