<p>CC has helped me wade through the college admissions process with my youngest two children and the last one leaves for college in late August. I recently looked at our adopted dog and as he looked back with his adoring brown eyes, I said, “You will always be pre-verbal and you’re never going to college.” I am exhausted, over-extended, and broke with two children in college at the same time. I am therefore considering putting him up for adoption. Bear with me while I explain my rationale. </p>
<p>Reasons FOR Giving the Up the Family Dog: It is just me, bearing the sole responsibility for dog care. Child support ends this month, representing a significant loss of income. I travel extensively for business and associated boarding expenses run $35-$60 per day. Two kids’ college expenses are crazy high. Housing options that charge additional rent and deposits for pets OR do not rent to people with pets. No foreseeable additional income to deal with all of the above. Lessening my stress level with no additional sentient beings in need of a meal, a medical appointment, or a walk. The dog is highly adoptable–sweet, a pure-bred Corgi, does not bark, loves everyone. </p>
<p>Reasons for NOT Giving Up the Family Dog: Total guilt-tripping from two of my children: (For example, “How could you give away our dog? It concerns me you don’t see the dog as your responsibility since you rescued him in the first place.”) London daughter says she will take him but has not yet devised a plan to get him from LAX to LHR. Youngest daughter sees Family Dog as her lifesaver through trying high school years and does not want me to give him to anyone OUTSIDE the family. Dog actually does get me out to exercise. </p>
<p>Your two cents is much appreciated. </p>
<p>Figure out a way to keep the pooch.</p>
<p>Here is my opinion…and please don’t think I’m being critical! That is not my intent.</p>
<p>When you got this pooch, you knew your kids would all be leaving for college at some point…but you did adopt this pooch nevertheless. It’s not like it was a surprise that this day would be coming. </p>
<p>Since he sounds like a sweetie…is there any chance there is some arrangement you could make for times when you travel…perhaps with a family who would like a “time share” dog. A dog they get to have for a few days or a week…but really don’t own or have to maintain (you would buy the food, take him to the vet, etc). They would get the joy of sharing your pooch with you, but not have the dog there all the time.</p>
<p>I’m ok with “critical,” @thumper1. You are bringing up many of the points I need to hear. Being fried and overwhelmed is not a good state to be in when considering sending the furry family member elsewhere, and I very much appreciate your thoughts. The dog-share idea is one I’ve not yet investigated! </p>
<p>“I am exhausted…”</p>
<p>Exhausted is not good. Sounds like a reason to move on from the dog. Maybe what you can do is tell London daughter, you need to give the pet up and give her a time frame (I think a month will do) to figure out how to get the dog to London. If she doesn’t have a plan by the end of the time, then find a new, good home for the dog.</p>
<p>When you adopt an animal, you are making a lifetime commitment to that animal. </p>
<p>However, if you do not want the dog, it’s probably not healthy for you or the dog to remain together. I would give up the dog if and only if you can find a loving family with good references.</p>
<p>Remember this: YOU are the only family that this dog has ever known and loved. Abandoning him, from his perspective, is like being abandoned by his whole world. Do not make this decision lightly. </p>
<p>Can you give it to anyone inside the family? A relative perhaps? I think perhaps a more prominent issue is perhaps the cost and stress you’re putting yourself through. Can any of the kids take on jobs to help relieve that burden? Come home during breaks and take care of them? etc.</p>
<p>I guess you missed the operative words…family dog. I am not sugar coating my response. This is the animal who gave you his life, he loves you…and you are his people. You can come up with options…talk to your vet. Rent out a room to a dog lover. </p>
<p>As a family who has adopted our animals…our “youngest” who was thrown out of a car in the desert. I cannot understand how you can “give away the FAMILy” dog. I’m sorry</p>
<p>@romanigypsyeyes, I really appreciate your thoughts. I have enough guilt with this situation for the rest of my life. I know I am “Stan’s” alpha. He adores me. I get this. I love this dog. It’s not easy for me to even discuss this entire matter with anyone as it polarizes people. </p>
<p>There is a family who cares for him when I travel (the $35 per day/night people) that I believe would make the perfect home for him. I have not, however, asked them if they would be willing to adopt him. My youngest daughter seems it preferable that “Stan” is 11 hours away in London than 5 minutes away from me with this wonderful family. </p>
<p>The mom is essentially a stay-at-home mom, unlike me. They have two younger children (elementary and middle school) who dote on him; he sleeps in the boy’s bed when over there. The daughter just about cries every time I pick up my dog when I return. They also have a dog that mine considers his best friend. Since mine was a shelter dog, he did not know how to play. Their dog taught him. The mom sends me videos of my dog when I travel and I see how happy he is, romping on their lawn. </p>
<p>Your kids will never forgive you.</p>
<p>@bevhills, as I said, I realize what I am presenting here raises the ire of many. </p>
<p>@lizardly, your point is well taken. I don’t know exactly what “never forgiving me” looks like, but it is my hunch this is the case. They, however, bear zero responsibility, so I am trying to factor that in. </p>
