Should I Give Away the Family Dog?

Parent Cafe
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<p>You need to consider both your needs and the dog’s needs. Forget that lifelong commitment guilt that people are throwing at you - you can’t do what you can’t do. You travel a lot. The dog is alone a lot. Sure, he loves you and you are his person RIGHT NOW, but if he is an affectionate animal he will bond to someone else. Look at therapy dogs who spend a year or more with a training family and then move on to bond with their new owners. I adopted three fully grown dogs (one around three, the others a bit older). Both became very attached to our family, and especially to me.</p>

<p>The best solution would seem to be asking the family that cares for him to take him. He loves them, and they love him.</p>

<p>I would also recommend NOT spending time with Stan once he is adopted out. We lived near the family that had to give up Babe due to a divorce, and both adults moving into apartments. The mom came one time with her children to visit her. She was really excited to see them, but also confused about who her “family” was at that point. When they went to leave, she wanted desperately to go with them. Fortunately I persuaded her to go for a walk, and they left after she and I left the yard. We also ran into Charley’s owner one time (he had been surrendered to the pound after neglect); that was a painful experience as well.</p>

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<p>“You need to consider both your needs and the dog’s needs. Forget that lifelong commitment guilt that people are throwing at you - you can’t do what you can’t do. You travel a lot.”</p>

<p>Yeah, discarding pets because it inconveniences your job or your “emotional needs” is definitely the way to go. This is so sad. Hopefully, things will change some day, but not in our lifetime.</p>

<p>Guess what it IS a lifelong commitment, and if that’s too tough, don’t get pets.</p>

<p>Feel pretty bad for OP’s daughter too.</p>

43

<p>Maybe pets have opinions on this too. Too bad we can’t know them. Perhaps many of them would rather live in a home with plenty of attention and medical care than one where the sole owner is gone most of the time and is feeling upset/stressed about the cost of its care.</p>

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<p>The guilt tripping at laplatinum is not productive or helpful for Stan or for her. </p>

<p>Laplatinum has not dropped Stan off at the pound. She is honestly admitting that she has compassion fatigue, which is real. She recognizes that she is simply unable to care for Stan. Her London daughter may be reliving her own abandonment by her dad, when dog Rocky was ill. London daughter cannot let go of her need for Mom/OP to be the caretaker for all people and animals.</p>

<p>If there is not a local family who wishes to adopt Stan, try the Corgi Rescue folks. Here is alink that helps to search out Corgi rescues in different areas.
<a href=“http://pembrokecorgirescue.webs.com/findingalocalrescue.htm”>http://pembrokecorgirescue.webs.com/findingalocalrescue.htm&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>I have had excellent experiences with several dog rescue groups for three different breeds. Invariably, the rescue
folks work hard to insure that each adopted dog goes to a good home. Usually, they do home visits and interviews before any dog is placed in a new home. I have not seen evidence that they are outwardly judgmental about situations were dogs must be surrendered. I have been privileged to have two dogs adopted through rescue leagues. The Labradoodle I have now came complete with all of his medical records. He is from Tennessee, rescued from a kill shelter. He needed a family and we “needed” another dog. I found him on the internet and fell in love! The Lab rescue group facilitated the adoption and we are all happy.</p>

<p>@acollegestudent: I fear that at some point in your life you have had personal experience with abandonment. I am very sorry if this is true.</p>

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<p>How long do Corgis live and how old is he?
My inlaws were retired, but their Corgi had a much shorter lifespan than our Lab.
Otherwise, I dont know.
Many good arguments either way.
I myself rescued a dog last fall, that is really difficult sometimes.
I think the city shelter could have done a much better job screening me, as I had no idea how high energy boxer mixes are, or how challenging a rescue was going to be. He can be pretty anxious.
I understand the kids POV, but on the other hand, your concerns come first as you are the one who is actually there.</p>

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<p>First, I want to say how very grateful I am for everyone’s input here. I think it’s apparent that giving up a dog for adoption has many layers to it–most obviously the family dynamics of many years and our individual sense (or lack of sense) of well-being. Just to reiterate, my vast number of children DO consider Stan to be the Family Dog, even if only my youngest DD was at home still when we adopted him in December 2012. @cnp55 suggests Corgi rescue. We have a huge Corgi presence in Southern CA and I appreciate the reminder, as that was my third option if a) London DD does not come through and b) the family who loves him and cares for him (but charges me gobs of money) cannot take him. I know the rescue groups do screen, although I have no idea how they do so. I’m trying to keep him as few a number of degrees of separation away from us as possible. </p>

