Significant Others at Different Schools

<p>How many of you guys have a significant other that goes to a different college? If you do, how often do you see each other and so forth?</p>

<p>I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years and I am about to go to a college about an hour away. I know it;s not too bad of a distance, but I'm a little nervous about it. We are committed to making the relationship work and are definitely going to stay together as long as we are both still happy with the arrangements. What do you guys suggest? He'll be going into his second year at the college in my hometown.</p>

<p>My fiance goes to a different school. Our first two years of college we only saw each other once a week, sometimes only every other week. That was when we had no bus between our cities and I had to borrow my parents car to go see him, I was a commuter student at the time. Now we are both away at different schools, but there is a bus system between our cities. Last year he came to visit me every wednesday and friday, most saturdays, and if my roommate was gone for the weekend when he came on friday he just stayed til sunday evening. If one of you has a car or if there is a bus, if the relationship is meant to work out the distance wont be a problem. If you don't, you will have a hard time seeing each other other than at breaks, which would be a real strain.</p>

<p>I actually prefer that we go to different schools. When I transferred I had the choice to go to his school and purposefully chose not to. We are forced to make our own social circles, and it is not hard to balance the relationship with friendships. We have tons of time to study without being distracted by each other. I really think one of the most important things in making a relationship work, especially when you're younger, is to make sure you are still maintaining lives as separate people. So many people get so absorbed into their relationship that they forget to do things for themselves. Going to different schools makes it really easy to manage that. You just have to be able to handle how frequently you see each other, that is the challenge.</p>

<p>I'm having the same problem, but I'm going to college in Tempe, AZ and he's going to SDSU in CA. I don't think he can just hop on a bus...</p>

<p>In that case, you have the same benefits I did, only an added strain-- which is really something. Long distance does suck. My fiance and I are only a half hour away during the summer, but neither of us have cars so we cannot see each other between April and September, at all. In that time is my birthday, so that's really sad. You have to go to a lot of effort to keep the connection between you strong, and you have to be sure that you have the skills to be an independent person, and you have to really trust your partner. Your communication skills have to be really good, and you both have to make sure that you are considerate to your partners needs even though they aren't right in front of you to remind you. </p>

<p>I think a lot of relationships that work without distance wouldn't work long distance. Mine is probably one of them. When he goes home for the summer, which thankfully he doesn't always do, we do not see each other at all between April and September. We tend to really not get along very well during these times. Usually by July we start to argue, and we usually never really have to fight to work through bumps in the road. He sits at home all day missing me and wondering what I am doing but will not call. Ever. We can go days at a time without talking because he fell asleep when he meant to call, forgot, was doing housework, whatever. Most of the time when I call he's left his phone in his room and doesn't answer. He practically waits on me hand and foot when we're at our schools, but as soon as we are far apart he is a different person, and I can only get along with that person for a month or so. lol. </p>

<p>So when your relationships do become long distance, realize that this is going to be a totally different game than it was when you were together before. You are going to have different sorts of needs and will need different communication skills. I don't think you can just place the exact same relationship into different circumstances and expect it to work just the same way as it did before. You will have to work harder, and you will have to work DIFFERENTLY to keep your connections good. And I think most importantly you guys will both have to figure out ways to handle the stress without fighting with each other all the time. I am getting better at that but it is really hard!</p>

<p>Good luck. I really believe that if the relationships are meant to last, they will. You just have to both be willing to put in the time and effort to figure out how to make it work.</p>

<p>Emaheevul- you're in a really odd situation. Polar opposite from most, I'd guess.</p>

<p>My s/o goes to my school, so it's not an issue to see him.<br>
I have a friend who's s/o goes to school 4 hours away, so they get to see each other at max once a month, or every other month (but when they do, it's for at least a full week at a time).</p>

<p>I won't have a job, though. My s/o may have one by the time school starts. During my senior year, even though we lived in the same town, we only saw each other on the weekends. He was too busy with his classes and his sleep schedule was a lot different than mine. It was difficult to get used to seeing him every weekend after seeing him everyday at school, but once I got used to it, I was actually pretty productive. I did not have to choose between homework and him. I kept up with sports teams without being worried that I would not be able to see him as much. </p>

<p>I love it when I get to see my s/o, but it's a lot easier when I don't have to choose between time with him and something else that is important. </p>

<p>I won't have a car, though. He does. So it will be up to him to come see me.</p>

<p>Yeah, I don't do the bus by myself so when we are at school it is on fiance to get on the bus and come see me. During the summer when there isn't a bus and I have a car, i have to drive every time-- when he's at school for summer anyway.</p>

<p>What a compromise..</p>

<p>Honestly, if I had to do 100% of the work to see my girl, I would lose interest. It's just not worth it.</p>

<p>The first year and a half we were together, I was commuting and had to drive a half hour each way every time I went to see him, he had no way of getting to me so I had to do all the work. And when he came to my house, which was frequent, I had to drive half an hour there and back to pick him up and half an hour there and back to take him home. There was a four month break (two months into our relationship) because for our first summer he went home to his parents house, but then he came back and I resumed driving and then the next summer he stayed at school and I drove straight through that summer to see him too. This past school year he had to make a half hour bus ride to come see me and got to stay for the whole weekend, although the last seven weeks I've had to do all the driving because I moved home and he was still at school. So really, he still has a whole hell of a lot of driving and bus riding to do to catch up to me. :P And after next spring, unless we move in together then, I'll have to do all the driving for another year until he graduates.</p>

<p>I guess when you meet someone you really like and feel ready to settle down, it's worth the work. I for one don't like dating, I'd rather be either single and not looking or in a relationship and settled. So some logistical issue that has nothing to do with our compatibility together would have to be really bad to make me feel motivated enough to dump him in search of greener pastures. If I really like a guy and we work and I am happy, I am willing to put forth the effort.</p>

<p>I met my wife my freshman year of college, she was 18, I was 19.</p>

<p>We went to school about 1-2 hours away. We broke up a few times and had a few rough spots, but we always stayed in contact. The best thing to do is remain friends, if it's meant to be it will happen. If you try to force it, it will just fall a part. Don't be afraid to meet other people and even date - it will be good for you. You're young, and you need to be exposed to different people.</p>