<p>13 dogs? The master must have had a sled dog taxi fleet.</p>
<p>Real life is a big long story, posts on CC are necessarily edited. We are all making extrapolations about the various posts, 15 pages now. In summary this is my understanding:
OP has 6 kids
All either done with or entering college
Last kid at home will leave this fall.
Once the last kid leave, the dog will be home alone far more than ever before
OP is divorced, child support is about to end
OP optimistically adopted this dog 18 months ago and paid for $6k+ in vet bills (or maybe that is just the surgery and there was more) at least a portion of which is still lingering on her credit card
The health issues mean the dog needs more potty breaks than an average dog
OP has a condo, no yard, and cannot even allow the dog out on the deck unattended
OP has snarky neighbors
OP has kids having emotional fits about the dog, but thus far none have made offers of support, financial or time
OP has a neighbor who is paid $35/day to watch the dog when OP is gone, they are NOW aware of the issues, but thus far no offer to take the dog or lower prices has been proffered.</p>
<p>So, the OP has a less than ideal home (no yard & CCR rules), less than ideal lifestyle (travel for work and now no kids), financial changes (no child support plus active tuiton), a less than easy to place dog (complicated health history + ongoing ramifications) and less than ideal support (kids reacting emotionally rather than pragmatically and instead of helping brainstorm seeming to be blaming)</p>
<p>I think the only blame here is that the OP likely made a mistake in adopting the dog 18 months before some of the predictable changes, but perhaps if the dog did not have the medical issues, it could have all worked out. In that case, things changed after adoption, not that any of us should assume all will be well, but don’t we usually!?</p>
<p>I have had two similar related breeds of dogs for 30+ years, 5-10 dogs total, the current pup is the most willful and was the most difficult to raise in the first year. Honestly he is lucky he got our family as we are in the perfect situation to deal with him and he is grown into a lovely adult, though still willful at base, he now gets the routine & rules & no longer tests them. But I remember being young, working out of the home long hours, kids, desperate financial situations etc. when his puppy personality would have put me over the edge. He was blessed to be matched with us due to our current circumstances.</p>
<p>What is the right match for this dog, given that maybe the Dec 2012 match was not actually in his best interest? </p>
<p>Can OP find a way to make it work to keep him? If not, how can she do it and not engender the hostile memories many on this thread have mentioned?</p>
<p>Did I miss anything in my summary?</p>
<p>A lot of opinions here. OP can sift through them, but the bottom line comes down to what she decides to do. It’ is a tough decision that I don’t feel like I can advise. SOmething to discuss with the children, brainstorm for alternatives, but the bottom line is that it’s the OP’s decision to make. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it goes well for all, Stan, kids and you.</p>
<p>OP, you probably have enough input by now. More than enough. I wouldn’t blame you if you’ve run screaming from this thread. </p>
<p>Best wishes on your conversations with your children and with your decision. </p>
<p>I, for one, would love to know how it turns out. I know Stan will be well cared for, but I will be curious where he is living. I hope you are ultimately able to let us know.</p>
<p>Summer has now come and gone and it’s time for an update on Stan and our situation. @calla1suggests I may run from the forum, but actually, I am so grateful for everyone’s input on this matter. My financial situation has not improved and has worsened with the loss of child support and no reduction in any of my living expenses. (I don’t buy new clothing, I don’t go to restaurants, I don’t have any extravagances) and I continue to have to travel for work, which means an added expense for dog sitting. </p>
<p>@somemom provided a great summary of my situation in June and here in mid-September it is the same, but with the reality of less money, no children at home, and work-related obligations. Stan is perfectly healthy and remains the favorite of anyone who meets him. He is called the Mayor of our small community, as he greets both dogs and humans with equal alacrity. </p>
<p>After my melt-down in June, we had a great summer with Stan because two of my youngest children were home and he got a lot of family time. When I had obligations away from home, I did not worry about who would care for him. In early summer, London Daughter declared she would take Stan and actually got as far as getting approvals from her landlady, finding out who could care for him during the day, getting boyfriend to agree to Stan-becoming-English and to being “their dog.” Meanwhile, I was the fly in the ointment the entire time trying to bring reality into the mix: her travel schedule which is worse than mine, the hours at the law firm far worse than my work schedule, and so on. She had a counter for all of arguments. (Yes, a well-trained lawyer at a top international law firm is far more skilled than her mum when it comes to debate and discourse.) </p>
