My kids have spent a lot of time overseas, where they have cousins who can legally drink at the age of 18, and it is legal to serve alcohol at home from the age of 14, if I remember correctly. When we are with our family there we always offer them a glass of wine or beer with their meal. I think it’s really important for a college student to understand how alcohol affects them before going off to college. We plan on letting our daughter try various alcoholic beverages here at home before she leaves for college in August. I think it is ridiculous that kids can get married, vote, join the army, shoot guns, drive cars, and be legal adults from the age of 18, but they can’t have a beer.
@Massmomm, it is not legal in every state. Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, California, DC, Florida, Hawaii, Idaho, Indiana, Kentucky, Michigan, Missouri, New Hampshire, North Carolina, North Dakota, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, and West Virginia do not allow parents to provide alcohol for their kids under the age of 21, even at their own home with parents present.
Ugh, that reminds me of a HS friend’s mother who “made” her and her brother smoke an entire pack of cigarettes between them, chain-smoking, to make them sick in the hopes they wouldn’t ever smoke. I’ve never quite understood that logic, and it didn’t work on my friend either - she wound up smoking all the way through high school before I lost track of her.
If my D ever asked for a sip of wine or beer, I’d let her have a taste, but I wouldn’t offer it to her proactively.
Alcohol (and weed) were never off limits to me. If I wanted to drink or consume, my parents just asked that I do whatever I’m going to do in the house where it’s unlikely that I’ll get hurt.
For me, it was extremely beneficial. I can consume a large quantity of alcohol and not feel drunk, even though I know I am. I also learned that I really don’t like the taste of hard alcohol so things like jungle juice (which can screw you up really quick) never appealed to me. I stick to beer. I am glad I learned that in a safe environment as opposed to around a bunch of other inexperienced college kids.
It’s also how I learned that for me, the high of pot wasn’t all that great (for me). So, I only tried it a few times.
Also, regarding drinking and driving… I think it’s weird to compare drinking at home to practicing drinking and driving. I come from a family that drinks heavily and NONE of us drink and drive. In fact, I’ve severed long friendships over drinking and driving.
@romanigypsyeyes “I can consume a large quantity of alcohol and not feel drunk, even though I know I am.”
Of course you can. You are a Sparty!
I was drunk less than 5 times in undergrad. And now I can’t drink enough alcohol to get drunk due to my meds.
I am a bad Sparty 
lol
I don’t know the details, but I’m pretty sure the young woman was not forced to drink. I should have worded it: “Suggested her daughter drink to her limit.” But next time I’m with that crowd, I will get more details and report back!
@intparent, are you sure? That would interfere with the practice of religion (communion, Shabbat, etc.), which would be a violation of the first amendment. This makes no sense. What is your source?
Here are the rules by state:
http://drinkingage.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=002591
Regarding religious practices, each state sets their own guidelines. Some require that the alcohol be provided by an official religious representative. You will find comments in the table partway down that is by state about religious exceptions – not all states make them, though. I think there are links to the relevant statutes, too.
My real point, though, is that parents can’t just provide alcohol to their own kids in their own homes in all states. It is not legal in all states.
Alcohol is like an appetizer. It is a pleasure to be appreciated. There are so many wines, beers, scotches, etc. I love red wine.
If young people were introduced to the art of alcohol vs the buzz, maybe there would be less trouble. IOW!, allow them to drink at home at dinner.
But teens will be teens. Some will drink, some won’t. I personally do not think if “my” kid does not, he/she is somehow superior. My kids, all grown up, approached drinking in HS differently. Interestingly, the one who was the biggest partier and gave us a somewhat hard time is doing the best career wise and definitely doing the best financially.
My kids have thanked me for letting them drink at home; they have seen their friends go wild in college because it was something new. But we are European and there is definitely a different drinking culture.
Fwiw, we have allowed our kids to have sips or a glass of whatever alcohol was being served to adults from the time they were teens. They mostly didn’t like the taste much.
Over time, S has come to like craft beers and will have a glass or two in an evening out, but not on any regular basis. D likes sweet muscattos. To the best of my knowledge, neither kid has been “drunk” because both like being in total control, but I don’t really know.
I never offered to have either kid be drunk and have never been drunk myself, tho H has been drunk before we met.
Personally I see no point in encouraging anyone to drink until drunk, but obviously others disagree.
