<p>figure out a way to keep the dog. Maybe the kids can chip in for expenses. See if a neighbor can come feed/walk it when you travel.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t give one of my pets away for a million dollars…no way, no how.</p>
<p>I can see that this is really tough for you, laplatinum. I, like you, feel that the dog’s happiness and health is more important than my own feelings of wanting a pet. If I could no longer give him the care he deserved, I’d look for someone who could. Dogs don’t like being alone for long periods, and they need exercise and human contact every day. I actually admire the woman who was in tears as she helped my sweet Lab into her car and kissed him good-bye. Knowing what a wonderful dog he is, I know how much that must have hurt, yet she did it for him.</p>
<p>Our kids don’t always see us as the humans we are, thinking that we have unlimited strength and resources. I think it’s part of the job description. Sometimes we just have to do what we know is best, even if we’re not getting the support we would hope for from our loved ones. </p>
<p>Sooo difficult! London daughter is grieving the loss of her mom-who-takes-care-of-everything-and-everyone.
She likely feels as if she is being abandoned. After all, her dad did once abandon her and Rocky. Her intense reaction to her mom’s idea is as if she is being abandoned. Kind of a PTSD thing.</p>
<p>Dogs have memories, but short ones. Sounds like Stan would adjust well to a good new family. OP is not proposing dropping him off at the dog pound, is not treating Stan like an “it.” OP is attempting to compassionately care for her dog, her grown kids, and herself. Compassion fatigue is real and I think OP has it.
WIth a careful adoption, Stan will find a new alpha and will thrive.</p>
<p>If Stan came to your family in 2012 weren’t your two youngest already away at college? I think this is an entirely different situation than one where the pet has “grown up” with the family. These types of situations are always difficult and I understand your frustration. It is all too common that moms take primary care and responsibilities for pets. It can get overwhelming with everything else that life throws our way.</p>
<p>Since your daughter in London is a successful attorney and seems to be the one most against Stan leaving, why does she not offer to help you with the financial burden? I have an issue with her making demands of you but not offering any solutions. Unless the offer to move Stan to London materializes, then talk to her about contributing to his care. Otherwise, I like the idea of approaching the family that Stan boards with. It would be an easier move for Stan and he seems very happy there from what you describe. That would be an ideal solution if you can make it happen.</p>
<p>Another vote for simply asking your older daughter to help with the costs for Stan. Tally up your annual costs and let her know what they were last year. Let her know that if she wants you to keep Stan, she needs to contribute 50% of whatever they are going forward. You can’t really ask your younger kid to contribute if she is in college (although while at home I would sure be expecting dog care from the younger one – walking, grooming, feeding, play time).</p>
<p>I do think part of your problem may be feeling super guilty about leaving Stan for more than a couple of hours, wanting a big place for him, etc. He is better off than in his original home (or Walmart). You seem to be trying to be “super mom” to Stan. I think you have to give yourself permission to be “good enough mom” to him. If he is fed regularly, taken out often enough that he doesn’t have accidents, gets some evening time with you most days, gets medical care, has a roof over his head, and gets decent longer walks a few times a week, Stan has it better than a lot of dogs. Stan doesn’t need Harvard, a state directional will be fine with him. :)</p>
<p>It takes a lot more courage and love to give up someone (thing) to give it a better life. I think it is more selfish to hod on to someone out of guilt. </p>
<p>Instead of having the London D to take the dog, why not have her contribute to the dog’s upkeep? To ship a pet to London is not an easy process. Few years back when a colleague was moving to Lon, his dog had to be quarantined for months.</p>
<p>What I am hearing from the OP is “exhausted, overextended, and broke”. The OP has been raising children on her own for years, all who are leaving the home, and the OP will be alone with the sole responsibility of taking care of the dog. I love animals too, but the OP also sounds like she is hoping for some time to take care of herself. </p>
<p>An empty nest is a big transition. I agree with waiting to let everyone adjust to this. It’s an adjustment for the kids to leave, and giving the dog away at this time might add to the stress. Also, the OP might like having the dog for company when the house is empty.</p>
