<p>acollegestudent, thanks for the correction. Again, not a willful desire to misrepresent, just poor memory of your stance.</p>
<p>@acollegestudent, perhaps you missed the part where the OP said they spent thousands on his medical care when he came to them as a sick rescue, and then spent $6K on surgery on top of that. </p>
<p>The dog in my avatar was dumped in a shelter by her original family, taken out by golden retriever rescue, and adopted by us. She died on New Year’s Eve, of cancer. We spent thousands attempting to treat her. We were devoted to her. She was very timid, totally unsocialized when we got her, afraid of everything. But also incredibly sweet, in a true golden way. It is incomprehensible that someone would dump her in a shelter, and I can only imagine how she suffered emotionally there.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I have a family member in another state whose H bought a puppy for their two young boys and brought him home on Christmas. (He had two remarkable dogs of this breed as a child, and had romantic and unrealistic expectations.) She works full-time with a 1 1/2 hour commute each way. He travels extensively for work, usually being gone for most of the week. They have an au pair, whose job is NOT to take care of the dog. They live on a busy street. Their kids are undisciplined. The house is cluttered. Although my relative is a dog lover, she does not have the time or energy to really take care of this dog and give him the exercise and training he needs. She is already overloaded. (She was not the one who got the dog, do note.)</p>
<p>When I heard that the puppy had arrived, I immediately knew it was going to be a disaster. Frankly, I didn’t think he would make it to six months old. I thought he would be run over. </p>
<p>I saw him for the first time a few weeks ago. The kids play with him roughly, as little boys are wont to do if not taught otherwise. The dog is jumping out of his skin with excess energy. He spend most of his time on a tie out. He jumps up people, jumps up and grabs things off tables or out of your hand. He is strong and wild. I asked to take him on a leash by me rather than having him yelping and barking in frustration on the tie out. After a while, H and I were able to get him to sit semi quietly, being patted and spoken to continuously. They were amazed. We started talking about training. Then the H said, “Could YOU train him?” The upshot of all this is that they are bringing the dog to me in a couple of weeks. This is an open-ended arrangement. actually have my doubts that they will ever take him back. I regard this as their being responsible about the dog. Granted, they should not have gotten him in the first place, and the breeder should never have sold a puppy to them, but now the right thing is being done. There are times when rehoming is the right thing to do.</p>
<p>Whether one respects the reasons for the OP’s feelings that she is not the best person to take care of this job, if that is indeed the case, the dog will be better off being placed with a person or family who have the time, the energy, the means, and the desire to give this dog the wonderful life he should have.</p>
<p>I personally respect that the OP recognizes and admits that she is not up to the job and, rather than keeping that animal at home and unhappy or not with an optimal life, is trying to find a situation where the dog will be better off.</p>
<p>To the OP, I know this is a difficult decision for you and I know you have Stan’s best interests at heart. </p>
<p>Dogs as family. My human children joke that our canine family members are my favorite children because they are always happy to see me, listen to everything I say and don’t talk back. They are a very important part of my life only because I don’t have a full-time job that requires me to travel, my husband works a lot and I’m an introvert that doesn’t do real well in social situations. The dogs are basically my constant companions and everyone is pretty happy. There’s no question they are a big financial commitment and I wouldn’t have two if I had children still in college. </p>
<p>Stan deserves a full life. I don’t think he would have that full life living with your daughter in London. I support a Labrador rescue organization and many of the dogs that are rehomed are coming from situations where their needs are being met, but they’re not living the fullest life possible. They may go from a home life where they spend many hours alone every day locked in a garage or crated to a home life where they spend their days boating on the Chesapeake or hanging out with a work from home pet parent. Rescues screen adopters carefully, perform home visits and provide support during the transition process. It is a far different process than rescuing from a shelter. Several dogs in rescue have ended up there because their families lost their homes to foreclosure - should the entire family live in the car, or should the dog go to rescue so the family can have housing? </p>