<p>@moonchild who has adopted a dog from a woman in the same circumstance as I understands how this situation can work on from the “receiving end” of this story. The woman could not keep her dog. Moonchild and the family adopted the dog. The pooch now has a lovely home with a new “forever family.” </p>

<p>Also, @pennylane2011 brings up some very important points. One of those is a family discussion. I’ve tried to have that, but unfortunately, London DD is crazy-upset about this entire thing, and @merlin is spot on with the assessment of PTSD. I honestly think she needs therapy to deal with the Daddy issues and her expectation at age 30 that her mother still has to hold down the fort to perfection in all things. </p>

<p>@Tyberius also mentions trading off. I’ve actually tried to do this with several friends, but for a variety of reasons it just does not seem to pan out. One family, who is youngest DD’s best friends family, has a dad that is allergic to Stan and all of his Corgi fur. They have dogs with essentially no fur (Dachshund and Whippet). Another has an elderly father who does not want another dog in the house (she has one little Maltese). Others do not do trades. They can afford to pay to have their dogs boarded when they travel. (There are a lot of those with $$ in the community where I live.) Sigh. </p>

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<p>“Maybe pets have opinions on this too. Too bad we can’t know them. Perhaps many of them would rather live in a home with plenty of attention and medical care than one where the sole owner is gone most of the time and is feeling upset/stressed about the cost of its care.”</p>

<p>And it’s OP’s job to provide medical care and attention that the dog needs, not just put her own needs first at the expense of the dog. </p>

<p>“London DD is crazy-upset about this entire thing, and @merlin is spot on with the assessment of PTSD. I honestly think she needs therapy to deal with the Daddy issues and her expectation at age 30 that her mother still has to hold down the fort to perfection in all things.”</p>

<p>How very dismissive. No, I don’t know your D or her issues, but I would be “crazy-upset” too if my mom did something like that, not that she ever, EVER would (not even if it was just her dog, never mind a family dog) - she was the one that taught me through all her actions that animals are family. Many of us DO consider animals family. So, no, being “crazy-upset” over someone giving away a family member is not an over-reaction.</p>

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<p>Giving the dog to her daughter (who is also part of the dog’s family) is not “discarding” the dog. Dumping it at a shelter would be discarding the dog. Giving him a chance at a better life is considering the dog’s needs. She travels for work. That’s not a good life for the dog. Living with his other family member who is home and can be a better mom for him would be a better thing it seems.</p>

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<p>“And it’s OP’s job to provide medical care and attention that the dog needs, not just put her own needs first at the expense of the dog.”</p>

<p>I am calling BS on this. You act like the dog’s health should be considered above the health of the human. You want to treat this as an inconvenience yet the OP said she is exhausted. Not only that she does want to find a situation in which the dog is properly cared for. Nowhere in any of this discussion has it been suggested that dog be neglected. </p>

<p>“So, no, being “crazy-upset” over someone giving away a family member is not an over-reaction.”</p>

<p>Being crazy upset from 6000 miles away is an over-reaction.</p>

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<p>Acollegestudent - so far, you have offered no help or any ideas in your posts, only screams about commitment. Your posts will continue to be dismissed as rants if you don’t offer anything constructive. What would you suggest of keeping the dog is not an option?</p>

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<p>Corgi rescue sounds like a great option to me. Maybe better than the family down the street.
Best option would be to send Stan to the London D (maybe–is he alone all day?). But she may not want the responsibility of having an animal. Same as you. It is difficult to have an apartment, a full time job and care for a pet. She may want to do it but can’t–so she wants you to do it–which isn’t an option. The proverbial rock and a hard place. She needs to start her life in London without added stress and you need to rid yourself of stress also.
Nobody else is stepping up to the plate–maybe they can’t either for all the same reasons. </p>

<p>Everyone needs a new viewpoint–dog will be happy, we aren’t “abandoning responsibility” for the animal–we are doing the responsible thing by finding a new home where he will be happier. And reducing stress which will probably add a few years of life to mom. Instead of “mom is getting rid of the family dog” discussion, the discussion should be “what is our best option to make Stan happy since mom can’t keep him?” If LD still wants him, make a time line, gather the info and send her the dog. I would just make arrangements and tell her when to pick him up at the airport.</p>