<p>At some point I got very direct with London Daughter and asked what many of you have asked here: “Help me understand your attachment to a dog with whom you have NEVER lived and who has only been a part of the family for 18 months.” I expected some nasty retort, because even at age 30, she can still act like she’s 17 sometimes. Instead, I received this heartfelt email, explaining how much she misses all of us and that even while her life has been in England for many years, she needs to feel some connection to us. Taking Stan was for her that connection. However she framed it, it was pretty compelling and I shut up. </p>
<p>Somewhere around mid-July or early August, London Daughter stopped discussing with me the plans for Stan’s future. All the M’s got in the way: work in Milan, Moscow, Mumbai. I said nothing. August passed and her youngest siblings went to- or back to college. September arrived. No conversation. Finally, a few days ago, I called London Daughter and she broke the news. For all you betting people who said she would not, in the end, take Stan, you can collect your winnings at Ladbrokes in London. She finally admitted that this was not a realistic option for our dear dog. </p>
<p>Not even hours after that conversation, I received a text from the Dog Mom who takes care of Stan when I travel. Yes, she lowered her rates for me to try to help out with the finances, but it would still be expensive to board him with her. (In mid-June I had asked her if she would consider adopting Stan if I could get my children to agree; she, unfortunately, could not, even though she and her children adore him.) She reminded me that back in June when I had asked her about Stan and she said, no, that she had talked with a dear friend of hers who might be interested. Turns out Stan was her favorite on Facebook. Go figure. Dog Facebook Star. </p>
<p>After much discussion, I agreed to have Stan stay with new Dog Mom who lives 30 minutes away while I travel for the next two weeks. Of course I cried when I left him today since I know they will want to keep him, but they understand I still have awful family dynamics to deal with. They seem to be the perfect family for Stan: known by my Dog Sitter since sixth grade; dog people of decades who adore their dogs; a big, ranch-style home with a real yard where he can play; another dog whom Stan already likes. My youngest would be the least able to handle this since she says, “We saved his life and he saved ours.” There is no question but that he has been great therapy to her, but now she’s away at college most of the year. How would any of you deal with this difficult family dynamic? What do I say to my children? </p>
<p>Hurrah for you to find a solution that works well for Stan. You might ask for “visiting rights” when your youngest is home. Maybe you can go pick up Stan and take him for a walk a couple of times while your D is home so she can still see him. I would just say that it is more fair to Stan to have a family that can afford to care for him, and give him more space and attention that you can. You can all still love Stan even if he doesn’t live under your roof any more. </p>
<p>Stan will adapt quickly to their home and you did what is best for the dog by giving him a daily environment that has people around. After all, that’s what you signed up for when you took him the first time; to make sure he was well-cared for. Now he will be. Hugs and hats off to you. You did what is best for him.</p>
<p>Family has said he can have sleepovers with us when DD comes home to visit from college. Bear in mind he is staying with them while I travel and we will reevaluate the situation when I return. To me it is a win-win for everyone, but I still fear the wrath of my kids on this. In June, several CC posts indicated never forgiving parents for giving away the family dog. ;( </p>
<p>We had to rehome a pet when I was in college. At first, I was upset with my mom, but by the time I hit my mid-20’s, I understood. You have done everything for Stan and he will be well cared for. That is what matters. </p>
<p>I’m glad you have found a potential new family for Stan. I wonder though about having sleepovers when your DD is home. Wouldn’t that confuse him? </p>
<p>
Anterior motive? Does that happen in front of an ulterior motive?</p>
<p>If he was adopted, and you can’t afford to keep him, in general you have a responsibility to contact the adoption agency and ask them to rehome him. Most places that adopt, especially rescue groups, want a return to them where they can find a new home for the pet instead of leaving it up to people who adopted mistakenly.</p>
