<p>Actually, because she does a bunch of ECs and an intense varsity sport, and we still allowed her to do anything related to school or religion, she was maybe only stuck at home about five weekend nights during the quarter when she would have wanted to be with friends. And she’s very charming (when she isn’t glaring at her biology teacher) so there were some really important parties I let her go to when she pleaded. I think she spent the entire time I made her stay home texting her friends anyway. </p>
<p>I think part of my freakout today was that she had convinced me she was getting mostly As so I had high expectations.</p>
<p>Oh, I can’t watch over her while she does her homework; that would kill me! I went through ninth grade already!</p>
<p>To motivate her, perhaps pull out some college books and see where she would fall if she maintained her current GPA. Perhaps if she sees that she is unlikely to make it into the first tier without doing a turn-around, she will consider bringing up the grades. Show her what her GPA would come out to if she got all As from now on and where that would place her.</p>
<p>Muffy; Please don’t take this the wrong way. Hopefully this is just one additional source for an opinion. Forums are a great place to get different perspectives and such. But if you are actually seeking advice on being a parent; and then willing to make decisions based on what others say who don’t know anything about you and your family; then you really do need help. (You did say you would un-ground her after what others commented on). Especially when this isn’t your first kid. If you honestly think that this is some all knowing repository of parenting skills and if it’s suggested here then you will follow the advice because it must be true; then god help you and your kids.</p>
<p>taking her away from her friends and a social life as a freshman for being a B student is and was imo, way too harsh</p>
<p>what is left to do if she drinks, breaks curfew, or any other of the transgressions teens do?</p>
<p>look at the BIG picture here- she isn’t perfect, but she is doing okay…so if she doesn’t have 500 options for colleges, she will have 400…is that so bad?</p>
<p>maybe a “midrange” college is the best thing for her anyway!!!</p>
<p>Not everyone needs nore should go to a “top tier”…that is not the only college path around</p>
<p>As for the misleading about the grades, that was fear talking and hope…and glaring at the teacher, that is called being a teen age girls, who are masters at the eye rolling</p>
<p>Muffy333:
You have a great well-adjusted kid, trust me. Unground her and apologize immediately. So what if she isn’t top tier material. She has an abundance of interests and activities and she is social. Not every kid is meant to be an A+ student. Guess what… a lot of B students end up very happy and do quite well in life. Bring your expectations around to match with the person she is and enjoy her while she is still at home. She sounds really delightful.</p>
<p>One more thing, I suggest a big school for a girl like her, she will thrive.</p>
<p>Grounding and punishing kids for grades doesn’t work in my opinion. I think the best thing to do is to have great communication with your D, so the same misunderstanding doesn’t happen again. Also i think if you can get your D to see how important academics are, then maybe she will become more self-motivated. If she were to go to college and had no other reason to do well besides avoid being grounded, she will have a difficult time in college, especially once she realizes that she has to make her own rules :). I know you just want the best for her, and want her to keep her options open.</p>
<p>Can’t say how much I agree with this. I’ve got numerous friends that went to top tier schools and right now are miserable with what they’re doing. Friends that instead went to lower-ranked schools since they weren’t the absolute best in high school seem to be faring much better, as they’ve got a much better grip on reality.</p>
<p>Would you rather have your D be a well-adjusted B student or the A+++ student that can’t handle any sort of misstep in their life at all?</p>
<p>Using tough tactics at the same time your kid is going through a phase of increased resistance and desire for independence can backfire–she can control her grades; you can’t–that gives her the ability to strike back at you through her grades.</p>