@Wellspring she can travel. She just can’t do it as often as she would be able to if she moved home. But, I don’t think kids should be able to move home just to save for travel. Her life is not tough by any means. Yes, she has the rest of her life to learn stuff…but she is in her 20’s that is an adult. She is also well traveled. She studied abroad in college and we travelled when she was a kid…
“It’s an arrangement that would allow her to do what others can’t because of monetary restrictions while young. Personally I would do a lot to help my kids explore the world - life is for living and is hard enough. If you can help her and are willing, why on earth not? But this is your choice, not any of ours. What’s your heart telling you?”
You don’t just have to travel when you’re young, my parents still travel in their 70’s. And lots of people can’t do things due to monetary reasons. I paid for her study abroad, for college, and for trips when she was a kid. And if she wanted to go on a trip sometime soon, I’d give her a bit of money for spending. I have done a lot to help her see the world and accomplish her goals. But when do kids do their own thing too?
I think I’ll say no, but I’d be happy to offer tips and ideas for saving money or suggest budget books if she is interested.
Well, it sounds like you know where you stand on the issue. There’s no right or wrong answer - just what you’re comfortable with. I think you stated that pretty well right here.
Travel and the importance of travel is far different for our children’s generation that it was for ours. If you can work out a reasonable plan and it doesn’t give you mental strife then I would say okay. If you think you are giving up somethin you want for your child to have the experience then no. Set a time limit and a pay back schedule. Always expect the child to pay extra utilities, food, and some rent.
As in most of these questions, you as the parent already know the best answer.
Thanks for the advice. I do understand that travel is important to this generation. She only really mentioned it once, so we’ll go from there. I just wanted to see if this sort of thing is common these days…
@natty1988 I would not do this, for all of the reasons you have stated. She is already launched. Why unlaunch her just so she can afford a luxury that is, in reality, available to very few people? European travel is not a right.
The best thing you can do is to give her the dignity of earning this privilege.
Do any of you find it difficult to get the kids out of your house? My experience indicates I couldn’t keep them here if I tried.
But it does sound as though you would be unhappy having your daughter live with you so she could save money to travel. So say no.
A thought experiment. OP, let’s say your DD was married with kids. Would you ever ask to move in with her family so you could have more disposable income to travel/spend on your wardrobe/join a country club?
I think it’s interesting to look at it from that perspective.
Only to save money to buy a house, not to party and travel. Sorry, that’s just me.
I’m glad you posted this question. I find the responses interesting. So many different perspectives.
She is in her 20’s. How much vacation time does she actually have?
My thought is Maybe … if she pays you some rent (which you may opt to set aside as savings for her later) AND agrees to follow your rules and share in the chores.
I would have my kids come back for just about any reason. This is just not one of them unless this is not the real reason for wanting to come back. If she brings it up again, I would delve further to find out. There aren’t many 20 somethings that are living on their own that would want to do this.
I don’t see why she can’t get a nanny job on the weekends or something else and save up for whatever she wants to. It might take a few years and then she can take her special vacation. Plus there are always tons of deals for traveling.
There is a program called workaway. These are all over Europe /South East Asia etc etc. They even have them in the United States. You get to your destination and then you work for food and room/board. Lots of times you are teaching English or working at a Cafe etc for like 3-5 hours a day for a few days during the week. The rest of the time you travel. You can stay for as long as you want or move around. You set them up like Arbnb. My daughter went to Indonesia for study abroad. She wanted to travel /backpack through out Vietnam, Loas and Cambodia. Between this and youth hostels she spent another 2 months there. She used money she saved up plus we helped also. It was an amazing trip. Cost her almost nothing!!!
There are other programs like this. So now your daughter can travel and doesn’t “need” to move back home. If she still wants to move back home then there must be another reason.
Seems to me that’s what she’s trying to do, reduce her expenses in one area in order to have the money for something else. You wouldn’t object if she decided to have 4 people live in her apt, or moved into a studio, or live in someone’s basement. She’s trying to negotiate the best deal for her (free, or reduced rent in what is probably a nice place). What she’ll give up is some of her privacy, her ability to entertain whenever she wants, maybe she’ll have to do a few extra chores (cut the grass, walk the dog, paint the house…) in exchange.
