<p>“Given that you said the other day you’ll call your kids several times a day at college (and memorize their class schedules accordingly), and email their professors, and won’t “let” them attend research universities, I wonder if there’s some ■■■■■ stuff going on?”</p>
<p>Reiterating them makes you look very lame and very nerdy. Another insecure kid wants to be an internet warrior…</p>
<p>AllThisIsNewToMe, your post made me laugh; thanks for that!! And JNSQ, I’m getting through; most of the time, I’m okay now. </p>
<p>I don’t feel bad about soon-to-be-xH’s comments at all and please don’t anyone else feel bad for me! I like the pictures I have around, his email made me curious, is all, about what others display, and I’ve really enjoyed reading what CCers do in this regard; thanks, all!!</p>
<p>I don’t feel bad for you, my Jeanne d’arc, but is it normal to resent someone’s maternal affection for her son? I think not.</p>
<p>The rest is taste and desire.</p>
<p>As an asthmatic, I hate dust, clutter. It makes me sick. I have no trophies, awards or anything displaced. Kids are fine with that. Mia has her dance trophies in her room. Their school stuff is in a bureau drawer, I think. It was. I may have moved it. I did save it all.</p>
<p>As for pictures, since H is a photographer, we keep the photos to a minimum or he would be insufferable.</p>
<p>I have in the living room one picture of each of them: D as a little girl sitting in tulips bigger than she is, looking like Alice-in-Wonderland, and s at 10 peaking out from behind his violin.</p>
<p>In the dining room I have two tiny pictures of each of them as babies.</p>
<p>I do, however, have 20 photo albums courtesy of my husband, and I did put all the pictures in them myself, and I do look at them on occasion.</p>
<p>Oh, and a kitchen magnet picture of each of them in a school uniform, K and 2nd grade on fridge.</p>
<p>But there is evidence of them everywhere: the musical instruments out – violin, flute, the piano, the books each reads, a beautiful poster actually painted by Tolkien for an exhibition, their gifts to us, the couches they wanted because there were “comfy”, crumbs in the family room, always, the complete sets of Mozart and Bach CD’s I bought for S, the complete West Wing he wanted, the complete Sex and the City she wanted. And so it goes.</p>
<p>It would not be the same house without them.</p>
<p>I did redecorate a bit after we were empty nesters. Out with the country; in with art nouveau, a bit sleeker as pocketbook would allow. Nothing major. </p>
<p>But Mr. You Know Who has a lot of gall. He really does. And more than that, he’s inane.</p>
<p>owlice~I’m sorry to hear you will be going through this…imho your photos and mementos sound quite typical…there is no right or wrong way to display our love and pride for our children…</p>
<p>my fridge is always covered, with the latest pics from vacation, beach trips, whatever,or a pic that fell out of a kitchen drawer that just “had to” be redisplayed just because well, it fell out of a drawer…</p>
<p>I have my three kids as little ones barefoot on the wall, the coffee table in the family room holds current pics/school pics, and a professional pic of each in the living room. no certificates, those are in their rooms, or more likely have been placed away in their closets,</p>
<p>but having had a high school graduate this year and last, my half moon table under the mirror becomes a temporary shrine right around those special occasions…it helps us to hold onto the specialness just a little longer I find. but they then are moved to the background of life as things are always in flux</p>
<p>and I’m with Mythmom–you know if Mr. you know who had a problem with pictures, there is this thing called communication, and it doesn’t involve other people.</p>
<p>There is a big difference between displaying a lot of photos of your kids – which many people choose to do – and displaying a lot of photos/certificates/trophies connected with your kids’ accomplishments. I think that doing the latter could inadvertently convey the impression that you value your kids’ accomplishments more than you value them as people. It also kind of forces conversation onto the topic of your kids’ accomplishments when you have guests in the house, which could be awkward.</p>
<p>When my daughter was in middle school and early high school, she displayed several collages of personal photos and mementos in her room. Some she had made herself; others had been made for her by friends as birthday gifts. In all cases, the focus was on the people in the photos (my daughter and her friends) and memorable events in which they had participated – not on anyone’s accomplishments. You would never have known from looking at these photos that one kid was an all-county musician, that another was the general manager of the school play, that several had won academic awards at their middle school graduations, and that some would be attending selective magnet high schools. But you would have known that they had a great time at certain school events, that they liked to wear dressy clothes on occasion, and that they enjoyed each other’s company. I think the kids had the right idea.</p>
<p>I have lots of pictures of my kids around the house, and I especially love them now that my nest is empty. There are also a couple of H & me, his family, my family, and I also have pix of our dog, the guinea pigs, my favorite squirrel (she let me pet her!), and a dear rabbit that lived in our back yard. All those animals are no longer alive, but the images bring back very happy memories. I enjoy looking at these pictures as I live in my house. </p>
<p>The award certificates are in the memorabilia binders, and the medals and trophies are packed away. I hope everyone else enjoys the freedom to do exactly what they want with their living spaces.</p>
<p>It’s your house. You should adorn it exactly as you like. Seems perfectly normal to me for you to enjoy seeing photos and mementos of your much-loved son.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Or desired, if your goal is for visitors to your house to “know what they’re capable of”!