<p>My youngest kid left for college left fall, leaving me alone with the dog. This dog was inherited from a family member who died several years ago, and really wasn’t a pet I wanted to have. She is a large breed and not particularly friendly, although quite devoted to us (her family). I have found that I have gotten quite close to the dog now kids are gone – much closer than before they left, actually. I have more time for her than I did when they were here. Maybe transferring some of the “mothering” to her now that the kids are gone, I guess. Sometimes it is a nuisance to walk her, but she is always happy to go, and it is good for my health. I have a job with a lot of hours and a long commute, although not much travel. But she does okay with that. And she likes the kennel when she has to go. Agree about the cost of boarding, and finding a way to reduce the boarding costs could really help you out. </p>
<p>Bottom line for me is that I took on the responsibility when I took her in, and will carry on with it until she passes away. I am thinking of selling my house and moving next year (downsizing, probably renting), and have accepted that I might need to move to a property that is not what I would pick without a dog (probably a duplex, they are common in our city). Might have to move again in a few years once she passes away. Don’t love it, but will do it. Sometimes I count up the dollars to care for her and board her and wince, but I know it won’t last forever. And I consider it my responsibility – I agreed to increase the size of our family by one when I took her in, and I am not going to get rid of her because it has become inconvenient.</p>
<p>Oh, and my dad gave away a dog that was a beloved pet about 40 years ago. I haven’t forgiven him yet (not kidding). </p>
<p>“When you adopt an animal, you are making a lifetime commitment to that animal.”</p>
<p>When someone married our OP that was supposed to be a lifetime commitment, too. It looks like we are all trying to shame her into keeping her commitment to the pup while she is trying hard to stay afloat financially on her own…</p>
<p>OP - will the dog in London be on your fin support? </p>
<p>Appreciate your story, @intparent. Forgiveness seems very sparing when a parent gives away the family pet–at least from those who have shared their stories with me thus far. As I reflect back on our family pets, my father gave away one of our dogs after he sold our ranch. None of us blamed him, but rather saw the wisdom of a big hunting dog going to a home where he had far more space than a condo patio. </p>
<p>@bunsenburner, my London daughter has said–and I emphasize, SAID–that she will bear the costs of getting Stan to her. She has, however, modified her terms and conditions several times in the past several days and it is highly likely that the dog was the reason she flew back to London yesterday without speaking to me. Her anger with me is not so unlike several of the CC comments. So, at this point, there is no plan in place for Stan to move to London, but she says she intends to take him and pay all of his expenses from that point forward. (Note: I put that child through college and paid massive amounts of her graduate expenses. She is now a top-paid London attorney and can fully afford the dog and the accompanying costs.) </p>
<p>I also want to say that yes, my “husband” was also supposed to be permanent. I ended up raising six children alone. So much for commitment on his part. I think part of this situation is brought on by that fact. I am just worn out. I do, however, like the comment @intparent makes about how the relationship between dog and dog mom can change when all the kids are gone. It is obviously untested yet, however. </p>
<p>Sympathies. This is quite a time of transition for you, and I can understand why you are considering this, and the exhaustion, physical and financial, that are driving you to consider this decision. What I am not hearing are your emotional needs.One child is probably just finishing senior year, which I remember as being an exhausting, overly busy time. Perhaps not the best time to make a decision of this nature. </p>
<p>After the summer is over, the nest has emptied, the emotional reality of being alone is figured in, you can reassess. I am a single parent as well, and the reality of that fall transition when the kids were truly all gone from the house was rather a surprise, and the joy in anticipating all the alone time was rather different from the reality. Your dog may help you through this time, or, you may resent the obligation even more at that point. </p>
<p>Regarding sending the dog to the UK. You may want to check the quarantine regulations, which at least at one point were extensive. </p>
<p>Years ago I shared a dog with a friend, and I still think this might be ideal. Is there anyone you know whom might appreciate more of a dog presence in their life? But not want the full time obligation?. Is there any sort of barter possible with that family, dog sit for them on weekends or vacations, rather than the substantial outlay of cash for dogsitting?</p>
<p>A family member is not an “it”. A flatiron is an it. Animals have love and emotions. If you take some time and interact with you</p>
<p>We adopted our yellow Lab from a family in transition much like yours. The mother was going back to work, their kids were both away in college, and the parents were moving from a rental house to a small rented condo. Their landlords were selling the house they had been living in for years, and the family had to move and could only afford to downsize. Our dog would have been home alone all day long in a new, strange environment with little access to the outside. The family loved him, but felt that they were doing the dog a favor by giving him to a family that could give him the time, the exercise and attention that he required. The college kids were present the day we picked him up, and while they were sad, it did seem like a family decision.
