Re space…Luckily in NYC and my neighborhood (upper west side) an abundance of “3rd spaces” (not home, not office) exist. There are places than can be rented by the day aka WeWork, some restaurants convert to hotdesk space during the day, there are also cafes with free WiFi aplenty, I would also look at local gyms with cafe space and free wifi (Equinox $$$$ but round the corner or YMCA cheaper, a schlep from my apt (but closer to DS 8’s school). There are NYC libraries with some desk space to work (and blessing to use it as such), plus the medical libraries of my institute and H’s. I would have to try places and see what works. Different kinds of days might call for different locations.
As for keeping up my skills agreed. My boss-to-be (who is also a close friend which I consider a major downside to the job, but we talked about this a lot… she needs what I can do and I am keen to do it part time) would want me not only to edit papers that are not mine, but also co-author papers with her.
I would also want to think about the big picture and consider re-skilling. I’m very interested in non-drug interventions for behavior challenges in bright kids and like the idea of using my brain and training to try to play a small part in fixing what I see as a ‘reflexively medicate first and see what happens’ with kids like DS 10. But that also has it’s downsides. But I also have other ideas cooking… Becoming a data scientists, specializing in data visualization.
Lots to think about. But this feels like the right direction to me and my family.
Sounds like this is a good time in your life for this change. DIL works full-time from home for the same employer she worked for at the office. Working from home took some adjustment time and she tried a co-working space for a couple of months, but ultimately decided that she was fine with working from home. She’s fortunate to have an extra BR that functions as her office.
I have been PT since my first child was born—though PT was 40 hours at my first employer. I am now on my 4th PT role and have found a place that truly supports PT. I have kept my skills, and even built them, along the way while having the flexibility to do lots of things for my family that a FT position would have made impossible. Once DD20 Heads off to college, I may ramp back up, but only if my parents do not yet need care. I have no regrets, love what I do, and encourage you to follow your heart. You have checked off the “head” part of this decision already. We all only have so much time with our kids at home. Savor it and good luck!!
Do you have to work from home? Maybe you would enjoy the interaction of going to the office a couple of days/week to see and be seen as well as continue your walking regimen.
I’m a psychologist, and I have always appreciated the flexibility in my job. My worst jobs were those where I had to clock in. For years I did evaluations and testing in hospitals. I could be home by 4 to be with my son, and later I n the evening start on the report. The rest of the time I saw patients. There were many late nights. Still, I made most tho not all of son’s school events, and then worked on the weekend. This pattern continued as I began to care for my parents.
My good friend is an estate lawyer. She has FOUR children. She recalls waking up,at 2:00am to work. I think it is the best to work PT and to be ome’s Own boss. In the OP’s case, she’ll be working for a friend, but her time will be her own. My caveat is that PT ends up being 40 hours, so I would keep a log.
I do not think this will be a dream job. But I do think it will provide a significant lifestyle improvement over my current situation - and give me the bandwidth to think about the big picture.
I have a PhD in neuroscience and could take that training in a number of fruitful new directions. But right now I want to be a better mother for my kids. More present. Less stressed. Optimizing time with them is driving my decisions right now. And while ‘homemaking’ is a dirty word for career gals like me, I’m not afraid to declare my deep desire to give my young kids a nurturing nest, meaningful experiences, and my thoughtful attention. DS 10 has had such an extremely rough time and DS 8 has had to shoulder more than he should have. I want to give them an abundance of good memories of a warm, loving and supportive family life. I know I get one shot.
I also think that while I have my degree and experience as an asset, I can also invent my next steps. At 43 I have time to do something new - and without the pressure of doing it to be the best or earn enough to pay the mortgage. Something that makes me happy, helps the world (in a small way) and works with my family needs.
But right now I just want to get some peace into my life and more time with the kids.
This sounds like a great choice!
But will weigh in to say my part time for 10 years was more like full time crammed into part time.
In the end I resented that I saw families and children for therapy for 18 hours with 15 minutes to do charts.
Full time had hours to do charts and typically saw individuals.
Looking back I should have drawn a line. Eventually burned out.
Be careful with your hours.
I did it so I could pick kids up from school.