We allowed S to drink at home - glass of wine/beer with dinner on occasion, probably starting when he was about 15. We also let him drink at weddings. At one, his cousins got him drinks all night - all different sorts of things - and he didn’t feel so great on the way home. Good experience for him to have. This didn’t stop him from drinking at college, but as far as I know, he didn’t do anything stupid or dangerous, graduated on time and with a job.
I think it should be legal for underage kids to drink at home with their parents. It is not in Michigan, but growing up my European parents often allowed us to have a class of wine or a beer mostly at holiday gatherings in the home so I did not grow up with any roaring desire to go out when I turned 18 (the legal age at the time) and drink my guts out. I think the current rules are archaic in some states and I do NOT think that the ability to drink at 18 cannot be disconnected from “don’t you ever, ever get in a car and drive if you’ve been drinking.” We allowed them to drink when we were out of the country and it was legal. To me it was always about the borderline between legal and illegal, not that kids shouldn’t drink alcohol until they are 21…that seems kind of silly. It presumes that people cannot think for themselves and need the government to think for them.
All three of mine are now over 21 and they don’t drink and drive. They take Uber, they call a cab, they ride bikes, they take a bus, they have a DD friend and it’s pretty inground in all of them and their friends not to drive after drinking. I worried far, far more about the time period from 16-21 when it was illegal for them to drink and they were underground (or on a college campus) and not “safe” from breaking the law. It’s also silly to think the “all people that drink” will willy nilly get in a car and drive. Not sure how those things got convoluted and even more silly why the thought was that 18 year olds will drink then drive, but not 21 year olds. Governing stupidity in the minority of people has never been my political agenda.
Its ridiculous. My Dad did that with me. Did that stop me from overindulging in college and getting sick? Heck no. I’m not sure what they think it accomplishes. I have a friend who tried that with her 16 year old daughter…thinking it was her first time. A mutual friend has a 17 year old son that sees her drinking at parties. Parents need to quit fooling themselves that their kids are angels and don’t do things? How do you know? Because they are studious and a good kid. My parents thought I was an angel and the things I did behind their backs… Now that girl probably feels more at ease drinking wherever…heck, Mom and Dad gave it to her, right?
Kids are going to experiment behind your back…they don’t want to do it with you. They are also going to do things that they think are risky. Parents set the bar of what is acceptable…and then kids will take it up a notch…so don’t set that bar too high.
The summer before our oldest turned 21…3 months away, we let him drink at our summer cottage…only in the evening. If he had friends that were around the same age I always talked to their parents first. If they were uncomfortable with it, I said there would be no drinking by anyone under 21…it was no big deal. I knew they all drank, but that’s what we were comfortable with. I know my 19 year old drinks, although I’ve never seen him. But he can’t drink at either place yet.
Did not allow drinking any alcohol for my kids or their friends until age 21.
My reasoning was that it was against the law. You cannot choose which laws you want to follow and which you don’t. Plain and simple. That’s the lesson I was teaching.
When D1 was a senior in high school, she attended a post-play party at the home of one of her cast mates. Dad is a physician, mom is a nurse. Drinking occurred, with alcohol procured by an older sibling who had formerly been in drama club. The hosts allowed the guests to stay at their house overnight. But some of the children did not let their parents know where they were, and one mom called the police when her son didn’t come home. The police went to the party site and busted all the guests who had been drinking. I was upset with my daughter for breaking the law, but not as upset as I was with the host-parents for deciding it was okay for children not related to them to drink at their home.
Yes, it is wrong to allow under aged drinking of others when you are hosting.
D had no interest in drinking while she was living at home. S liked to have a drink or 2 at family events (weddings/reunions). We allowed it if we were present and of course no driving. We never insisted on it or served their friends.
I did not allow my two oldest to drink at home before they were 21, but I have for my 3rd son who is 19 when he is home with his brothers. Same way that I did not allow my oldest to watch R rated films until he was 17, but became laxer for the second and third ones. I don’t know if I am more realistic or just tired. Would I serve him - no way. It is illegal and as a daughter of an alcoholic, I believe that the younger you start drinking, the more the possibilities that problems will result. I do drink socially (maybe once every 6 months or so) and I have talked about addiction and my family’s history with them. Hopefully this makes them more aware.