Two of the LAC he visited specifically told him he’d have to have an SAT score to apply since his high school transcripts were, shall we say, slim. He was just told the same by a local LAC. He seems fine with it and has just started reviewing the material on KA.
He’s advanced when it comes to informational writing (he recently wrote an article on how to do a calculus proof). It’s the opinion/personal essay that seems to stymie him. He wasn’t always this way–as a young child, he wrote (well, dictated) many poems and stories that included emotion. Around age 9-10, he became increasingly serious. His current writing style is quite formal, almost Old World-ish. He blames it on all the 19th century British literature we read while homeschooling.
I’m trying to convince him to register for college writing and just go with a Pass/No Pass to hopefully lessen the pressure. He’s not keen on that idea (P/NP seems slacker-ish to him) but fingers crossed.
Regarding coding, he taught himself HTML, C++ and some others years ago, but I don’t think he’s very passionate about it. Data science/computational biology, maybe!
The only real thing he does for R&R is teach himself languages via Duolingo, etc. He’s currently learning Norwegian and Lojban, and also studies linguistics. I’ve practically begged him to be a Languages or Linguistics major as it seems like a slam dunk, but he’d rather get a degree in something he can’t teach himself.
Re “why does he want to go to college?”: when he started at the CC three years ago, I went into Hyper Mom Mode and started yapping about majors and transfer agreement plans, etc. He replied in his quiet, calm way: “I just want to learn.” It wasn’t until the past few months that he seriously started looking at the next level (university).
He knows he has to make a living, of course, so career practicalities are being discussed. As far as “saving the world,” that is not a phrase he’d ever use himself, but from a very early age he was trying to figure out ways to control pollution, save endangered animals, etc. and he is more compelled than ever to do something that “justifies the resources he uses” as he puts it.
@blossom Perfect note on perfectionism there! He knows he needs the writing component to advance academically and professionally, so hopefully that’ll happen without too much further consternation.
@gearmom Yes, I’ve mentioned Peace Corps to him many times! He isn’t much for publicly stating his goals (a very private lad, this one) but one can hope!
@JeanJeanie My cousin who was smart and a little atypical spent twenty years in the Peace Corps from South America to Africa. Then at age forty he settled down, married and had two kids and works at a high paying NGO in DC which he landed at because of the Peace Corps work.
My middle guy is private too. We found out about his first date when she showed up to pick him up.
@gearmom, The Peace Corps rarely accepts applicants without a degree (unless the applicant has some well-developed work skills, such as an agricultural or business background, etc.) Peace Corps volunteers must have very adaptable personalities, to adjust to differing cultural /environmental realities. It’s not the sort of thing where you’re working with a bunch of other volunteers and supervisors on a common project…volunteers often live as the only non-Westerner in remote communities and must be able to function without a lot of day-to-day support. Also, the application process is competitive.
Sorry, newbie here didn’t realize you can’t go back and edit posts after a time…
I should have mentioned that though he initially stated he was going to college “just to learn,” that stance has definitely broadened over three years. He definitely is seeking to get a degree, but he is (as he’s always been) a very cautious decision maker, so it may take another year in CC before he’s ready to commit to a major.
I’m curious how a college applications person would view him. On one hand, he’s a born scholar–his passion is learning and he works extraordinarily hard to achieve whatever goal he sets for himself. But on the flip side, he has no true work experience, no ECs, none of the bells and whistles I often read about in regard to college applications.
I am the mother of a very high IQ adult Aspie who suffers from severe anxiety and perfectionism (along with multiple other comorbid conditions which make him very methodical and deliberate (and therefore slow at getting things done that he needs to get done) He was an excellent student. We refused to pay for him to continue attending college when he refused to take courses that were required for his degree vs. taking the courses that he defined valuable. It was not a little issue. It was a huge problem and it is even more pronounced as an employee vs. student. The workforce world is less “adaptable and forgiving” than that of a student. It isn’t so simple to pick and choose what you are “willing” to do.
So I whether or not the incentives kick in is really going to be dependent on how much your ds is able to cope vs.being disabled by his issues. Is it just a matter of not ever having been forced to do something he doesn’t really want to or is something bigger at play?