<p>And for those whose parents gave away the family dog while they were at school - my dog DIED when I was away at school, and my parents “didn’t want to tell me because I would be upset”. It ranks up there with my top five most horrible experiences of my life. She was 15 when she passed, so that was the vast majority of my life.</p>
<p>If you send your kid to college, in either case, please at least tell them about your decision to give up a pet, or if a pet passes, so they know and aren’t emotionally damaged like I was.</p>
<p>SoCal corgi organization: <a href=“http://www.pwccsc.org/”>http://www.pwccsc.org/</a></p>
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<p>So I was one of those people. But there are some big differences here. One is that we had the dog since he was a pup. Two is that I never saw it coming – it sounds like your family has been discussing this, and everyone knows Stan really should be in a home where he can get more attention. And three, I never saw my dog again (I always wonder if my dad “did away with him” and just didn’t tell me…). </p>
<p>If Stan is “confused” by visits and walks with his “old family”, the new owner will probably say so. Many dogs are pretty adaptable, and as with people, there is enough love to go around to two groups of people. My dog isn’t “confused” by the affection she feels for her caretaker when I am gone, and I am just happy she is not a one-person dog and is happy to see her caretaker if I am going to be away. This month my dog will spend more days with the caretaker than at home! We were on vacation for a week, then my parents were suddenly ill and I had to go care for them, and now my house is being painted on the inside and it is best for her to be away from the fumes and paint for a few days. And she seems pretty content in either place. Stan could be the same.</p>
<p>I think you have found a great (potential) solution. “Dog Facebook Star” - love it!! 
</p>
<p>I think Stan will do just fine shuttling between two households when your children are home from college. Unless they are exceptionally neurotic, most dogs are very adaptable.</p>
<p>When you talk to your kids, have the discussion revolve around what’s best for Stan in terms of attention, love, consistency, etc. To me, this is the main (and best) reason to re-home a pet. And you do have very valid reasons for your decision.</p>
<p>If I were you, I’d keep the discussion away from finances. Though you sound very frugal, there will be times you must buy some items, and I can imagine some offspring making comments about “shoes/haircuts being more important than a dog”, etc. </p>
<p>Thank you for the update!</p>
<p>An unfortunate ending to an unfortunate story. I feel bad for the D’s too, especially the younger generation one. </p>
<p>Wow… I wondered how long that would take. Why is it unfortunate that Stan may have a new family that has time, space, and resources for him? I think you attach too much on the idea that your pets could not survive or thrive with any of the 6 billion other people on earth taking care of them. Which is just pure BS. Your self worth may be tied up in the idea that you are the only human that will do for your animals, but it probably isn’t the case. </p>
<p>I think it’s a good lesson for the girls to teach them that the dog’s needs should come before their own attachment to the dog. A dog isn’t a “toy” that exists for our pleasure. The animal’s needs for companionship and consistency of care should come before our selfish desires. </p>
<p>I’m so happy that Stan will be able to move to a new family. I’m amazed that some people seem to think that a dog, or a person can’t find an equally or even happier home. Their loss.</p>
<p>I think you did the best thing for Stan. Dogs are very adaptable and Stan will probably be happier in a family situation. He probably could tell that you were tense; although he certainly wouldn’t know why. I am proud that your older dd realized the folly of shipping this dog to London; especially when she would be working and traveling a lot. Your college age dd may be upset for a while but she may surprise you and understand your dilemma. I hope when you come back from your trip that your fears are put to rest and you (and Stan) can move on.</p>
<p>“And for those whose parents gave away the family dog while they were at school - my dog DIED when I was away at school, and my parents “didn’t want to tell me because I would be upset”. It ranks up there with my top five most horrible experiences of my life. She was 15 when she passed, so that was the vast majority of my life.”</p>
<p>@rhandco I’m confused. Did your parents tell you when you came home? What was horrible? The loss or the timing of them telling you? Surely you were not surprised by the death of a 15 year old dog. The loss is very sad but not tragic. And if this experience is one of your top 5 most horrible experiences than you are living a charmed life. </p>
<p>OP, I hope this works out. </p>