Shouldn't every High School Senior be given the opportunity to attend Prom??

Parent Cafe
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<p>I know that it is really early to talk about the Prom, but I really need some input with an issue regarding the Prom. Don’t you think that every High School Senior should be given the opportunity to go to his/her Prom? </p>

<p>At my children’s High School, the Prom has always been scheduled for a Friday in mid-May. Every year, on that Friday, there are certain sporting events that are held that either prevent the student from attending the Prom or really limit his/her time at the dance. There is always a Varsity Boys’ baseball game, a Varsity Girls’ soccer playoff game, and the Varsity Boys’ track sectional meet, among other activities. Now, if the Prom were held on that Saturday, this would not be a problem because there are no school events planned for that evening.</p>

<p>Here’s my story -
For the last two years, my sons(who are now a sophomore and freshman in college) have basically missed their prom. They both ran track and were participants in the track sectional meet. This meet consists of 20 teams from all over the state, so there is no way that it could be rescheduled (and it shouldn’t have to be - the prom should be rescheduled). This meet never ends before 10:00pm - and my boys have always run in one of the last events. When the meet ends, my sons have rushed home to shower and get dressed and by the time they get to the Prom, it is past 11:00pm. So they do not get to participate in the group pictures, they do not get to eat dinner and they barely get to dance with their dates (and their dates, by the way, take pictures without my sons, they arrived at the dance without my sons, and each year, I have had to deliver their corsages to them in the afternoon so that they would have them for the dance). The first year, with my oldest son, I foolishly rented a tuxedo for him - of which he wore for maybe an hour?! This past year, I refused to rent a tux because it was a total waste of money so my son went in a black suit. He spent a total of 45 minutes at the Prom. When he came home, he had a look of amusement, amazement, annoyance and sadness on his face. He stated “I only spent 45 minutes at my Prom - 45 minutes!” It was so disheartening.</p>

<p>There have been years when the Girls’s Soccer coach has been able to reschedule the game and the girls have had to play an early morning Saturday game. But this is not even an option with the Track sectionals - they are held every year on that Friday and the school is well aware of this fact. Some of the seniors choose not to go to the Prom because really, what is the point to spend less than an hour there?! Others choose not to participate in the meet because they do not want to miss the prom. Is this fair?? I don’t think so. The boys shouldn’t even have to be forced to make that decision (as the Prom should be held on Saturday!).</p>

<p>Every student should have the opportunity to go to Prom if he/she so chooses. It is a “rite of passage”(and I don’t even like this phrase) and no one should be excluded from attending the Prom. The school should be obligated to make sure that the date of the prom is all “inclusive” to the senior class - but it isn’t. This would not even be a problem if the prom were held on Saturday.
Let me give you some reasons why the school resists this idea…</p>

<li><p>The Monday following the Prom is Senior “Ditch” day so many students rent out lakehouses for a 3 day “party”. Most will leave on Saturday morning and return on Monday. The school is worried that if the dance were held on Saturday night, then the students would drive to the lakehouses on Saturday night and thus they would be tired - they state that is is a “safety” issue. I don’t think that this should even be a factor in the decision. The school is responsible for the Prom - not the pre- or post-Prom plans. When the students drive to the lakehouses should be a parental issue - not the school’s concern. Plus, many schools in the area hold their proms on Saturday nights without incidence. And not everyone goes to lakehouses - my kids don’t - so why should the school “cater” the Prom date around those that do. So these kids not only get to attend the Prom but due to the Friday prom date, they also get to spend 3 days and 2 nights(instead of 2 days and 1 night) at some lakehouse while my sons do not even get to really attend their proms. Is this fair?</p></li>
<li><p>Our “sister” school holds their prom on that Saturday and our school doesn’t want to have conflicting dates in case of the “crossover” couples. So let’s see, at the present, these couples get to attend not one but TWO proms while my son doesn’t get to attend his dance. How fair is that? If the date were changed to Saturday, then these couples would have to choose which prom they wanted to attend but at least they get to go to one prom. And my son would get to attend his prom.</p></li>
<li><p>The school states that it is a bit more expensive to hold the prom on Saturday than on Friday. Give me a break. With what these students spend on hairstyles, dresses, limos and lakehouses, I truly believe that the slight increase in the cost of the prom ticket would barely be noticed. Plus, kids are going to go to their Prom regardless of the cost of the ticket (and it would only be about $20-$30 more). My sons had to pay for the full cost of the ticket and they didn’t really get to attend the dance. Why should this be an issue?</p></li>
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<p>Sorry for such a long post but I was just wondering what your thoughts were on this issue - Shouldn’t the school be giving EVERY student the opportunity to attend the Prom? Is it fair to exclude students by scheduling the dance on a date when they students will miss the dance due to participating in a school event? This situation can be prevented by holding the prom on Saturday so doesn’t the school have the obligation to change the date so that every student can attend the dance? </p>

