<p>I’m a glass-half-empty person. I have no ambitions, but I’m a perfectionist because I’m still afraid of failing. I’m just finishing up my first semester at a top 10 LAC and I found myself having a total nervous breakdown today because I’m afraid that my math final will drop my grade from an A to a B. I never feel happy about high grades, just bad when I don’t get them. It’s an addiction and I want to end it.</p>
<p>I thought this obsession would go away after high school, but it isn’t. I shouldn’t get less than a 3.5 this semester, which I know is good, but it still feels bad. I want to just relax, work hard but not ridiculously so, and keep my GPA over 3.0. But since I don’t have any goals yet (besides wanting to do something having to do with human rights and to not live with my parents), I’m constantly terrified that I will end up wanting to pursue something that requires more and not be able to because I’ve closed myself off by “slacking”. Even if I push myself and make it to a top grad school, the obsession will just get worse once I get there.</p>
<p>I enjoy what I’m studying, but I’m sick of dedicating every minute of it toward some unknown ambition when it requires to me to give up doing other things I love like theater, writing, and making jewelry (you know, the things that would matter if I died tomorrow, as opposed to future investments).</p>
<p>I want to make an executive decision to stop obsessing so much over my work, but I can’t decide if that would be wise. Is it possible to learn to live in the moment in college without regretting it later?</p>