<p>I consider the child’s self assessment and drive compared to the parents’. Some parents are delusional. The successful child musicians I know are self critical- sometimes to the point of being hard on themselves. They revue each performance and remember every mistake they made. Then they practice on their own to improve. Their parents play a lesser but supportive role- driving to lessons, paying for the instrument and so on, but the child holds the reins- his or her passion is driving the parents, not the other way around. Fame is less important than passion. They are working hard but are truly happy. This is the kid who does not need to be “allowed” to follow his/her dream. They can’t imagine it any other way.
Succeeding is very difficult, and I believe a less interested child would give up as the competition gets harder.
I don’t think Gabby’s mom wanted her daughter to leave at a young age… I think it became apparent that there was not another real choice for Gabby… the child’s passion drove it to that point, and the wise parent has to sense when it is right to do this. If Gabby’s mom chose this first, it may not have worked.</p>
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<p>Thanks. Tears.</p>
<p>"With us, his affirmation early on that he knew and expected to be responsible for supporting himself in this endeavor coupled with actually following though on that has been a source of my profound respect for him. "</p>
<p>We have noticed that the most successful performing artists are those who took responsibility for their own career early on. D paid for her grad school, has not had a non music “day job” since she was a senior, and now supports herself through music alone. The hard work does not stop after grad school, it only intensifies. She pays for twice weekly coachings, practices 4-5 hours a day and travels every other week to a teacher who is more than 450 miles away.
I’m like you 07DAD, talent is all well and good, but it’s the hard work and commitment that really make me incredibly proud.</p>
<p>Personally I think there’s a huge difference between allowing a young adult heading to college with some degree of life experience that knows their passions to pursue a dream and to encourage a young child to sacrifice a big portion of their life to do so.</p>
<p>There are very, very few activities that you must start pursuing at such an elite level at a really young age. Even a musical prodigy can pursue other activities in their childhood to become well rounded and still pursue a musical career in their adult lives.</p>
<p>In most sports, kids can play on local teams and at their schools and if they are truly talented, they can still choose to pursue that route when they are more mature. </p>
<p>I watch the olympic gymnasts and wonder about the parents who pursue that route for their kids. Those kids start training when they are so little they haven’t been exposed to much of life, they don’t know their passions, sure the little girls had stars in their eyes watching gymnasts, but it took parents to push their kids into that as a lifestyle instead of just allowing them to compete in local competitions and then exposing them to all of the other activities that life has to offer.</p>
<p>I could barely stand to watch the intro the did to the gymnastics when they made comments like ‘they’ve spent their whole life preparing, now their dreams all come down to this moment’… their whole life??? They’ve barely begun their lives… their dreams all come down to this??? They’ll have plenty of other dreams and plenty of other experiences in their lives… let’s not let young teenage girls really think a single event defines their entire lives</p>
<p>I always thought my job as a parent was to expose my child to as many activities as I could and then allow him to choose which he wanted to continue participating in. Back when he was 6, when some of those gymnasts had already started on their path, I was still busy enrolling him in different activities - music, art, sports, so he could figure out what he liked and what he didn’t.</p>
<p>I just really can’t imagine risking my child’s childhood on a gamble that maybe they’re good enough, maybe their not, maybe they’ll stay healthy, maybe they’ll experience a devestating injury… and ultimately what’s the payout. I’m certain that for every Gabby, there are 100s of other girls that are making similar sacrifices that never make it into the national spotlight, so we don’t know about them. But even for the ones that become elite athletes, what future are they rewarded for sacrificing so much of their lives. During the olympics I’ve watched them talk about the ‘magnificent 7’ over and over and keep wondering, where are they now? A few may make a living in the gymanstics community, some as coaches, but for those that don’t win the gold medal for all-around, what is their future?</p>
<p>Allowing a young adult to pursue their dream as they head off to college and choose to major in musical theater or art history, etc is completely different. That child is an adult and although you can definitely encourage or discourage at that point the choice is ultimately theirs to make. And they also have some degree of life experience to know what they are really passionate about. </p>
