<p>Oh no, don’t tell me the ass land post disappeared! This is tragic!</p>
<p>The lost works of Sluggbugg. It will be a dissertation topic for some graduate student in the Early Internet Greats in 2010.</p>
<p>We bow to you and mourn the loss of your prose. Please grant us a reprieve…</p>
<p>Oh no! We’ve lost Sluggbugg’s classic post of college-branded posteriors and sagging carrots slinking away. I agree, Alumother, it is a tragedy.</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=140217[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=140217</a></p>
<p>I am in tears over the loss of Ass Land . “I will, I tell you, remember.”</p>
<p>Surely, slugg has these squirreled away (do slugs squirrel things?) for a forthcoming “Best of…” compendium. :eek:</p>
<p>Obviously we have all been partaking a bit too much at the SA bar as the past few days have been totally erased from my memory … or the board … which is it? LOL!</p>
<p>Don’t worry, fireflyscout, I vividly remember Slugg’s post regarding the slinking carrots. It still makes me laugh!</p>
<p>BHAPPYMOM TO THE RESCUE:Here is a copy of “ASSLAND the Musical” the messagE***************Thanks to my inept managment of my email account (don’t know how to disable that function) here is Slug in all her glory!::</p>
<p>I’ll have a double Old-Fashioned. I got snagged to bring snacks for Finals
Week, today. Not just any snacks. It had to be a variety of fresh, cut-up
fruit. Ixnay on the blue raspberry Fruit Gushers and strawberry Gummi Bears.
Little Debbie Christmas Tree cupcakes were not on their list of healthy snacks.
The Parents-That-Be made an executive decision to tell the volunteer minions to
serve only healthy crap, this year. </p>
<p>Like a good serf, I went to the grocery store, yesterday, looking for supersize
platters of fresh, cut-up watermelons and cantaloupes. Throw in a bag of
seedless grapes, and wham-bamm, thank you, M’am, I’m done! No such luck. The
fruit department had been scoured. It looked like a plague of locusts had moved
through and devoured everything smaller than a bowling ball. Not only were the
premade fruit platters gone, but so were the cut-up, microwave veggies that sell
for $3.99 a bag. As I was considering the possibility of serving prunes and
baby carrots (the only small vegetables left), I had a “last-last” moment.
Y’know, like this was the last opportunity I’d have to make a healthy, school
snack for my baby, infant 18-year old, mustached, man-boy. For that matter, this
was my last opportunity EVER, as a K-12 mother, to “bring snack,” as we used to
call it in preschool. I felt an ovary twitch and rolled a large honeydew into
my basket.</p>
<p>So, off I went this morning in a torrential rain and hail storm with my little
cooler of individually-bagged melon chunks, green grapes, and orange quarters.
Got there, and it was the usual chaos, with no one in charge. Fine, I was used
to that. I arranged my fruit baggies on the platter I brought with me and
headed outside to the picnic tables in the center of campus. The buzzer buzzed,
and hundreds of kids streamed out of the classrooms. By this time, the rain had
let up, and I leaned up against a pole and tried to imagine how it felt to be in
high school. Some of these <em>children</em> looked like 30-year old men. Buns
jiggled by advertising colleges located in Ass Land. The hair on both the girls
and the boys hasn’t changed much in 31 years. I saw my son trudging along in
his pea coat and skull cap, a fourth grader in an 18-y/o’s body. </p>
<p>As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly…(oops, flashback to the Night
Before Christmas), off to the classrooms they flew as the buzzer rang again. I
quickly gathered up my remaining baggies and helped a couple of other moms pick
up orange peels and string cheese wrappers. Just like the old days. :)</p>
<p>As I packed up my cooler, a pushy dad who was in a hurry to get to work tried to
throw his leftover baby carrots into my cooler. I shot him the evil sluggeye
and said, “Hey, Bub, I don’t let any man squish my melons.” He tucked his
carrots between his legs and slunk off toward the parking lot. He won’t be
making that mistake again. :D</p>
<hr>
<p>sluggbugg has just replied to a thread you have subscribed to entitled
- Sinners Alley Happy Hour - in the Parent Cafe forum of College
Discussion…</p>
<p>I’ll have a double Old-Fashioned. I got snagged to bring snacks for
Finals Week, today. Not just any snacks. It had to be a variety of
fresh, cut-up fruit. Ixnay on the blue raspberry Fruit Gushers and
strawberry Gummi Bears. Little Debbie Christmas Tree cupcakes were not on
their list of healthy snacks. The Parents-That-Be made an executive
decision to tell the volunteer minions to serve only healthy crap, this
year. </p>
<p>Like a good serf, I went to the grocery store, yesterday, looking for
supersize platters of fresh, cut-up watermelons and cantaloupes. Throw
in a bag of seedless grapes, and wham-bamm, thank you, M’am, I’m done!<br>
No such luck. The fruit department had been scoured. It looked like a
plague of locusts had moved through and devoured everything smaller
than a bowling ball. Not only were the premade fruit platters gone, but
so were the cut-up, microwave veggies that sell for $3.99 a bag. As I
was considering the possibility of serving prunes and baby carrots (the
only small vegetables left), I had a “last-last” moment. Y’know, like
this was the last opportunity I’d have to make a healthy, school snack
for my baby, infant 18-year old, mustached, man-boy. For that matter,
this was my last opportunity EVER, as a K-12 mother, to “bring snack,”