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<p>acollegestudent–animals are not children no matter what your mom taught you. Yes, they should be taken care of, fed, cared for. I bet your mom wouldn’t trade you or your health for a pet any day of the week in any situation. The OP has stress challenges that are hard and can be overwhelming. She is trying to find a solution to those stresses without hurting anybody around her including the pet. If you have a constructive solution to the problem, I’m sure it would be appreciated.</p>

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<p>As a Corgi mom, and knowing how loving and loyal they are, I can’t begin to imagine the heartache you must feel as you make this decision. It’s easy to imagine what we would do in your situation but, unless someone is in your exact situation, I think judgment should be reserved. I hope things work out for the best for you and for Stan. You both deserve it. </p>

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<p>"Acollegestudent - so far, you have offered no help or any ideas in your posts, only screams about commitment. Your posts will continue to be dismissed as rants if you don’t offer anything constructive. What would you suggest of keeping the dog is not an option? "</p>

<p>I am going out of the discussion anyways. If a person is irresponsible, an internet poster will not change her personality. My suggestion is simple - own up to your responsibility and keep the dog and give the dog at least all the basics that the dog needs. The OP is not destitute or disabled or homeless (as far as she has said). If money is an issue, get health insurance for the dog in case of medical emergencies. There are several companies (including Trupanion and PetPlan) that offer excellent coverage. Cut down/out cable/cell phone/clothes and/or make up budget to pay for the monthly necessities; get a cheaper car; don’t go on vacation. When traveling, use that money to continue leaving the dog with a responsible family.</p>

<p>“I am calling BS on this. You act like the dog’s health should be considered above the health of the human. You want to treat this as an inconvenience yet the OP said she is exhausted. Not only that she does want to find a situation in which the dog is properly cared for. Nowhere in any of this discussion has it been suggested that dog be neglected.”</p>

<p>Yeah, I am calling BS too. BOO HOO, OP is exhausted. Really? She has a perfectly healthy dog that costs too much to board. No, you don’t get to make the claim that OP’s ‘health’ comes first. I know a lot of animal people through rescues, common interests, etc., and I have gone through this myself. Exhausted is having an animal with a chronic condition. Exhausted is having a special needs animal. Exhausted is having an animal that need 24/7 care or daily medications. Exhausted is thousands of dollars in vet bills. And none of the people I have known who truly have a right to be exhausted are dumping their animals at a friend’s house, because they understand that them being exhausted pales in comparison with the commitment they made to a living creature.</p>

<p>I do think the dog may be better off, since it doesn’t look like OP will own up what she needs to do. Plus, I would be scared that if an actual, REAL problem presented itself, like a health issue for the animal, the OP would just cut and run then. Because, my goodness, she would be too “exhausted”.</p>

<p>I hope the OP’s daughter or another caring person gets the dog. The only reason I even responded to this thread is because attitudes like this are the reason there are so many animals in need of homes. Don’t get me wrong, everyone can feel scared, overwhelmed, conflicted, even resentful, when the going gets tough. I wouldn’t fault people for their frustrations. I have no sympathy for the OP, not because of her feelings, but because of her actions.</p>

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<p>IIRC, acollegestudent has views on pets which diverge from those of many here. I’ve read posts where she argues against euthanasia under any circumstances-that the owner is morally obligated to pay for any and all treatment to keep the dog alive as long as possible. No matter how expensive the treatment, the owner is obligated to pay for it as that is the imperative when adopting an animal. That mentality would explain her comments here.</p>

<p>If I have in any way misrepresented your philosophy, acollegestudent, please forgive me as it is due to memory rather than any ill intent. Please correct me where I may have erred.</p>

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<p>@emeraldkity4, Stan is three, based on what our vet tells us, but it’s a bit uncertain since he was abandoned at that Oklahoma Walmart back in June 2012, which is where his documented tale begins. I understand from the California shelter from whom we adopted him that abandoning pets at Walmart is quite popular since there is a lot of foot traffic and the abandoner assumes the dog will get picked up by someone. Pretty awful. Stan was found with a purebred basset hound. The rescue in Oklahoma tried to foster Stan and “Bessie”–both names they gave them since they had no ID’s–but there was no one in the mighty state of OK to take them. They were then shipped to a horrid shelter in Texas where the woman who runs it had around 800 animals. Stan and Bessie were in a cage together. This is likely where he got bladder stones–lack of water and possibly ability to urinate when he wanted (he’s so well house broken and does not want to soil anything). The founder of a shelter here in Southern CA heard about the crazy hoarder woman’s shelter in Texas and went to see for herself. Horrified, she packed as many of the dogs as she could into her car and drove back to CA. Stan, according to her, sat on the front seat of the car the entire way here. </p>