You need to figure out what you’ll get out of it (more time with her) and whether that’s worth it to you. If you charge her half her current rent/expenses, you both make out financially. Do you want that?
I’d do it in a second for my kids (but they wouldn’t). I enjoy the company. I’d be really happen if they each could save money for vacations or retirement or a house.
I hate to be one of “those people” but, man, I can’t imagine living with my folks after college. I left at 17 and only went back for visits … even though I had the greatest parents in the world (who would have welcomed me back at any time). The first time we, my wife and I, went on a European vacation was when we were 50+!
PS. I did go to England to work/live with a scientist for a few weeks when I dropped out as a junior. My parents wouldn’t pay for the trip but Amex was dumb enough to give me a credit card offer in the mail (because I was a junior in college). They’ve gotten their money back over the years! It’s the only time we’ve had an official debt.
S2 came home after graduation, worked various low-paying jobs for 3.5 years, got certification in teaching ESOL to be able to go work overseas. He’s now working in Eastern Europe, living in his own apartment and covering all his expenses (including his student loans) except his prescriptions. He has int’l medical coverage, but they considered his meds pre-existing and wouldn’t cover them. OTOH, his medical plan premium is $800 a YEAR.
I thought we should charge him rent and have a contract about expectations while he was home; DH didn’t. My experience was that it was all too easy to treat him like a 17 yo instead of a 25 yo adult, and at some level, I think DH liked having the “you live here rent free, so why can’t you…” as leverage. The house is a LOT cleaner now that S2 is gone! Probably the biggest issue with S2 living at home was that he didn’t have a car, so we had three people vying for two vehicles. (He didn’t want to get one given that he was trying to leave the country, and he was not making enough for a car payment.) We were not going to provide him with a car – that was part of the agreement when he chose to attend an expensive college.
I will say that the empty nest is better for our marriage than the boomerang. However, I expect that S will be home with us for a few months when he returns from overseas as he tries to get a job in his field (very difficult)… S2 says he definitely wants to live elsewhere, though, so I am hopeful he will figure out something. This is a high COL area and that makes it tough to find something reasonably priced, even if it’s a room in a house.
I sat down with him and ran some numbers including car payments, student loans, auto/renter’s/medical insurance, rent, cell phone, utilities, clothes, food, 401k, etc. Even if he stayed car-free and had a job where he could commute, metro is $200+ a month, and rent would be higher because of the proximity to transit. He would need to triple what he makes to afford being independent. This is where charging him rent and insisting on making up the marginal costs for living here would serve to get him motivated to get himself into gear.
Should he land a great job and want to live at home, it won’t be so he can travel. S2 needs to be a fully functioning adult, able to hold down a job and pay his own way. That must come first.
Neither DH nor I lived at home after moving to college freshman year. No way!
Our kids are always welcome home rent free. By living at home they can save money (and we have help with various chores). So far only my youngest has taken us up on it and he’s saving money to get married next summer and to buy a car and house. Once he’s married we’re even contemplating having him and his wife live in our house so WE can travel more. 
We’ll see what we think as time gets closer. We really like our future DIL.
If mine were living at home and NOT helping around the house/farm or were down in the basement playing video games while not working, then we’d have issues. That hasn’t even remotely been a problem.
Didn’t read through all (sorry, just got back from Europe myself! 
and tired), but here’s my thought. If you don’t mind her living at home in itself–she doesn’t drive you nuts, contributes to household chores, etc–then charge rent, say 600 a month, which gives YOU enough for a trip to Europe or similar every year.
Win/win!
If you value travel, which it appears that you do, I would offer to pay for her flight once a year or her Airbnb or just give her a certain cash amount each year that is to be used for travel. Say, $1200.
I don’t think she’d enjoy moving back home after living away for a couple of years, she’s being short sighted.
I was thinking along the same lines but more as a loan and let her slowly pay it back unless the OP can afford to do something like that.