Should Parents allow their HS teens to have sex in their homes

Parent Cafe
1

<p>from the Boston Globe
[Should</a> parents allow their teens to have sex in their homes? - Daily Dose: A Boston Globe blog with health news, advice, and information.](<a href=“http://www.boston.com/Boston/dailydose/2011/11/should-parents-allow-their-teens-have-sex-their-homes/wj4MqH8UBlIB9Ky1Yc4RpI/index.html?comments=all#readerComm]Should”>http://www.boston.com/Boston/dailydose/2011/11/should-parents-allow-their-teens-have-sex-their-homes/wj4MqH8UBlIB9Ky1Yc4RpI/index.html?comments=all#readerComm)
Quote
It’s an unwritten rule in America that teens don’t discuss their sex lives with their parents – except, perhaps, to obtain contraception – and that they don’t invite their boyfriends or girlfriends to sleepover in their rooms, at least when mom and dad are at home. Yet in Holland, two-thirds of Dutch teenagers ages 15 to 17 reported in a national survey that their parents allow their significant other to spend the night in their bedrooms, and girls were just as likely as boys to gain this permission.</p>

<p>“American parents may feel like it’s just wrong to have these sleepovers, that they’re condoning sex,” said Amy Schalet, an assistant professor of sociology at University of Massachusetts, Amherst. “But there’s a benefit to creating an environment in which teens can truly feel comfortable in admitting to their parents that they’re experiencing sexuality” and for parents to provide them a safe place to engage in it.</p>

<p>As Schalet explained, “If it doesn’t happen at home, it will probably happen in a public place that’s unsafe.” End Quote</p>

<p>Thoughts?</p>

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<p>Ummm, Absolutely not…But Holland is a way out there kinda place…prostitution is legal, and you can buy marijuana legally, no to those also</p>

3

<p>I actually know several parents who allow their kids to have sex in their homes … even while everyone is around & hears it. A few of the teens are kids my S knows, and he thinks it’s creepy.</p>

<p>There is a girl my S went to school with since kindergarten who lives at home & her boyfriend lives with them … sharing the girl’s bedroom. Sorry, I just think that is wrong. Call me old fashioned …</p>

4

<p>Must admit when DD had a serious committed relationship in HS and I learned they liked to hang out at the local park in the middle of the night, I asked my daughter to hang in our large yard in the middle of the night instead for safety reasons.</p>

5

<p>Short answer, no it’s not “right.”</p>

6

<p>Yeah, I’m pretty much a “no” on this one.</p>

7

<p>They weren’t sleeping together but suspect/assume they were making out…</p>

8

<p>2born-- to be clear, I don’t care if they want to hang out in the yard, but they aren’t coming into my daughter’s bed to “spend the night.” Just, no.</p>

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<p>Poetgirl I agree with you. But at the time I debated in my head with myself and ended up making the safety request but not giving carte blanche to D to do “whatever” at home. She would not have been ready for that intensity anyway. Reading this article just made me wonder how many other parents debate this issue in their own minds when their children hit that first serious relationship and what answer do they reach?</p>

10

<p>It probably is safer if your child is a drug addict and you give them clean needles,but i wouldn’t condone that either…</p>

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<p>I’m trying to imagine the scenario where my son or daughter would ask for this to happen under my roof and not be terribly embarrassed…or inhibited (which is worse). I can’t think of a better form of birth control than knowing YOUR MOM is upstairs, listening.</p>

12

<p>Is it better for kids to be in a parked car, naked, and have a policeman shine a light in the window? How about a predator or some other unfriendly type? Better to be having sex at a party, where they may forget about birth control? Better to be having sex at the partners house and have an angry parent walk in on them?</p>

<p>If they have sex in their own house, it doesn’t have to be a sleep over, it doesn’t have to be announced. What do you think they are doing in the bedroom?</p>

13

<p>How do you explain this to a younger sibling?</p>

14

<p>that’s a really dire list, Parent.</p>

<p>Look, I’m not a hotel owner. I don’t care if my kid makes out in the car with her SO, and I even took them to get birth control. But, there are just wierd uncomfortable lines here. Like, do I want to go to sleep in my bedroom with my teenager and her boyfreind in the next room? Does my husband want this? No. I do not.</p>

<p>Plus, what do you do? Do you call the other parent and say, “Gee, I don’t know how you feel about kids in high school having sex in the room next to ours, but yeah, we’re good with that. so, yeah. Your son is welcome to spend the night any time?”</p>

<p>No.</p>

<p>They can do what kids have done forever. We all had high school sweethearts, some of us even married them. I really don’t think I’d like my memories nearly as much if Mom and Dad had been down in the kitchen having a glass of wine. It’s just… no. But, yeah, I really don’t care all that much what other people want to do in their houses, at all. So, I wouldn’t make a law against it or anything.</p>

15

<p>“They can do what kids have done forever.”</p>

<p>What have kids done forever? Since the pill and RoevWade things are a lot different.</p>

<p>Concerning siblings, of course it has to depend on the make up of the family and lay out of the house.</p>

<p>I just think it is unrealistic to think that if you don’t permit it at home, it won’t happen.</p>

<p>And, the age range of teens may determine what decisions are made.</p>

16

<p>I am under no illusion that “it” won’t happen. Believe me. </p>

<p>I was born after the pill and roe v wade. So, my forever and your forever might be different. I was also born in a commune. Thankfully, we were NOT still there by the time I was a teenager.</p>

<p>All I can say is that a lot of this stuff sounds better on paper than it really plays out in real life.</p>

17

<p>I am post pill and Roe v Wade, and I either snuck around, or waited until parents were asleep to screw on the couch like a normal teen. DS is not allowed to have the door closed with girlfriends, but I can’t guarantee that nothing has happened in the house.</p>

18

<p>Never mind what I think. Even with my son now at the age of 21, I can’t imagine any conceivable circumstance under which he would ever <em>want</em> to bring someone home for the night to my apartment with me there. (I think he would find the prospect of doing so at my ex’s place equally unappetizing.) If I’m not around? I couldn’t care less (as long as there was no chance of my coming home early unexpectedly, as in a bad movie or TV show!). When he was in high school – not that there was any likelihood of anything back then – it would have made me uncomfortable under any circumstances, whether I was there or not. Would I have allowed it when I wasn’t there, if he had asked me? I’ll never have to answer that question.</p>

19

<p>Here is the situation. D1 has her own apartment in NYC. We are in NYC staying at a hotel. We had dinner with D1 and her BF. We parted after dinner. Her BF left with her, pretty certain he is staying in her room. But when they come visit us at our home, she has her room, and he has his room. </p>

<p>If they want to do “it,” get a room on their on dime. If they couldn’t afford it, then go naked in a car/field/beach/elevator/dorm room, but not in my house.</p>

20

<p>My parents used to invite my ex to stay over while they were on vacation. They knew that we were having sex when they weren’t there (from about 16 on), but we didn’t talk about it. He used to be allowed to and now my new boyfriend is allowed to stay the night in my room because they know I have enough respect for them not to have sex with them right next door. </p>

<p>I never had sex with my parents there. I don’t want to hear them any more than they want to hear me. My parents have always been very open with me and allowed me to do whatever I want- and I’ve turned out to not want to do much of anything (I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs, etc). I think it’s because I’ve always been allowed to <em>shrugs</em>. I intend to raise my children in the same way that my parents raised me.</p>