<p>Although I must admit that my son who participated in muscial and theater groups throughout high school once asked what I’d say if he told me he wanted to major in a performing art… I responded, "I’d recommend that you minor in it.’</p>
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<p>I’d like to think that it would be impossible to make a kid do a standing full on a 4" piece of wood unless she really really wanted to. </p>
<p>But if you read articles by Dominique Moceanu, you don’t know what to think. The dream was hers, but her dad would hit her if she didn’t do well at practice. She was terrified of the Karolyis, but yet was part of the Magnificient 7.</p>
<p>[Dominique</a> Moceanu: I Was ‘Terrified’ Of Bela Karolyi](<a href=“HuffPost - Breaking News, U.S. and World News | HuffPost”>Dominique Moceanu: I Was 'Terrified' Of Bela Karolyi | HuffPost Women)</p>
<p>I always wonder what happens when one’s career peaks (however spectacularly) at the age 16, 19, 25. I mean, where do you go from there?</p>
<p>I think Paralympians are an interesting contrast, as many of them start competing at an older age than Olympians, either because they acquired their disabilities later (often in their 20’s, it seems, probably due to the demographics of spinal cord injuries) or because there is (sadly) so few places for Paralympians to train in most sports, especially team sports.</p>
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<p>Maybe that’s why I’m kind of obsessed with this issue…because my D was a gymnast. When the coach first pulled her out of pre-school kiddie tumbling and put her on pre-team, we were happy that she was noticed. But when the coach said that our five year old should come three times a week for two hours at a time, we said no. We kept her in soccer. She sang in children’s choir. </p>
<p>But then we saw that the little girls her age who had stopped everything else and did only gymnastics were already a level ahead of her. So D did gymmastics first three times a week, then five times a week, for three hours at a time. She didn’t do Girl Scouts, she didn’t sing in school choir.</p>
<p>By 5th grade, I could see that she had about reached the limits of her talent; by 6th grade she wanted to retire and we were glad of it. And still, her knees are aged beyond her years. She is into so many activites that it’s wild when we ponder how many of the girls still go to the gym every day, having only done gymnastics since preschool.</p>
<p>A friend’s D was in the national JR. Olympics in Air Riffle. Fortunately, she is also pursuing her other options & will be matriculating at USC in engineering, where she will be paying full-freight. You can be very athletic, but trying to get funding or making a living with the talent is quite the long shot.</p>
<p>Taking on a creative field for a profession is also rather iffy. We have supported D’s choice of cinema and hope she won’t be a starving artist, but who knows? She and all her cinema friends are grateful their families are allowing them to see how far they can go. If they end up not being able to make a living “after a while,” they have all vowed that they will figure out another way to earn a living (go back to school & get a different degree, etc.)</p>
<p>My niece was competing in gymnastics from an early age through college (for “fun”). She has a fractured back from gymnastics!</p>
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<p>I wonder that a lot about the gymnasts. I believe that all but Ally Raisman should be Juniors in HS next year. If they want to retire, after the Kellogg tour, what do they do? If they haven’t gone to HS, do they start now? (I’m so happy that Missy Franklin is looking forward to going to her HS football games.) Some of the gymnasts have great college careers. But I think that of the 2008 Olympic team, all but one tried to come back for 2012 and of course, none made it.</p>
<p>Not all sports or activities require the exclusion of everything else. A high school football player will feel a loss when he retires, but he hasn’t been practicing football 8 hours a day, 300+ days a year for 6 or 8 years. What do you do when your life has been totally about one thing, then you stop? (Okay, and you aren’t Michael Phelps.)</p>
<p>In fact, I wonder what will happen to Michael Phelps. I mean, he has great endorsements now, but when you aren’t competing, those dry up as well. One would hope he saved his money, but there’s a a sizable number of broke former NFL players out there, too, and who often admit to having few/no job skills outside of football (but probably much more wear and tear on their bodies than swimmers).</p>
<p>^ well, there’s always reality TV.</p>
<p>Just read about Mark Spitz in Wikipedia:</p>
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<p>So maybe Phelps is “big” enough to be able to live on what he makes now, if he invests wisely.</p>
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<p>That is what Lochte says he wants to do and I can see him doing that.</p>