<p>Stan was then put into a placement with a family who had another Corgi. A month or so later, he was returned to the shelter, quite disheveled and with worms. He had a chronic urinary tract infection at that point. When we found him in December 2012, he was still on antibiotics. I had no clue the dog was facing a life-threatening situation and that he did not have just a urinary tract infection. He was in and out of our vet’s office and many treatments were tried. By February 2013, it was clear the dog was very ill. Our vet did an ultrasound. Bladder stones. Either he had major surgery or he would die, as his urinary tract was completely clogged with stones. (I still have the stones in a bag that the surgeon took out. Horrific.) London daughter did help pay for some of the expenses, but it was something over $6K by that point to save Stan. He had major surgery and has had no recurrence of stones since then, but then of course, he has me, The Dog Mom, who makes sure we have bowls of fresh water everywhere and that he goes out every two hours to pee. </p>

<p>That is the second issue. He is a total house dog. I now live in a 3-bedroom condo with a balcony and a small patio. Anyone who has lived under the oppressive rules of a home owners’ association knows what’s coming next. The dog is NOT permitted access to the balcony or patio when I am not home. To leave him unattended on MY enclosed patio violates HOA rules. My next door neighbor thought he “caught” Stan on the patio alone a couple of weeks ago and wrote a carefully crafted, mean letter to me that he posted on my front door: “Violation of HOA rules. If I see your dog again on the patio unattended, I will notify HOA.” The penalty is $100. (This HOA is nuts on many levels. All pet owners in the complex had to have our dogs’ DNA taken in May–ever hear of “Poo Prints”?! If the HOA’s newly-founded Poo Police find dog poo around the complex, it will be submitted to Poo Prints, who will apparently ID the offending dog and fine the owners. I think that penalty for errant dog doo is $150 for the first offense. Three hundred for a second offense. Sometimes I feel like Alice-down-the-rabbit-hole. </p>

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<p>The post by acollegestudent is the prime example why extremist animal activists are not being taken seriously. Attacks, name calling, etc. will not persuade anyone to adopt the position they so desperately want them to adopt.</p>

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<p>Nrdsb4, you have INDEED misrepresented me. I have said that I understand and even respect euthanasia if the owner is truly and selflessly doing it in the interest of the animal and only in the interest of the animal. I did say that euthanasia, in my opinion (as well as in the opinion of some competent vets) is overused and used instead proper pain management. It’s also used by owners in some cases when they just don’t want to deal any more. I certainly didn’t say that the owner should keep the dog alive as long as possible. I think, in certain cases, hospice/supportive type care can be preferable to putting an animal through extreme surgery, etc. Each case is, of course, individual.</p>

<p>I have argued that if you get an animal, you are obligated to act in the animal’s best interests when it come to vet care and not euthanize/not treat because of cost. Please note, this all comes back to animal’s best interest, not extreme treatments that would go AGAINST the animal’s interest (again, case by case basis - for some animals, surgery or cutting-edge treatments ARE the answer)</p>

<p>I agree that my views on pets diverge from many here, although, surprisingly, in real life, I have met enough like-minded people (and I am not even talking people I met through animal rescues).</p>

<p>I do find a tremendous amount of irresponsible pet ownership. This is a perfect example. People feel that their stress or inconvenience is enough of a reason to dispose of a pet. I DO think this is changing and changing for the better. Treatment of animals has come a long way. We will get there eventually.</p>

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<p>"The post by acollegestudent is the prime example why extremist animal activists are not being taken seriously. Attacks, name calling, etc. will not persuade anyone to adopt the position they so desperately want them to adopt. "</p>

<p>Name- calling? Who did I call a name? When? What name? I don’t believe in calling people names, and I don’t see where I did. Methinks you are the one calling ME names by calling me an ‘extremist’.</p>

<p>And really? Extremist animal activists? Wow. I would think extremist animal activists are the people who are throwing paint on the streets or something, not someone who argues that ‘stress’ is not a reason to get rid of an animal. I find it both sad and amusing that telling someone - “hey, you got a dog, absent extreme circumstances, he is yours for life, and you have to own up and make it work” - is considered extreme. Wow. Most serious animal rescues will tell you that. But I guess they are extremists too. Oh well.</p>

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<p>I see that you edited your post and took out some of the nasty stuff you wrote about the OP. good. </p>