Hi Folks. Although I am posting this in the Parents forum, I welcome students weighing in. At a party, a parent said she knew someone who had her daughter get drunk at home so she’d know how it felt, and how she is affected. The parent was appalled, but the rest of the group (all mothers), shrugged and said, “Maybe that’s not such a bad idea.” I told this to a junior in college. She said certainly freshman do not know how to drink responsibly, and ambulances are often seen at the freshman dorm “transporting,” i.e. for alcohol poisoning.
We didn’t have our late teen sons “get drunk at home” but do allow them to drink wine/hard cider on a occasion during meals, with the intent that they learn how it affects them. (3 glasses over the course of 2-3 hours max.) Neither are partiers and we didn’t want them finding themselves in a party situation in college with absolutely no idea about their tolerance or how alcohol would affect their behavior and judgement.
EtOH is how we do it in medical lingo. Short for ethanol. There are some problems with a one time drunkenness at home. The student may decide limits based on that. However, s/he may not realize the equivalent alcohol amounts of various beverages. Plus wines and mixed drinks, punches may vary in alcohol content. Plus the liver processes more alcohol with experience. That experience was not representative of real world conditions. I do not think one miserable experience will make most students decide to abstain. btw- we physician parents knew our son had been drinking away from home- underage- when we allowed him wine at holiday meals because he tolerated a lot more than someone with a “virgin liver”.
Had neighbors who figured their sons would drink in HS so they let them at their house and their friends stayed overnight. I do NOT condone this underage drinking.
Perhaps letting the older teen drink some wine/beer with parents at home may get the near adult used to tasting beverages and learning how to consume them in moderation. It is not illegal to do so. Some of college drinking is flaunting the rules and trying something new. Having good experiences may make the student choose to enjoy the beverages instead of drink to get drunk.
There are no easy answers. Beer was legal for 18 year olds in Wisconsin when I started college. I disliked it so drank very little (less than a third of a glass from the pitcher- I never paid). Then 18 became the legal age for all liquor everywhere. Later all was at 21- Federal highway money is a big decision maker. Wisconsin has a huge drinking culture, not good. btw- there are now and again reports of 21 year olds dying from alcohol poisoning on their birthday. Should schools and parents work harder to teach about alcohol?
This is a personal decision. We did not have them get “drunk” at home, but we allowed them to have a wine/beer while they were underage as long as they were not driving that evening. We would not serve them alcohol when they had friends in the house and we would not serve their friends underage. Our idea was to let them know that drinking should not be viewed as a huge deal and that it should be done responsibly.
I would never ever personally try to get a kid drunk. Here in NY it’s legal to give liquor to your own kids, but we could never interest them in even trying it. So we just demonstrated responsible drinking and talked about what to do if friends were drunk. (Don’t get in the car, we’ll come get you. Take them to the ER if they pass out. Stuff like that.)
My father is German and my mother is Colombian, so they come from cultures that don’t mind drinking once you hit 16 and 18. They let me try different types of drinks so that I could appreciate certain alcohols and find ones I never want to be forced to drink from peer pressure. Surely enough I found beer, whiskey, and vodka to be so disgusting that someone would have to put a gun to my head to tolerate drinking it. The only drinks I actually enjoyed were ones that were sweet and fruity, like hard cider, lemonade, and some wines. Since my body can only take in so much sugar before I get sick, the drinks I actually enjoy put a low limit on how much alcohol I consume before I start feeling bad from sugar. I am glad they let me try different things so I don’t feel pressure to have people force me to drink stuff I absolutely despise to taste just to get drunk. The most I could ever tolerate was 2 drinks a day. It is nice in places like Colorado where it is legal for people under 21 to drink at home with parental permission in order to learn your limits responsibly
We have offered alcoholic beverages (in small quantities) to our teenage children to taste. They don’t care for the taste, be it beer, wine or mixed drink, and usually turn us down when anything is offered. Neither of us drink to excess but they have seen adults who have overindulged at parties and their reactions ranged from amusement to distaste.
I wouldn’t purposely get a kid drunk at home. Modest quantities at a controlled pace would give them the general idea.
I can understand why they do it, but I think this is overkill. Coming from Europe where it is ok for teens to be offered a small amount of light alcoholic beverages at the family dinner table, our kids don’t like the taste of it and the idea of loosing control does not appeals to them.
In Wisconsin it is legal to buy your children alcohol in bars and restaurants. Many people do. We were all drinking in high school anyway so we all knew what it tasted like and still had no idea how much was an appropriate amount.
I don’t think any parent can simulate a college party by letting a child drink a glass of wine at dinner or have a few beers while watching March Madness.
I advised my sons to to drink responsibly, obviously, and basically told them to sip on one beer while at parties but not to get smashed. I told them drinking a lot is a macho thing guys do to prove how masculine they are.