<p>However, the kids have left the home- and are building their own lives. If they leave their mom with the responsibility of the dog, then it is her right to make decisions about how to care for it. Daughter in London might have an opinion, but she’s not responsible for the pet unless she takes him to live with her. Ultimately, the OP needs to take care of herself, and if she is always exhausted and broke, then she has the right to decide when she’s had enough. </p>
<p>One idea is, instead of making it the OP’s problem, to have a discussion with the kids and simply say it is too much for her alone. Let them brainstorm as to solutions. Perhaps some of them will pitch in to help financially, and if any of them are nearby, come and babysit the dog so mom can have some time to herself. Perhaps some will even consider taking him if they live off campus, or they might know someone who would have a good home for him. Involving the kids in the solution might make it more of a family decision than having mom appear as the bad guy. </p>
<p>^^^
I like what inparent posted. I too wondered why the older daughter doesn’t help. As she has moved into adulthood she needs to learn responsibilities of what family means…not just emotional support but sometimes financial.</p>
<p>Also it might be helpful for you to see how things look after the youngest has left for college and make a decision then because you might find you need to have Stan for you to come home to. Right now it almost sounds like a grieving person selling everything after a death and then regretting the decision.</p>
<p>If you do need to find another home for Stan then you can know you tried to make it work but you are putting his needs above all.</p>
<p>Things happen in life, and pets sometimes must move on to new homes, where they can thrive and be loved, just like Stan did when you adopted him. If you don’t have the time or money to take care of Stan, I think those are good reasons to find him a new home. </p>
<p>This sounds like a very difficult situation for everyone. If London Daughter wants you to keep the dog, her financial support would be very helpful, and maybe that’s a way for her to not feel so helpless.</p>
<p>If you decide that you need to place Stan in a new home, may I suggest you call Corgi Rescue, rather than the local pound or shelter. Google for a rescue in your area – the purebred rescues can often help. </p>
<p>I second Great Lakes Mom’s suggestion of seeing if you can find another family to trade off boarding with. There are a few families in the neighborhood that take one aother’s dogs when the owner travels. It saves them a lot of money. I would also explain the financial aspect of keeping the dog to your daughter and the rest of your children. If they would be willing to contribute to the cost of the dog’s care that would be a huge load off of you. If you can I would wait until your last child has been out of the home for a while to make this decision. Things may seem different then. </p>
<p>I’d find the dog a new home. Ask the family with kids if they would take him. He’ll surely be happier there with kids and company during the day. I can’t imagine keeping a pet only to have to continually board him or leave him alone all day (which your daughter in London would be doing). It not only would relieve your stress about caring for the dog but he’d be happier too in the long run (and so would the new kids who love him already).</p>
<p>So many thoughts as I read this. Years ago we moved from acreage to a place with no fences allowed. Our neighbor desperately wanted to adopt one of our dogs. She had always been an outdoor dog so it was not the same, sitting by my knee relationship and it seemed smart for her to remain on twenty acres. The neighbor came every weekend to hang with the dog for months, she progressed to take the dog to her place for weekends, we did a transition that lasted for months. I heard later that less than a year after she adopted our dog, a friend saw that very dog in the paper’s column of dogs at the pound available for adoption. Very sad, no one told me for years as there was nothing I could do from 1000+ miles away. So rehoming needs to be chosen well.</p>
<p>It sounds horrible to be willing to give up a pet, I am all about the animals, but I can vividly recall a couple of times in my life when I was not able to be as good an animal parent as I wanted to be and when I look back I wish I had had more time to spend with those pets. If rehoming is the right thing for the dog, time with a family who is home versus an empty house as OP works long hours, then maybe rehoming is the best thing.</p>
<p>If the current home thing is okay for the dog, maybe financial changes would help. Talk to the kids, explain that finances are much tighter than anyone ever guessed, ask if any of them are comfortable with a long term financial support of the dog. Talk to the family who cares for him, do they volunteer anything? Reduction in fees? To adopt him?</p>
<p>How old is this dog? How long is his likely remaining life? Are we talking two years or ten years?</p>
