My daughter graduated in 2015 (College) and has been living on her own for 2 years now. She makes decent money and is able to live in a nice, but not fancy apartment with a roommate. She drives a used car. And she makes enough to have a pretty good amount, but not a ton of disposable income. We happened to be talking recently about this and that and the topic of travel came up. She wistfully said she wished she could move home and have more money to travel. Apparently one of her friends has done this and so has a co-workers daughter. Like I said before, she makes decent money and has a good amount of disposable income, but it’s not enough to take a huge trip to Europe every year…maybe once every other year or so if she saves up and does a budget trip or takes a few smaller trips closer to home. Is this a thing nowadays, letting your kid move home so they can afford to travel or have more disposable income? I can see letting your kid move home if they loose their job, are unemployed, or their job pays too little for them to afford rent elsewhere…
We get along great and she lived at home for a while after college, but I just don’t feel it’s a good enough reason for a kid to move home…
I moved home for awhile after college, but my parents made me pay rent so that they would have more disposable income.
If my daughter does want to move home this time she would have to pay rent. When she was home right after college she was unemployed so she didn’t have to pay rent. I just feel that since she can afford to live on her own, then she doesn’t need to move home…sure her lifestyle isn’t lavish, but neither was mine when I was starting out…
I think it’s really up to you. Our son lived with us after he graduated. At first he was making peanuts as an intern. One of the internships then offered him a job, but living in NYC would have eaten up most of his income. Meanwhile we have lots of extra bedrooms. We did not charge him rent, though I think if you want to charge some that’s okay. I know people who do charge, and then save the money and give it the kid when they move out. I did ask him to do work around the house. He did some major work in our backyard which involved moving a lot of rocks. We loved having him around, played lots of board games, his girl friend (who we liked) came out from the city fairly often as well. He ended up joining the Navy and we really miss him! No regrets.
Our parents always made it clear to us we could live at home at any time for any reason. Rent free. We would offer our kids the same. In our upper middle class culture this is very common.
Our youngest is living with us while trying to start up his own company. We agreed he could stay for one year and he pays us $500 a month.
Brother and sister in law offered the following deal to their 3 post college children: $200 per month for the first 2 months and then then the rent goes up each month by $100 with a cap of $600.
I love having him home, but honestly it changes the empty nest dynamic and not always in a good way.
@Kajon good point. I do like having her home, but I don’t think wanting to have her move home so she can have more money for travel is a good enough reason. I love travel too, but I understand that I don’t have the income to travel all the time or take lavish trips every year. And that’s considering I am good at saving and I always travel on a budget. I might have her look at ways to trim her budget to see if she can travel more often and save up for bigger trips. See if she can find a cheaper apartment, fewer meals out, etc.
It is really your call. Before she moves back I would be sure to sit to iron out a set of ground rules beforehand – not just rent if you plan to charge her, but things like do you expect her to help clean the house, how you will purchase/handle food, will you notify each other if out late/not coming home and so forth.
Hmmm… in reality - are you taking yearly European vacations? Did you when you were her age?
For me personally, that is something I have to save for. I have to manage my budget to make sure I have savings and then figure out how much “extra” I have. Instead of her moving home, I would talk with her about budgeting - find a smaller place, skip Starbucks, cut cable, yada yada yada.
Good luck!
We think it’s important to charge rent so that the kids understand the value of housing. And it IS an inconvenience. We have saved the $3,000 that our middle son paid us and we’ll give it back to him at some point.
I would have no problem with my kids moving back home for any reason. I don’t feel strongly about rent, but I think I would at least ask for money towards groceries. Kids that age can eat! And when their friend’s and boyfriends are over…well it adds up!
@dixiechicktx I am not taking yearly European vacations…that’s about once every 2 or even 4 or 5 years. Most of my yearly vacations are a weekend in the bay area now and then (we drive) or maybe a trip somewhere else in the US. Most of our vacations are driving. I studied abroad in college (scholarship) and I did take a backpacking trip to the UK right after college. I paid for all this myself, but I didn’t move back home to save money for these trips. Though I did live at home briefly after college, but only for about 3 months. Plus, I was in a wedding in my 20’s and saved up and went on a trip to New Orleans.
I think the idea about talking to her about a budget and seeing what she can maybe cut out or cut back on and what she can do cheaper might be good. Great idea, @dixiechicktx !
Well, having our kids live at home would be a joy for us but I don’t think it helps them as much in their personal development. As mentioned, it also changes the “empty nest” dynamic. We may charge some rent (as forced savings) that we give back when they move into their own place.
Right now, we are paying for all expenses for D since she still has chronic health issues and can’t get or hold a job. It’s ok—we can afford it and works. We are happy she stays frugal and semi-independent and among peers, as well as working on her health.
I’m not sure what I’d feel about a kid who wanted to move home to travel more—hasn’t come up. Our S likes having more income than his full-tile engineering job provides, so he has added a part-time job to supplement. The part time job is as laid back or intense as he chooses, so it’d been working for him so far. He’s happy with his work-life, income-expense balance.
My house is always open to my kids. I wouldn’t charge rent and I wouldn’t judge their reasons for wanting to move home.
Hmm… my fear with moving home to travel more is that it might actually make their world smaller.
Yeah it’s hard. Plus, she does like living on her own. I wonder if living would mom and dad would be worth it just to travel more often? Who knows? You’re right it doesn’t always help them by moving back home. And it can really mess with the empty nest dynamic. We always enjoy her company and she does enjoy being around her dad and I, but you know how it is. @HImom I’ll try suggesting a part time job, might be something she’d go for, but of course she does have to work overtime once in a while…
I work with two younger people who lived at their parents (with spouses, no less!) to save for a down-payment on a home.
If your D is working and you don’t feel you are enabling something unhealthy AND you don’t feel inconvenienced, what’s the harm? But if you feel at all put out, you’ll only feel worse if she’s not paying and running around the globe with the fruits of your suffering.
This is a pretty personal – ground rules, etc. have to reflect your values and your reality. It would be sad if your generosity ruined your relationship in any way.
I share the OP’s feeling that this is not in the daughter’s longterm interest. If I gave up the empty nest so I could watch my kid travel to Europe, I’d struggle with that. We subsidize their phones, and their healthcare costs. But I never took a trip until we were in our 40’s, we never ate out, etc… not as evidence that we are wonderful, just proof that you can have a happy life even without extras. If OP feels sad that her daughter can’t travel, you could always gift her an Airbnb weekend somewhere, or a rental car to travel (we’ve done both of these) and still maintain both of your independance. We only learn through experience, and part of that is going to be going without, and learning to live within your means. Nobody likes that, but mine would only move home if they lost their health, jobs, or housing.
@Wellspring my daughter is always welcome to move home due to hardship and it’s not that I’m judging. I just didn’t think that adults would want to move home just to have more disposable income or travel more. That was unheard of in my day, but I get that times have changed…I guess I should be complimented that my daughter doesn’t mind living at home!
I think kids see how their parents live and assume they should be entitled to the same level of privilege, not realizing that a lot of us had to work many years to get to this point. I remember keeping the thermostat at 45 degrees in our first apartment in Maine, because it had electric heat which cost a fortune.