<p>My child will start at UC San Diego this Fall 12. I think shes expecting to bring along her passport. My first concern is that it may be stolen or she may misplace it and replacing it would not be easy. My second concern is she is not even 18 yet when she starts college and she and her friends may decide to go to Mexico for a weekend. She has travelled abroad a few times but she was either accompanied by us or by teachers via a group travel program. </p>
<p>Ive always been haunted by the Natalee Holloway tragic event. Aruba is such a beautiful place and we had a wonderful, relaxing vacation but when I heard about the Holloway incident, I made a mental note that while my child is still under the age of 21. I would not allow her to go to trips abroad without supervision when they decide to go to clubs. Except if it is a study abroad program. </p>
<p>I need some advice if it is wise for me to give her passport. I feel a lot better if I keep it with me safely hidden in a safe. So how do I explain this to her without her freaking out by my over-protectiveness and telling me to chill?</p>
<p>You could start by decreasing your level of over-protectiveness and chilling. Then give her her passport, if she wants it. I’m pretty sure that legally you have to, anyway.</p>
<p>At age 18, your child is an adult, ( except for the trivial things like having a beer, wine or other booze, and, oh, yes, that check for college ) so if she wants her passport, she is entitled to it. whether you want to give it to her or not. She will also figure out very quickly how she can get an enhanced drivers license to go over the border without a passport if hers gets misplaced or lost. So, you can tell her you don’t want to give to her and when it comes down to it tell her that you won’t pay for college if she insists on taking it, but, it is her passport and you are illegally withholding it from her once she is an adult if she says she wants it from you.</p>
<p>We kept ds passports just for practicality. Freshman dorms are crowded and messy. my oldest daughter has her own apartment so she has hers. Youngest passport is still with us. If she needs we can over night it. I can understand the whole mexico concern. </p>
<p>Not that she would go missing, just tijauna is not great place to hang out. I wonder how many kids really go there anyway.</p>
<p>She doesn’t need your permission to travel and can get a passport all by herself. Tragic things happen all the time. Teach your daughter to be careful, not fearful.</p>
<p>S is going to school near the Canadian border, so he’s taking his Passport Card, and we’re keeping his actual passport. The card is enough to get him in and out of Canada.</p>
<p>Yes…she is going off to college, time to let her start making her own decisions.</p>
<p>hookdonwdw–one thing about the passport card, if he were to need to fly out of Canada (illness, etc. while there) the passport card will not let him back into the country. Give him the passport, make a copy of the passport for you to keep at home.</p>
<p>The only leverage I had when my girls where in college was money. If i found they were doing something i wasn’t thrilled with, ie getting tattoos, imwould say, well, if you can afford to do that, you will get bare minimum from me for school. No extras. Sure it’s blackmail, but it’s also my money. I never threatened not paying for school or anything, just cutting back a lot on extras. Am</p>
<p>Make a copy of the passport and give her passport. Give her one in her paperwork file younwill give her, and tell her you hope she doesn’t go to Mexico but of course you will be there always in case something happens. My daughters school is next to a dodgy neighborhood. It’s fine, at night it’s best to just to go elsewhere to go out. The kids all are aware of just being smart.</p>
<p>My biggest fear was always a bunch of girls going out ,getting drunk and not being there for each other. But that was never the case, they seemed to really watch out for each other and know where everyone was, not let anyone do stupid, go off alone, etc…</p>
<p>I think sometimes we feel that if we can only control one particular thing, we can keep our children safe. </p>
<p>Rather than saying, “don’t go to Aruba (or Mexico),” I’ve talked with my daughter about how important it is for friends to stay together when they’ve been drinking. Don’t leave your friends to go off with someone you’ve just met or don’t know well, don’t let your friend go off with a stranger, don’t let your drunk friend leave the party or the bar to walk home by herself.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, college women have disappeared after a night of partying right here in the U.S. Bad things don’t just happen in foreign countries. I agree with reeinaz: teach your daughter to be careful, not fearful.</p>
<p>Our kids went to college in LA. We agonized about their passports. Freshman year, S’s dorm had a SAFE for each person in their own closet. We gave S his passport & he’s kept it fine over the years. We plan to give D hers in the near future (after she figures out her next place to live)–she is graduating college and is 22 at the moment. She has never asked for it & would would have overnighted it if she needed it. She is disorganized and we didn’t want it lost in her clutter. ALWAYS keep a copy of the photo page of the passport (entire page in color). It can be VERY useful in the event that it is lost or misplaced. Keep it in a place separate from the passport. You can even email it to yourself and/or child so that they have it as well; replacements are MUCH quicker if that is available.</p>