<p>It would break my heart to have to give up Sabadog and Sabapup, but if there came a time they needed more than I could provide (both in terms of time and money), a rescue would be the first group I would contact. </p>
<p>I wish you the best as you struggle with this difficult decision. </p>
<p>acollegestudent, what it comes down to and you said it, your views diverge from others. But you did have to say BOO HOO to someone who finds a new and better situation for a pet and calling OP irresponsible (which is name calling) because she may think differently than you do. If you truly believe your views diverge, you should be willing to accept that the views of others diverge from yours.</p>
<p>Bless you, @Consolation for adopting your beloved Golden. I am so sorry for your loss. And bless you again for taking on the new pup from your family members who cannot train him properly. I do agree with the rehoming concept if a family (or in this case, the one and only me) lacks the capacity to properly care for the pet. Earlier this morning I sent a text to the woman who cares for Stan when I travel to see if she wanted to go for a walk with her dog, Shadow (Stan’s best dog friend), and mine. We met up for a lovely walk and typical of Stan, he ran, full bore to her the moment he saw her. (N.B.: Shadow runs directly to me, so it’s a bit reciprocal, our dogs’ mutual love of us both.) At the end of our walk I broached the subject of her possibly adopting Stan. I burst into tears, of course, as I carry massive guilt for this. The dog would have died had we not adopted him and paid all of those expenses for his surgery. Of that I am clear. Nevertheless, I do feel responsible for his welfare on 1000 levels. The other dog mom, who adores Stan, has to talk with her husband and weigh the pros and cons. Of course, @somemom brings up what I would consider the worst nightmare: you think you have found the perfect home for your dog and then the new owner dumps him. However could you have known when all of her actions were the opposite? </p>
<p>Consolation, you are 100% correct on several points.</p>
<p>First of all, I did miss the OP spending money on vet care. That’s good and responsible, and I hope she keeps doing that.</p>
<p>Secondly, your friend should have never gotten a dog, like you said, and you also state correctly that someone should have screened better and not allowed them to get the dog.</p>
<p>Thirdly, if I thought the situation would not change, I would ABSOLUTELY encourage your friends to rehome the dog. I have personally encouraged people to rehome animals, because I think the animal’s welfare does come first.</p>
<p>However, just because I have and will encourage certain people to rehome their animals does NOT mean that those people get a free pass or should be told how kind/noble/wornderful/responsible they are for doing what’s ‘best’ for the dog. No, they are doing the wrong thing. The right thing to do (in your friends’ case) would be to train the dog, teach their children respect for the dog, and hire a dogwalker for when they are not in the house (or at least potty train the dog on an indoor potty). The wife needs to take the dog on a longer walk (at least half an hour) when she is home after work (or before work). THAT’S the right thing to do. </p>
<p>If they are not going to do that, yes, it’s better for the dog to rehome the dog, but it doesn’t absolve the people of doing wrong by the dog. Does that make sense?</p>
<p>In the OP’s case, yes, it’s her responsibility to make it work. Stress is not an excuse. If she doesn’t accept the responsibility, yes it would be better for the dog not to be with her, and it will be the lesser of two evils to rehome the dog. However, that doesn’t make the OP’s decision OK or acceptable or something to congratulate her on, as some posters are doing.</p>
<p>Geo, I do not believe calling someone ‘irresponsible’ is namecalling. Maybe our views diverge here too. Irresponsible is not responsible - it’s not a slur or an insult. I am stating a fact, maybe too bluntly for your taste. And I accept that people’s views can diverge, but it doesn’t make all the views equally valid. Some people believe and truly believe that releasing a domestic animal “back in the wild” is natural and not irresponsible. Their views diverge. That doesn’t make their views valid.</p>