I tried to get to the underlying reasons why people feel the need to get drunk and debunk it or make it uncool, if I could. I don’t know why some girls get smashed, obviously it isn’t to prove how masculine they are, so I looked at it from my experiences when I was their age.
I think, for the most part, it worked. My oldest son hasn’t had any problems with booze that I know of and I am fairly certain he doesn’t touch any other drugs. The younger one is now following his older brother’s lead and I am crossing my fingers. We know more than one child their ages who have totaled cars, got kicked out of schools, moved out, had GF’s pregnant, the whole deal and so far, knock on wood, none of those things have happened to my kids.
I thought about the “let them try it at home” strategy and would have used it had things warranted it but it never really got to that. I went with the it isn’t all that cool. Just sip on one beer and relax. My kids are more into exercise and weight lifting and getting drunk a lot is the opposite of that.
One other thing I did, and I did it in my usual over the top way, is I told them over and over if they ever got a criminal record, including DUI, they would reduce their future job prospects and income by two thirds. I guess that is a scare them strategy. It seems to have worked.
My kids are not immune to peer pressure but they seem to be fairly level headed. One night my son and three of his football player buddies got stopped by the cops while my son was driving. Not a drop of alcohol on them and no drugs on them and yes, in case you are wondering, they probably were stopped for having black kids in the car.
I grew up in a home where alcohol was just another aspect of everyday life, in an area were drinking is frowned upon. People were shocked, shocked that my parents drank in front of us and that they let us have wine with dinner on holidays, etc. But I never felt the need to go out and get hammered like my peers who came from “dry” families. We raised our kids the same way. As for students “practicing” drinking, the vast majority of them do anyway. Their parents just prefer not to know.
It’s legal in every state to serve your underage children alcohol. You cannot legally serve their friends, however.
And there’s a huge difference between exposing your child to alcohol and letting him/her get drunk. To me, there’s no educational benefit in drunkenness. Like @happy1, @indeestudios, @mamaedefamilia, and numerous others on this site, we have served alcohol to our kids at home, not to give their livers practice (though I suppose that is helpful), but to teach them that alcohol is to be enjoyed in moderation, along with food.
Was our teaching successful? I think so, but it’s still early. Our son is a freshman in college, and doesn’t drink at all at school, but will drink a rum and coke at home on occasion. That’s the only alcoholic drink he can stand.
Our daughter is a junior in college, currently in France, and is thoroughly enjoying the wine there. She’s mentioned overdoing it on occasion, but has said nothing that really concerns me. When she comes home, she’ll be legal and I hope she’ll continue to drink moderately.
It is all about the appropriate response to when kids ask their parents things. My parents let me sip beer and I didn’t like it. Same thing for other hard liquors that I found all repulsive. When it came to hard cider and lemonade I liked them and they allow me to enjoy a little with them in the privacy of the house on special occasions. Different families have different values and responses to questions brought up by kids.
Okay, this bothers me a bit. “had her daughter get drunk” What does this mean? Did the daughter want to drink and the parents let her drink unimpeded? I actually don’t have problems with that scenario. Having your child drink wine or beer under your supervision is fine. But suppose the child had no interest in drinking or getting drunk? Suppose the child had tried beer or wine and wasn’t interesting in drinking. Did the parent then say, “no, keep drinking”?
I had a friend who lamented her son was going off to college, never having been drunk (or high). She was worried about that. She suggested to him several times, he should get drunk before going off to college. He always turned her down.
@SlackerMomMD I agree with you. Bringing up alcohol with kids and letting them try should always be voluntary. Forcing a kid to get drunk hoping they don’t like that experience is an awful idea…rather it’s better to reinforce the notion that it is not ok to push what my parents suggest as moderation: 2 drinks a day max no matter what. Anything more and you become a danger and abuse your privilege to enjoy a drink with others.
Many of my friends who’ve graduated said that they got drunk with their older friends the day after commencement so that they could get used to it. One of my friends said that she wanted to do it this year, but only with our parents’ permission while they’re at home. I don’t think it’s necessary and I probably won’t do it for health reasons (epilepsy), but I can see why others might do it.
“we physician parents knew our son had been drinking away from home- underage- when we allowed him wine at holiday meals because he tolerated a lot more than someone with a “virgin liver””
Huh. @wis75, I never knew about a “virgin liver”. I thought people just had different tolerances based on their genetic makeup and that people got practiced at handling the effects over time.
“It’s legal in every state to serve your underage children alcohol. You cannot legally serve their friends, however.”
In Wisconsin it is different because parents can buy children drinks in bars and restaurants, not just serve them in their homes. My parents sent me to a bar near our house once to pick up a case of beer. Before I got there, they’d called and told the bartender to add a bottle of gin or whiskey to the order. No problem. I was 16, but it wasn’t for me. Just a different mindset.