<p>College gymnastics is a very far step down from the Olympics. I can see where that would not be a goal for these girls. Sure, going to college, but not competing on their college teams, which, if they take any endorsements, they can’t anyway (Missy Franklin did not do this so she could still compete on her high school team). Mary Lou Retton is/was an inspirational speaker with 3 or 4 kids and a lovely home, etc. Her goal was Gold at the Olympics, which she got, then she made other goals and moved to the next stage of her life. Why is that such a bad thing? Why are so many people here thinking that kids can’t have dreams/goals that they achieve at age 16 and move on to something else? They know that there is a limited number of years they can compete in their sport and most plan to do something else after that.</p>
<p>I think you asked a bunch of questions there. I think if Gabby’s family asked what her chances were of going far with this, the coach should have been honest. </p>
<p>If your child wants to study music until the end of time, with no chance at any future in it, and does not want a teaching certificate, then I think that is fine, as long as she pays for it herself. Of course, remember, studying music does not mean that the only thing you can possibly do is have a music career. You could still do most things that you could with an economics degree.</p>
<p>My view is if it’s the CHILD with the passion, you do everything possible to support it. </p>
<p>Yes her chances of going to the Olympics are remote or even impossible, but she will learn a lot about herself and what she’s capable of by giving it her all.</p>
<p>In my D’s case she started a sport late (age 10) and did excel nationally by 17. Had she started at 4 like everyone else she could have been phenomenal assuming (big assumption) she didn’t burn out. The process, and the friends she made during training and competition, provided a great experience. </p>
<p>I’m pretty sure the fact she had a fire in her belly and took her passion as far as it could go, for her, also helped with a successful college application process.</p>
<p>There’s no downside - unless it is the <em>parent</em> who wants it more than the child.</p>
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I disagree that there is no downside. If there are other “regular” children in the family, they are more likely getting the short end of the stick as every resource of time, money, and attention is poured into VunderKid. </p>
<p>The parents and the rest of the family have to sacrifice time and money in order to pay for lessons, travel to events, etc. And in the end, the kid may give up the sport or activity, be injured, not be as great as everyone thought, or just grow out of it before any real ROI is realized.</p>
<p>Gymnastics seems to be the sport where you peak the earliest and typically make just one Olympic team. You just hope they put the money in the bank and find a career that will take them into retirement. </p>
<p>Strong swimmers can last several Olympics. (Just look at Dara Torres - the hero to all middle-aged women!) I know of several kids that are National level swimmers and they are fairly well-rounded, despite swimming 3-4 hours/day. Track athletes seem to peak in their mid-20s.</p>
<p>missy - I also had a 4yo scooped out of rec gymnastics for pre-team. She loved it and was a natural. </p>
<p>However, the coach had a meeting with all the parents and said - if right now you have dreams of the olympics or a full college scholarship I’m telling you now to pull your child out and put the money from the lessons into a 529. </p>
<p>When she moved to the team in 1st grade her turnout from ballet was causing issues on the balance beam. He asked if she would switch to jazz or hip hop or anything but ballet because of it. Considering she spent her time flipping and cartwheeling all over the house it was clear her love was gymnastics. She eventually moved to gymnastics full time.</p>
<p>Which turned into pain in the neck hours upon hours in the gym, never mind the summer training, plus summer gymnastics camps. Which she loved. But the truth was she loved it - but didn’t have that competitive thing about her that I saw in other kids. And in the level 4, 5, 6 when all kids did the same routines - and man did that make for a long day at a meet - listening to that floor music, that same music - ALL DAY - you got to see who the stars were.</p>
<p>By 6th grade her shoulders were such a mess and hubby was fit to be tied over the injuries she ended up stopping. She still has shoulder issues 4 years later.</p>
<p>I think there is a natural weeding out. Only the mentally strong, physically perfect kids will make it. But I wonder about the kids who go to the gyms like the ones in Delaware where they essentially homeschool and spend 6+ hrs/day in the gym. And never make the national team. But I’d think - if by the time they are 12, if they aren’t elite and a top winner at most meets - it isn’t going to happen for them.</p>
<p>It’s an interesting choice. We were never chasing that dream, and most people in local gyms are completely delusional about this rec level competitive stuff vs the elite gyms.</p>
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<p>LOL, I think that every member of our family could still hum the levels 4, 5 and 6 music.</p>