<p>Most rescues (legitimate rescues, not overcrowded, overstaffed city pounds that may not care who a dog goes to) will deny you the adoption of an animal if you say that if you move, or get a new job, or get too stressed out, or have a baby, you will rehome the animal. That is considered irresponsible, unacceptable behavior. I would be willing to bet that a lot of adoption contracts even mention that the animal is for life - and we are not talking about extreme circumstances here, where a family member got cancer or became disabled. An animal is not something you can pass around, even to a good home, just because it doesn’t fit your lifestyle anymore.</p>
<p>I truly am surprised, even knowing the views of some people on CC, that stress is considered an OK reason for rehoming. I would not have seen that one coming.</p>
<p>Two things:</p>
<p>1) My grandparents forced my mom to get rid of her Schnauzer in the early 1960s. Fifty years later, she openly says she never forgave them for that, every single time we see a teenager with a dog.</p>
<p>2) When you adopt a pet, you adopt them for life. A dog is not something you pass around. They are sentient beings, who even mourn their owners when they die. It’s not like getting rid of a sofa.</p>
<p>^^^^In this situation, it seems that unlike your Mom, the OP’s daughter doesn’t particularly want the dog.</p>
<p>As for the second statement, I think as a general rule, I can agree with that. HOWEVER, sometimes circumstances come up which call for a less rigid view of things. If an owner becomes ill and unable to properly care for a pet, there must be an open mindedness to doing what’s in the best interest of the dog, not insisting that there is some kind of unwritten law that must never be challenged under any circumstances.</p>
<p>^^^ True, but the circumstances you refer to are serious, extreme circumstances. Illness would certainly be included. Nothing in what OP describes points to that. Expenses and stress are part of owning a pet. Having a pet stay with a family (not even a kennel, which I could see could be problematic on long-term basis) during travel is not bad for the pet either.</p>
<p>This situation is really, really tough.</p>
<p>My father is another one whose parents gave away a pet dog, and he never forgot or truly forgave his parents for doing so.</p>
<p>On the flip side, I think the dog would be a lot better off if you did re-home him. Dogs need a lot of time, love, and attention, and personally I think they are capable of bonding with new people in a loving, attentive home. I think dog owners should have enthusiasm for dog ownership otherwise both the owner and the dog suffer.</p>
<p>My thought is you need to somehow get your daughters’ buy in on re-homing the dog before you do it. The dog is young, and it still needs a lot of attention and care. Is there any chance of helping them better understand the gravity of the situation? Could you maybe keep a log of how often the dog is alone and/or being boarded with others so they get the sense that the dog really isn’t getting the love and attention it would get if they still lived with it?</p>
<p>I feel like I’m grasping at straws a bit. Sorry. I just totally see and empathize with the dilemma you are facing. </p>
<p>If I absolutely had to make a decision, I think my first choice would be to get financial help from your older daughter so you can get more assistance with the dog including some daily dog walking (tired dogs are good dogs) while ensuring the dog has a good quality of life despite the fact that you don’t have the energy to give it right now. </p>
<p>I was thinking of the younger daughter when I brought up my mom’s resentment. The one that sees the dog as a life saver and is going to college.</p>
<p>And I agree that if the owner is ill, or a situation like that, it might be in the best interest of the dog to be taken care of by somebody else. I am not a black or white person. But I don’t think that is the case here, at all. She is stressed out, not ill or incapacitated. </p>
<p>I think when people adopt a pet, they need to be fully aware that is a long term commitment. OP knew her kids were going to be leaving in a few years, and that child support would be ending, and that she needs to travel for work. </p>
<p>From what she says, that dog has been through a lot already, and changing homes could be very traumatic for him. That’s why most shelters screen adopters, and some even make them sign a “contract” making a commitment they won’t give up the pet. It can be very traumatic for a dog or cat to be abandoned.</p>
<p>It’s a big decision, that is the gist of my point. I think the OP should think it through and also wait and see how she feels after her daughter leaves for college in the Fall, instead of rushing to make a decision now. I think asking the children to contribute monetarily is fair, by the way. And I think dog sharing is a wonderful idea. Getting rid of the dog should be a last resort situation.</p>
