sleepaway college

<p>ok so i want to go to suny college to be like in dorms and stuff..
but my parents makes me feel guilty..i dont know y but i do feel bad!!.
like ill be the first one from the family to go to such thing...
but i just feel chocked!!they dont let me do anything !!i even cant go sleep whenever i want to..i want some privacy..some freedome, to learn how to be on my own!!
but they dont understand me!!!!!!they makes me feel like im leaving them forever..
when we fight they saying :"you dont have a lot of time with us anyway"
"i hope you will be better without us in college" and stuff like that...
once i even told them that I cant wait to leave the house, because i was so mad...
please help me!!what should i do???
im going to be senior this year!!
and dont tell me just talk to them, i did!!!and my dad just becomes more angry!!..
any advices???????</p>

<p>You may get some ideas here:</p>

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<p>Let me see if I understand you. Your parents are allowing you to go away to college, but they're making you feel guilty about it. Is that right?</p>

<p>The separation is beginning- the teen-parent disagreements/fights. Discuss things with your HS guidance counselor when school starts this fall. S/he will be able to listen and make suggestions so you last the next 12 months. Plus help you with the college process.</p>

<p>yea but my parents wont understand..
besides they not really speaking english...we came from israel a year ago..
they just listening to suggestions from other ppl like my aunt and friends...
i know about the process...its just i dont know what to do!!
they allowing, but getting mad on me in the same time...i dont know what to say the gc cuz i feel so bad..but still i want to go to sleepaway..
so comfused..:(
they not understanding..they acting like i dont like them (or something)
..not really understanding like"go if you want to"..
i cant stay will kill me inside..its just not right!!!
they to overprotective, pushy..telling me what do without even asking
and each time i want to talk to them they telling me "as long that you in this house youll be living according my rules"
please i need suggestions!!!</p>

<p>So your parents will let you go away to college, but when the topic comes up, they say things to make you feel guilty? Who initiates these discussions? Can you just avoid the topic? If not, just calmly say something like "You know I love you and will miss you, but I think this will be a good experience for me, and I promise we will stay in touch." Then just stick to that response. </p>

<p>Also, don't refer to it as "sleepaway." That makes it sound like you are a little kid going to camp for the summer. You are going to college, and plan to live on campus. "Sleepaway" is not the right term, and plays into your parents' view that you are too young for this.</p>

<p>It's residential college.</p>

<p>im not speaking in english with my just saying college...
they still getting mad!!they starting the conversations about it!!!
i still dont know what to do...i know that they wont actually let me go..they just playing that they dont care and makes me feel bad...but actually they really angry about all this situation!!!</p>

<p>If your parents will be paying for college, you may have to go to whatever school they will pay for. If you don't get enough financial aid, will they pay room and board expenses? If they are not contributing financially, and you have to pay for school yourself, unless you get enough aid you may find that you can't afford room and board expenses. You need to find out what your parents are willing to pay for first, I think. Show them you are responsible, that you need to learn to be a bit more independent and are capable of handling responsibilities they give you at home, that you can be trusted, etc. They are probably just very worried; new country, thinking about you on your own, language barriers for them that you won't be there to help with,, etc. Must be a stressful time for your parents to some extent. If you help them with all the adjustments they are making, maybe they will feel better about you living away from them.</p>

<p>yea i guess u right..</p>

<p>Sorry to hear this is going on for you. We parents should know when and when not to voice our opinions.</p>

<p>Sounds like a case of Jewish guilt going on.</p>

<p>Why not take a tour with them. They want you to be happy, so let them see the environment you will be in. Once you are in college, make sure to contact them frequently.</p>

<p>By the way, I have a son at SUNY Buffalo and he is very happy (and only a plane ride away. Upstate NY is closer to home than it is for my friends kids and my sons friends who are doing a year (or more) in Israel!</p>

<p>danielia -</p>

<p>It is fun for me to see a student use the term "sleep-away college" because it was first used by one of the parents who often writes in the Financial Aid Forum. Usually one of the parents uses it when they are comparing living at home and commuting to college, and moving to another town to go to college. In the US more than half of college students live at home and commute. The truth is that less than half of college students get the "sleep-away" experience - whether it is in a college residence (dorm), an apartment, or a fraternity or sorority house.</p>

<p>If you were still in Israel, you would do your military service right after high school. Would you live at home then, or would you have to live at your military base? If you don't want to live with your family anymore, and if you plan to move back to Israel eventually, perhaps you should go do your military service when you graduate from high school here. Lots of Israeli kids from our high school do that.</p>

<p>What is your Visa status? Are you a permanent resident (green card)? If you aren't a permanent resident or a citizen, you will have to apply as an international student, and you will have to pay out-of-state tuition and fees. You need to know about this.</p>

<p>Moving to a new country is very hard, and it is even harder for teenagers and the parents of teenagers. The first year is the hardest, so your family should be almost through the worst of the adjustment. If your parents don't read English, help them find some material on cultural adjustment and culture shock written in a language that they can read. Israel is an immigrant society, so there must be a lot available in Hebrew. The best book I know in English is "The Art of Crossing Cultures" by Craig Storti. </p>

<p>Wishing you and your parents all the best!</p>

<p>i am in us..i came a year ago...
i guess..that if i wont go to suny ill rent appartment after the first year...
besides the colleges that im going to apply are in brooklyn staten island...(im in queens)
cuz the colleges in queens and manhattan are too hard to get into...
so i cant go every morning to brooklyn from here!!!.
besides the suny are better!!!y should i take something bad because of my parents...
im going to apply to state university at potsdam, bufallo..
and some in here...but ill probably will go to one of them...
im sure that they will understand...thnx guys!!</p>

<p>Good luck Danielia.</p>

<p>FYI- Laguardia to Buffalo is less than an hr flight (direct). Son has flown Jet Blue out of JFK (Kennedy) airport as well. The campus is not too far away either. </p>

<p>You may have more difficulty getting to and from Potsdam and your parents may be happier knowing you can get home quickly and easily. </p>

<p>I would think all of the SUNY's have transportation home, by bus, from campus to the city for Thanksgiving and winter/spring breaks.</p>

<p>(as info, my DD just spent almost a year in Israel, in yerushalayim and yeroham)</p>

<p>Israel is a small country - from Yeruham to Maalot is not so far, as my DD found. The distances here may be intimidating.</p>

<p>Israel is a tight knit country. If they do not have other close family here, and have only been here a year, they may feel particularly lost without you. be patient with them. Savlanut.</p>

<p>to happymom </p>

<p>Israeli soldiers head home on leave - Im not sure quite how frequently, but frequently. Whenever they have leave. The country is THAT small. Young people who make aliyah on their own and enter the army "chayal boded" "lone soldier" have an issue, as they do not have a home to return to and dont want to stay on base when on leave. To address this there is now a group community of such young people, to provide them with a place to go, and additional support in getting grounded in the country. </p>

<p>We have heard about these options at some length.</p>