<p>It sounds like your travel for work would make you NOT there for the pooch most of the time anyway. See if the family down the road actually wants to own the dog. They might just like having him as a paid visitor. If they love him, and want him, maybe YOU can offer to take care of him when they go away.</p>
<p>Of course, if your eldest daughter makes arrangements, that is another story. If the dog plans to travel to or through the EU, he will need a microchip for identification…unless something has changed. Start looking into that now.</p>
<p>Years ago, I had to give up the one dog of my adult life. My twins were born in a snowy December, and my ex was anti many things in those days and turning mean. He refused to walk the dog, and my twin stroller could not get through the shoveled sidewalks, so I could not walk the dog and see to my kids at the same time. One baby, no problem, but two just didn’t work at less than 6 months of age. My mom came for a few months, and at the end of that time, we flew Farley back to Arizona, where he lived out his days with her. </p>
<p>I missed my dog and was sad for my older son, who had grown up with him, but in total it was a relief. Being single, caring for a dog adequately, and having a demanding job are a difficult combination, which is why I’ve never gotten another dog. I will dog sit, anytime, but my friends no longer see me as a dog lover, and there is that problematic job, so I rarely get to dog sit. Of course the cats are less than thrilled with a dog in the house, but they adapt. </p>
<p>However, my cats are a great source of pleasure and solace, which is why I think you might change perspectives after nest is truly empty. </p>
<p>OP, animals, any animals, are for life. You made a life-long commitment to that dog when you brought the dog into your house. Of course, if you are not going to provide the dog with what he needs, he is better off elsewhere. But it’s really your responsibility to give him what he needs AND keep him.</p>
<p>OP–I would refuse to be guilt-tripped. You’ve got enough stress–take care of yourself. If your London daughter fails to take him in a given time frame, find him a new home where he’ll be happier and so will you. It’s easy to tell someone to keep an animal when they aren’t the ones responsible for its care. </p>
<p>Can you see if the other family is willing to take on the dog with possible visiting rights for your daughter?
And can you frame it as "I see how happy Pooch is when he is staying with the Family…he has kids and another dog and a yard, and with me it is a crate alone until I get home. But if you want to take him to you to London then you could look at <a href=“http://www.happytailstravel.com/”>http://www.happytailstravel.com/</a> and they can assist you in getting him over there. "</p>
<p>Right now daugther doesn’t have to make a choice…the default is no choice and you keep the dog. But if you give her an either or then she has to make a choice.</p>
<p>A thought on pet sitters. While D was still at home I’d hired a couple of local college students as tutors. These tutors became the best house sitters. They loved getting out of the dorms, being in a beautiful environment and having the opportunity to commune with our rather extended zoo (2 dogs, 2 cats, a snake, 2 bunnies and a varied number of chickens and geese). I paid about $25-$35/day. They needed to sleep at the house. Other than that there was little demand on their time. Dogs and cats have 24/7 indoor - outdoor access so there was no issue about having to let anyone out at a certain time.</p>
<p>You might take a look at this option. Also, depending on how much you travel and how willing you are to share your space, giving greatly reduced rent to a college student in exchange for house/pet duties might work well for both parties. Your current sitter (stay at home mom) sounds like they could be a wonderful family if they were willing to take in your pooch. Maybe you could offer them free pooch sitting in the future.</p>
<p>My father gave away my dog 35 years ago. She had gotten old and a bit incontinent. I came back home one day after a weekend away (during college), he had given her to the SPCA. Their truck happened to be in the neighborhood. It is a resentment I carry to this day. Our current doggies are 13/14+. H and I are planning several longer - up to 5 week - trips now that we are empty nesters. It’s a challenge, but I can’t imagine giving these guys - who have given me their all for so many years - anything less than my loving home in which to spend their remaining days.</p>
<p>At the end of the dayI agree with gouf78. Do what you reasonably can to either place the dog with the neighborhood family or have your daughter transport the dog to London. If that doesn’t work out you need to let the dog go. When you balance your emotional and financial health against the guilt, the former wins out. Yes, it is sad, but that is just the reality of the situation. </p>