<p>I’ve never had to tell a kid of mine to quit an activity because he/she wasn’t very good…each has figured it out. But there are girls from D’s gym who were Level 8 in 6th grade and by 10th grade had progressed only to Level 9. </p>
<p>One girl tried to get her giant (to compete Level 7) for *three years *before finally retiring at the end of 9th grade. How does a parent stand it? The most talented at the gym get their giant in two weeks, some get it after a couple of months, and your kid is plugging away for three years…Do you ever say “Sweetie, tenancity is a virtue but OMG, give it up!”</p>
<p>The first page of the handbook for S1’s club swim team says:</p>
<p>“There are 52 spots on the Olympic swim team every four years, but over 300,000 registered swimmers with USA Swim. You have a better chance getting hit by lightening than making the US Olympic swim team.”</p>
<p>That said, most of the serious club swimmers I know are focussed on making Jr or Y Nationals, not Olympic Trials, much less the Olympics.</p>
<p>Or how about the kip at level 5? I saw kids stuck at level 5 for years because they couldn’t get the kip. I still ask my daughter how she stood doing the beam with the judges sitting so close to her watching every move. She still says it just didn’t bother her having them there, she didn’t even think about them.</p>
<p>But I guess the question is - what about the kids who make it to elite on schedule and make it to nationals, etc. Being 20th in the country is an amazing accomplishment - it won’t put you anywhere near the national team or the olympics. </p>
<p>You certainly need to have tons in the funnel from a very young age because so many lose interest, get injured, or just hit their limit.</p>
dum, diddly, dum dum…dum dum…de…diddly dee…yup, I can hear the music, see the routine, round off back handspring, arm down, arm down, handstand forward roll, etc. Ah, compulsory music over and over. </p>
<p>DD was also chosen at pre-school, interestingly I recently noticed on FB a little girl who was not selected at 4 (I think she was simply too tall), which her family found hurtful and which caused some drama, well she went on to compete for a D1 university team whereas while most of the other girls on DDs team did do higher level sports, none of her cadre did gymnastics. They were all good athletes, they moved on to track, basketball, volleyball, cheer, etc. I always felt like the little girl who was not chosen ended up trying to prove something, but really the politics was dumb, once the family expressed interest, the coach should have added her to the group. Yuck to “Dance Moms” types of politics and power plays!</p>
<p>The answer to this will depend on the risk tolerance of the child and family. We do not have a high family income, for example, so there would have been no way I’d have encouraged a very expensive sport or EC unless I were highly confident my child had exceptional ability/potential in that endeavor. The fear would be that once we’d put most of our eggs in that costly basket, then if that basket broke, there wouldn’t be another supply of eggs available for the child to have a strong second chance to start over in something different. Rec sports with a $20-$50 participation fee could be engaged in at will, however. For some families and children, the time commitment might be more of the problem than finances. My youngest is not strong academically, so we risk damaging her performance in school when she engages in time-intensive EC’s and thus have to weigh the decisions carefully. That was not the case with her older siblings. </p>
<p>Here’s an example of what I mean about considering the risk tolerance of the child. We made sure our D understood that her choice of what school to play her collegiate sport was a question of assessing risk. We told her bluntly that she’d be on the bottom end of the talent pool at her first choice and may not ever “make it,” whereas there were other schools where she’d likely be the star from day 1. She still chose the higher risk place, and the basket is breaking a bit. But she’s OK with that, since she went in with her eyes wide open.</p>
<p>How would you like to be the 3rd best 400IMer behind Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte? Finally after Beijing Phelps said you would never swim the 400IM again, but then he changed his mind. That’s what happened to Tyler Cleary. </p>
<p>He finally made the Olympic team this year, not in the 400IM but another event. Won a Gold Medal too. So happy for him!</p>
<p>I’m beginning to think we dodged a bullet when we opted out of gymnastics early!</p>
<p>When the kids were little, they had all kinds of dreams - so we enrolled them in all kinds of classes (music, gymnastics, sports, acting, you name it). Some they were good at, some are best left undescribed. </p>
<p>To answer the original question: in my view, it’s the parent’s role to help the child chase their dreams. Not, however, to shape what those dreams are. (If only, if only, I’d had a child whose dream was to study hard for the SAT…)</p>
<p>It’s interesting to read what parents in similar situations have grappled or are grappling with. *For us, the process went something like this:</p>
<p>Our five year old daughter showed a talent for skating and a “passion” for the sport. *She progressed at a rapid pace, showed unwavering commitment, and by the time she was twelve, she was talking about the Olympics. *What to do? *These are the questions we asked ourselves:</p>
<p> Could we afford it? *Yes.