<p>I have younger boys who also run track and I don’t want to have to go through this again. Prom has been such an unpleasant experience for our family because no one has been able to relax and enjoy this “rite of passage”. Any thoughts…? Thanks in advance for you input!</p>

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<p>We had the same experience, even with prom being held on a Saturday. D missed her senior prom due to state champs in her sport. It made me sad, but I was happy she was able to compete at state. Perhaps they should schedule prom for a Sunday evening, and give the students that Monday off. Venues would likely be easy to book on a Sunday.</p>

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<p>and that wouldn’t work since being on a Sunday, that is a holy day for many.<br>
There is no easy solution. Unfortunately you have to make a choice…attend your prom or your athletic event.</p>

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<p>Are there religions that make no accommodation for other Sunday evening events?</p>

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<p>Our school has prom on a Thursday night in late May. It doesn’t conflict with anyone’s religious observance, and they are able to get a better deal on pricing at restaurants or clubs. Some kids then go away for the weekend on Friday AM, and some do not. It works very well.</p>

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<p>Not that I don’t sympathize with your point, because I do, but aren’t there a lot of things in life like this situation? I can remember not being able to go to my sister’s hs graduation because my job out of state started the week before. Another time a good friend’s wedding was on a day that was a religious holiday for me, and I really couldn’t go. Growing up, I remember getting advice from my mom to the effect that you can’t do everything and that the choices are important. It would be nice to be able to be everywhere that is important in your life, but sometimes it just can’t happen.</p>

<p>I’m not sure that I totally understand, but are your sons both now in college? Is the prom still an issue? If it is, it never hurts to keep pressing your point. You never know when someone new will lend a fresh ear.</p>

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<p>anothermom-</p>

<p>I have 3 other sons who will be encountering the same situation. I don’t care about the “aren’t there a lot of things in life like this situation” argument - the issue is that the school has other options to allow all of the students to attend the prom and they are resisitng. I guess with me, it’s the issue of fairness and knowing that the school can change the date to allow all of the students to attend.</p>

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<p>As a former coach my view on the situation is that your sons made a commitment to their team/sport. I’m sure many parents will disagree with this but my attitude was always that you could be a baseball player or you could be a senior. If participating in senior activities was more important to you than playing baseball then so be it. Tell me that before the season starts and don’t try out for baseball. I absolutely respected that decision and would speak to and treat the student exactly the same as if they had chosen to play baseball baseball. If however you make a commitment to the team then you make it until the season has ended. If that means you have to sacrifice some other events then so be it.</p>

<p>BTW prom is a rite of passage, not a right of passage.</p>

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<p>I agree with both OP and wharfrat2. Yes, an athlete does have an obligation to his/her team, but it is possible for the school to accommodate those athletes and coaches by scheduling prom on another weekday. I would think that coaches would be in favor of this as well, as it would make for happier athletes.</p>

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<p>I don’t disagree except that Sectionals/Regionals/State Tournaments are scheduled by the state, not the school. Also, in today’s school systems it is virtually impossible to schedule any event for a date where no student will experience a conflict of some sort. I know that throughout the school year every day one team or another has a contest (with the exception of Sunday). If it weren’t for an athletic event it would be some other organization that had a scheduling conflict. Also, rescheduling involves alot more than just the two teams, it also involves transportation, officials, etc.</p>

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<p>life means making choices and learning to live with the consequences of those choices. I don’t think high school is too soon to start learning that.</p>

<p>My D had to all but drop her sports teams during senior year, because of the amount of schoolwork she had.
My other D had to forgo making college visits because she didn’t want to miss class during senior year.
Lots of compromises, you learn to live with it.</p>

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<p>A few comments here:</p>

<p>1) Our high school NEVER schedules a sporting event on the same day as the prom. Prom is usually a Friday in early May. If there’s something Saturday morning, well Prom ends at 11pm and there’s no rule that says you have to go to an after-Prom party. But our coaches and Athletic Director would never schedule a game on the actual Prom Day.</p>

<p>2) “They should reschedule Prom.” That’s easier said than done. My D is a class officer. They researched Prom sites to find one the right size, a nice place, affordable… and booked it 18 months in advance. To re-schedule it a few months in advance when sports schedules are available is virtually impossible. Of course, we’re dealing with a large high school - 400 students per grade - so our choice of venues that are large enough to accomodate the class is limited to begin with.<br>
And what day do you want to re-schedule it to? If you move off the track meet, you conflict with baseball - or the spring Musical - or something else. Everyone is busy. Prom date is set over a year in advance, it’s a ONCE a year thing, and in my opinion others can re-schedule around it. Same for those who want the prom re-scheduled due to SAT’s the next morning. Prom is booked 18 months in advance, SAT dates are announced less than a year in advance. There are many dates to take the SAT, just pick a different one.</p>