If it were our ds, I would make the ultimatum that until an introductory composition class at the CC was completed (no W) that there is no demonstrated interest in completing a degree. (But our ds is 26 and we have been down this road and spent a small fortune to end nowhere. I have a jaded POV, sorry.) Equally, if he completed the composition class, I would tell him I would be supportive in helping him take the next step.
A few people mentioned costs. Yes, he’s all too aware. I actually think this is the main reason he refused to think about college for so long! He’s always been far more thrifty than his parents. I just found out a couple weeks ago that he never bought the book for one of his classes. He said why buy it when he can read it for free in the school library.
I don’t think you are jaded at all. There are just realities that exist. As parents we all try to move mountains for our kids, which is the reason I early on asked about a trade or vocation…only the OP knows if her son is capable of working within the requirements of a college setting…and later in a a traditional work setting. We can only speculate or offer up non-traditional colleges to think about. If the answer is “no” then it might be easier and less expensive to figure out a non-traditional path. But in general I like your idea of setting one small hurdle as a sort of test.
@Mom2aphysicsgeek I feel for you! (I also felt jaded for many years.) My DS is somewhat inflexible but tends to see reason over time, especially when he hears practical input from adults other than his parents. He’s never been this enthusiastic about structured academics before, so I’m hoping that spark will get him over the hump and through a writing class before too long. Thanks for sharing and best of luck.
@JeanJeanie I think your post is really interesting and I am sure many can empathize with your situation.
You mentioned your son is self-taught with foreign language… seems to love learning new dialects etc. Is he mastering the languages( speaks, writes, understands fluently) or learning enough and then moving on to something new? I ask because one of my kiddos definitely has the perfectionism/processing issue. She loves language but because of the processing it just takes too long for her to really master it. And in fact has learned a couple of languages but not well enough to converse/understand with any real success outside of her online classes.
Secondly, I definitely think the writing anxiety needs to be addressed… most college applications as you probably know all require a personal essay and at most 4 year colleges stem students ( I have 3) are not excused from writing. My freshman engineering student has spent more time in the writing lab than in physics class. I think @momofthreeboys and @Mom2aphysicsgeek have great points there are some realities in the working and college world that are pretty hard and fast. Most colleges(rigorous) really want students to graduate and get jobs… it is not in their interest to have career college students. Maybe he could sit down with college guidance( or a private college counselor) at his school and hash through a career path/degree/time-line that might be interesting to him?
He definitely understands that he’ll need to write application essays and be able to write through college and beyond. So we are in the baby steps on that. He’s worked with three writing tutors, including a 70-year-old longtime English prof who probably scared the living poo out of him in that regard!
Perfectionism is definitely the biggest bugaboo. We’ve literally been battling it since he was in diapers.
@cheetahgirl121 since he is very shy to make mistakes, it’s hard to know how fluent he is in these self-taught languages. He did take Japanese and Mandarin at the CC, earning the top mark in both classes even though 30-40% of the other students were native speakers of those languages. I should mention that one of the reasons he continues to teach himself languages might be because he once he gets into a routine, he likes to stick with it! I think there’s also a brain-building reason. He read awhile back about how learning languages builds brain cells, so…that’s his fitness routine.
Has he been in any counseling for perfectionism and writing anxiety? An expert at writing isn’t going to help with his emotional skills.
If he hasn’t had any recent ed-psych or neuro-psych evals, you might both find it enlightening to have a detailed profile done of his strengths and weaknesses.
@AroundHere yes, more than I’d like to remember, and yes at least one neuropsych who specializes in 2E/gifted. I’d say the all-around conclusion seems to be: he is who he is.
My kid is a returned PC volunteer. The Peace Corps isn’t looking for people with tons of language skills. And they also aren’t looking for people without college diplomas UNLESS that person has some unique skill that would help a developing third world country.
If he is looking for a service organization now…look at Americorps. There might be something there.
But these organizations do NOT specialize in member choice. The organization makes the decision about placement, job, location, etc. and they make one offer to applicants…which they can either take…or not.
^I was not in any way trying to suggest the Peace Corps WITHOUT a degree. As a bright independent learning/worker, it may be something for him to aspire to since it resonated with his helping objective.
I should have clarified: my son is highly unlikely to join the Peace Corps!
The “save the world” comment was more in regard to his interest in studying topics that could directly impact the earth (environmental science, physics or such).