<p>Stress, while not an illness by itself, can lead to very serious health complications. I experinced that firsthand and will not wish this upon my enemies. If the presence of a pet contributes to continuing stress, the wellbeing of the human trumps the “commitment”. OP does not sound like an irresponsible animal owner to me after all she has done for this dog (and his predecessors).</p>
<p>Also, I do think there is a tendency to anthropomorphize dogs a bit too much. I had two beautiful golden retrievers that I loved dearly, but they did NOT like each other. My father visited and absolutely fell in love with one of them. He lived across the country and repeatedly told me how he’d be very happy to have the dog. Ultimately, I decided it would be better for both dogs if they were separated. I kept the one I had had the longer time, and we gave the other one to my father. Both dogs thrived. The one that went to live with my dad had it soooo great - - swimming pool, walks on the beach, and tons of affection. If he was unhappy or missed us, it certainly wasn’t evident. </p>
<p>acollegestudent–you are so judgmental that it hurts to read your posts. I don’t know what to say. Literally</p>
<p>I know about stress. I have had close family deaths, graduate school, stressful jobs, serious illnesses, moves, and so on. I have had to make medication for anxiety attacks in the past. Unfortunately, stress is part of modern life.</p>
<p>I think we disagree about the commitment. I my pets as members of my family and I adopted them fully aware that it was a long term commitment, even if I got overwhelmed or my life circumstances changed. There have been numerous studies finding dogs can get depressed, that they mourn their humans after they die (sometimes even visiting their graves).</p>
<p>Whatever decision the OP makes is respectable, and I am sure she would not willingly endanger the dog. But giving it up might traumatize the animal (who already has had a hard life). So maybe, trying other options (like asking the children for help, sharing the dog, etc) should be considered first.</p>
<p>salander, please go back and read her posts. Her kids are not willing to help, and the dog is very social and well adjusted, so rehoming is not going to harm him any more than the current stress is harming the OP (as you think).</p>
<p>Gouf78, you don’t have to read my posts and are free to form your opinions. It’s not too concerning to me what strangers on the internet think of my opinions. I find it somewhat ironic that I am beign called ‘judgmental’ when in many posts people have gotten ripped to shreds for something as silly as wanting their kids to miss class for vacation during college or for what others cosider “wrong parenting”. But people are passionate about their views. I am sure if I look at your posts, there are times you have been direct or even harsh with people.</p>
<p>I take treatment of animals seriously. It’s something I am very passionate about, and it’s something I am going to speak out about. I have a lot of sympathy for how hard it can be to take care of an animal. I have all the respect in the world for people who may fall short but genuinely try to do their best, who try to do just a little better each day than the day before. I have very little sympathy for people who let their lifestyle (again, not talking about serious life issues) come before the wellbeing of an animal they brought into their life. Most people wouldn’t even think of quitting their jobs due to stress (unless it was really, really extreme) or sending away their kids to live with grandma or selling their house at a loss because of a less than perfect neighbor. Stress is not an excuse.</p>
<p>If that makes me judgmental according to you, fine. I am all for being kind, but in some cases directness is called for, as long as it’s respectful. Sometimes people just need a wake-up call. Not every single thing in life is relatvie.</p>
<p>I read her posts. It seems to me like once the heat is off, everyone has calmed down, she can consider other options. It seems like her first reaction to stress was giving away the dog. I think it should not have been her first reaction, and I think the daughters are angry with her that it was. Maybe with time the daughters will calm a bit. Maybe once she is an empty nester she’ll come to appreciate the dog’s company. It seems to me like she made a rushed suggestion and all I would like her is to think long and hard about it. her youngest isn’t even gone yet. She doesn’t know how she’ll feel.</p>
<p>I think she asked for opinions and I gave mine. She adopted the dog knowing this was coming, and she made a commitment. Your opinion is different, that’s the beauty of the world.</p>
<p>If you feel sure that somewhere down the road, you will have to give up the dog, then do it now. The older the dog, the harder it is to find someone to adopt. </p>