<p>Teaching our kids to be safe in whatever situations they choose to be in or find themselves in is VERY important for us to teach our kids at all stages of their lives, so when they have independence, they make good choices. My 1st year away at school, I was saddened and disappointed by many poor choices I saw made by people I had otherwise respected, all in the name of experimenting and “freedom.” The consequences seemed disproportionately high for the transient “fun” value and turned me toward people who were make choices more consistent with ones I valued.</p>
<p>Of course, some kids can only learn by doing, but it can be painful to watch, even vicariously. Sometimes it’s best not to think too much about the “what ifs” and worrying about how things can go wrong–much goes incredibly well and right most of the time.</p>
<p>You can get a lockbox for her dorm to keep her passport and other valuables safe. There is a website to get one that attaches to her bed where it can not be undone unless opened. Also the college bookstore may sell it. Otherwise if she is getting a footlocker you can have her lock things in there. Only problem with that is a footlocker can be carried off. </p>
<p>As far as restricting her travel the only control you may have is monetary. Let her learn some responsibility. I would worry about travel to some places too so have a long mother daughter talk.</p>
<p>Both my sons have their passports. BUT- DH and I live overseas and it makes more sense for the kids to have their passports in their possession - since the possibility for them meeting up with us somewhere is high. </p>
<p>If we were living in the US…chances are I would have the passport and would overnight them if needed. I fully trust my kids - but don’t necessarily trust the kids who might be in and out of their dorms.</p>
<p>I gave my D her passport and, guess what, now she can’t find it in the mess of her dorm room. I’m hoping it turns out in the clean out for the move home for the summer.</p>
<p>We made copies of my D’s passport, and kept a copy at home. She needed hers for a trip that she took freshman year, so she took it to school and kept it in the lock box until the trip was over, then returned it home.</p>
<p>So much depends on the kid, family & situation. For our family, it is just much more convenient and less stress for everyone if we hang onto valuables for our D & overnight them to her as needed. Saves all of us unneeded anxiety. She is absent-minded and organizationally challenged. She can get us info about her passport needs well in advance of having to have the document in hand, so it’s all good.</p>
<p>One other option to consider is a safety deposit box in a bank for your kid. I particularly like those located in supermarkets that have weekend and night hours. If D wants her passport, I will suggest she consider storing it in such a place. The relatively low annual fee would provide peace of mind, safety and relative convenience.</p>
<p>@ hookdonwdw: I forgot about passport cards. That would be easier to keep safe in a wallet together with her license. I do have to submit a passport application again and attach her current passport book to the application so I can get both the passport card and book. This’ll take about 4 to 6 weeks. </p>
<p>@lenny2: I can see the same thing happening to my daughter. lol. As it is right now, her bedroom and bathroom is always cluttered. I don’t know how she can squeeze all her clothers and shoes in a tiny dorm room. So…</p>
<p>@SweetTea: Your idea of a lockbox that can be attached to a bed is great idea. Thanks! I have to look into that.</p>
<p>I don’t remember where we ordered the one for my son but for my D we bought it at the bookstore. There are alot of options if you google. Quickly looking I found one called a dorm vault. It is on a site called “tobesafeandsound”. We have the cube one but there is a laptop model. My kids keep the extra cash we give them, their passport, camara and my D puts some jewelry in hers but she doesn’t have that much.</p>
<p>After she turns 18, “She doesn’t need your permission to travel and can get a passport all by herself.”</p>
<p>I agree. And anybody who can negotiate that process on their own deserves to have one. It may not be fair to say her’s is “lost” if it is not, but my D, age 22, had been working on getting one for two months now, and it looks like it will cost $300 to get it by the time she needs it.</p>
<p>I went to San Diego state about a million years ago. Greatest time ever.
This was pre-you have to have a passport days. So we just crossed the border easily…that being said crossing the border is still a pain. We were even crazy enough to drive across the border…very stupid to drive your own car in Mexico since your insurance does not work there. After a few visits it was clear that I was done with Tijuana. A reality check with the massive poverty, trash, smell etc. Walking across the border is a learning lesson on how good we have it in the good old USA.
If she goes there with friends, and stays in a group and does not hang out there at night, it should be okay. And like I said, a lesson she will never learn in the classrooms at UCSD.</p>
<p>I would say just make a copy of her passport to keep at home if you decide to let her keep hers. I am not familiar with the rules beyond a passport, but I am sure she can get details. Also, Tijuana is probably not going to be her first outing in San Diego. It is a great place to go to to school with tons to do!</p>