as we used to call it in preschool. I felt an ovary twitch and rolled a
large honeydew into my basket.</p>
<p>So, off I went this morning in a torrential rain and hail storm with my
little cooler of individually-bagged melon chunks, green grapes, and
orange quarters. Got there, and it was the usual chaos, with no one in
charge. Fine, I was used to that. I arranged my fruit baggies on the
platter I brought with me and headed outside to the picnic tables in the
center of campus. The buzzer buzzed, and hundreds of kids streamed out
of the classrooms. By this time, the rain had let up, and I leaned up
against a pole and tried to imagine how it felt to be in high school.<br>
Some of these <em>children</em> looked like 30-year old men. Buns jiggled by
advertising colleges located in Ass Land. The hair on both the girls
and the boys hasn’t changed much in 31 years. I saw my son trudging
along in his pea coat and skull cap, a fourth grader in an 18-y/o’s body. </p>
<p>As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly…(oops, flashback to
the Night Before Christmas), off to the classrooms they flew as the
buzzer rang again. I quickly gathered up my remaining baggies and helped
a couple of other moms pick up orange peels and string cheese wrappers.<br>
Just like the old days. :)</p>
<p>As I packed up my cooler, a pushy dad who was in a hurry to get to work
tried to throw his leftover baby carrots into my cooler. I shot him
the evil sluggeye and said, “Hey, Bub, I don’t let any man squish my
melons.” He tucked his carrots between his legs and slunk off toward the
parking lot. He won’t be making that mistake again. :D</p>
<p>BHappyMom,</p>
<p>Beat me to it!</p>
<p>Carrot guy and Ass Land are BAAAACK! Whew, that was close! Now, where is the musical version playing? I wanna get tickets before it sells out. </p>
<p>BTW, The Brokeback date with Mootmom and Calmom didn’t work out, and I have to do something to console myself. So, I’m thinking about taking my D to see MacHomer at Berkeley Rep (The Simpsons do MacBeth or something like that). Have any of you seen it? Is it worth it? I’m trying to get comp tickets, but still, will it be worth it? My kids have all of the Simpsons episodes memorized, practically, so thought this might be something she’ll enjoy.</p>
<p>Hey, thanks guys! 
I was starting to get a little misty-eyed over the loss of Carrot Guy. Yay for Ass Land! 
</p>
<p>This is the fourth year I’ve been on CC, and I’ve never seen a database <em>malfunction</em> like this. Hmmm, I’ll have a Mai Tai and think about it.</p>
<p>Saw “Brokeback” the other day with my sister. I’ll have to admit the tent scene blew me away - I wasn’t expecting that. Can’t get the whole thing out of my mind - kind of like the shower scene in “Psycho.” Quick, pour me another glass of merlot!</p>
<p>Slugg, I was thinking that this had happened once before - can’t remember when, though. Then there was the time they switched from the old message boards (remember those?) to the new ones and we all had to start over.</p>
<p>Steelers! </p>
<p>Lots of drinking, virtual and otherwise, here in the Steel City tonight. Looks like we’ll be playing the Cappuchino Drinkers in the Super Bowl…</p>
<p>I’m contemplating whether or not to go to a “mandatory” Senior parent meeting tonight. They keep calling this a MANDATORY Senior parent meeting, and I keep thinking that they should mandatorily shove it. 
Mandatory, to me, means that I’m being commanded to attend. In my mind, mandatory contains an authoritive order handed down to the lower echelons, and unless somebody up at that school is wearing a crown or a badge, I don’t appreciate being ordered to attend a parent meeting. :p</p>
<p>They’re going to hit us up to work at the all-night grad party, which H and I have already done for two years because SluggJr was playing with his band. We worked the shift that he was playing, which was always 3 a.m. to 6 a.m. The food mom for this event found me when I was up at the school giving away finals treats last week and asked if I would be interested in helping with the food prep for this event. </p>
<p>What does it involve? I asked.</p>
<p>Well, this year we’re doing all Tiki food, and I need help cutting up pineapples, papayas, and mangoes. Then, we’re going to put them on skewers…, and something about little umbrellas, which I did not get because I was already saying “OH-NAY!” in my mind. She nodded her head cheerfully in a “yes” motion as if to control our minds with her hypnotic suggestion. The mom next to me who has worn nothing but fire department tee-shirts and jeans since our kids were in Kindergarten quickly responded by saying, My husband is doing all of the fire safety inspections, so WE are already helping. Nice try. I would have said something, but I had my back turned and was quietly slinking toward the door. </p>
<p>So, let me know if you can help! she bellowed as all of the women dove for cover behind bookcases, stacks of chairs, and large purses. </p>
<p>I’d rather stick bamboo under my fingernails and light my hair on fire, but thanks for asking. Not in a Million years, lady! I’m the parent of a graduating senior, and this is my last kid. Get the freshmen parents to do it. Okaeey, byee now! :D</p>
<p>Mandatory? Isn’t that from Man-date, so like, only fathers Have to go?
</p>
<p>Oh, yeah. Tiny little mango bits, pineapple cubes and papayas on skewers. That’ll be popular with the 18 year-old man-boys. Definitely worth the effort. I hope they’re giving equal attention to the centerpieces. The boys will definitely appreciate those.</p>
<p>They’ll probably enjoy taking apart the little paper umbrellas and turning them into projectiles, too.</p>