I think you’re getting good advice here. On this issue and the many others that I’m sure will come up as you try to become an independent adult, it’s important for you to remember that it’s not you, it’s him. I’ll assume you love him and that he has many sterling qualities, but he’s a little nuts.
If “it’s my application, not yours” is the most insulting thing he’s ever heard, I’m going to guess that either he has led an extraordinarily charmed life or he’s a narcissist. That it’s your application is a completely factual statement.
My suggestion would be to talk to your GC and see what kind of help the GC can offer, with the back up of calling the admissions offices ASAP after submitting the application, explaining the situation and seeing if they’ll take,the real essay. Maybe your GC could make these calls and submit on your behalf?
Would your dad be at all persuaded by the argument that AO’s can tell when an essay has been written or heavily edited by an adult and that you’ll be better off submitting what is obviously your own work, even if his is “better?”
@Otterma Thank you very much. @millie210@Lindagaf@phoenixmomof2@jym626@CorpusChristi I set up an appointment with my counselor on Friday, so I’m curious to see how that turns out. About the essay clearly sounding like it was written by an adult, that’s exactly the case. I’ve been told it sounds very preppy and unlike a 17-year old. However, I would be happy to PM the essay to any of you, as I would like a second opinion on how it reads. I don’t fear losing that essay, because IMO anyone who would use that essay would get a rejection letter.
Secondly, I also would like to know if Harvard will pick up on the fact that the essay was forced. I was advised not to go into the circumstances of uploading an additional essay, so I included a small note that is below. What would this make you think? (if the following essay sounded adult-like)
Dear Admissions Officer(s):
Hello! This is an additional essay I had written. If possible, I would like this essay considered as my Common Application essay over the essay that was submitted with the Common Application, as I believe the other essay does not wholly reflect who I am. The word count on the below essay is 650 words and it answers the following prompt:
Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Don’t you have to check a box at the bottom of the common app that asserts that all work submitted is your own? Can you direct your parent towards this language?
Yes, what @mamaedefamilia said. On apps that I’ve seen, you certify that what you’re submitting is your work. Maybe you can appeal to his sense of ethics/honesty/morality?
@pocrocodro I will read it. Pm it to me. I help students with college essays all the time.
Reading your proposition of including an extra note with another essay, if I were an AO, I would immediately wonder why. Without a clarification, I would certainly disregard the whole app. It is too suspicious that way. My first thought would be “who submits an essay that doesn’t refelct who they are? Deny.” Sorry, just being honest. Go that route if you like, but I would explain why you want the correct essay used. However you handle it, it is going to be not ideal. The issue is, however you present it, there is some kind of problem. I am a Harvard AO. Do I want a problem on my hands before I even accept this student? No. I say submit your own essay, or nothing. If your dad is willing to pay for Harvard,he should be willing to let you get in on your own merit.
Ah, well, you never know. Maybe it will work, but you know how difficult it is to get in anyway. Maybe others will have a differnt opinion, but I think it’s best to avoid doing that for other apps.
Agree with @Lindagaf .and @mamaedefamilia An explanation and any controversy about your essay is just a reason to reject. They are looking for reasons to reject people. When you check a box that its your work that means something. If you can’t check it honestly don’t apply. If you applied just let it ride now. Focus on a safety school instead.
If you’re rejected from Harvard you could tell your dad that it’s related to the essay being a British -style 'personal statement ', vs. The narrative /non fiction short story American colleges expect. It’s a unique exercise that no other country wants.
The key is that Adcoms are used to adult writing and it won’t turn out well for you.
If your father seesba college 's rejection as reflecting on you only and shaming him rather than being his fault (in part), and refuses to accept the fact us colleges don’t want a 'personal statement ’ , ask for a fee waiver on the 'exception’clause the guidance counselor or principal can choose on common app, and submit all your applications from school. Say it was required by the counselling office because they were concerned you had so many high reaches and not enough safeties.
BTW. Do apply to your state flagship and it’s honors college, and apply to a pod honors college (asu Barrett or U Alabama Honors), you have 10 days to get it all done.
@pocrocodro - others have given good opinions but here are mine. Note - I am not an expert, just another high schooler like you.
My parents always read all my essays and apps. They also suggest a lot of edits, but ultimately what we submit is a consensus version.
First - your parents are trying to help. Second - they may not know what is required / expected in these college applications. Third - just because you don’t like the edited version, does not mean those are no good. Fourth - show essays that work to your parents and ask for their help to make yours like one of those. Fifth - if you have already sent the new version to Harvard - I am sure they would have read it. Sixth - stopping your application cycle is not a wise decision. Your life is more than just a couple of essays. Last - good luck to you. Despite all this, you will do great.
I have run into similar problems too. I think there are a couple things you could try but it really depends on your father’s personality and how you approach the conversation.
For me, I tried to have a calm and logical discussion with my dad. I think it’s really beneficial to try not to get emotional on your end by taking deep breaths and maintaining a calm and steady voice. If he suggests an edit, ask him why he believes his version is better, and tell him the reasons why you chose to write your essay that way. For example, if he wants to swap an imagery with a fact, listen to the points he’s making, seriously consider them, tell him the emotions that you tried to convey with your original language, why having those emotions might help, and come to some sort of compromise.