It took our Lab a few weeks to adjust, but he’s been with us for the last six years ( right now lying by my feet) and he’s had a great life and is very attached to my Dh and me. Instead of being alone five days a week in a small condo, he gets out to run or walk three miles every day along horse trails, and spends the rest of the day as my shadow. I’m saying this because sometimes it really is in the best interest of the dog to be re-homed. </p>
<p>Although your daughter says she wants the dog, it also sounds like there has already been some hard feelings on her part that she would have to take this on. Can you help her make the arrangements to make it happen? There are a lot of steps and procedures involved in shipping a dog overseas, and you would need to get the health certificates, vaccines, etc., but it sounds like it would be worth it. If you shouldered the larger part of this, it might help with some of her anger. Keeping Stan in the family would certainly be the best solution, as long as he would have the opportunity of a happy, healthy life.</p>
<p>I was struck by your comment about your younger daughter having a difficult time in high school and your dog helping her through that. I don’t know how I would have made it through my parent’s divorce as a young teenager without our dog, who wasn’t on anyone’s side and was always there for me. I would imagine that this is part of why your daughters may see him as such an integral part of the family. Have you discussed your dilemma with the family who provide boarding? Maybe they would be willing to have a lower boarding rate if they understood that you were thinking of adopting out the dog due to the expense. I sincerely hope that you are able to figure out a way to make this work out.</p>
<p>You bring up the exact situation, @moonchild. I feel terrible when the dog is by himself–even if for a couple of hours. He was an abandoned dog–left at a Walmart in Oklahoma. Long story how he got to California. I therefore feel a heightened sense of responsibility to Stan–to make sure he has companionship, nurturing, etc. At a cost of thousands of dollars, we saved his life as he came to us very ill in December 2012. He required bladder surgery a year ago, which is still on credit cards at the cost of about $6,000. When I see him with the big family at the big house with the big lawn and the big dog, his friend, I feel very bad that he does not have that all of the time. I have no choice but to simplify my life–lower my expenses, get an even smaller place than I currently have, and get these last two kids through college. </p>
<p>There are many procedures to getting a dog overseas. We have already researched it. Of course, it all falls on me to make it happen if London Daughter takes him. Her anger does not seem related to the fact that she has agreed to take Stan; it seems somehow related to her supreme displeasure over my willingness to “give him up” at all. Typical of all of us, there is a bit of revisionist history here with my daughter, however. When her father left the building, he got her a dog back in the late 1980s. The dog was always at her dad’s house, but it was her best friend, similar to what @jsrcmom said, when her father and I divorced. </p>
<p>Fast forward a number of years. That dog, Rocky, was dying. Her father had a vacation planned out of the country and left her with the dying dog. She was in college by that point, but still, it was highly traumatic. I was also out of the country on business. I got a frantic call from her: “Mommy, will you come home and help me with Rocky?” Recall that I DID NOT own the dog. It was at her father’s home. He left her. I flew home and helped her with her poor dog. Rocky was very ill and suffering. We worked with the vet together to make the decision to euthanize her beloved Rocky. Not easy stuff. Now, however, she forgets all of the times I have stepped in to help her with every pet. I am a dog mom. I’ve been a Cat Mom. Twice. Hamster mom. Mouse mom. Fish mom. Madagascar Hissing Cockroach Mom. You name it. I’ve nurtured it. Now, I need help. </p>
<p>I think I will talk with the mom who cares for Stan when I travel. The worst case scenario: they cannot take him and won’t lower the cost of boarding him. Best scenario: perhaps my daughters will stop beating me up and permit Stan to live the good life with that lovely family. </p>