Could we keep education as a * priority? *Yes.
Would we consider sending her somewhere else to train? *No.
Would we split up our family so that one of us could take her somewhere else to train? *No.
Would we relocate as a family so that we could take her somewhere else to train? *No.
Would we resent the sacrifices made or the money spent if she didn’t achieve her ultimate goal? *No.
Would we value and be satisfied with the ancillary benefits (developing self-motivation and self-discipline; learning goal setting and time management skills; learning to work through disappointments and failure; learning to be humble and gracious win or lose) if she didn’t achieve her ultimate goal? *Yes.
Could *she quit or scale down her involvement at any time? *Yes.</p>
<p>Long story short, we successfully home schooled her. <em>(Objective confirmation includes a National Merit Scholarship and acceptance to top colleges). *She’s</em>had three sets of coaches no further than an hour from home. *(The first she outgrew; the second was able to take her to the next level, but began verbally and emotionally abusing her; the third has taken her further still and is providing a healthy and supportive environment.) *The ancillary benefits are of tremendous value and are sure to remain so in her post-skating future.</p>
<p>Our daughter has a good chance of qualifying for the next Olympics, but she is looking at top ten, not the top of the podium. *Has it been worth it? *She thinks so. *Are we proud of her? *You bet. *Are there people who thought we were crazy? *Again, yes. *Does she expect to make a living from the sport? *Not at all. *Her long-term interests are international relations and teaching.</p>
<p>It’s a pretty tough balancing act when your child has athletic talent, but no guarantee of elite level success. *For us, the trick has been to support our daughter’s dream while appreciating the value of the training for it’s own sake and preparing her for the future with a great education.</p>
<p>Had this issue with D’s on occasion. Oldest D tried to play softball - played community league for years, but was cut when she tried out in 7th, 8th, and 9th grade school teams! So glad she gave it up and switched to field hockey, which was a brand new sport at our school and took all players who wanted to play. I feel part of her softball failure may have been our fault, we did not do enough to help her improve her skills. She finally found her sport in college - ultimate frisbee!</p>
<p>Youngest D in 6th grade was first chair in flute, quite talented, but she preferred chorus (not so talented in singing). She gave up flute and was in chorus for 7th and 8th grade, acted in some community theater programs which took everyone. In high school she did not make the musical in 9th grade, so I let her do a year of private voice lessons. I was really hoping the teacher would be realistic with her, that she was not a great singer, but nope. After she didn’t make the musical or the audition-only chorus in 10th grade, she gave it up and stuck to a sport she is good at. We did pay for years of a club/travel team which improved her skills a lot. She is thinking of playing her sport in college (D III only). If I had let her only play the sport in school, she would have learned very little. She needed the outside coaching the club team provided. I think it is worth it to explore kids’ dreams, I am glad mine finally figured out for themselves where their talents were.</p>
<p>Lady Lorna: I think your list of questions is a great way to evaluate this issue. The 2nd to last point is an especially important one. I think people should understand, though, that some parents will not be happy with only ancillary benefits and that doesn’t necessarily make them shallow or mean-spirited. Again, I think socio-economics plays a role in this. Family A might feel perfectly happy spending thousands of dollars a year on their D’s gymnastics classes so long as D is happy and having fun with her friends. But Family B might want or need to see a result more accomplishment-based than simply learning a little and having fun, if paying for those classes means a major family sacrifice like both Mom and Dad have to work a second job, or the house has to go into foreclosure to pay for the coaching.</p>
<p>I feel sensitive about this because people judged me for my careful, pragmatic approach to EC’s, but they were all folks with cash to spare. They didn’t seem to mind when their kid tried a dozen things and eventually quit all 12 of them by high school before achieving any degree of competency in any.</p>
<p>Off topic a bit-but I enjoyed watching Rhythmic Gymnastics in the Olympics-and I think one reason I did enjoy it so much was the contestants did not seem to be young adults-not young teenagers. I always worry about contestants who are so young under so much pressure.