In the beginning stages of my essay writing, I wrote a ton of drafts for different prompts, and had alot of people read them. There were some drafts that I really liked and that my dad didn’t, so we talked through exactly what he didn’t like about it, and found that the style of writing he believes to be effective is different from my normal style of writing. More specifically, he thought that amongst all my flowery language I lacked substance. So what we would do is talk about what factual information we could add or convey, and I would put it into my own words and have him read it again. Sometimes he would lobby for deleting parts I really liked, but after alot of time and calm discussion, we could usually come to an agreement.
For places that we really disagreed about, we had a couple of third party people read the two different versions, and have them give specific feedback. I think the key to these sorts of discussions is being specific and logical - you won’t get anywhere yelling at each other and calling each other’s work stupid.
Sounds like we have the same exact father to be perfectly honest. I won’t go into details but my father was somewhat even worse than yours so I know exactly what situation you’re in. Haha I found it funny that you liked the nighttime – I love the late nights (4AM-6AM) too because I’m perfectly alone and find peace in that. No yelling, no screaming, no one else. I’ve always had some sort of metaphorical mask so not even my closest friends know what happens within my household as social and extroverted I am outside of my house.
In my opinion, there are two straightforward ways to deal with it. In the past I used to sneak around and do everything on the downlow, but for college apps my father was almost exactly like yours in his strictness and how he constantly watched over me.
In my mind, you can either take the weak way and succumb to what he wants and what he forces you into (I was also told I wasn’t going to have my tuition paid and that I was gonna be kicked out, disgraced from the family, etc etc) and continue to do it for the rest of your life, constantly under his control, doing everything he wants you to. On the other hand, you can take this as an opportunity for you to stand up for yourself. Who cares if he thinks that you said the most disrespectful thing by stating that it was your application and not his? It IS YOUR application. It’s your future. It’s YOUR future to mess up and not his to act upon.
I would rather take the chance and not go to an out of state school, paying off loans and becoming more independent and self sustainable than continuing to be suffocated. I would rather pay off years of debt and make my own path at a school I love like Harvard than to get rejected to all my schools because of his ignorance. Like someone else mentioned, it’s also likely that he’s bluffing. As stubborn as he is, you are HIS child and he wants to see you succeed. The reason he takes so much time to “surgically edit” your essays and to be so involved in your college decision is because he wants YOU to go to a good college. I don’t know what ethnicity you are, but in the majority of Asian cultures, the school their child goes to matters A LOT to them as an overall indicator of success. In many ways, he might wish the best for you, but may not be able to convey that fact and does it through the only way he knows because of the way he was raised or because of some other events in his life.
It’s up to you to make your decision and to carve out your path for life. If you never make a stand and toughen yourself up, you’ll always be belittled and under his authoritarian control, constantly under his watch, with every movement in his control for the rest of your life. Times will get better. We all go through obstacles in our life and sometimes the best things come from them. PM me if you want to talk some more, especially for more private things, but it’s up to YOU to make a change.
*These are my opinions based off my personal experiences so take them as you will
I would not recommend offending your dad. He is very obsessive as far as your college is concerned. You should involve a third person. Also, even though you get good grades in English, it does not necessarily translate into a good writer. May be show him some online available college essays and see what he says.
But resolve it amicably with your dad.
Lol reading through the other comments, mine seems to an extreme but I just wanted to make a little note. Everything I said was based off some assumptions I made off what I got from what I read:
I took it as your dad is EXTREMELY stubborn to an unimaginable extent and refuses to compromise, always believing he has the perfect solution and thinks that what he knows if right even if he hasn’t done all his research. Possibly an immigrant who moved here and is slightly out dated, although very hardworking, he believes that he was the best of the best “back home” and this thinks of himself as better than others. He looks down upon administrators, teachers, etc at your school or other third parties because he believes that they aren’t directly from the admissions office and are not as “smart” as him.
Again, most of this is from my personal experience so I may have unfairly profiled him but these are just assumptions I made and my argument and way of approaching it was based off of this.
We don’t know anything else about OP or the rest of his app. It’s premature to assume H adcoms would toss this aside just because of the second essay. There’s such tough competition that all sorts of things can affect chances.
Dad’s wrong. It’s not meant to be an adult piece of writing or an overt pitch, nor a thesis statement/proofs essay of the sort English teachers train kids in.
Let us know if the GC offers/offered some help if you need to submit addl applications.
A lot of you answering have obviously not grown up with a verbally abusive parent. Reasoning, arguing, bringing in a third party - not going to get you what you want. My advice: find an out of state school that you think you can get in to that doesn’t put as much weight on the essay. (Not sure what your intended major is, or grades, etc. but CMU comes to mind as one that we looked at that puts grades and test scores as most important and essays in the second tier.) One that you think your dad would allow you to go. I worked hard in high school with the goal of getting away and it worked. I ended up at the school my parents made me apply to, but in the end, it was the right school for me. Be prepared that the verbal abuse may not end when you become an adult, but you will be better equipped to handle it. And hang in there - you’re clearly close to starting on the path to a better, independent life.
Theoretically, admission essays are suppose to at an average teenager’s level. But thanks to our ivies and other top schools like U Chicago, essays have morphed into a reflection of deep critical thinking and abstract philosophical understanding.
This is sad but true.
Chicago is pretty unusual. Most colleges want a glimpse into the applicant’s thinking, a chance to see the attributes they want. It’s not a hs assignment, writing contest, cover letter highlighting your accomplishments or meant to be the level an adult professional would write in business. It’s just a nice narrative that speaks to the reader, makes them like the kid for who he is, relevant to the college’s wants.