I venture to say that you should not look at your life in narrow slices - “is this the best job for me?” It’s imperative for anyone to look at the picture from 30,000 feet.
Of course if you were happily single and childless, you would probably not take this job. But the circumstances of your life do matter. In the big picture, will this job change add up to a better quality of life for you, your husband and your sons?
When my children were young, my DH had a very demanding and well-paying job. At that point it made more sense for me to drop my PT gig and be home full time so he could devote attention to work and be the bread winner. Later on, as the kids grew, I went back to a PT job.
Then mid-career he decided he wanted a change. He left his job and took on a new creative venture where he does not earn nearly as much. Eventually I went back to work but I am working at a non profit and I love what i do.
Career doesn’t have to be the be-all, end-all definition of your life unless you want it to be. And with kids with special needs, something may have to give. My D had significant health issues and I would have been fired from a traditional job with the number of times I had to unexpectedly take off and attend to her; at the same time my parents had some health crises and I had to drop everything and help them. (I’m an only child).
I am fond of looking at my life as a mosaic, from a distance. If I examine my career, then my social life, then my parenting life, then my marriage, individually something may be lacking from each one at certain times.,
But overall, over time, it fits together into a life worth living.
It sounds perfect for where you are now in your life. Don’t over think it.
Do it, and don’t look back. (Meaning no buyer’s remorse, worrying about “what could have been”).
Wednesday I wrote out all of my reasons for wanting to end my FT role and discussed with H. He and I honed a narrative to tell my boss.
Thursday I practiced my narrative five or six times then had a video conference call with my boss (she was working from home). I was able to get thru the whole narrative thru to my request to end my role at the end of August.
She asked me to consider working PT for her. We were awarded an enormous (multi-million dollar) grant that I helped write and I was written into the grant as a manager. I suggested the role really needed a FT person.
She then suggested I take the month off (with pay) then come back half time (for half pay) then work up to FT when I was ready. I said I’d consider it but really wanted to just do scientific editing and not program management. But I would get back to her. She then said I was making the wrong choice and wasn’t thinking clearly but she accepted it. She gave me a priority list of things to complete before I left. She also gave me blessing to transfer internally to an editing role. (I didn’t mention that I already had one line up.)
Paperwork for the new job is in progress. Once I have a official offer letter with a start date, I will give formal notice at the current role.
It is just today starting to sink in that I’m going to have some bandwidth to carve out a life I want. It’s very empowering strangely.
Very happy for you, @Aspieration. I am tearing up right now, as I know how much you and your family will benefit from this change.
I recently retired, and though I think I made a positive difference in the world while I was working, I feel that my most important ‘jobs’ were (and are) being a mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. In the last few years I have added mother-in-law and grandmother to the list of important ‘jobs’ – and grandmother is my favorite of all!
There was a thread started this summer by @maya54 about your personal motto. I shared the following:
Since you are now on the path of doing this, start planning for your “new life” NOW. Not just the job part. What are your goals going to be? Start picking your life apart, piece by piece, evaluating what you want to achieve and what is realistic. (I use OneNote for making lists.)
If one of your goals is to get back in shape, for example, how will you go about that? Join a gym? Take a class? Exercise equipment? What is realistic? Start making tiny adjustments right now, today, or you will find yourself just as overwhelmed and out-of-control after you change jobs as you are now. This can be a great change for you and for your family, but as I said above, it is not a panacea.
@VeryHappy the role was too intense for me. I did it well for 9 months, but it was exacerbating my feelings of being burned out. Given my ‘extra’ parenting demands owing to having a child who fits the Aspergers profile, I felt a PT role would be a better fit.
Just such a PT role, working as a scientific editor, fell into my lap at the same institution, with someone I’d been working with since I arrived, and who I respected. Pure editing, no management. A “step down” to be sure, but right now I need a reprieve from intense working.
If I go back to FT it will have to be do something that is enjoyable and fulfilling. Which may mean retraining while I’m working PT.
I want to take some charge in my life. But first I want to spend 6 months going to a gym, working, and perusing personal projects. One is learning how to cook and having family dinners. Another is planing a garden on our deck. Nothing grand, but very meaningful to me.