<p>My son is a freshman at Skidmore. He says that everyone either drinks or smokes dope at parties and they show up intoxicated at campus social events, so he is not making friends. I am sure that there are others there who don’t do this. Any suggestions for finding these students? He had a large group of friends in high school, girls and boys.</p>
<p>Is there a substance free dorm where your son might be more comfortable? Can he join clubs or groups that might have more ‘serious minded’ kids? Maybe a religious group?</p>
<p>Also: I recall that things settled down considerably in 2nd semester of freshman year after a totally crazed fall… Kids are going wild for the first time and they eventually get it out of their system.</p>
<p>Instead of looking for friends at social events, look for them in special interest clubs or activities–school newspaper, political or religious clubs, volunteer efforts for “good causes”, musical or theatrical groups.</p>
<p>Would like to hear more about his success with this because my D is considering applying to Skidmore and would be turned off by drugs, smoking and drinking.</p>
<p>skidmoremom, I can really see the same call coming from my daughter someday. I really feel for you. Knowing kids, he doesn’t want to publicly seem too put off by their actions for fear of ostracism and because there is little support structure in place. I’ll second the religious groups even if he isn’t religious, and the Habitat for Humanity groups. Hang in there.</p>
<p>There is a very active Skidmore Christian Fellowship with a nice website and prayers 3 times a week (and a pizza party at danielle’s on the 18th.No kidding.) Next meeting -Monday. And a Jewish Student Union that at least has been active in the past But here’s where I’d go-intramurals starting now and within the next two weeks-racquetball, basketball, power volleyball (whatever that is). Even if he has ZERO interest in these organizations, entreat him to go anyway-at least there is a good chance all of the participants will not be stoned or drunk at the time. If he’s got zippo interest in anything as an athlete -offer to keep score, referee -whatever. It’s better than the dorm room watching oprah and eating chips. (Time for a gentle kick in the butt.). Someone else will be there that shares his level of interest.</p>
<p>Remember. It’s always hardest to make friend one-it is geometrically easier to make 2-50. Good luck. (As you might can tell-I REALLY can see this call coming. LOL. Nudge him, then bring out the big guns.)</p>
<p>Thanks very much to all who replied. I have made all of these suggestions but he is resistant-just sure that he won’t like anything.He does have a girlfriend who is like this also. I am happy they have each other and he doesn’t seem depressed but even he sees that it would be better to meet more people.</p>
<p>I am curious to know how your son turned out after the first year. After a couple of years of debauch, I became a teetotaler at Skidmore, and had a perfectly great experience. </p>
<p>I would reiterate what others have said on this board: one has to take advantage of the opportunities outside of the party scene, which is true with any college. What is great about Skidmore is that there is no Greek scene dominating the social environment (ie parties), so one has considerable independence and autonomy.</p>
<p>For instance, several friends spearheaded the Cycling club at Skidmore, which, after one year, placed 12th nationally. I can assure you that their rigorous training schedule left no room “distractions”.</p>
<p>There is also an increasing amount of pressure coming from parents of Skidmore students-at $40k a year, their kids better have more to show than a beer gut.</p>
<p>So, to answer your question: yes, there are students who do not party at Skidmore.</p>
<p>Hi Travelrrr,
My son had a very good year academically and found his classes stimulating. But he still has only a few(casual) friends, met through his girlfriend, and only one is a boy. He has a large group of friends, boys and girls, here at home, so I know he can make friends. He is so happy to be able to spend time with them now. His feelings about Skidmore are definitely affected badly by the social situation.When we suggested that he and his girlfriend might meet other like-minded students at the Skidmore Late Night events (which I thought are supposed to be an alternative to the parties), he said everyone still shows up there drunk or stoned. I know he needs to be more active about this but he seems to be stuck. He is going to have to room at Moore next year which I am afraid will makes things worse.
Thanks for your reply- I really appreciate it.</p>
<p>I realizing that there can be a prevailing culture on some campuses but even so, there has got to be kids at that school who do not get drunk on a regular basis. What are your son’s EC endeavors? What did he participate in during high school and is he in these activities in college too? I would think if he is on a sports team, the orhestra, the drama club, the newspaper, etc. , that he will meet kids with like minded interests and who are not all heavy drinkers or at least NOT during the many hours of participation in these committed activities. Finding like minded kids might be easier if he joins the activities he is interested in which go beyond simply hanging out and partying. </p>
<p>I don’t know the prevailing culture at Skidmore but one of my D’s friends was a freshman there this year and I know she is not into drugs and drinking. She plays a sport and is also into theater too. I guess these kids have to find one another and that is how joining extra curriculars might be key.</p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>Well said, Susan.</p>
<p>What you point out signifies exactly why many students choose Skidmore: one has the ability to an authentic individual and create one’s own college experience, for which I credit the lack of Greek life and more artistic/open student body. </p>
<p>In addition, many students take road trips to Boston, Montreal, NYC, Killington if they are needing a break from campus. Skidmore is well situated for exploration.</p>
<p>So, Skidmoremom, give your son a kick in the pants and tell him to put himself out there a bit more.:)</p>
<p>Honestly, I spent a fair amount of time at some of my high school friends’ colleges, such as Williams, Hamilton, Hobart, Colgate and Fairfield. I can assure you that Skidmore’s party scene PALES in comparison to the ragers at those schools.</p>
<p>
Oh, that’s just dandy . It appears you have failed to list all of my teetotaler daughter’s selective college choices on the “rager” list. Can you possibly add Bowdoin and Penn? That would make it a clean sweep.</p>
<p>Brother went to Bowdoin. Not too bad, actually.</p>
<p>O.K. travelerrr if Bowdoin’s not too bad, we’ll put it on the list. Let’s see now ,how many does that make ? Oh, yeah. One. LOL.</p>
<p>haha adults call it dope</p>
<p>I have lived around Saratoga for 20 years and my kid took classes at Skidmore I also ride (bikes) occasionaly with students from Skidmore and I can assure you it is just like any other small college. It is all about who you meet up with. He should check out the different activity clubs.They have a good hiking club if he likes that while he is here he could hike the 46 peaks of the adirondacks which is a signifigant accomplishment, some even get a 46’er tattoo.<br>
In the city of Saratoga if he goes to Cafe Lena ( world famous music club Non alcohol) on open mike night there usually a strong contigent of Skidmore students there. <a href=“http://www.caffelena.com/[/url]”>http://www.caffelena.com/</a>
He also needs to realize this not high school anymore. everyone are now grownups and many have expanded thier interests in new directions. The groups of friends will tend to be smaller.</p>
<p>Earlier I was going to make a bad joke because my in laws live in Saratoga Springs and they audit courses every semester at Skidmore and so, there are SOME people he might meet in class who definitely do not smoke pot. ;-)</p>
<p>My husband grew up in Saratoga Springs and took classes at Skidmore in his senior year of high school. </p>
<p>BMoyilan, It is interesting to hear you mention Cafe Lena. Cafe Lena was a BIG part of my husband’s youth. He even worked there doing dishes in high school. He is very very into that particular music scene. My inlaws still go there and once in a while we have made it back there over the years. </p>
<p>If you are a bike rider, you likely are familiar with that Serrotta Cycles was started in Saratoga. Ben Serotta was my hubby’s best friend growing up. My hubby is also into bike riding. </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>I spent a lot of time at CL-some of the musicians that pass through there are amazing (Dylan started there, no?)</p>