<p>My D is an athlete, and I’m tired of coaches who think their sport is the be-all and end-all. Wharfrat, I strongly disagree with your opinion:“my attitude was always that you could be a baseball player or you could be a senior.” You are coaching HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS, not professionals. They should be allowed to be Seniors AND Baseball players. Good grief.</p>

<p>3) I understand that the OP’s problem is a regional track meet. In this case, the kid has a decision to make - track meet, or Prom? There are many track meets during 4 years of high school, but only one Prom. But that’s just my opinion. </p>

<p>In our state, they scheduled the All-State track finals the same night that a large number of schools held graduation ceremonies - the first Friday night in June! Principals were livid, but the track authorities wouldn’t budge. So kids had to choose between the All-State Track meet - a huge honor - or attending graduation ceremonies.</p>

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<p>Maybe my post was to long - too much info. My sons were committed to their sport - which is the reason why they attended the sectional meet - It was never a question about choosing the prom over the meet. And I am offering this up for future proms at our school - I understand that it is too late to reschedule the 2009 prom. </p>

<p>This has nothing to do with the rescheduling of any events but the prom. At our school, there are absolutely no “evening” activities that are scheduled for that Saturday so I don’t understand why the dance can’t be held that night.</p>

<p>I was just curious as to what other parents thought - taking a “survey” if you will - in order to possibly present facts for this issue.</p>

<p>WHARFRAT2 - I did state that prom is a “rite” of passage. What were you talking about??</p>

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<p>I think everyone here understands that life requires you to make a lot of tough choices, etc., but OP’s point is that it is possible to schedule the prom in such a way that those choices do NOT need to be made. It is true that the region- and state-wide sporting events cannot be rescheduled, and it is also true that prom venues must be booked far in advance, IF you want a Friday or Saturday night. It is not so difficult to book a Sunday or Monday or Thursday night, and the likelihood of a conflict on those days is much less.</p>

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<p>no my point was- there are always compromises made by someone.
if you do the weekend- how much extra do you have to pay the teachers who chaperone?
Hotel rates also seem to be higher- on weekdays, possibly because that is when businesses rent the space.</p>

<p>he school states that it is a bit more expensive to hold the prom on Saturday than on Friday. Give me a break. With what these students spend on hairstyles, dresses, limos and lakehouses, I truly believe that the slight increase in the cost of the prom ticket would barely be noticed.</p>

<p>I see that the perception in this community - is that money is no object.
Is that really true for all?
My daughters school does a great deal of fundraising so that prom and graduation costs are low-if cost is the objection, then it makes sense that fundraising could be used tp bring the cost down.</p>

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<p>I laugh at people who spend all that money just for one day of “fun”.</p>

<p>I would rather go on a trip for the kind of money that people spend on prom.</p>

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<p>I know you did. I was commenting on those many parents and students who seem to believe it is a “right” of passage and that all should be done to accomodate their own particular wishes or desires.</p>

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<p>In the school system in which I teach, prom dates, homecomings, graduation dates, etc. are all determined by the Central Office rather than the individual schools. We have 6 high schools in our system so therefore these dates are staggered so that the business community is not overwhelmed by the demand for tuxes, gowns, restaurant reservations, limos, corsages, etc. thereby losing business to neighboring communities when they can’t fill the demand if more than 2 schools have these events scheduled for the same evening and/or weekend.</p>

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<p>My D’s were both on a team that had an ongoing scheduling conflict with Homecoming. We’ve done a couple of things: when they were “on the road” and since there were both boys and girls on the trip (OK, cross country, a co-ed sport), we planned a dinner out for them, told them to bring formal wear, and had parents pitch in for a limo. This was a huge success.</p>

<p>When in our own city, we’ve also held an event on the night following the real dance, for the athletes who had to compete on the “real” night, and their dates. This has also been well-received.</p>

<p>And we’ve also run the girls from the meet to the dance, as they’ve dressed in the back seat, pulling on panty hose over sweaty legs, spraying perfume madly to cover the stench (I don’t recommend this), and arriving too late for dinner or dance. Bleh.</p>

<p>I’m with you, OP, I think the school should reschedule. But if they don’t, you have plenty of time to make lemonade.</p>

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<p>What is the huge deal if you miss the prom?</p>