<p>One thing I’ve learned from Miss Manners is that it’s only the nouveau riche and the insecure who worry about whether money is new or old; the truly wealthy worry only about money. Likewise snobbiness. Someone who is well-brought-up (as opposed to raised, like sheep) doesn’t care about being snobby, or being around them. </p>
<p>How the OP’s daughter survived her bringing up, I don’t know, but kudos to her for doing so!</p>
<p>geek_mom, you are very kind and can use my sleeve anytime!</p>
<p>Hey, maybe we can connect the OP’s dau with the dau described in the “holding dad hostage” thread for a few pointers and lessons in snobbery. She can take the OP’s dau shopping in all the right places.</p>
<p>Oh my!! Every time I think I’ve seen it all, I find out I haven’t. And silly me – I thought the reason for going to college was to get an education. Excuse me while I go tell D & S otherwise. And how will I ever tell them they may actually have to earn a living – which means they’ll have to think about money??? Oh the shame of it.</p>
<p>I laughed myself silly over this thread yesterday. Now it’s a new day.</p>
<p>So, assuming the whole thing is not a set up, maybe there is actually a perfectly respectable question behind the poor choice of words? The OP wants her kid to get a good education, but not just a technical education. She does not want her daughter to become too obsessed with money for its own sake. She wants her daughter to go to a school where she can mingle with kids who are well-traveled, polite, and even cultured.</p>
<p>The OP is a foreigner. My guess is, she comes from an Asian country where there’s a lot of grinding poverty, and many people die of horrible diseases. Maybe her family was poor but has started to climb out. Maybe they were successful in business or a service job, which exposed them to wealthier people who seemed to be decent to each other. She wants her daughter to be part of that world in this country. </p>
<p>The OP apparently does not understand that the concept of High Culture in America is pretty much dead. You can know a lot about art, have good table manners, be well traveled, and attend the theater every week. Does anyone believe anymore that any of that actually makes you “better” than anybody else? Is being “cultured” much more significant than having good stereo equipment?</p>
<p>50 years ago in this country (and maybe still in some other places) that would not have been the prevailing belief among educated people. The counter-culture and commercial values have turned that world on its head so completely, it is hard to take seriously anyone who still sees life from that point of view.</p>
<p>I just put on a pot of coffee and am catching up (ROFLMAOOL) on the posts that illuminated this thread overnight. After all that Jack, moonshine, and chardonnay, anyone up for a good cup of strong, black coffee?</p>
<p>to the OP … I’d suggest you search for old postings by Mini on the “Entitlement Index” … it is a quantitative list of schools ranked by things like the % of kids who receive Pell Grants, receive financial aid, and who went to private school … one end of this listing may be just what you are looking for. (One end of the listing was exactly what my oldest was looking for also … but I must admit it was the other end of the list)</p>
<p>Re post 225: Posts in the Cafe don’t count; however, even with all the coffee flowing about, we’re not in the Cafe but still in the Forum, so posts do count.</p>
<p>Snob…me…oh no…I only have a $15 black and decker coffee pot. I don’t think snobs use those. However, if you don’t mind hobnobbing with a nonsnob, c’mon over. (I am a lowly state u grad, my H is a lowly state u grad, and my son goes to a state u…we are just lowly state u kind of folks.)</p>
<p>The humor on this thread is great…funny and entertainig!</p>
<p>On the other hand,…how very sad the OP has the need to persue the supposedly “elite culture”.</p>
<p>Lastly, my family is by NO MEANS WEALTHY, yet we have a beautiful home; however, we recently moved into an area whereas my kids attend a public high school that has kids from ALL walks of life. From outwardly appearances, we may appear wealthy (beautiful home), while there are seriously kids living only a couple of miles away in trailers. </p>
<p>For a few brief moments when we first moved here, I saw glimmers of snobbery in my kids. They seemed to believe that they were just slightly better because they had more stuff. My husband was very quick to point out to them…“not to worry kids, because YOU have NOTHING! The money in this family belongs to me and mom:)”</p>
<p>I’m happy to report the snobbery that briefly surfaced in my kids was quickly squashed. They now have friends that are from all points on the social spectrum.</p>
<p>I tell my kids–if you think that you are better than someone because of a certain criteria (money, size of your house, even intelligence) then you are – of course-- admitting that others are better than you (there’s always someone w/more money, bigger house, smarter). </p>
<p>If one seeks association with ‘social superiors,’ then one is advertising an admitted belief in one’s own inferiority. </p>
<p>I tell my kids that whole comparison scale is a no-win.</p>
<p>OP – you really need to look at post 57 and 58 in the thread linked to by 3togo. I think that will answer your question. Unfortunately, based on the snobbery index, your daughter applied to the wrong schools. Maybe she should take a gap year and try again.</p>
<p>While I have been enjoying this thread immensely, I would like to say that there is an echelon of society where going to the “right” private school and the “right” country club, and living in the “right” building in NYC, etc., is extremely important. This group finds each other in college – it’s like a homing instinct, they know who they are. I knew people like this when I was in college, and I don’t think an outsider can break into this group. If these are the types of snobs you want your daughter to hang out with – good luck. It’s not going to happen. You don’t have the right pedigree. (Although if your daughter becomes the next Bill Gates, she might be able to break the door down and get invited to their parties.)</p>
<p>OP, as others have said, all three schools your D is considering have a large proportion of students from public school and a large proportion on financial aid. Be aware of that before she goes. </p>
<p>Then, as fireandrain just posted, unless your D herself is from a certain “pedigree”, she might not even end up hobnobbing with certain kids anyway on campus. </p>
<p>I really really hope that you allow your D to pick the school she wants to attend. She truly has earned it since she got into highly selective schools. Her reward for her efforts should be that she has the final say of where to attend. You let her apply to these schools and now that she got in, please allow her to attend. I believe based on your husband’s threads, and some of what you have written here, that your D would like to attend MIT. Trust me that many people would think your D has it made. MIT is not chopped liver.</p>
<p>One more thing…you appear worried as to what kind of boys she will meet. The fact that these kids attend a school like MIT, Princeton, or Stanford implies that your D will be meeting movers and shakers…students who often go on and achieve in their fields. They are all getting a great education and are highly motivated types. It doesn’t matter how much their parents earn, but it is what they will do with this education. Your D would meet a lot of kids who are up and coming, no matter their previous background. While my D is a grad student at MIT, she came out of public K-12 schools and is on financial aid. Your D will meet a lot of kids. I don’t know first hand the undergraduate expereince at MIT, but in my D 's case in her grad school there, she has no time to meet guys (no matter their pedigree)!! But I do believe that all the guys she goes to school with are gonna go on and do some neat things in their careers.</p>
<p>Good post, fireandrain. These kids find one another at every college – Princeton certainly doesn’t have the market cornered on snooty students.</p>
<p>Are you still reading, OP? This is an important point. Not only is your quest for snobs for your D to associate with misguided, but it is also futile.</p>