I agree with you 100%, Marian.</p>
<p>owlice… I’m speaking from experience here, and I hope you won’t mind my bluntness: A man who lives in your house, cheats on you, and complains about the numerous photos (, trophies, certificates, &c) of your kid all over the house… is likely most concerned over the amount of time it takes him to remove all traces of family when you’re out and he wants to have someone over. That he tries to make you feel like there’s something wrong with you because you celebrate your kid in your own home, is just more of the usual deflection and manipulation that worms like this guy use to keep lovely women like you off balance. The problem is his, not yours. But you know that already! Just one thing to add in this vein – if you’ve gotten him out of the house, have you changed all the locks yet?</p>
<p>OK, on to the survey. My walls are completely bare except for a few clocks and patches of sample paint colors. I’ve been struggling with scheduling an interior paint job for the past three years. :eek: Before that, my kiddo’s grinning, cherubic face was the first thing anyone would see on walking in the door. I used to frame and hang every single award certificate he received, but they collected dust and they came down when he developed a persistent cough (I was trying to minimize the clutter and dust traps throughout the house).</p>
<p>Most of my recent (i.e., high school) photos of him are digital. I loaded a bunch of them onto a DPF to display at his grad party and am happy to have it in the house now. I’m thinking of sending a smaller one with him. Most of my older photos of him are 4x6 prints in an endless array of disorganized boxes. I went through some of those this year, but hope to really tackle them next year and make some albums.</p>
<p>I’m now into making shadowboxes for him – one for each major event of his favorite ECs, one for prom with his boutonniere/ticket/photo, one for graduation with his tassel/diploma/honor cord, et cetera. He seems to like those. I love them because they bring back such nice memories. I intend to pass them on to him when he moves into a place of his own, unless he decides to take some to the dorm.</p>
<p>If your kid is happy (and maybe even slightly embarrassed) at the amount of wall/surface space dedicated to memories of him, I think you’re doing great. :)</p>
<p>ETA:
Under those particular circumstances, for one so self-absorbed, all too normal.</p>
<p>Owlice,
Seeing as stbxh never quite got the “parent” part of his role, I’m not surprised he’s stinky about the pics.</p>
<p>We have pics everywhere (but none of me – I’m behind the camera, and for good reason). S1 has some of his “big” certificates on the wall in his room, and there are two particular items on the bookshelf in the living room (pretty well hidden among more photographs).</p>
<p>MOWC, both my kids had to get police checks and fingerprinted for camp jobs – we got lovely letters from our state saying “XXXXX XXXXXXX has not yet been convicted of the folowing offenses:” and goes on to list a couple dozen serious crimes. Those letters we have hanging in our guest bathroom, which is where we also hang the particulatly funny/relevant comics and editorials that come our way.</p>
<p>CountingDown - I love that you hung up those letters in your guest bathroom! That’s hysterical.</p>
<p>We are not people who take a lot of photos. Also, H’s family lives out of the country, and my family is very, very small. So, there are no photos in the living romm, and the only pictures I have in our family room are school and sports photos of the kids, since without my having to do anything but write a check, we get these sent home every fall. There have been times when I’ve wondered if the lack of displayed pictures of friends and other family member makes us seem insular or narcisstic. Maybe we are???</p>
<p>Current trophies are displayed on the kids’ bureaus, and older ones are in a box in the basement. Newspaper clippings now go in a scrapbook under the child’s bed. Only one kid has had enough stuff in print to have motivated me to actually archive them in books. The other two children might have manila evelopes somewhere in the basement or a closet. I don’t handle papers particularly well.</p>
<p>I tend to agree with Marian that permanent displays of certificates and awards should be avoided. I think it’s great when they’re brand new to put them on the fridge to show the kids we’re proud of them, but then after a week or two I take them down. I would never display a report card because that’s too easily compared with someone else’s since they contain a scale of numbers or letters and ALL kids get one. A stellar report could make a classmate who comes to visit feel really bad if his grades aren’t comparable. I think other achievements tend to be less quantifiable and thus don’t lend themselves as well to comparison. If I come to a home and see a cheerleading award and my child doesn’t do cheerleading, I’m unlikely to feel envious or shamed than if I were to see a report card superior to that of my own child.</p>
<p>Yea, we have a jumble of trophies in a corner of the living room and most of the rest of their stuff is in their bedrooms. We have photos of them & other extended family scattered fairly neatly throughout the house. I can’t imagine it any other way. We used to have more artwork that they did but S decided he didn’t like it in public areas so it’s mostly been moved to our bedroom. We’re all fine with things as they are.</p>
<p>CountingDown, oh, such great letters and I, too, am laughing about your having those on display!! What a riot!!</p>
<p>OP, your soon to be EX is a jerk. Family is not a priority for him. It is for you. Bravo. I have pics of my D’s, a few awards, some golf trophies, in places similar to yours. Godspeed to you during this time. </p>
<p>And I have a few yellowing For Better or For Worse and Zits comics as well on one of my cupboard doors. And to be honest, when I filled up the face of the door, I then started taping them up inside on the pantry doors. I must have 25-30. They still make me smile.</p>
<p>If this is the best the soon to be ex can throw at you, it says a lot more about him than it does about you.</p>
<p>To answer the survey part of the Q - I grew up in a house with photos behind photos and very little wall space showing - as much as I loved the people and the house, have to admit I went the other way in my own home. Most of the photos are in albums (a few of these are on coffee tables) or online. I do have a couple of large framed portraits of the kids - one is on the back staircase leading to their bedrooms, the other over the piano in the living room. I also have one or two framed photos on a given table, desk, or shelf. It’s just that I prefer an uncluttered look - has nothing to do with pride in the kids or their accomplishments. Kids rooms were for whatever they wanted to display. Trophies were on the bookshelves in each kid’s room - they never put awards on walls or shelves. Both kids do have big bulletin boards over their desks, and occasionally something like that would go up there for a little while. I did have photo magnets dating back to nursery school on my fridge, but as someone else mentioned my new fridge is not magnetic. The magnets moved down to the basement with the old fridge - at least I can still look at them when doing laundry!</p>