<p>So to start off, I’m a gay male in a relationship with another guy. Also, everything that happened was before we started dating. I “got over it” but am now starting to question my decision to forgive him.</p>
<p>Anyway, to make a very long story short, I was with my friend and my boyfriend (who I’ll call Greg and who was not my boyfriend at the time.) Basically, we were all a bit drunk outside, and a girl who we were kind of with was smoking a cigarette. I had never smoked one before, so I decided to take a hit off of it to see what it was like. Greg starting freaking out, saying I would get addicted, holding me back, etc. I was getting annoyed because he was being completely ridiculous and I am an adult who can make my own decisions. I tried to walk past him and he angrily shoved me onto the cement, pinning me there until I said I wouldn’t try to smoke.</p>
<p>Well, this was quite a while ago and I basically got over it and didn’t say anything. I ended up finding out he was gay and we started dating. However, I will not be around him when he drinks anymore, because I now know he can get violent. I also still always have the thought of what he did in the back of my mind. A situation came up where I (jokingly) brought the situation up and suddenly all of my friends (most of whom weren’t even there!) started getting annoyed at me and telling me to get over it. My boyfriend didn’t even attempt to stand up for me while I was being ridiculed for what he did.</p>
<p>I’ve been pretty mad at my boyfriend and my friends for the past couple of days because I don’t think I should be judged or made to seem like a whiny b***h because of something someone else did. I’m starting to realize that what he did was unforgivable, and I think I might break up with him despite having strong feelings for him. I just can’t be with someone knowing that I’ll won’t be able to fully trust him (I refuse to be around him when he’s drunk… and I think that’s a problem in a relationship. I shouldn’t be afraid of him.)</p>
<p>What does everyone think? Am I overreacting, or would it be appropriate to break it off with someone who physically attacked you (before you were actually dating.) He says he’s sorry but he doesn’t show it when people are making fun of me for not getting over it.</p>
<p>1) He has basically never been violent before or after this. There was one time I was messing around and holding something of his, and he used some pressure point he knows from martial arts, and it hurt extremely badly… but he seemed to stop pretty quickly when he realized it wasn’t okay. This was after we started dating.
2) We are currently roommates and will be roommates for next year… so breaking up with him would be less of a “safety” thing and more just to prevent myself from developing stronger feelings for someone who could turn out nasty.
3) My gut tells me he would never do anything again. I have strong feelings for him and it hurts me to think about ending it… But I also know there are a lot of relationships where someone thinks “oh, it will never happen again. I love him” and then it turns into an abusive relationship… I suppose this is how it would start, so that’s why I’m worried.
4) I have always been one to overreact and hold a grudge. I’m just confused as to whether or not this situation was as bad as it seems.</p>
<p>If you don’t believe me,talk to a counselor at your school . Violent behavior doesn’t disappear . It will happen again .Don’t talk yourself into thinking you are safe .</p>
<p>Also, even if I don’t break it off, there’s the problem of rooming together. I personally don’t believe someone my age (19) should be living with a significant other. It’s just that we signed the lease for our apartment before we started dating… and we’re locked in now… that’s just kind of a side note I thought I’d throw in.</p>
<p>If he has to live with this guy, and his only reason for wanting to break up is a drunken night when the guy wanted him not to smoke then I think it is stupid.</p>
<p>It’s not the violence so much as the not being able to trust him. </p>
<p>Furthermore, violence almost always starts off small and escalates. If he’s not sure he can trust him, and he’s already been violent once, then there’s not a lot of point in continuing just to see what will happen.</p>
<p>Ok, lets get a few things straight (no pun intended)- you have choices and it is important to make good ones.</p>
<p>-you can get out of a lease. Find someone to sublease or better yet find someone to take over his lease.
-if someone is getting physical/rough with you, it will not go away. That is a fact.
-you can date so many other people.
-seriously, you are in college-there are tons of other people to go out with.
-if you didn’t have doubts, you would not have asked about it.</p>
<p>People think that having a significant other-all the time-is important. that is not the case. Sometimes it is better to spend time being single and explore what your motivations are in regards to a partner/boyfriend. Be careful of getting into the habit of always dating someone controlling. There are nice guys out there, you just need to be able to recognize them.</p>