<p>Please, I need your guidance and past experience to figure out where to go, if anywhere, from here.</p>
<p>S is a senior. He is very smart and very creative. He is a very different person and a different thinker than I am. I love him to death and we are very close, but I don’t think I am always really helpful with advice since he is so different than I am. </p>
<p>He is struggling right now with, as best as I can describe it, ‘figuring himself out’. He has a hard time communicating his feelings to me, as he does not really understand them. He’s doing fine in school, but I get the sense that inside he feels very confused and conflicted. He has a girlfriend and he says she’s great, but that he is making things more complicated than they should be (whatever that means). I just want him to be at peace with himself, and I think he would be much happier. </p>
<p>I think it would be beneficial for him to at least try going to a psychologist or a psychiatrist to sort some of his thoughts and feelings out. He is reluctant. I don’t think that it would work if I couldn’t find someone who would be a good fit for him. We once saw a ‘college counselor’ who was very much like him. He was so happy - he enjoyed so much talking to someone who ‘got him’.</p>
<p>It’s difficult to get the full perspective from just a single posting, but here’s something to consider. Being a bit confused about themselves and their fit in the world is a common teenage perspective. As a parent, it’s difficult to watch, but getting through it is part of what makes them adults eventually. That said, there are some cases where some additional guidance will help the process. Reading your post, I am inclined to suggest you go with his preference not to see a specialist right now. Keep an eye on it, and keep looking for another adult who could provide perspective.
Also check with other adults who know your son well. Sometimes there’s a set of behaviors around parents different from the behavior around others. If the child wants to please the parents but isn’t sure what the parents expect, the child seems more confused around the parents and a bit more confident around others. Again, I am only going on what you posted. I think a gut check for both you and him would be good. There are days I think it was much easier when they were in diapers and crawling, and all I had to worry about was moving the plants high enough so he couldn’t spill dirt on his head…</p>
<p>If he doesn’t want to see anyone, you’d be wasting your money to take him there. You can lead a teenager to a therapist, but you can’t make him talk.</p>
<p>While “health-growth” oriented therapy is a wonderful thing to offer to anyone at anytime, I am not clear about whether your s is unhappy or uncomfortable or struggling in any way. You can certainly offer to let him see someone who might help him see things from a different perspective or on whom he can bounce off ideas, but I woudn’t push if he is not uncomfortable in any obviuous way right now.</p>
<p>If he is interested in the professional counseling, I found that the hs social worker at our school knew which local professionals were good with hs boys. So that might be a resource. </p>
<p>If he isn’t interested, I agree that from what you’ve said… you might just let him decide. However, if your concerns are more serious… you think he’s depressed… I’d push it.</p>
<p>You are lucky that your S seems to have continued confiding in you. Some of us had boys in a multi-year “cone of silence” (cc MOS - mothers of sons’ term). It’s possible that your S has entered a period like that and just isn’t comfortable sharing with you at this time. So the hard time communicating feelings with you could be that he just doesn’t want to at this time (no fun for the mom, I know, but nothing to worry about). Or it could be that he wants to communicate with you, but can’t and would do better with a professional.</p>
<p>Apologies if my thoughts are off the mark. Just trying to share what some of us have experienced… which I realize might not fit your situation.</p>
<p>LOL jmmom–
I forgot about our discussion of the “cone of silence”. I have tried calling, texting and emailing s#2 today. I guess we are currently in that “cone”!</p>
<p>JDA, I agree with a few of the other posters. It sounds like your son may just be going through the dreaded “late teenage” time of life. (Kind of a young mid-life crisis) But it is impossible for most of us to tell only having the info from a post. Since you are concerned and he doesn’t really want to try counseling, have you looked into the possibility of a mentor program in your area? There may even be a favorite teacher or someone from your church (if you attend) who would be willing to do this for him. Sometimes kids just need someone who has interests that match closer to theirs to get their thoughts “lined up” and help set their paths. And, I also think most of us on the parents forum (with some exceptions) would agree that it is easier for the kids to open up with somone other than a perent.</p>