This may get long so bare with me. I previously attended a large, public, yet very prestigious public school. To be honest, I never truly wanted to go here so I was pretty depressed there. It has a distinct vibe that is not for everybody. During my entire first year I knew that it wasn’t a good fit and had filled transfer apps to apply to smaller, private schools that were all higher ranked according to US News and I got into most of them. Then in like April I really fell in love with someone and those feelings made me forget about my initial desires to transfer as I was happy and stupid in love. (Love will do that to you kids… be careful). So second year I came back to this school and instantly realized how big of a mistake I made. At that very instant I called a particular school that I had gotten into and asked if I could come, if not this semester than next semester, but they said I would have to reapply for next year. I was shattered, and spent the rest of the year just waiting for my “real life to begin” the following year. I spent every day regretting my decision to not transfer when I had the chance… literally every day. I was so hard on myself for making that mistake. I actually started liking the school more my second semester of my second year, but knowing how much I regretted not transferring the first time around, I made sure to transfer this time. So now for my third year of college, I decided to transfer to the highly ranked, private school. The school’s demographics suited me better and I just thought it would be great. However as a junior transfer, things have been harder than I thought. I had known that things as a transfer are not easy, so I had beforehand planned exactly what clubs I wanted to be involved in and there were 2 that I was very keen on. These clubs look great and would be a great way to meet a lot of people and I was excited. Upon arriving on campus, I realized that both of them are very competitive and for both of them I made it all the way to the final round and then didn’t make it in- one was a business frat. I was told by several members later that the only reason I didn’t get in was that I was a junior and they mainly only take freshman or sophomores, and the same thing happened with the other club. Also this school is very greek, so even if I meet cool people it’s not that I will hang out with them or go out with them because everyone just does that with their brothers/sisters. I have nothing at all against greek life, I think it’s a great way to meet people- but it just sucks when you’re not in one. Most people I know are other transfers which I don’t like.
This school would have been beyond perfect for me if I went here from the start or even if I transferred as a sophomore- as I could have joined what I wanted to and also rushed a sorority. And I will always, for the rest of my life, regret not transferring after my freshman year. So now I’m just in some random clubs with some acquaintances and no matter how good and perfect fit a school is, it won’t be fun if that’s what the situation is. My “type” of people are in Greek life so it’s hard. So I’m in the second semester of my third year, and just feeling so low because I know that I ruined college for myself. I had so, so, much potential in every aspect- socially, professionally but I wasted it. Anyways, I’m just not sure what to do now. This didn’t turn out as well, so I’m considering transferring back. I’m afraid I have “the grass is greener on the other side” syndrome, but also I think it maybe worth it because I can graduate from my original school in only one more semester (AP credits + some credits from this school would transfer there), and it would take one more year after this where I am now. College didn’t turn out how I wanted it to, because my own issues, lack of good decision making skills, etc. but I really did try this year- so now I’m thinking to just take the L and move on with my life. How bad/weird is to go back? Again, my primary motivation is just so I can graduate asap and also, I have more friends there. Also, in my country of origin where all my relatives live, my original school is actually a lot more well-known (even though its ranked lower according to US News). Also, one reason graduating early is appealing is because I want to give acting in my country of origin a shot, and those months would be perfect to give it my all to audition and stuff. I’m sure that I can secure a full time job with a good company for when summer of next year ends during my first semester of my senior year, but during that second semester I can try fulfilling my dream- and if during that time, it doesn’t work out, I’ll get back to the real world and I wouldn’t have ruined any employment prospects for myself. What do you guys think? Sorry, I know this is a lot.
Go straight to the health center and see a counselor. You probably need an anti-depressant as well.