Sorry, permitting high school children to drink and smoke pot, like your parents have done, is illegal, idiotic and very poor parenting.
@8bagels You keep using the phrase “don’t be scared”. Why are you scared of letting an 18 year old have a beer or a glass of wine around the dinner table with his family in his own home? Why does that bother you so much? What harm will happen? As previously discussed, it is not illegal in many states. It something many 18 year olds in other parts of the world freely enjoy.
You keep using words like idiotic, moronic, and ridiculous, yet you haven’t explain your reasoning as to why exactly it is an issue for you.
It is illegal in some states, though. And I think it is ludicrous to say that the kids ending up getting taken away in ambulances or dying from alcohol poisoning all were just “untrained” by their parents. I would like to see someone produce statistics studies proving that allowing your kids to drink at home under your supervision in high school reduces that risk, because I don’t believe it. I actually think it could increase it, with kids knowing their parents think underage drinking is no big deal, and plunging into the party culture at their college.
Here are some FTC FAQs on underage drinking that have some statistical information:
https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0390-answering-questions-about-underage-drinking
Just to clarify, I wasn’t saying that “practicing” at home will (or will not) lead to problems in college. I just took issue with what seemed to be trivalizing a real problem.
As I said, allowing alcohol for me worked. For many of my friends, it also worked. The ones I knew who had the most issues in college with alcohol were people who came from very dry, conservative homes. Am I saying that’s data? No. I’m saying it’s my experience.
I’ve also seen enough evidence that “just say no” doesn’t work for most things and I don’t believe alcohol is an exception to that, regardless of what our government says.
I tend to believe the NIH over anectodal evidence. This link has specific study references in it.
http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/adolescentflyer/adolFlyer.pdf
Curiosity is a darn awful thing. My parents were open to me sipping different drinks because they wanted me to feel safe when knowing what drinks were good or not. My state allows parental permission drinking because it allows the parent to set the preference. Some will say no. Some will say yes. This is an example that family knows best when introducing kids to a traditional recreational drug.
There is only so much parents can do anyways to sway bad choices. That’s part of being a free society. You know the consequences of bad choices and people still do it anyways. What a parent should do with something like this is teach moderation and respect of consequences. This is no different than teaching a kid how to shoot a gun. You abuse your privileges and you will have heck to pay for.
Gotta love how people who think this is fine have no interest in the studies showing otherwise.
“For instance, one study showed that drinking with a parent
in the proper context (such as a sip of alcohol at an important family function) can be a protective factor
against excessive drinking (Foley et al. 2004). In other contexts, parental provision of alcohol serves
as a direct risk factor for excessive drinking, as is the case when parents provide alcohol for parties
attended or hosted by their adolescents. Collectively, the literature suggests that permissive attitudes
toward adolescent drinking, particularly when combined with poor communication and unhealthy
modeling, can lead teens into unhealthy relationships with alcohol.”
Copying directly from your report posted @intparent.
So essentially putting limits, proper context, communication, and supervision by parents to introducing kids to alcohol serves as deterrence against abusing the privilege of drinking while having lax parental standards to drinking encourages drinking more. What a shocking revelation indeed.
You have every right as a parent to disagree with me @intparent. You may see this issue differently and that is your right to believe it freely. I am also acknowledging the section about the relationship between providing alcohol in the house and the steep escalation in drinking is legitimate and needs to be considered. You can lay the hammer and make underage drinking an absolute no-no in your house and the kid should turn up alright. But that does not mean there is no safe way to try and introduce kids to alcohol, especially when they turn 18 and 19 and start asking questions as adults. Part of states rights is allowing citizens and families to choose what is right in their context and situation within the law. That’s part of being free to choose what is right and fair, even if you don’t agree with it.
I didn’t even think of drinking in high school since I was so drained all the time with classes, homework, and part-time work…hence why I took a gap year to decompress. Once I turned 19 and had been 6 months into full-time work, I brought up alcohol with the family at the dinner table. They were open to discussion and trying but my parents were upfront with me when they allowed me my first drink: “We trust you…because we know you are smart and care for your future. But if you slip even once…just ONCE… and find yourself in jail over drinking, we will not be there for you. You will lose all support from us and we will want nothing to do with you. Nothing. You will lose your friends, your family, your full scholarship to college, and everything you worked hard for. Be smart with this. Is that fair?”
I chose moderation and I don’t regret it. It is nice to share a drink with family at dinner, around the grill, or during a football game.
It is all about appropriate context and being direct about consequences, especially with the ones you love.
“As I said, allowing alcohol for me worked. For many of my friends, it also worked”
I’m pretty sure you, like 99% of kids, would have been just fine even without your parents’ mumbo jumbo new age permissive nonsense “training.”
I have faith in you, you sound like a smart kid. I’m sure you could have figured out how to drink a beer in college without it being fatal, even without Mommy’s help.
Most kids turn out fine despite a lot of really bad parenting.
Is there nothing kids can do or learn on their own these days?
I think it is important for parents who do drink (we do in our household) to model responsible behavior. I don’t think you can train children to drink. One thing we always have explained to our girls is that alcohol is best thought of as part of the meal. Wine and beer can be very food friendly and when the food is gone we quit drinking. I realize that in practice most young people will use alcohol as a social lubricant. Unfortunately that means the drinks often keep flowing as long as you’re socializing and binge drinking and extreme drunkenness can result. As a rule we have told our kids that at their age it’s best not to drink as your underage, it has potential for longer term cognitive affects and it affects your judgement in social situations. On a more pragmatic level we tell them to stay with friends (no girl left behind), don’t drink from garbage cans ever, and NEVER drive after you have been drinking or with people who have been. Now it’s up to them.
It seems like no one’s opinion is going to be swayed on this topic and this is not the debating society so I’m closing the thread.