<p>Thanks, sjmom. I am glad they lightened up your day. So as not to make anyone who hasn’t had their tetanus shot venture into that other thread, I’ll copy/paste the jokes here. I can’t take credit for them, as I got them in an an email from another forum, but they seemed appropriate to try to lighten up that bunch over there (though I did such a s <em>stellar</em> job in my attempt yesterday…). Glad things were a tad more successful today. However, the conversation is now into cockroaches, bats, pregnancy craziness, and othere pleasantries…</p>
<p>ok here goes:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>DON’T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON’T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.</p>
<ol>
<li>ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR…</li>
<li>ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.</li>
<li>IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?</li>
<li>THE MAIN REASON SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.</li>
<li>I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “WHERE’S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.</li>
<li>WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?</li>
<li>IF A DEAF PERSON SWEARS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP? </li>
<li>IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?</li>
<li>IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?</li>
<li>WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO “GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?”</li>
<li>WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?</li>
<li>IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?</li>
<li>WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?</li>
<li>WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?</li>
<li>IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?</li>
<li>CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?</li>
<li>IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?</li>
<li>WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?</li>
<li>HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?</li>
<li>WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?</li>
<li>ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.</li>
<li>DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?</li>
<li>DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?</li>
<li>HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?</li>
<li>IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?</li>
<li>IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?</li>
<li>IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?</li>
<li>WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD “LISP” TO HAVE “S” IN IT?</li>
<li>WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED “HEMORRHOIDS” INSTEAD OF “A-S-S-TEROIDS”?</li>
<li>WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT THEM?</li>
<li>WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?</li>
<li>IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?</li>
<li>CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?</li>
</ol></li>
</ol>
<p>My sister particularly liked #5. Of course, this is the sister I sent a St. Patrick’s day card which said something like, “Get down with your bad Irish self!” She always was the fun sister. :eek:</p>
<p>I posted this (along with gross cockroach stories) in the "other’ thread, but it belongs here. I need the help,wisdom and support of my friends and colleagues. And yes, sjmom2329, this IS where to come to join the BMW club (that’s the b-i-tch. moan and whine club.)</p>
<p>“I have a question. I was out with friends and DH tonight watching the good ol’ Florida Gators play an all-too-close, but successful basketball game. However, when we sat down, they all turned to me, oh all-knowing- all wise-resident person obsessed-with-college-stuff to ask where the opponent team, Butler University is. I had NO CLUE! Never heard of it! Not seen it mentioned in the hallowed halls of CC or the books I read on this stuff. How totally embarassing! (I have since discovered that it is in Indianappolis, Ind.) Hope I haven’t offended any Butler Bulldog fans out there.”</p>
<p>Sluggbugg, a song too! Will this never end?? Oh yeah. I guess it did. Birthday’s over. DRAT. </p>
<p>The elementary variety/talent show was quite enjoyable. There was a lot of talent along with the <em>variety</em>. Gymnastics was big this year. One of my friends sang me a beautiful happy birthday song up on the stage (she’s a professional, so it was quite nice) – it’s the reason I went, so I could get a really good birthday song for once ! – and uh yeah, because the 8 year old and her friends were performing . . .</p>
<p>jym626–enjoyed your list of questions. Plenty to ponder. Beats pondering some other things, eh?</p>
<p>mstee, how great that you got a song from stage! I hope you basked in the great wishes.</p>
<p>And what a coincidence – I was at the HS jazz band concert last night, I guess that’s a talent show in a way, right? It was TSFH’s final concert as drummer, and man let me tell you, he wailed. He was drenched by the end (they have to wear suits on stage), he told his uncle-the-drummer on the phone, “I had buckets of sweat pouring off my face, it was like in Airplane 2.” ) and all these parents were coming up to me saying, “He’s been in her class for what, 10 years? and I never knew he was so good!” </p>
<p>Too bad the numbnut band director went around pointing out before the last song all the seniors who were taking solos in the final piece, yet neglected to point out that TSFH-the-senior-drummer had an upcoming wailing drum solo. Before the song started, though, TSFH looked out from the drums and waved his hand with a resigned smile. He says the director forgot to note the senior drummer last year, too. C’est la vie.</p>
<p>Happy b’day again to mstee and tuitiondad! Yes mstee, glad things to ponder have shifted gears a bit. Seems like the weekend helps too… Nice to get a solo from the stage. And mootie-- bummer that the band director had a brain fart. :(</p>
<p>Gonna join the whining corale here again. I had a brief opp’ty to do the happy dance when they (tentatively) changed younger s’s graduation date a week-- meant my 2 boys grads would be a week apart, and we could attend both. But alas, they couldnt get the facility they use for the rain date location, so back it went, to conflict with older s’s college grad in another state. Now I have to mourn all over again. Like I didnt already have enough to be stressed about??</p>
<p>Thanks garland. It’s like picking at a scab (sorry for gross analogy)-- gotta heal all over again. You’d think older s would be kind enough to take a year off to let his leg heal, and graduate a year late, thus allowing us to attend 2 grads, but noooooooo…</p>
<p>Good luck trying to figure out how to clone yourself, jym…we’re running into some potential scheduling nightmares for the summer. D just found out she was awarded a (paid!) one-month study trip in Germany for the month of July—whooo! Then, looking at the calendar, IF her #1 school remains her #1 school, her only choices for registering for classes for the fall are either 2 specific days in June (BEFORE high school is done), or in August (where the only classes still left will be those 8:00 a.m. underwater-basketweaving lectures…) We’ll work out the June date (since she has almost all AP classes, and can take any remaining finals early), but then it occurred to me that sometime they have a walk-through/practice for graduation…since she’s val, they may think it important for her to be there. If you figure out that cloning thing, let me know, as D may need it.</p>
<p>astromom: I don’t know about your daughter’s school, but I know some schools split the freshmen course availability in half if they have two times to register. Maybe you could ask about that?</p>
<h1>15 reminds me of a family story. We were on a cross country road trip and stopped for a restroom break at a gas station. It was taking a long time for my little sister and me to emerge (we were both very little because I don’t remember this), so my mom checked in and found us trying to clean the restroom! They shouldn’t have let us in I guess!</h1>
<p>mootie–no one notices the drummer–unless they mess up. Good old reliable Ringo.</p>
<p>I played for a show Sat. night–Broadway variety show with some fantastic singers. It was a benefit and boy were people glad they came! Which was our aim. :)</p>
<p>And today I have to play for the installation of a minister. I will be entirely serious and sober. ;)</p>
<p>And when this crazy weekend is over I seriously need to clean bathrooms & stuff. :eek:</p>
<p>Not notice the drummer? I always do. Remember Keith Moon? And I think Cream had a great drummer too. Our middle school orchestra had a family of teeny weeny little girls that all played drums, I’d known them since they were toddlers so my eye was always on them. :)</p>
<p>Not notice the drummer? Happens all the time for jazz/symphony performances. Not so much with the rock 'n roll ;). DS became BMOC at his hs due to the drumming. But that was after an outdoor rock concert by his band during spirit week. With a big drum solo.</p>
<p>Mine went through a rock n roll phase in his sophomore & junior years in hs and played drums with a group for fun. He had to practice at school…no garage…no drums at home.</p>
</p>
) and all these parents were coming up to me saying, “He’s been in her class for what, 10 years? and I never knew he was so good!” 
</p>