Is there a reason Rhythmic Gymnastics has slightly older participants? Do you think it would be helpful to have an older age limit for the Olympics?</p>
<p>PATheaterMom–they did up the age limit to the year you turn 16 so the youngest you can be in the Olympics now is 15. It used to be the gymnasts were 12-13 years old.</p>
<p>As far as letting the child voluntarily chase his/her dream, I would have gone with it as long as it didn’t put a big damper on the traditional education which is there to last a lifetime.</p>
<p>We clearly have a different idea of what constitutes an ROI. The self discovery that a child undertakes in an effort to excel, regardless of whether a gold medal or a career is at the end of the rainbow, IS the ROI.</p>
<p>Yes, it is worth pursuing your dreams. But, the more money, connections, resources you have, it can make it that much easier or difficult.</p>
<p>To those who put their eggs in the academic basket, I have a personal experience. Im 17, entering my senior year of hs. In elementary and middle school, my mom would always say that i was going to TJHSST( top hs in my state, one of the tops in the country), and that i would go to an ivy league. What happened, I didn’t even apply to TJ, and im planning to apply to what some would say is a tier 2 or 3 school, that is OOS. I dont want to apply to one of my state flagships(Virginia Tech), but will b/c my mom is pushing me to. Now my mom is doing the same thing w/ my sister, who is entering 4th grade. My point is is that dont push your kids into something, even if its academics, b/c life isn’t necessarily about the end result, but the journey too. </p>
<p>To those pursuing your dreams w/ a chance of ending w/ next to nothing, I don’t measure my or anyone else’s life by how much money they have, whether they have a nice house/car, but their character, and part of your character is your willingness to pursue your dreams.</p>
<p>I will leave you with a quote-
“While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”</p>
<p>wow thAt daily mail link was beyond disgusting and horrorfying ! i couldnt exit out fast enough ! yes , i believe parents should be objective and honest with themselves and their child. But as one poster said there are many bitter and resentful adults around because of these issues.</p>
<p>Should parents let their child chase their dreams? </p>
<p>I think I lean towards being more critical than I should be of my own child, rather than delusional. Thankfully we have found opportunities for her to be evaluated by pros in the business in master classes and elsewhere, who have encouraged her to go down this path, and have nothing to gain from telling her this (unlike perhaps a voice teacher who needs a good supply of students to pay the mortgage.) So I rest in their good opinion and low and behold, the girl gets her first pro callbacks, and then shortly later, her first pro jobs! </p>
<p>It’s just so hard to evaluate one’s own kid; find outside opinions from those who don’t depend on you for a regular check.</p>
<p>Well as a ‘kid’ I’ll share it from my side of the debate</p>
<p>I wish my parents had been more supportive of my interests back in high school. I was always interested in cars and planes even in high school. Particularly racing and flying. But they never took me to the tracks or even entertained the idea of flight school. Back when we were looking at colleges they didn’t seem thrilled about me wanting to apply to Embry-Riddle. I always felt like they wanted me to go into something like law or medicine, hence why they made me go to an elite private school from 5th grade through 12th grade. </p>
<p>Now I’m majoring in something that’s fine and even interesting, but not what I’m truly passionate about. And I feel like it’s too late to change anything now.</p>
<p>TL;DR yes, if your kid shows a really really strong interest in something, encourage them to explore it. If they show a lot of skill in it and a lot of room for growth in it, let them chase it. I think very few people ever regret chasing their dreams, even if they fail. Far more regret not going for it.</p>