I attend james madison university and I’m not sure if I should transfer or not. I’m a freshman. I have a group of friends but they’re not exactly what I want. I like the school and my teachers though. I go out every weekend and have fun. For the first time there’s a guy who’s a couple years older I like who told me he likes me too and he’s really cool. So I’m not sure if it’s me or the place. I am a black and white thinker. If things aren’t all good then they feel all bad. My therapist told me how I don’t connect with the majority of my age group because I’m mature and uninterested in what they’re interested in like social media. I do have my best friend from my home town who I have a connection to and love. Also the guy I like I have a connection to. It’s not that I’m having trouble making friends. It’s that I’m simply having trouble finding people I genuinely like. And that’s okay. I don’t have to only be friends with people that I genuinely like and have a connection to but I do want those friends. So I’m worried I won’t find that here because I haven’t in classes or anything. I tried clubs but I didn’t find them. That’s all okay as long as I eventually come across them and I’m not sure if I will. I’m not sure if it’s just me and I just don’t fit in well so it’s harder for me to find people more like me and I just have to be patient or I’m not sure that it’s the school and I should just transfer. But my therapist was telling me that I’m an adult in a kid’s body and it’s hard for me to find people like me but if I transferred I’d just be going to a different place and dealing with the same problem. Any ideas on that? I just don’t know what to do. Should I just give it time? Is this normal for people like me? Will I eventually find people I like? The school does have 20000 people in it but I just don’t know how it’d happen. I feel so lost because I’m so uncertain. I have no idea what to do anymore.
JMU is kinda secluded so you don’t get as much of a mix of young professionals when you go out. If you find yourself more mature, an urban campus, or at least one closer to a big city, might be more up your alley. Don’t get me wrong- you can totally find more mature, driven students on campuses, but I suppose it depends on whether or not the particular campus is known for that.
I attended an urban-style campus and didn’t have any difficulty finding more mature friends (I was 24 and a military veteran when I enrolled) so that’s my prerogative.
Are those the only reasons you’re thinking about transferring? If so, then I recommend against it. You just need to give it more time and you’ll find people. Look around this forum and you’ll see tons of people who have trouble making friends their freshman year. Even if you feel like you’re too mature for your age group, there are going to be others like you. Look for upperclassmen if you have to, though I doubt that’s necessary.
I’m not sure what you mean about not being able to find clubs. Here’s a list of them at JMU https://beinvolved.jmu.edu/Organizations
Try to see if any interest you and you might be able to find others to relate to. Best of luck.
I don’t think you should transfer, for three reasons:
-What @Alexmer said - these things take time. With a student population of 20,000 students, there are bound to be the more mature students who will be what you want in friendships (although I find it weird that social media is the defining line between “mature” and not; I’m 28 and I still use social media, as do most of my friends in my age group). If you’re a freshman then you’ve barely been there for, what, six months? You’ve only had 4-5 classes to find these people in. Give yourself some time.
-You sound content enough. You have friends, they just aren’t exactly the way you envisioned them. You have fun, and there’s a guy you like. Nothing about you sounds substantially unhappy - it’s not even that you don’t have friends, they’re just vaguely “not exactly what you want”, which you seem to be unable to articulate.
-While I strongly believe that college is about developing social relationships and personal enrichment…it’s not only about that, or even primarily about that. It’s about academics. JMU is a great university, probably a bargain for you if you are a VA resident, and you seem relatively happy. I don’t think you should transfer because of a vague sense of unease.
@julliet Did I say that social media is the defining line for maturity? No I did not. Don’t make stupid assumptions but I do think more immature than mature people use it. Most adults agree with me. I am able to articulate what I’m unhappy about actually. I want advice with no shred of rudeness in it since this is a touchy subject for me and I’m struggling.