<p>Sorry for the misleading title- it has nothing to do with college visits.</p>
<p>I need some advice. Well, my parents have been divorced for ten years now. My mom is still in Korea and my brother, dad and I moved to the US. We used to secretly talk to her on the phone, but after a year or two I stopped having phone conversations. There was a language barrier- I was only seven when I came to America and forgot most of the language. It was just frustrating, because I couldn’t communicate so I would ignore her calls or never call her back.</p>
<p>Years later I don’t really miss her, but sometimes I think what if I did stay in Korea and live with my mom? Now my dad is moving away and in the car today he told me how sorry he is that he couldn’t give us everything and so on. He asked me if I wanted to go visit my mom during the summer because their problems isn’t my problem doesn’t have to do with me, and she is still my mom. </p>
<p>The thing is, I don’t know if I want to see her and if I do I’m not sure if I can even talk to her; to my dad I speak Konglish (Korean & English). But I feel like this may be the only chance to see her for a long time and I feel like I should visit her since she IS my mom. I really don’t know what to do anymore.</p>
<p>She’s your mother and you’re not indicating any compelling reason you shouldn’t see her and you’re actually indicating that you would like to see her, so - go visit her. And don’t worry about the language - you’ll be able to communicate fine.</p>
<p>If you feel you have to explain why you haven’t talked to her, see if you can find someone to translate (not your dad) and you can send it in a letter. If you can’t find someone, post on CC - there are always people willing to help!</p>
<p>Of course a mother/child bond is so important, however I am wondering what the reason for her not visiting you for the past 10 years is. I would need to know that before making any suggestions or assumptions. I raised my 19 year old daughter on my own so I have a bit of insight as to how your father probably feels, however, there are always two sides to the story.</p>
<p>You have a chance to visit the country of your birth with your father footing the bill- and to reconnect with your mother. Do it. You can make the visit as short or long with your mother as seems right when you are there- leave flexibility so you are not stuck with her but also to have room for more time if things go well. You could have regrets later in life if you postponed this visit and never found the time before she dies. You could see her once and get on with your life, or you could reestablish your bond. Everything to gain and nothing to lose. Don’t let the language issues stop you.</p>
<p>If you decide to make this trip (which most of us parents would advise that you do) is there someone you can go with? It sounds like your dad isn’t going to be there for you, so do you have a cousin, a friend, or someone who speaks Korean?<br>
All of us moms are rooting for you to find peace in your family.</p>
<p>I’m really not sure who I’d be going with- I could possibly be with my dad.</p>
<p>& About visiting her before, it was never an option. We don’t really go on vacation or talk about family much. We’re all pretty distant and have our own lives. I think the only reason this is coming up is because my brother went to go see her after he graduated (my dad was against it at first, but then he let my brother go) and that my dad feels bad that he’s leaving me to live with my aunt. Besides my brother the only reason my dad went to Korea is to visit/go to the funeral for my grandpa who had cancer.</p>
<p>I’m still iffy. I don’t want to deal with the emotional crap that will come if I go, but I don’t want to regret not seeing her in the future.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to deal with the emotional crap that will come if I go, but I don’t want to regret not seeing her in the future.”</p>
<p>Everyone who has a family, has family issues. Some are a lot worse than others. Some are so bad that any contact whatsoever is negative. Yours doesn’t sound quite like that. So, I’d vote for going. It sounds like you will have the money for this trip now. You may not have it in the future. And, evidently your mom doesn’t have enough money to visit you here or she would have done that long ago.</p>
<p>Yes, go. If you don’t go, you’ll probably always regret not going. Whatever happens on the trip, she is your mother, and seeing her will be an opportunity to learn about yourself as well as her. For all you know, this may be your only opportunity to see her.</p>